Clarity and a Good Rant.

March 11, 2011

(Sorry for the length ahead of time... )

Hello, all. I don't post on here very often because I'm never sure what to say,

but I do read a lot of the posts and take comfort in all of you.

I just wanted to share the most amazing moment of clarity I've had in my life

regarding my Nada and her bad behavior. Here it is.. are you ready???

I GET TO CHOOSE WHEN SHE IS IN MY LIFE!!! Hallelujah!!

It's been told to me before, but for some reason, today, it clicked!

Several months ago I posted about my nada's manipulation regarding my upcoming

wedding. She was refusing to attend the wedding because she was mad at my

grandmother (her mom) and didn't want to be around her. Fast forward 5 months,

my wedding is in two weeks and I just got an email from Nada basically saying

" kiss kiss, I'd like to be there and share in this beautiful day with you. Will

you meet me for lunch and help me pick out a dress? "

!!!!!!

Are you kidding, lady?! You haven't been here for me in the last 6 months, not

to MENTION the last 27 years, even mouthing off to your hair stylist (who is my

hair stylist as well) about how you absolutely refuse to come to my wedding. You

didn't attend my bridal showers or any other special event that was planned.

Everyone else in my life is picking up the wedding planning slack, and my dear

future MIL is doing most of it!! Most people have been extremely gracious and

not asking about your obvious absense, but it's been hurtful and embarrassing

and you just flat out let me down. And you just want to send a pretty email and

all is forgiven?? Absolutely. Not. This is the last time you pull this crap.

So, dear friends, I have set some serious boundaries, at least for this day, so

that she is prohibited from ruining this, too. She is still invited to the

wedding if she wants to attend; she is my mother and I don't want to dishonor

her by not allowing her to be there. However, she is not invited to the rehersal

dinner, the bridal luncheon, or the sacred moment of donning my dress. She will

show up an hour before the wedding for family pictures and be escorted down the

aisle by my joke-of-a-brother. She and I will not be alone on the wedding day

and she will be " managed " by my close friends and family.

She asked to meet me for lunch and help her pick out a dress.. I refused and

told her I'd rather just focus my energy on my new husband and our marriage

right now, but that I look forward to seeing her on the 25th.

I feel amazing. Like I just had a deep tissue massage of my soul.

" WINNING!!!! "

March 11, 2011

WOOT! You go girl!!!

and good for you, focusing on your marriage!

The feeling of FREEDOM is great!

Holly

>

> (Sorry for the length ahead of time... )

>

> Hello, all. I don't post on here very often because I'm never sure what to

> say, but I do read a lot of the posts and take comfort in all of you.

>

> I just wanted to share the most amazing moment of clarity I've had in my

> life regarding my Nada and her bad behavior. Here it is.. are you ready???

>

> I GET TO CHOOSE WHEN SHE IS IN MY LIFE!!! Hallelujah!!

>

> It's been told to me before, but for some reason, today, it clicked!

>

> Several months ago I posted about my nada's manipulation regarding my

> upcoming wedding. She was refusing to attend the wedding because she was mad

> at my grandmother (her mom) and didn't want to be around her. Fast forward 5

> months, my wedding is in two weeks and I just got an email from Nada

> basically saying " kiss kiss, I'd like to be there and share in this

> beautiful day with you. Will you meet me for lunch and help me pick out a

> dress? "

>

> !!!!!!

>

> Are you kidding, lady?! You haven't been here for me in the last 6 months,

> not to MENTION the last 27 years, even mouthing off to your hair stylist

> (who is my hair stylist as well) about how you absolutely refuse to come to

> my wedding. You didn't attend my bridal showers or any other special event

> that was planned. Everyone else in my life is picking up the wedding

> planning slack, and my dear future MIL is doing most of it!! Most people

> have been extremely gracious and not asking about your obvious absense, but

> it's been hurtful and embarrassing and you just flat out let me down. And

> you just want to send a pretty email and all is forgiven?? Absolutely. Not.

> This is the last time you pull this crap.

>

> So, dear friends, I have set some serious boundaries, at least for this

> day, so that she is prohibited from ruining this, too. She is still invited

> to the wedding if she wants to attend; she is my mother and I don't want to

> dishonor her by not allowing her to be there. However, she is not invited to

> the rehersal dinner, the bridal luncheon, or the sacred moment of donning my

> dress. She will show up an hour before the wedding for family pictures and

> be escorted down the aisle by my joke-of-a-brother. She and I will not be

> alone on the wedding day and she will be " managed " by my close friends and

> family.

>

> She asked to meet me for lunch and help her pick out a dress.. I refused

> and told her I'd rather just focus my energy on my new husband and our

> marriage right now, but that I look forward to seeing her on the 25th.

>

> I feel amazing. Like I just had a deep tissue massage of my soul.

>

> " WINNING!!!! "

>

March 11, 2011

Awesome boundary-setting!! That is so very mature of you. You didn't have a

melt-down and scream at her and ban her from the pre-events and the wedding

event altogether, you just very proactively set the time that she is allowed to

show up for the ceremony itself. That is just so wonderful!

Be prepared that she may not react in a similarly adult, mature way. She may

pitch a hissy fit and decide that if she's not allowed to attend ALL the

pre-wedding ceremonies, and if you're not going to knuckle under and help her

pick out a dress, ... she won't go at all.

Well then, so be it!

Thumb's up from me, I think you're handling this beautifully!

My nada pulled a similar stunt RE her grandson's wedding. Nada announced during

a narcissistic melt-down tantrum that she would not attend, so my Sister said

" fine " and cancelled nada's plane tickets. Later, nada claimed to have never

said such a thing and wanted to attend, but it was too late. She'd have to fly

alone and nada will not do that. Too bad!

-Annie

>