Dealing with things I can't control

[Guest guest]

I'm getting ready to run a marathon next weekend, and I have worked so hard for

the past 20 weeks to be ready for it and to run a good race. I found out today

that there is a preliminary weather report for rain that day. ly, that

doesn't mean much, because I live in the greater Los Angeles area and

predictions of rain here are spotty at best until the day before. But I have

been working all day to control my anxiety and, well, panic, about this

situation. I have run in the rain before, as long as it's not pouring cats and

dogs, sometimes the rain actually helps. It's just that I'm already so nervous

about my first marathon, that this prediction of rain is well " raining on my

parade " .

Anyways, coming to terms with this thing I can't control (seriously, I can't

control the weather? I thought I was a higher achiever than that, lol), made me

think of a VERY scary thought. Nada knows I am running this race. What if she

shows up before, during, or after and turns this happy event that is ALL ABOUT

ME, into something about her? She lives on the East coast, it's probably not

very likely, but not unlikely. So, I need a game plan. What do I do if she shows

up at some point?

I feel like if she shows up before at my home, my response will be to ask her to

leave. I will not let her in, and if she does not leave, I will call the police.

If she shows up at the finish line or somewhere on the race line, I will tell

her that I do not have time for her right now, and she should have respected my

wishes for no contact. I will leave her where she is. She can go crying to my

brother's house afterwards. I don't really care. I just want to figure out how I

will make the contact as short and meaningless as possible.

Guys, am I forgetting anything? Is there a response to my plan that I'm not

thinking of? Help me prepare for the possibility of needing to employ the medium

chill.

Thanks,

[Guest guest]

UhOh! You're in KO hell!

Stop the insanity!

Let's break this down, shall we?

!) YOU have been in training for the last 20 weeks to run a marathon. That's a

whole lotta moxi, tears, and sweat. More commitment to YOU than a Nada would

ever know or show or pull off.

2) The LA forecast calls for rain. Not exactly a deal breaker, it IS LA

afterall... and so what if it rains?

3) Nada KNOWS! Nada is on the East Coast! BUT (hold on, babe) YOU'RE RUNNING A

FREAKIN' MARATHON!

So.... If she shows up - you (and thousands others) will zoom right by her.

She'll just be another mess in the crowd. Don't look for her... don't worry

that she's there... it doesn't matter!

Don't let the KO give her space in your head RENT FREE on this one... you've

trained, you're ready and you're gonna run... Be one with YOURSELF Grasshopper!

Lynnette (and if she shows up at the house? Call the cops and/or send her

packing. This is YOUR party.)

>

> I'm getting ready to run a marathon next weekend, and I have worked so hard

for the past 20 weeks to be ready for it and to run a good race. I found out

today that there is a preliminary weather report for rain that day. ly,

that doesn't mean much, because I live in the greater Los Angeles area and

predictions of rain here are spotty at best until the day before. But I have

been working all day to control my anxiety and, well, panic, about this

situation. I have run in the rain before, as long as it's not pouring cats and

dogs, sometimes the rain actually helps. It's just that I'm already so nervous

about my first marathon, that this prediction of rain is well " raining on my

parade " .

>

> Anyways, coming to terms with this thing I can't control (seriously, I can't

control the weather? I thought I was a higher achiever than that, lol), made me

think of a VERY scary thought. Nada knows I am running this race. What if she

shows up before, during, or after and turns this happy event that is ALL ABOUT

ME, into something about her? She lives on the East coast, it's probably not

very likely, but not unlikely. So, I need a game plan. What do I do if she shows

up at some point?

>

> I feel like if she shows up before at my home, my response will be to ask her

to leave. I will not let her in, and if she does not leave, I will call the

police. If she shows up at the finish line or somewhere on the race line, I will

tell her that I do not have time for her right now, and she should have

respected my wishes for no contact. I will leave her where she is. She can go

crying to my brother's house afterwards. I don't really care. I just want to

figure out how I will make the contact as short and meaningless as possible.

>

> Guys, am I forgetting anything? Is there a response to my plan that I'm not

thinking of? Help me prepare for the possibility of needing to employ the medium

chill.

>

> Thanks,

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks, Lynette. I needed that. Was letting the KO in my brain run away with me.

And she can run fast, hhahaha!

> >

> > I'm getting ready to run a marathon next weekend, and I have worked so hard

for the past 20 weeks to be ready for it and to run a good race. I found out

today that there is a preliminary weather report for rain that day. ly,

that doesn't mean much, because I live in the greater Los Angeles area and

predictions of rain here are spotty at best until the day before. But I have

been working all day to control my anxiety and, well, panic, about this

situation. I have run in the rain before, as long as it's not pouring cats and

dogs, sometimes the rain actually helps. It's just that I'm already so nervous

about my first marathon, that this prediction of rain is well " raining on my

parade " .

> >

> > Anyways, coming to terms with this thing I can't control (seriously, I can't

control the weather? I thought I was a higher achiever than that, lol), made me

think of a VERY scary thought. Nada knows I am running this race. What if she

shows up before, during, or after and turns this happy event that is ALL ABOUT

ME, into something about her? She lives on the East coast, it's probably not

very likely, but not unlikely. So, I need a game plan. What do I do if she shows

up at some point?

> >

> > I feel like if she shows up before at my home, my response will be to ask

her to leave. I will not let her in, and if she does not leave, I will call the

police. If she shows up at the finish line or somewhere on the race line, I will

tell her that I do not have time for her right now, and she should have

respected my wishes for no contact. I will leave her where she is. She can go

crying to my brother's house afterwards. I don't really care. I just want to

figure out how I will make the contact as short and meaningless as possible.

> >

> > Guys, am I forgetting anything? Is there a response to my plan that I'm not

thinking of? Help me prepare for the possibility of needing to employ the medium

chill.

> >

> > Thanks,

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Good luck, ! Let us know how you did!

I'm starting to run and I'm loving it so far, and my goal is the half

marathon this September, and then possibly the Chicago Marathon in 2012. It

takes a lot of work, I know, I second Lynette's advice--just run right past

your nada!

>

>

> Thanks, Lynette. I needed that. Was letting the KO in my brain run away

> with me. And she can run fast, hhahaha!

>

>

>

>

>

> > >

> > > I'm getting ready to run a marathon next weekend, and I have worked so

> hard for the past 20 weeks to be ready for it and to run a good race. I

> found out today that there is a preliminary weather report for rain that

> day. ly, that doesn't mean much, because I live in the greater Los

> Angeles area and predictions of rain here are spotty at best until the day

> before. But I have been working all day to control my anxiety and, well,

> panic, about this situation. I have run in the rain before, as long as it's

> not pouring cats and dogs, sometimes the rain actually helps. It's just that

> I'm already so nervous about my first marathon, that this prediction of rain

> is well " raining on my parade " .

> > >

> > > Anyways, coming to terms with this thing I can't control (seriously, I

> can't control the weather? I thought I was a higher achiever than that,

> lol), made me think of a VERY scary thought. Nada knows I am running this

> race. What if she shows up before, during, or after and turns this happy

> event that is ALL ABOUT ME, into something about her? She lives on the East

> coast, it's probably not very likely, but not unlikely. So, I need a game

> plan. What do I do if she shows up at some point?

> > >

> > > I feel like if she shows up before at my home, my response will be to

> ask her to leave. I will not let her in, and if she does not leave, I will

> call the police. If she shows up at the finish line or somewhere on the race

> line, I will tell her that I do not have time for her right now, and she

> should have respected my wishes for no contact. I will leave her where she

> is. She can go crying to my brother's house afterwards. I don't really care.

> I just want to figure out how I will make the contact as short and

> meaningless as possible.

> > >

> > > Guys, am I forgetting anything? Is there a response to my plan that I'm

> not thinking of? Help me prepare for the possibility of needing to employ

> the medium chill.

> > >

> > > Thanks,

> > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Control freaks like us need to look at and prepare for every potential anxiety

causing issue.

Maybe get some running gear that performs well in the rain? A nice fitting hat

to keep the rain out of your eyes. A fanny pack with your energy goo thats also

resistant to rain so it doesn't become additional weight.

Some slippery stuff to slather on areas that may chaffe in the rain etc.

As for your mom coming to visit, not likely to happen, but keep your mental

dialogue going on each type of response that you can give.

Good luck at the race!

>

> I'm getting ready to run a marathon next weekend, and I have worked so hard

for the past 20 weeks to be ready for it and to run a good race. I found out

today that there is a preliminary weather report for rain that day. ly,

that doesn't mean much, because I live in the greater Los Angeles area and

predictions of rain here are spotty at best until the day before. But I have

been working all day to control my anxiety and, well, panic, about this

situation. I have run in the rain before, as long as it's not pouring cats and

dogs, sometimes the rain actually helps. It's just that I'm already so nervous

about my first marathon, that this prediction of rain is well " raining on my

parade " .

>

> Anyways, coming to terms with this thing I can't control (seriously, I can't

control the weather? I thought I was a higher achiever than that, lol), made me

think of a VERY scary thought. Nada knows I am running this race. What if she

shows up before, during, or after and turns this happy event that is ALL ABOUT

ME, into something about her? She lives on the East coast, it's probably not

very likely, but not unlikely. So, I need a game plan. What do I do if she shows

up at some point?

>

> I feel like if she shows up before at my home, my response will be to ask her

to leave. I will not let her in, and if she does not leave, I will call the

police. If she shows up at the finish line or somewhere on the race line, I will

tell her that I do not have time for her right now, and she should have

respected my wishes for no contact. I will leave her where she is. She can go

crying to my brother's house afterwards. I don't really care. I just want to

figure out how I will make the contact as short and meaningless as possible.

>

> Guys, am I forgetting anything? Is there a response to my plan that I'm not

thinking of? Help me prepare for the possibility of needing to employ the medium

chill.

>

> Thanks,

>

>

[Guest guest]

WOW!!!!! So proud of you, you are going to rock!!!!

I second the idea for a hat - I live in the dessert and for some reason, I

refuse to deal with umbrellas. My hair is already flat and carrying one -

its just not the cowboy way. But I love hats and I bet I have 30 different

options for keeping my eyes dry on a rainy day.

As for nada, my concern is that worrying about it might bring you down. So

can you do visualizations as you run of her being swept away by the crowd,

or you chase her off on a broom (cuz she's a witch). or your " safe people'

form a human chain and surround you?

By the way, do you know if the jogglers are running this marathon? The did a

marathon in my area (they travel the country to them) and they seriously ran

the whole thing while juggling!!!! Every step! I helped with a documentary

about it.

Maybe you could picture the jogglers dragging her away while their bean bags

hit her in the head. I don't know why, but for me, the more ridiculous the

visualization, the better it works. I think its just easier to remember.

>

>

> Control freaks like us need to look at and prepare for every potential

> anxiety causing issue.

>

> Maybe get some running gear that performs well in the rain? A nice fitting

> hat to keep the rain out of your eyes. A fanny pack with your energy goo

> thats also resistant to rain so it doesn't become additional weight.

>

> Some slippery stuff to slather on areas that may chaffe in the rain etc.

>

> As for your mom coming to visit, not likely to happen, but keep your mental

> dialogue going on each type of response that you can give.

>

> Good luck at the race!

>

>

>

> >

> > I'm getting ready to run a marathon next weekend, and I have worked so

> hard for the past 20 weeks to be ready for it and to run a good race. I

> found out today that there is a preliminary weather report for rain that

> day. ly, that doesn't mean much, because I live in the greater Los

> Angeles area and predictions of rain here are spotty at best until the day

> before. But I have been working all day to control my anxiety and, well,

> panic, about this situation. I have run in the rain before, as long as it's

> not pouring cats and dogs, sometimes the rain actually helps. It's just that

> I'm already so nervous about my first marathon, that this prediction of rain

> is well " raining on my parade " .

> >

> > Anyways, coming to terms with this thing I can't control (seriously, I

> can't control the weather? I thought I was a higher achiever than that,

> lol), made me think of a VERY scary thought. Nada knows I am running this

> race. What if she shows up before, during, or after and turns this happy

> event that is ALL ABOUT ME, into something about her? She lives on the East

> coast, it's probably not very likely, but not unlikely. So, I need a game

> plan. What do I do if she shows up at some point?

> >

> > I feel like if she shows up before at my home, my response will be to ask

> her to leave. I will not let her in, and if she does not leave, I will call

> the police. If she shows up at the finish line or somewhere on the race

> line, I will tell her that I do not have time for her right now, and she

> should have respected my wishes for no contact. I will leave her where she

> is. She can go crying to my brother's house afterwards. I don't really care.

> I just want to figure out how I will make the contact as short and

> meaningless as possible.

> >

> > Guys, am I forgetting anything? Is there a response to my plan that I'm

> not thinking of? Help me prepare for the possibility of needing to employ

> the medium chill.

> >

> > Thanks,

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Well, I appreciate the suggestions, but I do have all the physical aspects of

this prepared (been working on it for 20 weeks)--have a water belt, gels, race

gear, etc. And I did train in the rain (and snow!). I was just having a lot of

anxiety (catastrophizing, as my T puts it) about the rain and the nada.

I realize, if it rains, I just do what I have always done when it rained while I

was training. RUN. Duh, lol. And if nada shows up, yes, I just run right past

her. I have no responsibility to go to her. But I am concerned that when I

ignore her, or if I have to ask her to leave,that there is some BPD reaction I'm

overlooking that I need to ready for.

I know if she shows up on my doorstep, or at the marathon, unannounced, and I

ignore her or ask her to leave, that there will be some resulting family

consequences. I will have friends there at the finish line. And one of them in

particular knows everything about what I've gone through with nada. So I might

ask him to stand near me as a buffer and keep me away from her and help me

escape if this thing happens (which, of course, is very unlikely). My other

friends who are not aware of everything might think it's weird, but I don't have

to explain to them.

Am I overlooking anything that might happen with her that I should be prepared

for? Has anyone else had to ask their parent to leave? What happened?

> > >

> > > I'm getting ready to run a marathon next weekend, and I have worked so

> > hard for the past 20 weeks to be ready for it and to run a good race. I

> > found out today that there is a preliminary weather report for rain that

> > day. ly, that doesn't mean much, because I live in the greater Los

> > Angeles area and predictions of rain here are spotty at best until the day

> > before. But I have been working all day to control my anxiety and, well,

> > panic, about this situation. I have run in the rain before, as long as it's

> > not pouring cats and dogs, sometimes the rain actually helps. It's just that

> > I'm already so nervous about my first marathon, that this prediction of rain

> > is well " raining on my parade " .

> > >

> > > Anyways, coming to terms with this thing I can't control (seriously, I

> > can't control the weather? I thought I was a higher achiever than that,

> > lol), made me think of a VERY scary thought. Nada knows I am running this

> > race. What if she shows up before, during, or after and turns this happy

> > event that is ALL ABOUT ME, into something about her? She lives on the East

> > coast, it's probably not very likely, but not unlikely. So, I need a game

> > plan. What do I do if she shows up at some point?

> > >

> > > I feel like if she shows up before at my home, my response will be to ask

> > her to leave. I will not let her in, and if she does not leave, I will call

> > the police. If she shows up at the finish line or somewhere on the race

> > line, I will tell her that I do not have time for her right now, and she

> > should have respected my wishes for no contact. I will leave her where she

> > is. She can go crying to my brother's house afterwards. I don't really care.

> > I just want to figure out how I will make the contact as short and

> > meaningless as possible.

> > >

> > > Guys, am I forgetting anything? Is there a response to my plan that I'm

> > not thinking of? Help me prepare for the possibility of needing to employ

> > the medium chill.

> > >

> > > Thanks,

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I haven't ever specifically asked my nada to leave my home (when she was

visiting) but when I visited her, I had to remove myself a couple of times.

The first time I just said, " I have to go now, 'bye " when she started in picking

at me, criticizing me and trying to start a fight. It was the first time I

realized that I even had the power to just leave! What a heady sense of

freedom! I drove over to my Sister's house and stayed with her, instead. Joy!

The second time was another visit, and nada had started in on me again, that

" spoiling for a fight " behavior, picking and picking at me, criticizing me...

and so I simply lied. I said, " Oops, I thought my plane was leaving on Tuesday

but its leaving tomorrow, so, I'm going to friend X's house now, sleep over

there, and leave for the airport from there. 'Bye. " And I phoned my friend and

asked if I could come early, and she said sure. If she hadn't I would have

stayed at a hotel! But I had to get out of there and away from nada.

I think your strategy of always having a friend stick to you like glue is a

great plan, if your nada is like mine. My nada doesn't act up around other

people, she'll wait until she and I are alone.

That's why I intend to never, ever be alone with her again.

If she shows up at your front door, sneak out the back, or out a window. (My

place is an upper unit with only one door, so I'm stuck with just not answering

the door. I hope your place is different and you have an alternate/back door

escape route.)

If she shows up at the marathon, do " medium chill " and keep your good buddy at

your side.

Best of luck to you on the marathon, it sounds like you are well prepared for

it! That is awesome, two big thumb's up from me!

-Annie

> > > >

> > > > I'm getting ready to run a marathon next weekend, and I have worked so

> > > hard for the past 20 weeks to be ready for it and to run a good race. I

> > > found out today that there is a preliminary weather report for rain that

> > > day. ly, that doesn't mean much, because I live in the greater Los

> > > Angeles area and predictions of rain here are spotty at best until the day

> > > before. But I have been working all day to control my anxiety and, well,

> > > panic, about this situation. I have run in the rain before, as long as

it's

> > > not pouring cats and dogs, sometimes the rain actually helps. It's just

that

> > > I'm already so nervous about my first marathon, that this prediction of

rain

> > > is well " raining on my parade " .

> > > >

> > > > Anyways, coming to terms with this thing I can't control (seriously, I

> > > can't control the weather? I thought I was a higher achiever than that,

> > > lol), made me think of a VERY scary thought. Nada knows I am running this

> > > race. What if she shows up before, during, or after and turns this happy

> > > event that is ALL ABOUT ME, into something about her? She lives on the

East

> > > coast, it's probably not very likely, but not unlikely. So, I need a game

> > > plan. What do I do if she shows up at some point?

> > > >

> > > > I feel like if she shows up before at my home, my response will be to

ask

> > > her to leave. I will not let her in, and if she does not leave, I will

call

> > > the police. If she shows up at the finish line or somewhere on the race

> > > line, I will tell her that I do not have time for her right now, and she

> > > should have respected my wishes for no contact. I will leave her where she

> > > is. She can go crying to my brother's house afterwards. I don't really

care.

> > > I just want to figure out how I will make the contact as short and

> > > meaningless as possible.

> > > >

> > > > Guys, am I forgetting anything? Is there a response to my plan that I'm

> > > not thinking of? Help me prepare for the possibility of needing to employ

> > > the medium chill.

> > > >

> > > > Thanks,

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >