Anyone tempted to break NC?

[Guest guest]

I have been compelled lately to call my nada and fada. I don't know why, but

every so often I have this urge to call them to make sure everything is okay. I

then have a flashback to how my nada used to be to me and how coniving and

manipulative she was. Since I have been NC with nada and fada one year ago, my

life has been wonderful. I have a great relationship with my husband (before

while I was on LC with her, my husband and I were barely speaking), I am more

confident (with the help of therapy) and am even going to church and beginnign

to revew my relationship with God. I notice myself not judging people anymore, I

am opening up to friends and family and not taking things so personally.

Basically I have developed a better life since I have been away from my nada and

fada....but I still have the desire to speak to them. It will be a year this

month since we have had our blow out, so maybe that is why I am thinking about

them? Am I missing the parents I thought I had?

Have anyone had the desire to be NC? If so, what happened?

thanks

AJ

[Guest guest]

I have been NC with my mother since 2006. Yes, there are times that I loose my

marbles and think about contacting her. Sending her a letter, or pictures of the

kids.

Then I remind myself of the emotional tourmoil that she puts me through. The

hell. The way she claws me back into her drama.

" I " have this fantasy that one day she will turn into the mother that I've

always wanted. Needed. And we can be one of those nauseating hallmark

commercials.

But that will NEVER happen. I had previously been NC for 3 years, but then caved

again and she caused alllll sorts of problems. Tried to break up my marriage and

dragged me into her delusions.

What it comes down too, is that my life is better and calmer without her in it.

>

> I have been compelled lately to call my nada and fada. I don't know why, but

every so often I have this urge to call them to make sure everything is okay. I

then have a flashback to how my nada used to be to me and how coniving and

manipulative she was. Since I have been NC with nada and fada one year ago, my

life has been wonderful. I have a great relationship with my husband (before

while I was on LC with her, my husband and I were barely speaking), I am more

confident (with the help of therapy) and am even going to church and beginnign

to revew my relationship with God. I notice myself not judging people anymore, I

am opening up to friends and family and not taking things so personally.

Basically I have developed a better life since I have been away from my nada and

fada....but I still have the desire to speak to them. It will be a year this

month since we have had our blow out, so maybe that is why I am thinking about

them? Am I missing the parents I thought I had?

>

> Have anyone had the desire to be NC? If so, what happened?

>

> thanks

>

> AJ

>

[Guest guest]

SOmetimes I think enough space and time goes by that we start to feel reasonably

sane and falsely attribute a degree of sanity to them also! I want to contact

them to see if anythings changed for the better...but everytime I do there is a

ticking time bomb in place so it is never worth it,

>

> I have been compelled lately to call my nada and fada. I don't know why, but

every so often I have this urge to call them to make sure everything is okay. I

then have a flashback to how my nada used to be to me and how coniving and

manipulative she was. Since I have been NC with nada and fada one year ago, my

life has been wonderful. I have a great relationship with my husband (before

while I was on LC with her, my husband and I were barely speaking), I am more

confident (with the help of therapy) and am even going to church and beginnign

to revew my relationship with God. I notice myself not judging people anymore, I

am opening up to friends and family and not taking things so personally.

Basically I have developed a better life since I have been away from my nada and

fada....but I still have the desire to speak to them. It will be a year this

month since we have had our blow out, so maybe that is why I am thinking about

them? Am I missing the parents I thought I had?

>

> Have anyone had the desire to be NC? If so, what happened?

>

> thanks

>

> AJ

>

[Guest guest]

I wonder if its because of the anniversary? I had a meltdown last week

because I hit my 8 year NCiversary. Wow, that was a very rough day.

I often catch myself thinking that my NC is temporary. That someday I will

talk to my parents again. Isn't that weird? Pretty much they kill my soul,

but in the back of my mind I have the idea that we will kiss and make up.

Logical girlscout knows that's not going to happen. But emotional girlscout

isn't so sure.

Don't give in. Call your T instead. Buy yourself a present to mark the date.

And if you do give in, know that you can re-establish NC later - its not

like its a test and you need to score 100 percent.

>

>

> I have been NC with my mother since 2006. Yes, there are times that I loose

> my marbles and think about contacting her. Sending her a letter, or pictures

> of the kids.

>

> Then I remind myself of the emotional tourmoil that she puts me through.

> The hell. The way she claws me back into her drama.

>

> " I " have this fantasy that one day she will turn into the mother that I've

> always wanted. Needed. And we can be one of those nauseating hallmark

> commercials.

>

> But that will NEVER happen. I had previously been NC for 3 years, but then

> caved again and she caused alllll sorts of problems. Tried to break up my

> marriage and dragged me into her delusions.

>

> What it comes down too, is that my life is better and calmer without her in

> it.

>

>

> >

> > I have been compelled lately to call my nada and fada. I don't know why,

> but every so often I have this urge to call them to make sure everything is

> okay. I then have a flashback to how my nada used to be to me and how

> coniving and manipulative she was. Since I have been NC with nada and fada

> one year ago, my life has been wonderful. I have a great relationship with

> my husband (before while I was on LC with her, my husband and I were barely

> speaking), I am more confident (with the help of therapy) and am even going

> to church and beginnign to revew my relationship with God. I notice myself

> not judging people anymore, I am opening up to friends and family and not

> taking things so personally. Basically I have developed a better life since

> I have been away from my nada and fada....but I still have the desire to

> speak to them. It will be a year this month since we have had our blow out,

> so maybe that is why I am thinking about them? Am I missing the parents I

> thought I had?

> >

> > Have anyone had the desire to be NC? If so, what happened?

> >

> > thanks

> >

> > AJ

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Some of us have a compulsion to relive our trauma. This time it'll be

different and it'll get resolved.

>

>

>

> SOmetimes I think enough space and time goes by that we start to feel

> reasonably sane and falsely attribute a degree of sanity to them also! I

> want to contact them to see if anythings changed for the better...but

> everytime I do there is a ticking time bomb in place so it is never worth

> it,

>

>

>

> >

> > I have been compelled lately to call my nada and fada. I don't know why,

> but every so often I have this urge to call them to make sure everything is

> okay. I then have a flashback to how my nada used to be to me and how

> coniving and manipulative she was. Since I have been NC with nada and fada

> one year ago, my life has been wonderful. I have a great relationship with

> my husband (before while I was on LC with her, my husband and I were barely

> speaking), I am more confident (with the help of therapy) and am even going

> to church and beginnign to revew my relationship with God. I notice myself

> not judging people anymore, I am opening up to friends and family and not

> taking things so personally. Basically I have developed a better life since

> I have been away from my nada and fada....but I still have the desire to

> speak to them. It will be a year this month since we have had our blow out,

> so maybe that is why I am thinking about them? Am I missing the parents I

> thought I had?

> >

> > Have anyone had the desire to be NC? If so, what happened?

> >

> > thanks

> >

> > AJ

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I sometimes think of breaking NC because of my journey in becoming stronger. I

think maybe now that I can handle things and Nada in a different way. She is not

different but I am now. Fortunately I never test it, and like you, life has

been better this way. My husband and I are better in our relationship too and

that only has to have a positive effect on our daughter. This is what keeps me

not contacting. My husband and daughter come first. I never want to risk

trying Nada's madness again.

My husband can now see the madness for what it was too and supports me when

talking to our daughter.

He never really got it and fell for all her manipulation and games. She adored

him and bought his love, showered him in gifts and praise. Sometimes it was

even to the stage that she had him against me in jokes and put downs.

That is why it was so hard to believe in myself, that it was all wrong and it

wasn't me the mad one.

I believe that now. I have even lost many good friends that don't agree with my

decision. It hurts that they have seen my life first hand but don't support me

because she is my MOTHER.

Sorry a bit of track.

If you are happy NC and all is going well for you would it be worth risking

that? I too will always be sad and want things to be different and time might

not cure that. For me I just have to accept this part of my life for what it

is. I think of it as having a disease that I can't cure and that I have to

learn to live with and manage with all the challenges of it and lifestyle

changes and limitations that brings.

I have my health, a wonderful husband and daughter, great business, lovely

house, financial freedom. All these things I have worked on very hard to

achieve. I focus on things in my life that I can change and get positive

results to better my life here on earth.

Nada is not one of them. I got tired of trying that one, and put my energy into

the ones that I can create happiness with.

Best of luck staying strong and focusing on the future and all it has in stall

for you.

Kazam x

> > >

> > > I have been compelled lately to call my nada and fada. I don't know why,

> > but every so often I have this urge to call them to make sure everything is

> > okay. I then have a flashback to how my nada used to be to me and how

> > coniving and manipulative she was. Since I have been NC with nada and fada

> > one year ago, my life has been wonderful. I have a great relationship with

> > my husband (before while I was on LC with her, my husband and I were barely

> > speaking), I am more confident (with the help of therapy) and am even going

> > to church and beginnign to revew my relationship with God. I notice myself

> > not judging people anymore, I am opening up to friends and family and not

> > taking things so personally. Basically I have developed a better life since

> > I have been away from my nada and fada....but I still have the desire to

> > speak to them. It will be a year this month since we have had our blow out,

> > so maybe that is why I am thinking about them? Am I missing the parents I

> > thought I had?

> > >

> > > Have anyone had the desire to be NC? If so, what happened?

> > >

> > > thanks

> > >

> > > AJ

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Love the present idea!!! Thanks for the advice.

AJ

> > >

> > > I have been compelled lately to call my nada and fada. I don't know why,

> > but every so often I have this urge to call them to make sure everything is

> > okay. I then have a flashback to how my nada used to be to me and how

> > coniving and manipulative she was. Since I have been NC with nada and fada

> > one year ago, my life has been wonderful. I have a great relationship with

> > my husband (before while I was on LC with her, my husband and I were barely

> > speaking), I am more confident (with the help of therapy) and am even going

> > to church and beginnign to revew my relationship with God. I notice myself

> > not judging people anymore, I am opening up to friends and family and not

> > taking things so personally. Basically I have developed a better life since

> > I have been away from my nada and fada....but I still have the desire to

> > speak to them. It will be a year this month since we have had our blow out,

> > so maybe that is why I am thinking about them? Am I missing the parents I

> > thought I had?

> > >

> > > Have anyone had the desire to be NC? If so, what happened?

> > >

> > > thanks

> > >

> > > AJ

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hey AJ,

I broke NC just recently with nada who is 74 and on

dialysis. My youngest brother moved in with her

(I suspect he is also bpd) because he can't hold a

job or a woman. He's living off her, and he takes

her to dialysis, but I'm not so sure he really takes

care of her. He had to go somewhere so I went over

the other day to help out. Never mind the wreck the

house was, that he left her stranded with no toilet

paper,no medicine from the recent hospital stay,

no food, he has eaten up all the food she

had stocked up, and he took the money out of her hand

and just put it in his pocket the other day.

So I took care of her that day. I bought some

groceries for her, cooked her a steak.

She informed me it was a cheap steak.

After a full day of trying to stabilize her

homeostasis (sense of well being) I sat down to

chat before going home.

She informed me she plans to put the brother on

the house deed with her, and leave him the house.

I won't be back.

Slapping me around or spitting on me like she used

to do has now become just plain hate.

My nada hates me, or else she would not be so anxious

to eliminate me from her memory.

I'm still trying to accept and go forward.

Anyone here understand?

A basic human level of relationship has been negated.

Not only did she once inform me she didn't want me

to move in and take care of her (yes I offered)

but now she doesn't intend to remember me at all.

The brother is going to lose the house because he

can't even gather tax money each year. Hell he can't

even pay for his own gas. He's about to lose his

car for non-payment.

After 54 years of helping her out, going way beyond

what a daughter would be expected to do, and putting

up with insult, hurt, etc...taking care of her and

my father before he passed away (for years)...the

end result is the kid that is too lazy to work gets

all that Dad left behind.

Know what? breaking the NC isn't worth it people.

It just isn't worth it.

>

> I have been compelled lately to call my nada and fada. I don't know why, but

every so often I have this urge to call them to make sure everything is okay. I

then have a flashback to how my nada used to be to me and how coniving and

manipulative she was. Since I have been NC with nada and fada one year ago, my

life has been wonderful. I have a great relationship with my husband (before

while I was on LC with her, my husband and I were barely speaking), I am more

confident (with the help of therapy) and am even going to church and beginnign

to revew my relationship with God. I notice myself not judging people anymore, I

am opening up to friends and family and not taking things so personally.

Basically I have developed a better life since I have been away from my nada and

fada....but I still have the desire to speak to them. It will be a year this

month since we have had our blow out, so maybe that is why I am thinking about

them? Am I missing the parents I thought I had?

>

> Have anyone had the desire to be NC? If so, what happened?

>

> thanks

>

> AJ

>

[Guest guest]

Do you think they are so hateful because of their own guilt? Maybe it is

easier for them to be hateful than it is to face the shame they feel deep inside

due to their own behavior. Or is that just giving them too much credit.

I have always been afraid that my mother will write me out of her will, not

because I care about what little she'll have, but because it is the last hateful

thing you can do before going out the door. I feel your pain!

Gail

> Hey AJ,

> I broke NC just recently with nada who is 74 and on

> dialysis. My youngest brother moved in with her

> (I suspect he is also bpd) because he can't hold a

> job or a woman. He's living off her, and he takes

> her to dialysis, but I'm not so sure he really takes

> care of her. He had to go somewhere so I went over

> the other day to help out. Never mind the wreck the

> house was, that he left her stranded with no toilet

> paper,no medicine from the recent hospital stay,

> no food, he has eaten up all the food she

> had stocked up, and he took the money out of her hand

> and just put it in his pocket the other day.

> So I took care of her that day. I bought some

> groceries for her, cooked her a steak.

> She informed me it was a cheap steak.

> After a full day of trying to stabilize her

> homeostasis (sense of well being) I sat down to

> chat before going home.

> She informed me she plans to put the brother on

> the house deed with her, and leave him the house.

> I won't be back.

> Slapping me around or spitting on me like she used

> to do has now become just plain hate.

> My nada hates me, or else she would not be so anxious

> to eliminate me from her memory.

> I'm still trying to accept and go forward.

> Anyone here understand?

> A basic human level of relationship has been negated.

> Not only did she once inform me she didn't want me

> to move in and take care of her (yes I offered)

> but now she doesn't intend to remember me at all.

> The brother is going to lose the house because he

> can't even gather tax money each year. Hell he can't

> even pay for his own gas. He's about to lose his

> car for non-payment.

> After 54 years of helping her out, going way beyond

> what a daughter would be expected to do, and putting

> up with insult, hurt, etc...taking care of her and

> my father before he passed away (for years)...the

> end result is the kid that is too lazy to work gets

> all that Dad left behind.

> Know what? breaking the NC isn't worth it people.

> It just isn't worth it.

>

>

> >

> > I have been compelled lately to call my nada and fada. I don't know why, but

every so often I have this urge to call them to make sure everything is okay. I

then have a flashback to how my nada used to be to me and how coniving and

manipulative she was. Since I have been NC with nada and fada one year ago, my

life has been wonderful. I have a great relationship with my husband (before

while I was on LC with her, my husband and I were barely speaking), I am more

confident (with the help of therapy) and am even going to church and beginnign

to revew my relationship with God. I notice myself not judging people anymore, I

am opening up to friends and family and not taking things so personally.

Basically I have developed a better life since I have been away from my nada and

fada....but I still have the desire to speak to them. It will be a year this

month since we have had our blow out, so maybe that is why I am thinking about

them? Am I missing the parents I thought I had?

> >

> > Have anyone had the desire to be NC? If so, what happened?

> >

> > thanks

> >

> > AJ

> >

>

>

[Guest guest]

My heart breaks for you Babyfoggy.

You've tried, You've done your best, only to be kicked yet again.

I don't hold any illusions that I'll be remembered when my mother or father

passes, and I'm an only child! My father re-married a BPD witch who has three

children of her own. The sun rises and sets on them. My father worked his whole

life while she sat on her ass faking illness after illness, and now her and her

kids will benefit from his labor.

Whatever.

My mother is living on her own (NC since 2006) and she's likely turned into the

towns crazy cat lady by now, she was prone to hoarding before, and I can only

think its gotten worse. She is also likely telling people she is all alone in

the world, so I may never find out if she does pass.

> >

> > I have been compelled lately to call my nada and fada. I don't know why, but

every so often I have this urge to call them to make sure everything is okay. I

then have a flashback to how my nada used to be to me and how coniving and

manipulative she was. Since I have been NC with nada and fada one year ago, my

life has been wonderful. I have a great relationship with my husband (before

while I was on LC with her, my husband and I were barely speaking), I am more

confident (with the help of therapy) and am even going to church and beginnign

to revew my relationship with God. I notice myself not judging people anymore, I

am opening up to friends and family and not taking things so personally.

Basically I have developed a better life since I have been away from my nada and

fada....but I still have the desire to speak to them. It will be a year this

month since we have had our blow out, so maybe that is why I am thinking about

them? Am I missing the parents I thought I had?

> >

> > Have anyone had the desire to be NC? If so, what happened?

> >

> > thanks

> >

> > AJ

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I personally am convinced (so this is just my own opinion) that the members here

(and at other groups) who write of nadas who chronically do such things to them

when they are children as:

Slap them around, spit on them, yank their arms up or around hard, pull their

hair so hard the child screams or cries silently when having her hair brushed,

scrub the child until she is raw when bathing, force the child to wash dishes in

scalding hot water so her hands get first-degree burn reddening, " accidentally "

drop hot cigarette ashes on the child or brush up against her with a lit

cigarette, get in their child's face and scream at her when she is tiny to the

point the child urinates on herself out of terror, beat the child with an object

just on the butt and the backs of the thighs so the welts, bruises and even

minor cuts won't show easily, humiliating and shaming the child in front of

others (particularly peers) so the child will be bullied, chops off her hair or

forces ugly hair cuts on the child, doesn't allow the child to dress

appropriately for her sex and/or age, doesn't allow the child to have normal

socializing with peers... the list could go on and on and on.

But these particular abuses of small children that inflict sub-clinical injury

and pain: not-quite-scalding the child, not-quite-yanking out chunks of scalp

when hair-brushing, not-quite-dislocating the shoulder-joint, etc.... I think

those are expressions of barely-controlled hate.

I believe these women actively *hate* their own little child and yet feel stuck

taking care of her. They resent this child, yet realize that they can't at this

point (the child is already past toddlerhood) just give him or her up for

adoption. Their resentment builds up, yet these nadas are just aware enough of

their own strength and keenly aware of the vilification they would receive if

they badly injured the child... so instead, like a cat " playing " with a mouse,

they just let their hate and resentment leak out *enough* so that they know they

are hurting and terrorizing and traumatizing their child... without exactly

doing it severely enough that the child might require medical attention.

And then they make the little child believe that she deserves such treatment and

make her too afraid or ashamed to tell about it. So the child tries even harder

to please and bond with her " mother. "

Me personally, I think that if there is such a thing as evil, that's what it

looks like.

No child should have to grow up resented, hated, and mistreated by her own

mother; I wish all such children could be rescued.

-Annie

> >

> > I have been compelled lately to call my nada and fada. I don't know why, but

every so often I have this urge to call them to make sure everything is okay. I

then have a flashback to how my nada used to be to me and how coniving and

manipulative she was. Since I have been NC with nada and fada one year ago, my

life has been wonderful. I have a great relationship with my husband (before

while I was on LC with her, my husband and I were barely speaking), I am more

confident (with the help of therapy) and am even going to church and beginnign

to revew my relationship with God. I notice myself not judging people anymore, I

am opening up to friends and family and not taking things so personally.

Basically I have developed a better life since I have been away from my nada and

fada....but I still have the desire to speak to them. It will be a year this

month since we have had our blow out, so maybe that is why I am thinking about

them? Am I missing the parents I thought I had?

> >

> > Have anyone had the desire to be NC? If so, what happened?

> >

> > thanks

> >

> > AJ

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Nada made it no secret to me that she actively hated and resented having to care

for me. And by the age of 4, she communicated strongly that should I disobey

her, I would be thrown in jail. So of course its taken decades for me to speak

fully about her behavior. Two years ago I gave her a DVD compilation of photos

from those awful years, including photos of me as a baby and child. The only

photos she got sentimental over were of her precious dog that always sat in her

lap, which only reinforced what I knew for years, that she loved and treated the

dog better than she treated me, her only child. The only time I was good

enough for her was when I got straight A's or made her look good as a parent.

The only love I ever received from nada was conditional.

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Tue, March 15, 2011 9:58:29 AM

Subject: Re: Anyone tempted to break NC?

I personally am convinced (so this is just my own opinion) that the members here

(and at other groups) who write of nadas who chronically do such things to them

when they are children as:

Slap them around, spit on them, yank their arms up or around hard, pull their

hair so hard the child screams or cries silently when having her hair brushed,

scrub the child until she is raw when bathing, force the child to wash dishes in

scalding hot water so her hands get first-degree burn reddening, " accidentally "

drop hot cigarette ashes on the child or brush up against her with a lit

cigarette, get in their child's face and scream at her when she is tiny to the

point the child urinates on herself out of terror, beat the child with an object

just on the butt and the backs of the thighs so the welts, bruises and even

minor cuts won't show easily, humiliating and shaming the child in front of

others (particularly peers) so the child will be bullied, chops off her hair or

forces ugly hair cuts on the child, doesn't allow the child to dress

appropriately for her sex and/or age, doesn't allow the child to have normal

socializing with peers... the list could go on and on and on.

But these particular abuses of small children that inflict sub-clinical injury

and pain: not-quite-scalding the child, not-quite-yanking out chunks of scalp

when hair-brushing, not-quite-dislocating the shoulder-joint, etc.... I think

those are expressions of barely-controlled hate.

I believe these women actively *hate* their own little child and yet feel stuck

taking care of her. They resent this child, yet realize that they can't at this

point (the child is already past toddlerhood) just give him or her up for

adoption. Their resentment builds up, yet these nadas are just aware enough of

their own strength and keenly aware of the vilification they would receive if

they badly injured the child... so instead, like a cat " playing " with a mouse,

they just let their hate and resentment leak out *enough* so that they know they

are hurting and terrorizing and traumatizing their child... without exactly

doing it severely enough that the child might require medical attention.

And then they make the little child believe that she deserves such treatment and

make her too afraid or ashamed to tell about it. So the child tries even harder

to please and bond with her " mother. "

Me personally, I think that if there is such a thing as evil, that's what it

looks like.

No child should have to grow up resented, hated, and mistreated by her own

mother; I wish all such children could be rescued.

-Annie

> >

> > I have been compelled lately to call my nada and fada. I don't know why, but

>every so often I have this urge to call them to make sure everything is okay. I

>then have a flashback to how my nada used to be to me and how coniving and

>manipulative she was. Since I have been NC with nada and fada one year ago, my

>life has been wonderful. I have a great relationship with my husband (before

>while I was on LC with her, my husband and I were barely speaking), I am more

>confident (with the help of therapy) and am even going to church and beginnign

>to revew my relationship with God. I notice myself not judging people anymore,

I

>am opening up to friends and family and not taking things so personally.

>Basically I have developed a better life since I have been away from my nada

and

>fada....but I still have the desire to speak to them. It will be a year this

>month since we have had our blow out, so maybe that is why I am thinking about

>them? Am I missing the parents I thought I had?

> >

> > Have anyone had the desire to be NC? If so, what happened?

> >

> > thanks

> >

> > AJ

> >

>

[Guest guest]

The " Hair brushing " comment completely took my breath away. Along with

everything else, my nada would ALWAYS brush or comb my hair and PULL it or yank

it hard! I ran into a old neighbor of mine when I was a kid and the first thing

she did was say to me " I remember your mom just pulling your hair soo hard with

a brush! I have so many memories of you and that hair brush " Interesting....

AJ

> > >

> > > I have been compelled lately to call my nada and fada. I don't know why,

but

> >every so often I have this urge to call them to make sure everything is okay.

I

> >then have a flashback to how my nada used to be to me and how coniving and

> >manipulative she was. Since I have been NC with nada and fada one year ago,

my

> >life has been wonderful. I have a great relationship with my husband (before

> >while I was on LC with her, my husband and I were barely speaking), I am more

> >confident (with the help of therapy) and am even going to church and

beginnign

> >to revew my relationship with God. I notice myself not judging people

anymore, I

> >am opening up to friends and family and not taking things so personally.

> >Basically I have developed a better life since I have been away from my nada

and

> >fada....but I still have the desire to speak to them. It will be a year this

> >month since we have had our blow out, so maybe that is why I am thinking

about

> >them? Am I missing the parents I thought I had?

> > >

> > > Have anyone had the desire to be NC? If so, what happened?

> > >

> > > thanks

> > >

> > > AJ

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

nada and fada have aready told me (my whole life) that none of the stuff is

mine, 'it#s not your house it's our house and when we die you'll get nothing'

So i grew up to respect that they had every right to do what thy wanted with

their belongings. nothing is automatically inherited or expected in life. And

that was cool until I realised that it was only certain peopl who would get

nothing...

they recently told me that they are putting half of their free cash into a house

to be paid outright for the eldest brother (bada) who is an alcoholic and a

gambler. this is apparently becasue they are worried about him becoming

homeless. but the trouble is, nothing is good enough for him...not a small

starter house no, he has to have one 'just so' and in the right area to bring

him kudos with his trendy friends...and all without paying a cent himself.

fada has set up a complicated family trust which i have been made a trustee of,

along with my other normal brother (non.BP)- but i recently discovered that the

trustees of which are not legally allowed to contest the document (in law of

their country. So they have stitched us up good and proper, as we will be

legally forced to do al the work AFTER they are dead to hand over everything to

sole beneficiary the flying monkey bada and there is nothing we can do to

contest it.

I feel sick.

I have never been interested in possessions or stuff but it is a final way to

show how much they can hurt me / hate me to cut us out of the family will while

making us the executors of their bidding.

and I am the only one who escaped and got maried and had a child - they don't

even care they have cutout their only grandchild.

So yes, what is the point of contact with people like this who can

intricatelyplot such devious plans to show their hatred.

Normal people let their hatred fester under the surface!!!!

> > >

> > > I have been compelled lately to call my nada and fada. I don't know why,

but every so often I have this urge to call them to make sure everything is

okay. I then have a flashback to how my nada used to be to me and how coniving

and manipulative she was. Since I have been NC with nada and fada one year ago,

my life has been wonderful. I have a great relationship with my husband (before

while I was on LC with her, my husband and I were barely speaking), I am more

confident (with the help of therapy) and am even going to church and beginnign

to revew my relationship with God. I notice myself not judging people anymore, I

am opening up to friends and family and not taking things so personally.

Basically I have developed a better life since I have been away from my nada and

fada....but I still have the desire to speak to them. It will be a year this

month since we have had our blow out, so maybe that is why I am thinking about

them? Am I missing the parents I thought I had?

> > >

> > > Have anyone had the desire to be NC? If so, what happened?

> > >

> > > thanks

> > >

> > > AJ

> > >

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

rgbargy, is there a way you can get out of being a trustee? Such as, a " I do

not consent to being a trustee for this document " or something like that?

There's got to be some way you can get out of your obligation of executing

their will.

>

>

> nada and fada have aready told me (my whole life) that none of the stuff is

> mine, 'it#s not your house it's our house and when we die you'll get

> nothing'

>

> So i grew up to respect that they had every right to do what thy wanted

> with their belongings. nothing is automatically inherited or expected in

> life. And that was cool until I realised that it was only certain peopl who

> would get nothing...

>

> they recently told me that they are putting half of their free cash into a

> house to be paid outright for the eldest brother (bada) who is an alcoholic

> and a gambler. this is apparently becasue they are worried about him

> becoming homeless. but the trouble is, nothing is good enough for him...not

> a small starter house no, he has to have one 'just so' and in the right area

> to bring him kudos with his trendy friends...and all without paying a cent

> himself.

>

> fada has set up a complicated family trust which i have been made a trustee

> of, along with my other normal brother (non.BP)- but i recently discovered

> that the trustees of which are not legally allowed to contest the document

> (in law of their country. So they have stitched us up good and proper, as we

> will be legally forced to do al the work AFTER they are dead to hand over

> everything to sole beneficiary the flying monkey bada and there is nothing

> we can do to contest it.

>

> I feel sick.

> I have never been interested in possessions or stuff but it is a final way

> to show how much they can hurt me / hate me to cut us out of the family will

> while making us the executors of their bidding.

>

> and I am the only one who escaped and got maried and had a child - they

> don't even care they have cutout their only grandchild.

>

> So yes, what is the point of contact with people like this who can

> intricatelyplot such devious plans to show their hatred.

> Normal people let their hatred fester under the surface!!!!

>

>

> > > >

> > > > I have been compelled lately to call my nada and fada. I don't know

> why, but every so often I have this urge to call them to make sure

> everything is okay. I then have a flashback to how my nada used to be to me

> and how coniving and manipulative she was. Since I have been NC with nada

> and fada one year ago, my life has been wonderful. I have a great

> relationship with my husband (before while I was on LC with her, my husband

> and I were barely speaking), I am more confident (with the help of therapy)

> and am even going to church and beginnign to revew my relationship with God.

> I notice myself not judging people anymore, I am opening up to friends and

> family and not taking things so personally. Basically I have developed a

> better life since I have been away from my nada and fada....but I still have

> the desire to speak to them. It will be a year this month since we have had

> our blow out, so maybe that is why I am thinking about them? Am I missing

> the parents I thought I had?

> > > >

> > > > Have anyone had the desire to be NC? If so, what happened?

> > > >

> > > > thanks

> > > >

> > > > AJ

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

You are not legally bound to act as their trustee after they die and can refuse

the responsibility. Then the job falls to the successor trustee. Why should

you do it!

> nada and fada have aready told me (my whole life) that none of the stuff is

mine, 'it#s not your house it's our house and when we die you'll get nothing'

>

> So i grew up to respect that they had every right to do what thy wanted with

their belongings. nothing is automatically inherited or expected in life. And

that was cool until I realised that it was only certain peopl who would get

nothing...

>

> they recently told me that they are putting half of their free cash into a

house to be paid outright for the eldest brother (bada) who is an alcoholic and

a gambler. this is apparently becasue they are worried about him becoming

homeless. but the trouble is, nothing is good enough for him...not a small

starter house no, he has to have one 'just so' and in the right area to bring

him kudos with his trendy friends...and all without paying a cent himself.

>

> fada has set up a complicated family trust which i have been made a trustee

of, along with my other normal brother (non.BP)- but i recently discovered that

the trustees of which are not legally allowed to contest the document (in law of

their country. So they have stitched us up good and proper, as we will be

legally forced to do al the work AFTER they are dead to hand over everything to

sole beneficiary the flying monkey bada and there is nothing we can do to

contest it.

>

> I feel sick.

> I have never been interested in possessions or stuff but it is a final way to

show how much they can hurt me / hate me to cut us out of the family will while

making us the executors of their bidding.

>

> and I am the only one who escaped and got maried and had a child - they don't

even care they have cutout their only grandchild.

>

> So yes, what is the point of contact with people like this who can

intricatelyplot such devious plans to show their hatred.

> Normal people let their hatred fester under the surface!!!!

>

>

> > > >

> > > > I have been compelled lately to call my nada and fada. I don't know why,

but every so often I have this urge to call them to make sure everything is

okay. I then have a flashback to how my nada used to be to me and how coniving

and manipulative she was. Since I have been NC with nada and fada one year ago,

my life has been wonderful. I have a great relationship with my husband (before

while I was on LC with her, my husband and I were barely speaking), I am more

confident (with the help of therapy) and am even going to church and beginnign

to revew my relationship with God. I notice myself not judging people anymore, I

am opening up to friends and family and not taking things so personally.

Basically I have developed a better life since I have been away from my nada and

fada....but I still have the desire to speak to them. It will be a year this

month since we have had our blow out, so maybe that is why I am thinking about

them? Am I missing the parents I thought I had?

> > > >

> > > > Have anyone had the desire to be NC? If so, what happened?

> > > >

> > > > thanks

> > > >

> > > > AJ

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Right, but why wait till they die? you could tell them while they are alive

that you refuse to act as trustee of the estate .. I know, it's easy for us to

suggest these things but some of the answers that are posted on this list don't

occur to me so am just putting that out there. Anyway, if you decide to wait, I

believe Gail is right ..when everything is in front of the court just file a

form such as " motion or order to refuse appointment as trustee... "

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Tue, March 15, 2011 1:31:20 PM

Subject: Re: Re: Anyone tempted to break NC?

You are not legally bound to act as their trustee after they die and can refuse

the responsibility. Then the job falls to the successor trustee. Why should

you do it!

> nada and fada have aready told me (my whole life) that none of the stuff is

>mine, 'it#s not your house it's our house and when we die you'll get nothing'

>

> So i grew up to respect that they had every right to do what thy wanted with

>their belongings. nothing is automatically inherited or expected in life. And

>that was cool until I realised that it was only certain peopl who would get

>nothing...

>

> they recently told me that they are putting half of their free cash into a

>house to be paid outright for the eldest brother (bada) who is an alcoholic and

>a gambler. this is apparently becasue they are worried about him becoming

>homeless. but the trouble is, nothing is good enough for him...not a small

>starter house no, he has to have one 'just so' and in the right area to bring

>him kudos with his trendy friends...and all without paying a cent himself.

>

> fada has set up a complicated family trust which i have been made a trustee

of,

>along with my other normal brother (non.BP)- but i recently discovered that the

>trustees of which are not legally allowed to contest the document (in law of

>their country. So they have stitched us up good and proper, as we will be

>legally forced to do al the work AFTER they are dead to hand over everything to

>sole beneficiary the flying monkey bada and there is nothing we can do to

>contest it.

>

> I feel sick.

> I have never been interested in possessions or stuff but it is a final way to

>show how much they can hurt me / hate me to cut us out of the family will while

>making us the executors of their bidding.

>

> and I am the only one who escaped and got maried and had a child - they don't

>even care they have cutout their only grandchild.

>

> So yes, what is the point of contact with people like this who can

>intricatelyplot such devious plans to show their hatred.

>

> Normal people let their hatred fester under the surface!!!!

>

>

> > > >

> > > > I have been compelled lately to call my nada and fada. I don't know why,

>but every so often I have this urge to call them to make sure everything is

>okay. I then have a flashback to how my nada used to be to me and how coniving

>and manipulative she was. Since I have been NC with nada and fada one year ago,

>my life has been wonderful. I have a great relationship with my husband (before

>while I was on LC with her, my husband and I were barely speaking), I am more

>confident (with the help of therapy) and am even going to church and beginnign

>to revew my relationship with God. I notice myself not judging people anymore,

I

>am opening up to friends and family and not taking things so personally.

>Basically I have developed a better life since I have been away from my nada

and

>fada....but I still have the desire to speak to them. It will be a year this

>month since we have had our blow out, so maybe that is why I am thinking about

>them? Am I missing the parents I thought I had?

> > > >

> > > > Have anyone had the desire to be NC? If so, what happened?

> > > >

> > > > thanks

> > > >

> > > > AJ

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

As usual Annie, you blow me away with your insight.

I completely agree with your assessment, and its food for further thought and

contemplation.

> > >

> > > I have been compelled lately to call my nada and fada. I don't know why,

but every so often I have this urge to call them to make sure everything is

okay. I then have a flashback to how my nada used to be to me and how coniving

and manipulative she was. Since I have been NC with nada and fada one year ago,

my life has been wonderful. I have a great relationship with my husband (before

while I was on LC with her, my husband and I were barely speaking), I am more

confident (with the help of therapy) and am even going to church and beginnign

to revew my relationship with God. I notice myself not judging people anymore, I

am opening up to friends and family and not taking things so personally.

Basically I have developed a better life since I have been away from my nada and

fada....but I still have the desire to speak to them. It will be a year this

month since we have had our blow out, so maybe that is why I am thinking about

them? Am I missing the parents I thought I had?

> > >

> > > Have anyone had the desire to be NC? If so, what happened?

> > >

> > > thanks

> > >

> > > AJ

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

i have a younger adult brother with downs syndrome,so even though it s irksome

and hurtful to be the trustee, I have to stay on )if I will still be allowed

after the last run-in with them!) to make sure that he gets looked after

properly and that older needy badaholic bro doesn't put the younger bro out of

the picture of not take care of his specal needs when the time comes.

The parents have nominated me to tak care of teh handicapped bro

so its complex

> > > > >

> > > > > I have been compelled lately to call my nada and fada. I don't know

why, but every so often I have this urge to call them to make sure everything is

okay. I then have a flashback to how my nada used to be to me and how coniving

and manipulative she was. Since I have been NC with nada and fada one year ago,

my life has been wonderful. I have a great relationship with my husband (before

while I was on LC with her, my husband and I were barely speaking), I am more

confident (with the help of therapy) and am even going to church and beginnign

to revew my relationship with God. I notice myself not judging people anymore, I

am opening up to friends and family and not taking things so personally.

Basically I have developed a better life since I have been away from my nada and

fada....but I still have the desire to speak to them. It will be a year this

month since we have had our blow out, so maybe that is why I am thinking about

them? Am I missing the parents I thought I had?

> > > > >

> > > > > Have anyone had the desire to be NC? If so, what happened?

> > > > >

> > > > > thanks

> > > > >

> > > > > AJ

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >