Stuff thrown away and no privacy

[Guest guest]

I don't know what your situation is or why you're having to live at home, but if

you can get to your local post office, a post office box doesn't cost very much.

And a fire safe for your personal papers is only 20 to 40 bucks. Just a

thought.

> > >

> > >

> > > Did you have any of the experience of your nada throwing things away that

were special to you or taking things that belonged to you like money or gifts?

> > >

> > > A neighbor used to watch me after school sometimes when I was between

about 8 and 10. She had a daughter my age and she would sit with the two of us

after school and she taught me to crochet. Why I never mentioned it to my

mother I don't know. Maybe I wanted what I was making to be a surprise? I made

a pot holder. It wasn't that great, of course, but I was so proud of it. The

day I presented it to my mother she said " good job " in front of the sitter, but

otherwise said nothing. I'm not sure how much time passed, a week maybe, and I

noticed it was nowhere to be found. When I asked my mother about it, she

claimed she hadn't seen it. Years later she admitted she threw it away because

she didn't want it junking up her house.

> > >

> > > But this was a pattern. ANYTHING I made, she threw in the garbage. She

also refused to display pictures of me in the house and even when I was an adult

and gave her pictures of my kids, she kept them put up in a box in the closet.

> > >

> > > If someone gave me a gift like lotion, perfume, money, she took it and

claimed she didn't know what happened to it and would stick to her story of, " I

haven't seen it! "

> > >

> > > I would be suspicious, of course, and as I got older, it became evident

she was takiing my things so I started hiding them. Sometimes she would

'borrow' money or even take something and tell me she'd buy me another one of

whatever it was and never do it.

> > >

> > > I remember throwing a major fit because she threw my prom dress awway.

> > >

> > > She also threw away things that were sentimental to me like letters from

my great grandmother and my diary (after she read it to everyone within earshot

and told them I was a nut case), but she would always, always take money that

anyone sent me for birthdays or Christmas.

> > >

> > > She gave me zero privacy and would go through my room when I wasn't home

under the guise of 'cleaning it.'

> > >

> > > Is this common in BPD?

> > >

> > > As a mother, I would feel truly heartbroken if this happened to any of my

children and I would never dream of doing this to my kids. My mother must have

completely turned off her emotions toward me.

> > >

> > > She would also berate me constantly. " Why did you roll your eyes at me? "

" Stop acting like an idiot. " Her berating went on for hours and sometimes even

days. I was so worn down emotionally that I just completely shut down.

> > >

> > > I know this stuff still affects my relationships today. I am trying very

hard to get past it, but is taking a long time.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

has a good point about the PO Box.(also paperless invoicing) One less

thing you would have to stress about...A side note ....Did you say you were

living at home and buying a $350 handbag? Not trying to cast judgment here but

that is kind of an interesting combination...dw

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Mon, March 14, 2011 5:33:15 PM

Subject: Re: Stuff thrown away and no privacy

I don't know what your situation is or why you're having to live at home, but if

you can get to your local post office, a post office box doesn't cost very much.

And a fire safe for your personal papers is only 20 to 40 bucks. Just a

thought.

> > >

> > >

> > > Did you have any of the experience of your nada throwing things away that

>were special to you or taking things that belonged to you like money or gifts?

> > >

> > > A neighbor used to watch me after school sometimes when I was between

about

>8 and 10. She had a daughter my age and she would sit with the two of us after

>school and she taught me to crochet. Why I never mentioned it to my mother I

>don't know. Maybe I wanted what I was making to be a surprise? I made a pot

>holder. It wasn't that great, of course, but I was so proud of it. The day I

>presented it to my mother she said " good job " in front of the sitter, but

>otherwise said nothing. I'm not sure how much time passed, a week maybe, and I

>noticed it was nowhere to be found. When I asked my mother about it, she

>claimed she hadn't seen it. Years later she admitted she threw it away because

>she didn't want it junking up her house.

> > >

> > > But this was a pattern. ANYTHING I made, she threw in the garbage. She

>also refused to display pictures of me in the house and even when I was an

adult

>and gave her pictures of my kids, she kept them put up in a box in the closet.

> > >

> > > If someone gave me a gift like lotion, perfume, money, she took it and

>claimed she didn't know what happened to it and would stick to her story of, " I

>haven't seen it! "

> > >

> > > I would be suspicious, of course, and as I got older, it became evident

she

>was takiing my things so I started hiding them. Sometimes she would 'borrow'

>money or even take something and tell me she'd buy me another one of whatever

it

>was and never do it.

> > >

> > > I remember throwing a major fit because she threw my prom dress awway.

> > >

> > > She also threw away things that were sentimental to me like letters from

my

>great grandmother and my diary (after she read it to everyone within earshot

and

>told them I was a nut case), but she would always, always take money that

anyone

>sent me for birthdays or Christmas.

> > >

> > > She gave me zero privacy and would go through my room when I wasn't home

>under the guise of 'cleaning it.'

> > >

> > > Is this common in BPD?

> > >

> > > As a mother, I would feel truly heartbroken if this happened to any of my

>children and I would never dream of doing this to my kids. My mother must have

>completely turned off her emotions toward me.

> > >

> > > She would also berate me constantly. " Why did you roll your eyes at me? "

> " Stop acting like an idiot. " Her berating went on for hours and sometimes even

>days. I was so worn down emotionally that I just completely shut down.

> > >

> > > I know this stuff still affects my relationships today. I am trying very

>hard to get past it, but is taking a long time.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >