will I ever be okay?

[Guest guest]

....I ask myself this every day. Am I ever going to feel at peace with anything

that happened in my life?

I'm here having a virtual whine fest, I guess.

I dont know how to let this all go. I've been in support groups, I have a great

therapist, a good husband and wonderful children. I am a wife, a mom, a sister,

a friend, a cousin...and yet, the one thing I am not is a daughter.

Even when my mother was alive, I was her mother in every sense of the word. I

had to be there for her no matter what and yet, as a mother, she was never

capable of being the emotionally stable parent I needed in my life. My father

was just there...rarely talking, sometimes screaming.

I feel like my hope of seeing this through to the end is for nothing. Therapy

makes me feel worse even though my therapist is really trying. Not talking

about it makes me feel like I'm shoving it all down and talking about it makes

me feel like I'm dragging myself through the mud and living in the past.

Today I am just tired. I spent two solid hours crying in therapy while my

therapist sat next to me with her arm around me and then gave me a pep rally

about how amazing I am (yeah, right, whatever) and how I need to give myself

credit for doing all I do.

I just wish I had someone in my life that I could talk to like a mother. My

therapist thinks I need to learn to reparent myself but I don't have the energy

to keep doing this same vicious cycle.

I dont even know what I'm saying. I have no choice but to get over it all, do

I? I want an easy fix. This is taking too long.