Guest guest Posted March 15, 2011 Report Share Posted March 15, 2011 , I'm going through the same thing right now. I have done a lot of work on myself, but still problems arise that I can't deal with and it's directly related to me being a KO. For the first month of therapy I felt awful afterwards. Now there are times when I feel alright afterwards, and times when I still feel awful. But there is a lot of pain to wade through and sort out, and a lot of reparenting for me as well. And reparenting is HARD. Sometimes I think my therapist does not understand how difficult it is to reparent yourself and teach yourself that you have value. It takes an immense amount of strength. But we survived nadas and fadas, we are certainly strong enough to reparent ourselves. It just takes time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2011 Report Share Posted March 15, 2011 , it sounds to me like you are grieving. Its okay. Read about the stages of grief and guide yourself through each one. My therapist calls it " tear soup " after a children's book on the topic. Its okay to grieve, just try not to get stuck there, try to move ahead. Read about complicated grief. And hugs hugs hugs > > > , I'm going through the same thing right now. I have done a lot of > work on myself, but still problems arise that I can't deal with and it's > directly related to me being a KO. > > For the first month of therapy I felt awful afterwards. Now there are times > when I feel alright afterwards, and times when I still feel awful. But there > is a lot of pain to wade through and sort out, and a lot of reparenting for > me as well. And reparenting is HARD. Sometimes I think my therapist does not > understand how difficult it is to reparent yourself and teach yourself that > you have value. It takes an immense amount of strength. > > But we survived nadas and fadas, we are certainly strong enough to reparent > ourselves. It just takes time. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2011 Report Share Posted March 15, 2011 I'm sorry to hear things are so hard right now, HUGS to you. Is the therapist you are seeing now the same one that you thought about leaving before? Either way it still might be worth considering seeing someone with a different approach. She sounds wonderfully caring, but sometimes we need something more or something different. > > > ...I ask myself this every day. Am I ever going to feel at peace with anything that happened in my life? > > I'm here having a virtual whine fest, I guess. > > I dont know how to let this all go. I've been in support groups, I have a great therapist, a good husband and wonderful children. I am a wife, a mom, a sister, a friend, a cousin...and yet, the one thing I am not is a daughter. > > Even when my mother was alive, I was her mother in every sense of the word. I had to be there for her no matter what and yet, as a mother, she was never capable of being the emotionally stable parent I needed in my life. My father was just there...rarely talking, sometimes screaming. > > I feel like my hope of seeing this through to the end is for nothing. Therapy makes me feel worse even though my therapist is really trying. Not talking about it makes me feel like I'm shoving it all down and talking about it makes me feel like I'm dragging myself through the mud and living in the past. > > Today I am just tired. I spent two solid hours crying in therapy while my therapist sat next to me with her arm around me and then gave me a pep rally about how amazing I am (yeah, right, whatever) and how I need to give myself credit for doing all I do. > > > I just wish I had someone in my life that I could talk to like a mother. My therapist thinks I need to learn to reparent myself but I don't have the energy to keep doing this same vicious cycle. > > I dont even know what I'm saying. I have no choice but to get over it all, do I? I want an easy fix. This is taking too long. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2011 Report Share Posted March 15, 2011 Keep it up. Listen to your therapist. You ARE amazing, and you probably do need to reparent yourself. It works. Trust me. And you will be more free and strong and happy than you ever thought possible. Just don't give up. Giving up won't create a mother for you. I'm so sorry. Hugs, Karla > > > ...I ask myself this every day. Am I ever going to feel at peace with anything that happened in my life? > > I'm here having a virtual whine fest, I guess. > > I dont know how to let this all go. I've been in support groups, I have a great therapist, a good husband and wonderful children. I am a wife, a mom, a sister, a friend, a cousin...and yet, the one thing I am not is a daughter. > > Even when my mother was alive, I was her mother in every sense of the word. I had to be there for her no matter what and yet, as a mother, she was never capable of being the emotionally stable parent I needed in my life. My father was just there...rarely talking, sometimes screaming. > > I feel like my hope of seeing this through to the end is for nothing. Therapy makes me feel worse even though my therapist is really trying. Not talking about it makes me feel like I'm shoving it all down and talking about it makes me feel like I'm dragging myself through the mud and living in the past. > > Today I am just tired. I spent two solid hours crying in therapy while my therapist sat next to me with her arm around me and then gave me a pep rally about how amazing I am (yeah, right, whatever) and how I need to give myself credit for doing all I do. > > > I just wish I had someone in my life that I could talk to like a mother. My therapist thinks I need to learn to reparent myself but I don't have the energy to keep doing this same vicious cycle. > > I dont even know what I'm saying. I have no choice but to get over it all, do I? I want an easy fix. This is taking too long. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2011 Report Share Posted March 15, 2011 dear hummingbird yes yes i so feel the same way right now it has been weighing heavy on my mind...as if once we are marked as a KO it is like a yellow star we are forced to wear throughout life... i have lately been wishing that I did not see all the truths about my life, I was 'happier' when i knew less, when it had not bubbled to the surface, I was able to function more automatically, not engaged with the pain...I feel stuck in mid cycle and do sometimes wonder if I will be stuck here forever... but then you know i remembered back to how dark and suffocating many many years of my life were...too painful to be held by memory even...how these days I can feel more positive things emotionally, how I have learnt to say no to things and people that hurt me, and yes to things and people that bring me joy...I have begun to feel hope for the future, to know I am creating something better and infinitely more powerful than the pain that bound me up before... and I know from reading other's posts that they too have healed and gone on to even greater strengths, to help others even. sometimes the healing is very dormant and latent it happens while we do not even notice except when looking back we see the journey, sometimes it comes in sharp bursts of fierce growth, it is fragmented, not continuous... But we must not give up. I feel if we give up then we give validity to all the lies our NADAS and FADAS told about us. Because whether we feel it or not, we are valuable. We have value. We add value to the world and other's lives just because we live and breathe. That is what i sincerely try to re-mind (renew my mind set) myself now.I don't think it is always helpful for me to say 'reparent myself' as I don't see why I should! I am not a parent and I am fed up of being in the parent role. I guess it means to fully enter into the wonder of real childhood but deliberately this time. To have a second chance at a new beginning. To create ourselves from the ground up. Almost to be born again! We may feel we are a kind of Ground Zero in human form. A lot of rubble, sure, but a chance to start again. The new structure will resonate with the understanding of what has passed, but the new structure will be beautiful, strong, purposeful, and made all the more valuable for the pain of it's creation... Sorry to rant. Just wanted to say how we truly know how you feel right now and we are with you in your struggle. Each one of us that struggles through even a little bit can remove more of the pain that nadas and fadas inflict on the world...our struggle and victory neutralises them!!!! take care! RG Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2011 Report Share Posted March 15, 2011 Amen to that! I couldn't agree more! Stay strong! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.