Guest guest Posted March 14, 2011 Report Share Posted March 14, 2011 I have for years wanted a real mum-type person to adopt me. and get re-parented. and have cups of tea and talk about gardening. And get hugged because the adoptive mum might actually want to hug me sometimes! And see the new mum have fun times with my son.... I saw some real grandparents in the store yesterday agonising over which candles to choose for the granddaughters birthday cake. I nearly had a meltdown in the store. My son will never know that grandparent relationship. Why can't some nice mumsy types start a charity and adopt all us KOs as adults and give us all a second chance? Does anyone else spend too much time on the lookout for a new set of parents, even now we are adults? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2011 Report Share Posted March 14, 2011 How about I adopt you and you adopt me? We'll just trade. > > > I have for years wanted a real mum-type person to adopt me. and get > re-parented. and have cups of tea and talk about gardening. And get hugged > because the adoptive mum might actually want to hug me sometimes! And see > the new mum have fun times with my son.... > > I saw some real grandparents in the store yesterday agonising over which > candles to choose for the granddaughters birthday cake. I nearly had a > meltdown in the store. My son will never know that grandparent relationship. > > Why can't some nice mumsy types start a charity and adopt all us KOs as > adults and give us all a second chance? > > Does anyone else spend too much time on the lookout for a new set of > parents, even now we are adults? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2011 Report Share Posted March 14, 2011 I'm fortunate because my inlaws are great, so that's like a surrogate parent. My mom grew up with abusive parents, too (I think she had a nada of some sort, and a dishrag dad) but one of her good friends' parents became my mom's surrogate parents of sorts. And they became wonderful grandparents when I and my siblings were born. She knows that my dad is abusive and crazy, and has been of great support even after I got disowned. She said once that she hates playing the game [of keeping Dad appeased] but she wants to stay in touch with my little siblings. And she showed me pictures of my bada's wedding, and of my little siblings growing up. So, it's possible to find surrogate parents through a friend's parents, or the inlaws, or perhaps even by making friends with them, yourself. > > > I have for years wanted a real mum-type person to adopt me. and get > re-parented. and have cups of tea and talk about gardening. And get hugged > because the adoptive mum might actually want to hug me sometimes! And see > the new mum have fun times with my son.... > > I saw some real grandparents in the store yesterday agonising over which > candles to choose for the granddaughters birthday cake. I nearly had a > meltdown in the store. My son will never know that grandparent relationship. > > Why can't some nice mumsy types start a charity and adopt all us KOs as > adults and give us all a second chance? > > Does anyone else spend too much time on the lookout for a new set of > parents, even now we are adults? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2011 Report Share Posted March 14, 2011 God really blessed me with helping me to find my biological mom. My adoptive mom died, but before she died, my dad divorced her and immediately married my stepmom, and after I had married, I found my bio mom. It's been great having my bio mom around. We are more like friends than mother-daughter. Janet   Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.  Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.  It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones. Proverbs 3:5-8 ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Mon, March 14, 2011 8:42:43 AM Subject: Adopt-a-Real Parent  I have for years wanted a real mum-type person to adopt me. and get re-parented. and have cups of tea and talk about gardening. And get hugged because the adoptive mum might actually want to hug me sometimes! And see the new mum have fun times with my son.... I saw some real grandparents in the store yesterday agonising over which candles to choose for the granddaughters birthday cake. I nearly had a meltdown in the store. My son will never know that grandparent relationship. Why can't some nice mumsy types start a charity and adopt all us KOs as adults and give us all a second chance? Does anyone else spend too much time on the lookout for a new set of parents, even now we are adults? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2011 Report Share Posted March 14, 2011 Janet, that is practically my dream! To find out I was adopted and that my real, non-crazy, loving mother is still out there somewhere. Except I would probably still feel guilty for having another mother besides Nada. Why can't I stop loving her? It would be so much easier if I just hated her 100%. Even Nada still loves her mother, who is probably a sociopath. --Jgar > > God really blessed me with helping me to find my biological mom. My adoptive > mom died, but before she died, my dad divorced her and immediately married my > stepmom, and after I had married, I found my bio mom. It's been great having my > bio mom around. We are more like friends than mother-daughter. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2011 Report Share Posted March 14, 2011 Friends, this is a great idea. For example, my aunt (sister of the nada) found herself homeless and poor at one time. She has passed away now but when this happened to her in her older years, a church took her in. The little old ladies and men 'adopted' her and she never missed a church service. (She had never gone to church before that)...She found a lot of love and help as the 'adopted' daughter of several couples there. She found a family. Her own nada rejected her like my own nada...(the aunt's sister) has done now. If I had been able to have children, I cannot even comprehend the kind of hardness and evil one would require to reject their own daughter. It isn't even in my emotional or mental capacity. babyfoggy > > I have for years wanted a real mum-type person to adopt me. and get re-parented. and have cups of tea and talk about gardening. And get hugged because the adoptive mum might actually want to hug me sometimes! And see the new mum have fun times with my son.... > > I saw some real grandparents in the store yesterday agonising over which candles to choose for the granddaughters birthday cake. I nearly had a meltdown in the store. My son will never know that grandparent relationship. > > Why can't some nice mumsy types start a charity and adopt all us KOs as adults and give us all a second chance? > > Does anyone else spend too much time on the lookout for a new set of parents, even now we are adults? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2011 Report Share Posted March 15, 2011 RG, it's so funny you say that b/c just last night I was telling my husband about how, years ago, I was living with an older couple close to my college. The husband was about my dad's age but soooo much different. He listened when I talked. He challenged me gently. One day, we had been chatting a while. i was about 20 at the time and I just blurted out, " I wish you were my dad. " He was everything I wished my father had been. He wisely said, " believe me, my kids would laugh if they heard you'd said that. every kid wants different parents. " He was just being modest, but unfortunately, it was true. I loved my dad (tomorrow's 4 years since he died of lung cancer) but he, emotionally injured himself and never, ever delving into it, couldn't love me back. I used to look for another mother, someone nurturing, etc. but I no longer do. Fiona > > I have for years wanted a real mum-type person to adopt me. and get re-parented. and have cups of tea and talk about gardening. And get hugged because the adoptive mum might actually want to hug me sometimes! And see the new mum have fun times with my son.... > > I saw some real grandparents in the store yesterday agonising over which candles to choose for the granddaughters birthday cake. I nearly had a meltdown in the store. My son will never know that grandparent relationship. > > Why can't some nice mumsy types start a charity and adopt all us KOs as adults and give us all a second chance? > > Does anyone else spend too much time on the lookout for a new set of parents, even now we are adults? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2011 Report Share Posted March 15, 2011 I used to wish that, too. > > > > God really blessed me with helping me to find my biological mom. My adoptive > > mom died, but before she died, my dad divorced her and immediately married my > > stepmom, and after I had married, I found my bio mom. It's been great having my > > bio mom around. We are more like friends than mother-daughter. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2011 Report Share Posted March 15, 2011 When I was about 8 or so, on Sundays, I used to sit in the pulpit in the Methodist church and look up at the choir members. There was one woman who caught my eye. She was beautiful and kind. I used to silently wish that she was my mother instead of the nada I had (who was beautiful, but not kind). I remember feeling rather guilty for having those thoughts. But now, I really do understand why I did that. It seems more normal now that it did way back when. Annie 2 > > > > > > God really blessed me with helping me to find my biological mom. My adoptive > > > mom died, but before she died, my dad divorced her and immediately married my > > > stepmom, and after I had married, I found my bio mom. It's been great having my > > > bio mom around. We are more like friends than mother-daughter. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2011 Report Share Posted March 15, 2011 When I was about 8 or so, on Sundays, I used to sit in the pulpit in the Methodist church and look up at the choir members. There was one woman who caught my eye. She was beautiful and kind. I used to silently wish that she was my mother instead of the nada I had (who was beautiful, but not kind). I remember feeling rather guilty for having those thoughts. But now, I really do understand why I did that. It seems more normal now that it did way back when. Annie 2 > > > > > > God really blessed me with helping me to find my biological mom. My adoptive > > > mom died, but before she died, my dad divorced her and immediately married my > > > stepmom, and after I had married, I found my bio mom. It's been great having my > > > bio mom around. We are more like friends than mother-daughter. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2011 Report Share Posted March 15, 2011 When I was in college I started house-sitting for an older couple in my neighborhood when they went out of town; they're a few years younger than my grandparents. I've been taking care of their cats and their house for almost 7 years now and our relationship has developed into a more family-like dynamic. They're not quite like having the parents I wish I had growing up, but have become surrogate grandparents and I love them dearly. It is absolutely possible to forge those relationships on your own, well into adulthood. It doesn't make up for what we have all dealt with from our destined families, but it sure does help! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2011 Report Share Posted March 16, 2011 Hi all, I have this. My best friend's parents, siblings and extended family love and accept me as one of their own. It's wonderful. My mom listens to the stories and looks on. I can tell she wonders why I'm so close to these people, but she never asks. Cat > > > > I have for years wanted a real mum-type person to adopt me. and get re-parented. and have cups of tea and talk about gardening. And get hugged because the adoptive mum might actually want to hug me sometimes! And see the new mum have fun times with my son.... > > > > I saw some real grandparents in the store yesterday agonising over which candles to choose for the granddaughters birthday cake. I nearly had a meltdown in the store. My son will never know that grandparent relationship. > > > > Why can't some nice mumsy types start a charity and adopt all us KOs as adults and give us all a second chance? > > > > Does anyone else spend too much time on the lookout for a new set of parents, even now we are adults? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2011 Report Share Posted March 16, 2011 I got lucky that when my dad remarried, he got way better than he deserved and married the nicest, sweetest, SANIST woman in the world. She has totally been like a bio mom to me. She's been in the family for almost a decade now, and I really feel like she's part of my family, not just the woman dad married. I spend more time talking to her on the phone, just about random stuff, than with my father! He actually gets jealous because I talk to her more. Haha. One of the things that showed me she was a very considerate, loving person is that she picks out gifts for me from my dad, and she actually has paid attention to my personal style and has been the only person to pick out jewelry that I like. And I'm fairly picky about jewelry. I remember the first time I got a necklace she picked out. It was so strange to me that she had actually paid attention to what I like, not like my real BPD mom, who sends me stuff that she likes and is nothing that I would wear. Or my BPD mom who thinks it's cute to send me little stuffed animals that I just throw away, because I'm 30 years old and don't want stuffed animals cluttering up my GROWN UP apartment. I could go on and on. > > I have for years wanted a real mum-type person to adopt me. and get re-parented. and have cups of tea and talk about gardening. And get hugged because the adoptive mum might actually want to hug me sometimes! And see the new mum have fun times with my son.... > > I saw some real grandparents in the store yesterday agonising over which candles to choose for the granddaughters birthday cake. I nearly had a meltdown in the store. My son will never know that grandparent relationship. > > Why can't some nice mumsy types start a charity and adopt all us KOs as adults and give us all a second chance? > > Does anyone else spend too much time on the lookout for a new set of parents, even now we are adults? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2011 Report Share Posted March 17, 2011 APART from the fact that we are all in separate countries... i just realised why it wouldn't work! becasue if KOs adopt each other then all our mutual conversations in real life would trigger each other and we would end up drained and depressed. Someone who is not a KO (like a real mum type person) has not been corrupted by the horror of it all - they can put the kettle on, say a soothing 'there there' pat us on the arm, offer a few cakes or biccies and somehow be immune to stuff we might tell them as it won't trigger them, they will just feel empathy and other normal emotions tat I can only guess at! My Latest and Greatest silly idea is to design a KO survivors badge that we can actually wear so that one day someone REAL will see it and spot us and know to adopt us!!! So I just had an AHA moment....I am dividing us (KOs) into the NON-real and the outsiders in the sane world are the REAL people.... hmmmm sorry about that - that's a whole new thread! > > > > > > > I have for years wanted a real mum-type person to adopt me. and get > > re-parented. and have cups of tea and talk about gardening. And get hugged > > because the adoptive mum might actually want to hug me sometimes! And see > > the new mum have fun times with my son.... > > > > I saw some real grandparents in the store yesterday agonising over which > > candles to choose for the granddaughters birthday cake. I nearly had a > > meltdown in the store. My son will never know that grandparent relationship. > > > > Why can't some nice mumsy types start a charity and adopt all us KOs as > > adults and give us all a second chance? > > > > Does anyone else spend too much time on the lookout for a new set of > > parents, even now we are adults? > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2011 Report Share Posted March 17, 2011 Whats a biccie? Sounds delish! I think we could do it - we know how to be real. And i'm not so sure there are any real people out there - they are just muggles who don't know how damaged they are. THey are uninitiated. . . Perhaps that is a new thread too. My T says there really are some families that are functional but I don't believe her. > > > APART from the fact that we are all in separate countries... > i just realised why it wouldn't work! becasue if KOs adopt each other then > all our mutual conversations in real life would trigger each other and we > would end up drained and depressed. Someone who is not a KO (like a real mum > type person) has not been corrupted by the horror of it all - they can put > the kettle on, say a soothing 'there there' pat us on the arm, offer a few > cakes or biccies and somehow be immune to stuff we might tell them as it > won't trigger them, they will just feel empathy and other normal emotions > tat I can only guess at! > > My Latest and Greatest silly idea is to design a KO survivors badge that we > can actually wear so that one day someone REAL will see it and spot us and > know to adopt us!!! > > So I just had an AHA moment....I am dividing us (KOs) into the NON-real and > the outsiders in the sane world are the REAL people.... > hmmmm sorry about that - that's a whole new thread! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I have for years wanted a real mum-type person to adopt me. and get > > > re-parented. and have cups of tea and talk about gardening. And get > hugged > > > because the adoptive mum might actually want to hug me sometimes! And > see > > > the new mum have fun times with my son.... > > > > > > I saw some real grandparents in the store yesterday agonising over > which > > > candles to choose for the granddaughters birthday cake. I nearly had a > > > meltdown in the store. My son will never know that grandparent > relationship. > > > > > > Why can't some nice mumsy types start a charity and adopt all us KOs as > > > adults and give us all a second chance? > > > > > > Does anyone else spend too much time on the lookout for a new set of > > > parents, even now we are adults? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2011 Report Share Posted March 17, 2011 a biccie is like a cookie but more sensible with less sugar in! like shortbread, wholewheat digestives for dunking in the cup of tea. They stay together without dissolving into blobs of goo, so you can have your tea and biscuits bingeing pig-out session while retaining a certain sense of decorum! I have met some normal families. they do exist. my first real boyfriend was from one of these families they were just like a slice of heaven on earth. but i was too damaged to enter their world so when nada talkedme out of marrying him i believed all her lies. it broke my heart and my spirit to give him and his family up. I met them recently, over 20 years later. we all cried about the past together. I still love them more than my real family any day of the week. sob .... i need more biccies quick!!!! gulp! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I have for years wanted a real mum-type person to adopt me. and get > > > > re-parented. and have cups of tea and talk about gardening. And get > > hugged > > > > because the adoptive mum might actually want to hug me sometimes! And > > see > > > > the new mum have fun times with my son.... > > > > > > > > I saw some real grandparents in the store yesterday agonising over > > which > > > > candles to choose for the granddaughters birthday cake. I nearly had a > > > > meltdown in the store. My son will never know that grandparent > > relationship. > > > > > > > > Why can't some nice mumsy types start a charity and adopt all us KOs as > > > > adults and give us all a second chance? > > > > > > > > Does anyone else spend too much time on the lookout for a new set of > > > > parents, even now we are adults? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2011 Report Share Posted March 17, 2011 Num num I'm so sorry. I would really like to meet one of these families. I think maybe My T is one - and she would probably say my little family of 5 - me, boyfriend and 3 pets is one. Though I always feel bad because with an odd number of pets, someone is always missing the snuggle boat. > > > > a biccie is like a cookie but more sensible with less sugar in! like > shortbread, wholewheat digestives for dunking in the cup of tea. They stay > together without dissolving into blobs of goo, so you can have your tea and > biscuits bingeing pig-out session while retaining a certain sense of > decorum! > > I have met some normal families. they do exist. my first real boyfriend was > from one of these families they were just like a slice of heaven on earth. > but i was too damaged to enter their world so when nada talkedme out of > marrying him i believed all her lies. it broke my heart and my spirit to > give him and his family up. > I met them recently, over 20 years later. we all cried about the past > together. I still love them more than my real family any day of the week. > sob .... i need more biccies quick!!!! gulp! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I have for years wanted a real mum-type person to adopt me. and get > > > > > re-parented. and have cups of tea and talk about gardening. And get > > > hugged > > > > > because the adoptive mum might actually want to hug me sometimes! > And > > > see > > > > > the new mum have fun times with my son.... > > > > > > > > > > I saw some real grandparents in the store yesterday agonising over > > > which > > > > > candles to choose for the granddaughters birthday cake. I nearly > had a > > > > > meltdown in the store. My son will never know that grandparent > > > relationship. > > > > > > > > > > Why can't some nice mumsy types start a charity and adopt all us > KOs as > > > > > adults and give us all a second chance? > > > > > > > > > > Does anyone else spend too much time on the lookout for a new set > of > > > > > parents, even now we are adults? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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