Fada sends a separation letter - any interpreters?

[Guest guest]

Well, to anyone who has followed the post about the 2-month visit from NADA and

foo culminating in the fossilised poo remains...

I got a letter today from Dad/Fada

It seems to be all in riddles mostly

He has written it while super-disabled Nada who can't fend for herself has flown

800 miles away to help someone move house(the irony!!!!)

anyway he can't write to me when she's around.

so the letter goes :

" We've thought a lot about the visit. It didn't go well, punctuated with some

unpleasant interchanges which soured the surrounding days. ...surprisingly the

chill weather didn't trouble me too much. The chill relationship did though. And

8 weeks was a too long time and has left some bad memories – like the bringing

up of grievances and unpleasant things from the past – and a very strong

feeling that a separating distance has now been created. Logistically safe

distance in some senses, you in (country A) and us in NZ, one which both sides

could ignore and allow with time to lapse into something which when looking back

on, is recognized as the point of separation.

So now for a non-threatening subject you may feel inclined to reply to. I am

interested to know how it went " .

Is this him saying " there's a wall between us that we know is there but are too

lazy/comfortable to do anything about "

Or is he saying " there's a wall that I don't like, what can we do? "

Or is he saying " You may think everythings normal but we have deliberately

built a wall to keep you away " .

Or does he really not care and is just fishing in a sadistic way to see if I

express sad emotion for their mutual enjoyment.Any thoughts, anyone????

I did send a reply but in true KO style after I sent it I thought I'd done the

wrong thing or misinterpreted him...

[Guest guest]

OK, my two cents - his grasp of vocabulary makes me think he's able to write

clearly, so he is choosing to be obtuse. Passive aggression on paper. He's

throwing out some bait, and no matter how you respond, you'll pay for it. You

already wrote back, so deciding whether your response was right or wrong is

pointless now. I'd say, keep holding fast to your boundaries, and if he

decides to straighten up and act sane, maybe there's hope for a relationship or

correspondence with him -but as for Nada the Poo Roller, that relationship is SO

over. And I would say, again - never EVER let them back into your home. If

they want to visit, make hotel reservations for three days. Nice to see ya,

Nada, buh-bye!

My own response to ploys like this from my mother has become, " Whatever... " I

don't respond, I don't engage, I never, ever give her information or any way to

worm her way into my life. It's strictly business. Sort of a " medium chill "

effect, I guess. I would LOVE to have a formal separation declaration from

Nada!

[Guest guest]

My impression: he's bored and uncomfortable emotionally. Rather than take

responsibility for his discomfort hed rather believe that its your fault he

feels bad. So he's trying to make you feel guilty and responsible so you'll

respond. When you respond hell get the negative interaction he needs to further

distract himself from his heavy discomfort. Win win for him lose lose for you.

Sorry you have to cope with this.

----------

Please excuse any typos or terseness, this message was sent from a mobile

device.

Fada sends a separation letter - any interpreters?

Well, to anyone who has followed the post about the 2-month visit from NADA and

foo culminating in the fossilised poo remains...

I got a letter today from Dad/Fada

It seems to be all in riddles mostly

He has written it while super-disabled Nada who can't fend for herself has flown

800 miles away to help someone move house(the irony!!!!)

anyway he can't write to me when she's around.

so the letter goes :

" We've thought a lot about the visit. It didn't go well, punctuated with some

unpleasant interchanges which soured the surrounding days. ...surprisingly the

chill weather didn't trouble me too much. The chill relationship did though. And

8 weeks was a too long time and has left some bad memories – like the bringing

up of grievances and unpleasant things from the past – and a very strong

feeling that a separating distance has now been created. Logistically safe

distance in some senses, you in (country A) and us in NZ, one which both sides

could ignore and allow with time to lapse into something which when looking back

on, is recognized as the point of separation.

So now for a non-threatening subject you may feel inclined to reply to. I am

interested to know how it went " .

Is this him saying " there's a wall between us that we know is there but are too

lazy/comfortable to do anything about "

Or is he saying " there's a wall that I don't like, what can we do? "

Or is he saying " You may think everythings normal but we have deliberately

built a wall to keep you away " .

Or does he really not care and is just fishing in a sadistic way to see if I

express sad emotion for their mutual enjoyment.Any thoughts, anyone????

I did send a reply but in true KO style after I sent it I thought I'd done the

wrong thing or misinterpreted him...

[Guest guest]

HA HA HA HA The POO ROLLER

Scuse me while I pee my pants.

But seriously - I totally agree with . I have a client who does this -

when she is uncomfortable with my boundaries she responds with extremely

formal language that makes no sense.

I usually respond with some version of a " say what, I can't understand you? "

Or I ignore her. Or I (rudely) pass the msg on and get someone to interpret.

The interpretting hasn't gone real well, so I'm not going to do that one

again.

In this case, I'd ignore.

When I read the subject line I got all hopeful - I though he'd sent you a

" separation declaration " or something. That would probably be most welcome!

Can you respond and say " Ummm yeah, mom rolled up a ball of human shit and

hid it in my cupboard. That was the moment of separation. "

Maybe not, but its fun to think about.

> My impression: he's bored and uncomfortable emotionally. Rather than take

> responsibility for his discomfort hed rather believe that its your fault he

> feels bad. So he's trying to make you feel guilty and responsible so you'll

> respond. When you respond hell get the negative interaction he needs to

> further distract himself from his heavy discomfort. Win win for him lose

> lose for you. Sorry you have to cope with this.

>

> ----------

> Please excuse any typos or terseness, this message was sent from a mobile

> device.

>

> Fada sends a separation letter - any

> interpreters?

>

> Well, to anyone who has followed the post about the 2-month visit from NADA

> and foo culminating in the fossilised poo remains...

> I got a letter today from Dad/Fada

> It seems to be all in riddles mostly

> He has written it while super-disabled Nada who can't fend for herself has

> flown 800 miles away to help someone move house(the irony!!!!)

> anyway he can't write to me when she's around.

> so the letter goes :

> " We've thought a lot about the visit. It didn't go well, punctuated with

> some unpleasant interchanges which soured the surrounding days.

> ...surprisingly the chill weather didn't trouble me too much. The chill

> relationship did though. And 8 weeks was a too long time and has left some

> bad memories – like the bringing up of grievances and unpleasant things

> from the past – and a very strong feeling that a separating distance has now

> been created. Logistically safe distance in some senses, you in (country A)

> and us in NZ, one which both sides could ignore and allow with time to lapse

> into something which when looking back on, is recognized as the point of

> separation.

> So now for a non-threatening subject you may feel inclined to reply to. I

> am interested to know how it went " .

>

> Is this him saying " there's a wall between us that we know is there but

> are too lazy/comfortable to do anything about "

> Or is he saying " there's a wall that I don't like, what can we do? "

> Or is he saying " You may think everythings normal but we have deliberately

> built a wall to keep you away " .

>

> Or does he really not care and is just fishing in a sadistic way to see if

> I express sad emotion for their mutual enjoyment.Any thoughts, anyone????

> I did send a reply but in true KO style after I sent it I thought I'd done

> the wrong thing or misinterpreted him...

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Gosh some of what you guys wrote already makes sense! So helpful!

The thing is he always speaks in riddles, but this is pretty much the closest

thing I will get to him saying I am outside the family (ie cut off from them).

i do feel sorry for him being so uncomfortable with anything emotional.

and the next thing is that he was the oNLY bright spark in my childhood...he

taught us gardening, went on woodland walks, let me have a couple of opinions

(usually when NADA wasn't around) and said sorry a couple of times....so i am

reluctant to sever with him totally. Plus I haven't told him about the poo

(obviously no point)....

I wrote back and said along the lines of " Nada behaved really badly in our

house, in front of our son, and disrepected our values, so I do not wish to have

a relationship like that it's no good for us. It is Dads (your) responsibility

to keep her more in line if you want a real relationship,based on honesty and

respect. If not, I can be LC or NC or a veneer of politeness which will be

unreal and false. But I will not lie or cover up or pretend things are better

than they are just to make the guilty parties feel better "

SO that's about as close as me sending a LC/NC declaration too I guess...now I

am dreading he writes me off and chooses the HOOVERBITCH and I will have to

re-write my childhood as totally devoid of all love...(sigh)...we all know that

feeling eh?

rebecca

>

> > My impression: he's bored and uncomfortable emotionally. Rather than take

> > responsibility for his discomfort hed rather believe that its your fault he

> > feels bad. So he's trying to make you feel guilty and responsible so you'll

> > respond. When you respond hell get the negative interaction he needs to

> > further distract himself from his heavy discomfort. Win win for him lose

> > lose for you. Sorry you have to cope with this.

> >

> > ----------

> > Please excuse any typos or terseness, this message was sent from a mobile

> > device.

> >

> > Fada sends a separation letter - any

> > interpreters?

> >

> > Well, to anyone who has followed the post about the 2-month visit from NADA

> > and foo culminating in the fossilised poo remains...

> > I got a letter today from Dad/Fada

> > It seems to be all in riddles mostly

> > He has written it while super-disabled Nada who can't fend for herself has

> > flown 800 miles away to help someone move house(the irony!!!!)

> > anyway he can't write to me when she's around.

> > so the letter goes :

> > " We've thought a lot about the visit. It didn't go well, punctuated with

> > some unpleasant interchanges which soured the surrounding days.

> > ...surprisingly the chill weather didn't trouble me too much. The chill

> > relationship did though. And 8 weeks was a too long time and has left some

> > bad memories – like the bringing up of grievances and unpleasant things

> > from the past – and a very strong feeling that a separating distance has now

> > been created. Logistically safe distance in some senses, you in (country A)

> > and us in NZ, one which both sides could ignore and allow with time to lapse

> > into something which when looking back on, is recognized as the point of

> > separation.

> > So now for a non-threatening subject you may feel inclined to reply to. I

> > am interested to know how it went " .

> >

> > Is this him saying " there's a wall between us that we know is there but

> > are too lazy/comfortable to do anything about "

> > Or is he saying " there's a wall that I don't like, what can we do? "

> > Or is he saying " You may think everythings normal but we have deliberately

> > built a wall to keep you away " .

> >

> > Or does he really not care and is just fishing in a sadistic way to see if

> > I express sad emotion for their mutual enjoyment.Any thoughts, anyone????

> > I did send a reply but in true KO style after I sent it I thought I'd done

> > the wrong thing or misinterpreted him...

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I think you did the right thing, as difficult as it may seem. You really can't

have loony toons people pooping all up in your house and having the nerve to

send YOU an awkward angry letter.

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Wed, March 9, 2011 7:22:58 PM

Subject: Re: Fada sends a separation letter - any

interpreters?

Gosh some of what you guys wrote already makes sense! So helpful!

The thing is he always speaks in riddles, but this is pretty much the closest

thing I will get to him saying I am outside the family (ie cut off from them).

i do feel sorry for him being so uncomfortable with anything emotional.

and the next thing is that he was the oNLY bright spark in my childhood...he

taught us gardening, went on woodland walks, let me have a couple of opinions

(usually when NADA wasn't around) and said sorry a couple of times....so i am

reluctant to sever with him totally. Plus I haven't told him about the poo

(obviously no point)....

I wrote back and said along the lines of " Nada behaved really badly in our

house, in front of our son, and disrepected our values, so I do not wish to have

a relationship like that it's no good for us. It is Dads (your) responsibility

to keep her more in line if you want a real relationship,based on honesty and

respect. If not, I can be LC or NC or a veneer of politeness which will be

unreal and false. But I will not lie or cover up or pretend things are better

than they are just to make the guilty parties feel better "

SO that's about as close as me sending a LC/NC declaration too I guess...now I

am dreading he writes me off and chooses the HOOVERBITCH and I will have to

re-write my childhood as totally devoid of all love...(sigh)...we all know that

feeling eh?

rebecca

>

> > My impression: he's bored and uncomfortable emotionally. Rather than take

> > responsibility for his discomfort hed rather believe that its your fault he

> > feels bad. So he's trying to make you feel guilty and responsible so you'll

> > respond. When you respond hell get the negative interaction he needs to

> > further distract himself from his heavy discomfort. Win win for him lose

> > lose for you. Sorry you have to cope with this.

> >

> > ----------

> > Please excuse any typos or terseness, this message was sent from a mobile

> > device.

> >

> > Fada sends a separation letter - any

> > interpreters?

> >

> > Well, to anyone who has followed the post about the 2-month visit from NADA

> > and foo culminating in the fossilised poo remains...

> > I got a letter today from Dad/Fada

> > It seems to be all in riddles mostly

> > He has written it while super-disabled Nada who can't fend for herself has

> > flown 800 miles away to help someone move house(the irony!!!!)

> > anyway he can't write to me when she's around.

> > so the letter goes :

> > " We've thought a lot about the visit. It didn't go well, punctuated with

> > some unpleasant interchanges which soured the surrounding days.

> > ...surprisingly the chill weather didn't trouble me too much. The chill

> > relationship did though. And 8 weeks was a too long time and has left some

> > bad memories – like the bringing up of grievances and unpleasant things

> > from the past – and a very strong feeling that a separating distance has

now

> > been created. Logistically safe distance in some senses, you in (country A)

> > and us in NZ, one which both sides could ignore and allow with time to lapse

> > into something which when looking back on, is recognized as the point of

> > separation.

> > So now for a non-threatening subject you may feel inclined to reply to. I

> > am interested to know how it went " .

> >

> > Is this him saying " there's a wall between us that we know is there but

> > are too lazy/comfortable to do anything about "

> > Or is he saying " there's a wall that I don't like, what can we do? "

> > Or is he saying " You may think everythings normal but we have deliberately

> > built a wall to keep you away " .

> >

> > Or does he really not care and is just fishing in a sadistic way to see if

> > I express sad emotion for their mutual enjoyment.Any thoughts, anyone????

> > I did send a reply but in true KO style after I sent it I thought I'd done

> > the wrong thing or misinterpreted him...

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Hugs - it sucks to lose your dad. I had to sever my relationship with my dad

too, and he was all the love I ever had as a kid. But saying good bye to him

has really allowed me to heal. I'm sure its not much comfort, but closing

the door on him has opened up the whole world to me. I'd do it again.

XOXOXOXO

>

>

> I think you did the right thing, as difficult as it may seem. You really

> can't

> have loony toons people pooping all up in your house and having the nerve

> to

> send YOU an awkward angry letter.

>

> ________________________________

>

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Wed, March 9, 2011 7:22:58 PM

> Subject: Re: Fada sends a separation letter - any

> interpreters?

>

> Gosh some of what you guys wrote already makes sense! So helpful!

>

> The thing is he always speaks in riddles, but this is pretty much the

> closest

> thing I will get to him saying I am outside the family (ie cut off from

> them).

>

> i do feel sorry for him being so uncomfortable with anything emotional.

> and the next thing is that he was the oNLY bright spark in my

> childhood...he

> taught us gardening, went on woodland walks, let me have a couple of

> opinions

> (usually when NADA wasn't around) and said sorry a couple of times....so i

> am

> reluctant to sever with him totally. Plus I haven't told him about the poo

> (obviously no point)....

>

> I wrote back and said along the lines of " Nada behaved really badly in our

>

> house, in front of our son, and disrepected our values, so I do not wish to

> have

> a relationship like that it's no good for us. It is Dads (your)

> responsibility

> to keep her more in line if you want a real relationship,based on honesty

> and

> respect. If not, I can be LC or NC or a veneer of politeness which will be

> unreal and false. But I will not lie or cover up or pretend things are

> better

> than they are just to make the guilty parties feel better "

>

> SO that's about as close as me sending a LC/NC declaration too I

> guess...now I

> am dreading he writes me off and chooses the HOOVERBITCH and I will have to

>

> re-write my childhood as totally devoid of all love...(sigh)...we all know

> that

> feeling eh?

> rebecca

>

>

> >

> > > My impression: he's bored and uncomfortable emotionally. Rather than

> take

> > > responsibility for his discomfort hed rather believe that its your

> fault he

> > > feels bad. So he's trying to make you feel guilty and responsible so

> you'll

> > > respond. When you respond hell get the negative interaction he needs to

> > > further distract himself from his heavy discomfort. Win win for him

> lose

> > > lose for you. Sorry you have to cope with this.

> > >

> > > ----------

> > > Please excuse any typos or terseness, this message was sent from a

> mobile

> > > device.

> > >

> > > Fada sends a separation letter - any

> > > interpreters?

> > >

> > > Well, to anyone who has followed the post about the 2-month visit from

> NADA

> > > and foo culminating in the fossilised poo remains...

> > > I got a letter today from Dad/Fada

> > > It seems to be all in riddles mostly

> > > He has written it while super-disabled Nada who can't fend for herself

> has

> > > flown 800 miles away to help someone move house(the irony!!!!)

> > > anyway he can't write to me when she's around.

> > > so the letter goes :

> > > " We've thought a lot about the visit. It didn't go well, punctuated

> with

> > > some unpleasant interchanges which soured the surrounding days.

> > > ...surprisingly the chill weather didn't trouble me too much. The chill

> > > relationship did though. And 8 weeks was a too long time and has left

> some

> > > bad memories – like the bringing up of grievances and unpleasant things

> > > from the past – and a very strong feeling that a separating distance

> has now

> > > been created. Logistically safe distance in some senses, you in

> (country A)

> > > and us in NZ, one which both sides could ignore and allow with time to

> lapse

> > > into something which when looking back on, is recognized as the point

> of

> > > separation.

> > > So now for a non-threatening subject you may feel inclined to reply to.

> I

> > > am interested to know how it went " .

> > >

> > > Is this him saying " there's a wall between us that we know is there

> but

> > > are too lazy/comfortable to do anything about "

> > > Or is he saying " there's a wall that I don't like, what can we do? "

> > > Or is he saying " You may think everythings normal but we have

> deliberately

> > > built a wall to keep you away " .

> > >

> > > Or does he really not care and is just fishing in a sadistic way to see

> if

> > > I express sad emotion for their mutual enjoyment.Any thoughts,

> anyone????

> > > I did send a reply but in true KO style after I sent it I thought I'd

> done

> > > the wrong thing or misinterpreted him...

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

LOL!!! You are so right! Thanks! A lightbulb moment!!!!WTF????Here I am worrying

about what they think or will do after all they did to me all those years, and

finally the pathetic piece of poo!!! Yes What a bloody cheek trying to make me

feel bad! He should be so lucky I haven't publicly disgraced them by actually

turning out to be the failure/whore/hysterical/underachiever/bad

mother/irresponsible/hell-seeking/friendless/insane/ingrate that they label me

as!!!! LOL!!!!

YES! Actually come to think of it...why would I want to have relationships with

people so mentally deranged that even professionals loathe to get PAID to speak

to them!!!Ha ha ha!!!LOL!!!

Thanks and thanks again you peeps on the board!!!! xxx

> >

> > > My impression: he's bored and uncomfortable emotionally. Rather than take

> > > responsibility for his discomfort hed rather believe that its your fault

he

> > > feels bad. So he's trying to make you feel guilty and responsible so

you'll

> > > respond. When you respond hell get the negative interaction he needs to

> > > further distract himself from his heavy discomfort. Win win for him lose

> > > lose for you. Sorry you have to cope with this.

> > >

> > > ----------

> > > Please excuse any typos or terseness, this message was sent from a mobile

> > > device.

> > >

> > > Fada sends a separation letter - any

> > > interpreters?

> > >

> > > Well, to anyone who has followed the post about the 2-month visit from

NADA

> > > and foo culminating in the fossilised poo remains...

> > > I got a letter today from Dad/Fada

> > > It seems to be all in riddles mostly

> > > He has written it while super-disabled Nada who can't fend for herself has

> > > flown 800 miles away to help someone move house(the irony!!!!)

> > > anyway he can't write to me when she's around.

> > > so the letter goes :

> > > " We've thought a lot about the visit. It didn't go well, punctuated with

> > > some unpleasant interchanges which soured the surrounding days.

> > > ...surprisingly the chill weather didn't trouble me too much. The chill

> > > relationship did though. And 8 weeks was a too long time and has left some

> > > bad memories †" like the bringing up of grievances and unpleasant things

> > > from the past †" and a very strong feeling that a separating distance has

now

> > > been created. Logistically safe distance in some senses, you in (country

A)

> > > and us in NZ, one which both sides could ignore and allow with time to

lapse

> > > into something which when looking back on, is recognized as the point of

> > > separation.

> > > So now for a non-threatening subject you may feel inclined to reply to. I

> > > am interested to know how it went " .

> > >

> > > Is this him saying " there's a wall between us that we know is there but

> > > are too lazy/comfortable to do anything about "

> > > Or is he saying " there's a wall that I don't like, what can we do? "

> > > Or is he saying " You may think everythings normal but we have

deliberately

> > > built a wall to keep you away " .

> > >

> > > Or does he really not care and is just fishing in a sadistic way to see if

> > > I express sad emotion for their mutual enjoyment.Any thoughts, anyone????

> > > I did send a reply but in true KO style after I sent it I thought I'd done

> > > the wrong thing or misinterpreted him...

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Ditto exactly what Noodle said! I ROFLMAO when I read that XD Seriously, who

needs people pooping up all in your house?

Holly

>

>

> I think you did the right thing, as difficult as it may seem. You really

> can't

> have loony toons people pooping all up in your house and having the nerve

> to

> send YOU an awkward angry letter.

>

> ________________________________

>

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Wed, March 9, 2011 7:22:58 PM

> Subject: Re: Fada sends a separation letter - any

> interpreters?

>

> Gosh some of what you guys wrote already makes sense! So helpful!

>

> The thing is he always speaks in riddles, but this is pretty much the

> closest

> thing I will get to him saying I am outside the family (ie cut off from

> them).

>

> i do feel sorry for him being so uncomfortable with anything emotional.

> and the next thing is that he was the oNLY bright spark in my

> childhood...he

> taught us gardening, went on woodland walks, let me have a couple of

> opinions

> (usually when NADA wasn't around) and said sorry a couple of times....so i

> am

> reluctant to sever with him totally. Plus I haven't told him about the poo

> (obviously no point)....

>

> I wrote back and said along the lines of " Nada behaved really badly in our

>

> house, in front of our son, and disrepected our values, so I do not wish to

> have

> a relationship like that it's no good for us. It is Dads (your)

> responsibility

> to keep her more in line if you want a real relationship,based on honesty

> and

> respect. If not, I can be LC or NC or a veneer of politeness which will be

> unreal and false. But I will not lie or cover up or pretend things are

> better

> than they are just to make the guilty parties feel better "

>

> SO that's about as close as me sending a LC/NC declaration too I

> guess...now I

> am dreading he writes me off and chooses the HOOVERBITCH and I will have to

>

> re-write my childhood as totally devoid of all love...(sigh)...we all know

> that

> feeling eh?

> rebecca

>

>

> >

> > > My impression: he's bored and uncomfortable emotionally. Rather than

> take

> > > responsibility for his discomfort hed rather believe that its your

> fault he

> > > feels bad. So he's trying to make you feel guilty and responsible so

> you'll

> > > respond. When you respond hell get the negative interaction he needs to

> > > further distract himself from his heavy discomfort. Win win for him

> lose

> > > lose for you. Sorry you have to cope with this.

> > >

> > > ----------

> > > Please excuse any typos or terseness, this message was sent from a

> mobile

> > > device.

> > >

> > > Fada sends a separation letter - any

> > > interpreters?

> > >

> > > Well, to anyone who has followed the post about the 2-month visit from

> NADA

> > > and foo culminating in the fossilised poo remains...

> > > I got a letter today from Dad/Fada

> > > It seems to be all in riddles mostly

> > > He has written it while super-disabled Nada who can't fend for herself

> has

> > > flown 800 miles away to help someone move house(the irony!!!!)

> > > anyway he can't write to me when she's around.

> > > so the letter goes :

> > > " We've thought a lot about the visit. It didn't go well, punctuated

> with

> > > some unpleasant interchanges which soured the surrounding days.

> > > ...surprisingly the chill weather didn't trouble me too much. The chill

> > > relationship did though. And 8 weeks was a too long time and has left

> some

> > > bad memories – like the bringing up of grievances and unpleasant things

> > > from the past – and a very strong feeling that a separating distance

> has now

> > > been created. Logistically safe distance in some senses, you in

> (country A)

> > > and us in NZ, one which both sides could ignore and allow with time to

> lapse

> > > into something which when looking back on, is recognized as the point

> of

> > > separation.

> > > So now for a non-threatening subject you may feel inclined to reply to.

> I

> > > am interested to know how it went " .

> > >

> > > Is this him saying " there's a wall between us that we know is there

> but

> > > are too lazy/comfortable to do anything about "

> > > Or is he saying " there's a wall that I don't like, what can we do? "

> > > Or is he saying " You may think everythings normal but we have

> deliberately

> > > built a wall to keep you away " .

> > >

> > > Or does he really not care and is just fishing in a sadistic way to see

> if

> > > I express sad emotion for their mutual enjoyment.Any thoughts,

> anyone????

> > > I did send a reply but in true KO style after I sent it I thought I'd

> done

> > > the wrong thing or misinterpreted him...

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Okay, you asked, so here's my initial response: You can't afford to care what

fada is trying to surreptitiously communicate. This is hoovering. Trying to

figure him out is a less-than-zero exercise in futility. He throws you a letter

laced with a landmine, don't stand there handling it, plug the pin and hurl the

thing out the window. What that looks like is shredding said letter in a dozen

pieces and either not responding or writing a nice note that goes something

like, " Nice to hear from you Dad. The weather's been a little cloudy. Ta ta for

now. Thanks for writing. XO Your name.

And get on with your life.

Best,

AFB

[Guest guest]

This was great reading at 2:30 am. I especially enjoyed reading your dad's

letter with my best idea of a kiwi accent. . And seriously? Your mom took a

dump, reached into the toilet and picked up a wet, steamig turd, rolled it IN

HER HANDS then climbed on top of the toilet/vanity, hid the ball of crap THEN

tried to convince you that someone in your family was DYING of cancer. And your

father is MARRIED to her. Don't tell me he is completely unaware of your

Mother's madness. He probably has a shoebox of poo balls on the top shelf of his

closet. Labeled " fecal spheres and oddities, " I'm guessing. To Hoboken with

them both!

Chuss,

>

> Okay, you asked, so here's my initial response: You can't afford to care what

fada is trying to surreptitiously communicate. This is hoovering. Trying to

figure him out is a less-than-zero exercise in futility. He throws you a letter

laced with a landmine, don't stand there handling it, plug the pin and hurl the

thing out the window. What that looks like is shredding said letter in a dozen

pieces and either not responding or writing a nice note that goes something

like, " Nice to hear from you Dad. The weather's been a little cloudy. Ta ta for

now. Thanks for writing. XO Your name.

>

> And get on with your life.

> Best,

> AFB

>

[Guest guest]

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Wed, March 9, 2011 7:42:30 PM

Subject: Re: Re: Fada sends a separation letter - any

interpreters?

Ditto exactly what Noodle said! I ROFLMAO when I read that XD Seriously, who

needs people pooping up all in your house?

Holly

>

>

> I think you did the right thing, as difficult as it may seem. You really

> can't

> have loony toons people pooping all up in your house and having the nerve

> to

> send YOU an awkward angry letter.

>

> ________________________________

>

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Wed, March 9, 2011 7:22:58 PM

> Subject: Re: Fada sends a separation letter - any

> interpreters?

>

> Gosh some of what you guys wrote already makes sense! So helpful!

>

> The thing is he always speaks in riddles, but this is pretty much the

> closest

> thing I will get to him saying I am outside the family (ie cut off from

> them).

>

> i do feel sorry for him being so uncomfortable with anything emotional.

> and the next thing is that he was the oNLY bright spark in my

> childhood...he

> taught us gardening, went on woodland walks, let me have a couple of

> opinions

> (usually when NADA wasn't around) and said sorry a couple of times....so i

> am

> reluctant to sever with him totally. Plus I haven't told him about the poo

> (obviously no point)....

>

> I wrote back and said along the lines of " Nada behaved really badly in our

>

> house, in front of our son, and disrepected our values, so I do not wish to

> have

> a relationship like that it's no good for us. It is Dads (your)

> responsibility

> to keep her more in line if you want a real relationship,based on honesty

> and

> respect. If not, I can be LC or NC or a veneer of politeness which will be

> unreal and false. But I will not lie or cover up or pretend things are

> better

> than they are just to make the guilty parties feel better "

>

> SO that's about as close as me sending a LC/NC declaration too I

> guess...now I

> am dreading he writes me off and chooses the HOOVERBITCH and I will have to

>

> re-write my childhood as totally devoid of all love...(sigh)...we all know

> that

> feeling eh?

> rebecca

>

>

> >

> > > My impression: he's bored and uncomfortable emotionally. Rather than

> take

> > > responsibility for his discomfort hed rather believe that its your

> fault he

> > > feels bad. So he's trying to make you feel guilty and responsible so

> you'll

> > > respond. When you respond hell get the negative interaction he needs to

> > > further distract himself from his heavy discomfort. Win win for him

> lose

> > > lose for you. Sorry you have to cope with this.

> > >

> > > ----------

> > > Please excuse any typos or terseness, this message was sent from a

> mobile

> > > device.

> > >

> > > Fada sends a separation letter - any

> > > interpreters?

> > >

> > > Well, to anyone who has followed the post about the 2-month visit from

> NADA

> > > and foo culminating in the fossilised poo remains...

> > > I got a letter today from Dad/Fada

> > > It seems to be all in riddles mostly

> > > He has written it while super-disabled Nada who can't fend for herself

> has

> > > flown 800 miles away to help someone move house(the irony!!!!)

> > > anyway he can't write to me when she's around.

> > > so the letter goes :

> > > " We've thought a lot about the visit. It didn't go well, punctuated

> with

> > > some unpleasant interchanges which soured the surrounding days.

> > > ...surprisingly the chill weather didn't trouble me too much. The chill

> > > relationship did though. And 8 weeks was a too long time and has left

> some

> > > bad memories – like the bringing up of grievances and unpleasant things

> > > from the past – and a very strong feeling that a separating distance

> has now

> > > been created. Logistically safe distance in some senses, you in

> (country A)

> > > and us in NZ, one which both sides could ignore and allow with time to

> lapse

> > > into something which when looking back on, is recognized as the point

> of

> > > separation.

> > > So now for a non-threatening subject you may feel inclined to reply to.

> I

> > > am interested to know how it went " .

> > >

> > > Is this him saying " there's a wall between us that we know is there

> but

> > > are too lazy/comfortable to do anything about "

> > > Or is he saying " there's a wall that I don't like, what can we do? "

> > > Or is he saying " You may think everythings normal but we have

> deliberately

> > > built a wall to keep you away " .

> > >

> > > Or does he really not care and is just fishing in a sadistic way to see

> if

> > > I express sad emotion for their mutual enjoyment.Any thoughts,

> anyone????

> > > I did send a reply but in true KO style after I sent it I thought I'd

> done

> > > the wrong thing or misinterpreted him...

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

I'm glad you had a lightbulb moment! Sometimes, my dad (like your mom, it seems)

is just so crazy, that I have to force myself to step back an laugh at the

absurdity of it all. I am fairly certain I would have gone crazy myself by now

if not for that. Lots of luck to you!

-Noodle.

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Wed, March 9, 2011 7:35:45 PM

Subject: Re: Fada sends a separation letter - any

interpreters?

LOL!!! You are so right! Thanks! A lightbulb moment!!!!WTF????Here I am worrying

about what they think or will do after all they did to me all those years, and

finally the pathetic piece of poo!!! Yes What a bloody cheek trying to make me

feel bad! He should be so lucky I haven't publicly disgraced them by actually

turning out to be the failure/whore/hysterical/underachiever/bad

mother/irresponsible/hell-seeking/friendless/insane/ingrate that they label me

as!!!! LOL!!!!

YES! Actually come to think of it...why would I want to have relationships with

people so mentally deranged that even professionals loathe to get PAID to speak

to them!!!Ha ha ha!!!LOL!!!

Thanks and thanks again you peeps on the board!!!! xxx

> >

> > > My impression: he's bored and uncomfortable emotionally. Rather than take

> > > responsibility for his discomfort hed rather believe that its your fault

he

> > > feels bad. So he's trying to make you feel guilty and responsible so

you'll

> > > respond. When you respond hell get the negative interaction he needs to

> > > further distract himself from his heavy discomfort. Win win for him lose

> > > lose for you. Sorry you have to cope with this.

> > >

> > > ----------

> > > Please excuse any typos or terseness, this message was sent from a mobile

> > > device.

> > >

> > > Fada sends a separation letter - any

> > > interpreters?

> > >

> > > Well, to anyone who has followed the post about the 2-month visit from

NADA

> > > and foo culminating in the fossilised poo remains...

> > > I got a letter today from Dad/Fada

> > > It seems to be all in riddles mostly

> > > He has written it while super-disabled Nada who can't fend for herself has

> > > flown 800 miles away to help someone move house(the irony!!!!)

> > > anyway he can't write to me when she's around.

> > > so the letter goes :

> > > " We've thought a lot about the visit. It didn't go well, punctuated with

> > > some unpleasant interchanges which soured the surrounding days.

> > > ...surprisingly the chill weather didn't trouble me too much. The chill

> > > relationship did though. And 8 weeks was a too long time and has left some

> > > bad memories †" like the bringing up of grievances and unpleasant

things

> > > from the past †" and a very strong feeling that a separating distance

has

>now

> > > been created. Logistically safe distance in some senses, you in (country

A)

> > > and us in NZ, one which both sides could ignore and allow with time to

>lapse

> > > into something which when looking back on, is recognized as the point of

> > > separation.

> > > So now for a non-threatening subject you may feel inclined to reply to. I

> > > am interested to know how it went " .

> > >

> > > Is this him saying " there's a wall between us that we know is there but

> > > are too lazy/comfortable to do anything about "

> > > Or is he saying " there's a wall that I don't like, what can we do? "

> > > Or is he saying " You may think everythings normal but we have

deliberately

> > > built a wall to keep you away " .

> > >

> > > Or does he really not care and is just fishing in a sadistic way to see if

> > > I express sad emotion for their mutual enjoyment.Any thoughts, anyone????

> > > I did send a reply but in true KO style after I sent it I thought I'd done

> > > the wrong thing or misinterpreted him...

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

My dad is a high functioning bpd with npd, and some of the stuff he said,

both as a child and in his emails saying he disowned me were full of crazy

stuff that I have to laugh at too. Still aggravating, but you're right,

humor helps us survive. No wonder I like my humor absurd.

I'm a radical feminist hanging out with radical feminist priests? Ha,

hardly.

Holly

> I'm glad you had a lightbulb moment! Sometimes, my dad (like your mom, it

seems)

> is just so crazy, that I have to force myself to step back an laugh at the

> absurdity of it all. I am fairly certain I would have gone crazy myself by

now

> if not for that. Lots of luck to you!

> -Noodle.

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Wed, March 9, 2011 7:35:45 PM

> Subject: Re: Fada sends a separation letter - any

> interpreters?

>

>

> LOL!!! You are so right! Thanks! A lightbulb moment!!!!WTF????Here I am

worrying

> about what they think or will do after all they did to me all those years,

and

> finally the pathetic piece of poo!!! Yes What a bloody cheek trying to

make me

> feel bad! He should be so lucky I haven't publicly disgraced them by

actually

> turning out to be the failure/whore/hysterical/underachiever/bad

> mother/irresponsible/hell-seeking/friendless/insane/ingrate that they

label me

> as!!!! LOL!!!!

>

> YES! Actually come to think of it...why would I want to have relationships

with

> people so mentally deranged that even professionals loathe to get PAID to

speak

> to them!!!Ha ha ha!!!LOL!!!

> Thanks and thanks again you peeps on the board!!!! xxx

>

>

>> >

>> > > My impression: he's bored and uncomfortable emotionally. Rather than

take

>> > > responsibility for his discomfort hed rather believe that its your

fault

> he

>> > > feels bad. So he's trying to make you feel guilty and responsible so

> you'll

>> > > respond. When you respond hell get the negative interaction he needs

to

>> > > further distract himself from his heavy discomfort. Win win for him

lose

>> > > lose for you. Sorry you have to cope with this.

>> > >

>> > > ----------

>> > > Please excuse any typos or terseness, this message was sent from a

mobile

>> > > device.

>> > >

>> > > Fada sends a separation letter - any

>> > > interpreters?

>> > >

>> > > Well, to anyone who has followed the post about the 2-month visit

from

> NADA

>> > > and foo culminating in the fossilised poo remains...

>> > > I got a letter today from Dad/Fada

>> > > It seems to be all in riddles mostly

>> > > He has written it while super-disabled Nada who can't fend for

herself has

>> > > flown 800 miles away to help someone move house(the irony!!!!)

>> > > anyway he can't write to me when she's around.

>> > > so the letter goes :

>> > > " We've thought a lot about the visit. It didn't go well, punctuated

with

>> > > some unpleasant interchanges which soured the surrounding days.

>> > > ...surprisingly the chill weather didn't trouble me too much. The

chill

>> > > relationship did though. And 8 weeks was a too long time and has left

some

>> > > bad memories †" like the bringing up of grievances and unpleasant

things

>> > > from the past †" and a very strong feeling that a separating

distance has

>>now

>> > > been created. Logistically safe distance in some senses, you in

(country

> A)

>> > > and us in NZ, one which both sides could ignore and allow with time

to

>>lapse

>> > > into something which when looking back on, is recognized as the point

of

>> > > separation.

>> > > So now for a non-threatening subject you may feel inclined to reply

to. I

>> > > am interested to know how it went " .

>> > >

>> > > Is this him saying " there's a wall between us that we know is there

but

>> > > are too lazy/comfortable to do anything about "

>> > > Or is he saying " there's a wall that I don't like, what can we do? "

>> > > Or is he saying " You may think everythings normal but we have

> deliberately

>> > > built a wall to keep you away " .

>> > >

>> > > Or does he really not care and is just fishing in a sadistic way to

see if

>> > > I express sad emotion for their mutual enjoyment.Any thoughts,

anyone????

>> > > I did send a reply but in true KO style after I sent it I thought I'd

done

>> > > the wrong thing or misinterpreted him...

>> > >

>> > >

>> > >

>> > >

>> > >

>> > >

>> > >

[Guest guest]

Haha, I have an absurd humor as well. Maybe we're absurd and that's how we've

remained well-adjusted. Good for us for being able to laugh at the crazy. God

knows I've (and I'm sure you have too) cried about it more than enough.

-Noodle

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Thu, March 10, 2011 5:32:01 PM

Subject: Re: Re: Fada sends a separation letter - any

interpreters?

My dad is a high functioning bpd with npd, and some of the stuff he said,

both as a child and in his emails saying he disowned me were full of crazy

stuff that I have to laugh at too. Still aggravating, but you're right,

humor helps us survive. No wonder I like my humor absurd.

I'm a radical feminist hanging out with radical feminist priests? Ha,

hardly.

Holly

> I'm glad you had a lightbulb moment! Sometimes, my dad (like your mom, it

seems)

> is just so crazy, that I have to force myself to step back an laugh at the

> absurdity of it all. I am fairly certain I would have gone crazy myself by

now

> if not for that. Lots of luck to you!

> -Noodle.

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Wed, March 9, 2011 7:35:45 PM

> Subject: Re: Fada sends a separation letter - any

> interpreters?

>

>

> LOL!!! You are so right! Thanks! A lightbulb moment!!!!WTF????Here I am

worrying

> about what they think or will do after all they did to me all those years,

and

> finally the pathetic piece of poo!!! Yes What a bloody cheek trying to

make me

> feel bad! He should be so lucky I haven't publicly disgraced them by

actually

> turning out to be the failure/whore/hysterical/underachiever/bad

> mother/irresponsible/hell-seeking/friendless/insane/ingrate that they

label me

> as!!!! LOL!!!!

>

> YES! Actually come to think of it...why would I want to have relationships

with

> people so mentally deranged that even professionals loathe to get PAID to

speak

> to them!!!Ha ha ha!!!LOL!!!

> Thanks and thanks again you peeps on the board!!!! xxx

>

>

>> >

>> > > My impression: he's bored and uncomfortable emotionally. Rather than

take

>> > > responsibility for his discomfort hed rather believe that its your

fault

> he

>> > > feels bad. So he's trying to make you feel guilty and responsible so

> you'll

>> > > respond. When you respond hell get the negative interaction he needs

to

>> > > further distract himself from his heavy discomfort. Win win for him

lose

>> > > lose for you. Sorry you have to cope with this.

>> > >

>> > > ----------

>> > > Please excuse any typos or terseness, this message was sent from a

mobile

>> > > device.

>> > >

>> > > Fada sends a separation letter - any

>> > > interpreters?

>> > >

>> > > Well, to anyone who has followed the post about the 2-month visit

from

> NADA

>> > > and foo culminating in the fossilised poo remains...

>> > > I got a letter today from Dad/Fada

>> > > It seems to be all in riddles mostly

>> > > He has written it while super-disabled Nada who can't fend for

herself has

>> > > flown 800 miles away to help someone move house(the irony!!!!)

>> > > anyway he can't write to me when she's around.

>> > > so the letter goes :

>> > > " We've thought a lot about the visit. It didn't go well, punctuated

with

>> > > some unpleasant interchanges which soured the surrounding days.

>> > > ...surprisingly the chill weather didn't trouble me too much. The

chill

>> > > relationship did though. And 8 weeks was a too long time and has left

some

>> > > bad memories †" like the bringing up of grievances and unpleasant

things

>> > > from the past †" and a very strong feeling that a separating

distance has

>>now

>> > > been created. Logistically safe distance in some senses, you in

(country

> A)

>> > > and us in NZ, one which both sides could ignore and allow with time

to

>>lapse

>> > > into something which when looking back on, is recognized as the point

of

>> > > separation.

>> > > So now for a non-threatening subject you may feel inclined to reply

to. I

>> > > am interested to know how it went " .

>> > >

>> > > Is this him saying " there's a wall between us that we know is there

but

>> > > are too lazy/comfortable to do anything about "

>> > > Or is he saying " there's a wall that I don't like, what can we do? "

>> > > Or is he saying " You may think everythings normal but we have

> deliberately

>> > > built a wall to keep you away " .

>> > >

>> > > Or does he really not care and is just fishing in a sadistic way to

see if

>> > > I express sad emotion for their mutual enjoyment.Any thoughts,

anyone????

>> > > I did send a reply but in true KO style after I sent it I thought I'd

done

>> > > the wrong thing or misinterpreted him...

>> > >

>> > >

>> > >

>> > >

>> > >

>> > >

>> > >