Guest guest Posted March 15, 2011 Report Share Posted March 15, 2011 I've been NC for more than two years now. I have VERY limited email contact with fada. (He never had more than two words for me my whole life and now he's emailing once a week, desperate for a reply. But that's another story.) I opened it without thinking. I haven't read it, and am pretty sure I don't want to. Thanks to those blessed years of NC, I don't think I'll trigger like I used to. On the other hand, I don't need the drama. I'm tempted to return it with " I didn't read this. No need to send these in the future. Thanks. " Any advice? Now that it's on my kitchen table, I feel like I've kinda lost my ability to think about it clearly. Thanks, Karla p.s. I did something really cool last Saturday in my new career. She probably mailed it that day. How the HECK do they always know???? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2011 Report Share Posted March 15, 2011 How about right into the shredder with it? Or if you want to get poetic, if you have a dog or cat, put it in the bag with the dog/cat shit and then throw it away. No response required! Holly (who's kinda in a sarcastic humor mood...) On Tue, Mar 15, 2011 at 6:48 PM, kyjohnson40days wrote: > > > I've been NC for more than two years now. I have VERY limited email contact > with fada. (He never had more than two words for me my whole life and now > he's emailing once a week, desperate for a reply. But that's another story.) > > I opened it without thinking. I haven't read it, and am pretty sure I don't > want to. Thanks to those blessed years of NC, I don't think I'll trigger > like I used to. On the other hand, I don't need the drama. > > I'm tempted to return it with " I didn't read this. No need to send these in > the future. Thanks. " > > Any advice? > > Now that it's on my kitchen table, I feel like I've kinda lost my ability > to think about it clearly. > > Thanks, > Karla > > p.s. I did something really cool last Saturday in my new career. She > probably mailed it that day. How the HECK do they always know???? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2011 Report Share Posted March 16, 2011 Karla, If you don't want to read it, I'd destroy it without any kind of a reply. I think returning it is like waving a red flag in front of a bull at a bull fight. After over two years of no contact, she already knows that there's no need to send you letters. At 07:48 PM 03/15/2011 kyjohnson40days wrote: >I've been NC for more than two years now. I have VERY limited >email contact with fada. (He never had more than two words for >me my whole life and now he's emailing once a week, desperate >for a reply. But that's another story.) > >I opened it without thinking. I haven't read it, and am pretty >sure I don't want to. Thanks to those blessed years of NC, I >don't think I'll trigger like I used to. On the other hand, I >don't need the drama. > >I'm tempted to return it with " I didn't read this. No need to >send these in the future. Thanks. " > >Any advice? > >Now that it's on my kitchen table, I feel like I've kinda lost >my ability to think about it clearly. > >Thanks, >Karla > >p.s. I did something really cool last Saturday in my new >career. She probably mailed it that day. How the HECK do they >always know???? -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2011 Report Share Posted March 16, 2011 My thought is - forewarned and forearmed....if activity has stepped up recently with your fada trying to contact you and now this letter, it might be best to read it to see what's going on. It might say something crazy like if they don't hear from you they are showing up at your front door next week. If it does then you can send them something official saying you disallow contact and they are providing you evidence for a restraining order with every email, letter they send. Still...I know many will disagree with me that it's best just not to look - which also makes a lot of sense. Trust your gut! > > I've been NC for more than two years now. I have VERY limited email contact with fada. (He never had more than two words for me my whole life and now he's emailing once a week, desperate for a reply. But that's another story.) > > I opened it without thinking. I haven't read it, and am pretty sure I don't want to. Thanks to those blessed years of NC, I don't think I'll trigger like I used to. On the other hand, I don't need the drama. > > I'm tempted to return it with " I didn't read this. No need to send these in the future. Thanks. " > > Any advice? > > Now that it's on my kitchen table, I feel like I've kinda lost my ability to think about it clearly. > > Thanks, > Karla > > p.s. I did something really cool last Saturday in my new career. She probably mailed it that day. How the HECK do they always know???? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2011 Report Share Posted March 17, 2011 Climberkayak makes a good point - the letter could have some crucial information you really need to know, or a credible threat you need to report - but it's most likely also full of triggering language that will send you into a FOG-laden episode of worry or depression or anxiety. Right now you're spending a lot of time wondering what's in it - so how about just asking an understanding friend to read the letters, and tell you whether it's more of the same old stuff, or if there's something new? If it's just FOG and whining, you can discount it without reading. If there's something you need to take seriously, there will be a witness to the contents and you won't be alone as you take whatever action is necessary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2011 Report Share Posted March 17, 2011 Reading my parents words or hearing their voices triggers the shit out of me, so I always ask my boyfriend to read and provide summary unemotional bullet points, as in your grandmother died, they don't expect you to attend the funeral. That type of thing. XOXO On Thu, Mar 17, 2011 at 2:23 AM, shirleyspawn wrote: > > > Climberkayak makes a good point - the letter could have some crucial > information you really need to know, or a credible threat you need to report > - but it's most likely also full of triggering language that will send you > into a FOG-laden episode of worry or depression or anxiety. > > Right now you're spending a lot of time wondering what's in it - so how > about just asking an understanding friend to read the letters, and tell you > whether it's more of the same old stuff, or if there's something new? If > it's just FOG and whining, you can discount it without reading. If there's > something you need to take seriously, there will be a witness to the > contents and you won't be alone as you take whatever action is necessary. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2011 Report Share Posted March 17, 2011 , brilliant point. I skimmed it. She's pretending this whole NC thing doesn't exist. It started with: " I love you so much! You should know what's going on with the family. " And then she wrote 3-4 pages of " Aunt so-and-so had surgery, Uncle so-and-so had a new grandbaby " etc. Like I'm off to war and she's my only point of contact with the extended family. Yeah . . . Glad I checked, glad I didn't get too triggered (talk about progress!) and, more than anything: I'M GLAD I'M NC!!!! Thanks, all! Blessings, Karla > > > > I've been NC for more than two years now. I have VERY limited email contact with fada. (He never had more than two words for me my whole life and now he's emailing once a week, desperate for a reply. But that's another story.) > > > > I opened it without thinking. I haven't read it, and am pretty sure I don't want to. Thanks to those blessed years of NC, I don't think I'll trigger like I used to. On the other hand, I don't need the drama. > > > > I'm tempted to return it with " I didn't read this. No need to send these in the future. Thanks. " > > > > Any advice? > > > > Now that it's on my kitchen table, I feel like I've kinda lost my ability to think about it clearly. > > > > Thanks, > > Karla > > > > p.s. I did something really cool last Saturday in my new career. She probably mailed it that day. How the HECK do they always know???? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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