Husband's big heart has caused him to break 2 year NC with his nada...help

March 9, 2011

My husband and I went NC from his nada over 2 years ago. She played one of her

demeaning and demoralizing games on my husband in front of our children on

Christmas Eve which led to us asking her to leave. This traumatic event was not

the first in front of our children but it was so bad that it finally made him

realize that NC was the best thing for our family.

Fast forward two years, my husband is happier and more at peace. The continuing

drama of her schemes, problems, and neediness drained him more than we ever

realized. He sleeps better, handles emotional issues better, and I've found his

anger and resentment towards her has diminished.

After about six months of NC she finally stopped calling him. We went about a

year with absolutely no contact. Then she started sending cards on birthdays

and holidays. She would send messages thru his siblings. I could see the guilt

building in my husband. He has a big heart and had always been the one who

tried to help her.

Recently one of our children was involved in an accident. It was not life

threatening but required a trip to the children's hospital. My husband's

brother called and told their mother. In the midst of the trauma, she calls

wanting to come to the hospital. My husband explained that it was not that

serious and that we were all on our way home exhausted.

The next day she called again wanting to come to our house. (she's only seen

this child 5 times in 6 years but craves drama) My husband told her he would

call her back. After discussing it with me we decided to let her come visit

briefly but that I would go run errands while she was there.

I couldn't be there because I just can't tolerate her anymore. I've seen her

mistreat my husband for 20 years and unlike my husband I can't just choose to

forget. I knew she'd be on her best behavior because she wants back in, so I

just made him promise to stay with our kids at all times.

The visit was brief and was without drama. However, I am so afraid that we are

about to start it all over again. My husband admits she is unstable, but feels

guilty.

Sorry this is so long but I really need advice. She's not my mother, so I can't

begin to understand the emotions my husband feels. What can I do to help him

and keep my children safe?

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