Need some advice and a bit of a rant.

[Guest guest]

Ok, so having a backbone is not one of my strong points. I am trying to learn to

stand up for myself a bit and am having trouble. I volunteer for a church

organization. One of the things I have done is to create and maintain a website

for our local chapter. I've been doing this for a couple of years. I'm not a

professional by any means, but it is also a good basic website. I've been told

by many people in jobs and other areas that I am computer savvy (I would agree

with them.) We have a newly elected president of this organization who is

driving me crazy. They have suggested several times that the website " needs a

lot of work. " Also have suggested that one of their family members could

redesign. This has only been suggested to me and not at a meeting. I'm

starting to feel gaslighted. I have had nothing but positive feedback on the

website from other people in the group. I finally responded that I think this

should be discussed at a meeting so that everyone could give input. I don't

think this will put the other person off, though. Any suggestions on how I can

politely but bluntly tell the other person to back off? (Sorry about the rant,

but this is driving me nuts.)

I really am open to suggestions and help in certain areas on the site, but this

other person is pushing my buttons right now.

Thanks!! Amy

[Guest guest]

I don't have any specific advice (I'm working on standing up to people,

myself, still) but I just wanted to let you know that you're not the only

website designer that this scenario has happened to.

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/design_hell

I love the Oatmeal website. The guy who draws the cartoons is a website

designer himself, and this comic is based off of his experiences...so,

you're not alone.

I hope this helps even in the tiniest way

>

>

> Ok, so having a backbone is not one of my strong points. I am trying to

> learn to stand up for myself a bit and am having trouble. I volunteer for a

> church organization. One of the things I have done is to create and maintain

> a website for our local chapter. I've been doing this for a couple of years.

> I'm not a professional by any means, but it is also a good basic website.

> I've been told by many people in jobs and other areas that I am computer

> savvy (I would agree with them.) We have a newly elected president of this

> organization who is driving me crazy. They have suggested several times that

> the website " needs a lot of work. " Also have suggested that one of their

> family members could redesign. This has only been suggested to me and not at

> a meeting. I'm starting to feel gaslighted. I have had nothing but positive

> feedback on the website from other people in the group. I finally responded

> that I think this should be discussed at a meeting so that everyone could

> give input. I don't think this will put the other person off, though. Any

> suggestions on how I can politely but bluntly tell the other person to back

> off? (Sorry about the rant, but this is driving me nuts.)

>

> I really am open to suggestions and help in certain areas on the site, but

> this other person is pushing my buttons right now.

>

> Thanks!! Amy

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

So the problem here is that a single person who has some power

within the group but who also has a conflict of interest is

complaining about the website you designed? I think that saying

that the issue should be brought up at a meeting is exactly the

right thing to have done. If it comes up again at an

inappropriate time, I'd again say that if this person thinks the

website should be changed, that topic should be put on the

agenda for a meeting so that the matter can be discussed.

Depending on the structure of the organization, the appropriate

meeting might be a board meeting, a committee meeting or a

general membership meeting. Be sure that you mention the

appropriate type of meeting.

You don't mention whether this person has said anything about

what kind of work on the website he/she is suggesting. Saying

that the website needs a lot of work isn't necessarily saying

you did a bad job. It may just mean that this person has a

vision for what could be done that is a lot bigger than you or

others who previously had input had in mind. That's not

necessarily bad. At the other extreme, it could be that this

person wants to end up funneling work to a family member,

possibly for profit. If this person really has good ideas about

what should be done, he/she should be more than willing to

discuss them at an appropriate meeting.

You might even want to take proactive action yourself and ask to

have the subject discussed at a meeting. As the organization's

web designer, you should periodically report to the organization

on how things are going and you should probably verify that what

you're doing matches what is wanted. If you take charge of doing

so, you have the opportunity to steer things in the direction

you want them to go without just waiting for someone to make

objections at some future time. Bringing up the subject yourself

also lets you remind everyone else how much work you've put into

the project. When one member of an organization is doing all the

work on a project, the rest of the group often kind of forgets

about it and thus doesn't appreciate the work as much as they

should.

At 01:37 PM 03/16/2011 Amy wrote:

>Ok, so having a backbone is not one of my strong points. I am

>trying to learn to stand up for myself a bit and am having

>trouble. I volunteer for a church organization. One of the

>things I have done is to create and maintain a website for our

>local chapter. I've been doing this for a couple of

>years. I'm not a professional by any means, but it is also a

>good basic website. I've been told by many people in jobs and

>other areas that I am computer savvy (I would agree with

>them.) We have a newly elected president of this organization

>who is driving me crazy. They have suggested several times

>that the website " needs a lot of work. " Also have suggested

>that one of their family members could redesign. This has only

>been suggested to me and not at a meeting. I'm starting to

>feel gaslighted. I have had nothing but positive feedback on

>the website from other people in the group. I finally

>responded that I think this should be discussed at a meeting so

>that everyone could give input. I don't think this will put

>the other person off, though. Any suggestions on how I can

>politely but bluntly tell the other person to back off? (Sorry

>about the rant, but this is driving me nuts.)

>

>I really am open to suggestions and help in certain areas on

>the site, but this other person is pushing my buttons right

>now.

>

>Thanks!! Amy

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

I agree, I think that you, yourself arranging for the topic (possible changes or

expansions to the website you designed) to be discussed at a regular meeting

with other members present puts the ball back in your court RE having control of

the website, and keeps the proceedings more cordial and business-like (and

public) instead of private, personal and possibly triggering. Being proactive

is often a very good policy.

-Annie

> >Ok, so having a backbone is not one of my strong points. I am

> >trying to learn to stand up for myself a bit and am having

> >trouble. I volunteer for a church organization. One of the

> >things I have done is to create and maintain a website for our

> >local chapter. I've been doing this for a couple of

> >years. I'm not a professional by any means, but it is also a

> >good basic website. I've been told by many people in jobs and

> >other areas that I am computer savvy (I would agree with

> >them.) We have a newly elected president of this organization

> >who is driving me crazy. They have suggested several times

> >that the website " needs a lot of work. " Also have suggested

> >that one of their family members could redesign. This has only

> >been suggested to me and not at a meeting. I'm starting to

> >feel gaslighted. I have had nothing but positive feedback on

> >the website from other people in the group. I finally

> >responded that I think this should be discussed at a meeting so

> >that everyone could give input. I don't think this will put

> >the other person off, though. Any suggestions on how I can

> >politely but bluntly tell the other person to back off? (Sorry

> >about the rant, but this is driving me nuts.)

> >

> >I really am open to suggestions and help in certain areas on

> >the site, but this other person is pushing my buttons right

> >now.

> >

> >Thanks!! Amy

>

> --

> Katrina

>

[Guest guest]

That helps... . I think this person has an issue more with me than with what

I'm doing. She has either redone, had someone else redo, or suggested that

someone else do several things that I have been responsible for since she became

president. I don't mind suggestions or changes, but I would appreciate things

being up front. I think having a discussion at a meeting could clarify if she

just doesn't want to work with me or if it is something else.

>

> So the problem here is that a single person who has some power

> within the group but who also has a conflict of interest is

> complaining about the website you designed? I think that saying

> that the issue should be brought up at a meeting is exactly the

> right thing to have done. If it comes up again at an

> inappropriate time, I'd again say that if this person thinks the

> website should be changed, that topic should be put on the

> agenda for a meeting so that the matter can be discussed.

> Depending on the structure of the organization, the appropriate

> meeting might be a board meeting, a committee meeting or a

> general membership meeting. Be sure that you mention the

> appropriate type of meeting.

>

> You don't mention whether this person has said anything about

> what kind of work on the website he/she is suggesting. Saying

> that the website needs a lot of work isn't necessarily saying

> you did a bad job. It may just mean that this person has a

> vision for what could be done that is a lot bigger than you or

> others who previously had input had in mind. That's not

> necessarily bad. At the other extreme, it could be that this

> person wants to end up funneling work to a family member,

> possibly for profit. If this person really has good ideas about

> what should be done, he/she should be more than willing to

> discuss them at an appropriate meeting.

>

> You might even want to take proactive action yourself and ask to

> have the subject discussed at a meeting. As the organization's

> web designer, you should periodically report to the organization

> on how things are going and you should probably verify that what

> you're doing matches what is wanted. If you take charge of doing

> so, you have the opportunity to steer things in the direction

> you want them to go without just waiting for someone to make

> objections at some future time. Bringing up the subject yourself

> also lets you remind everyone else how much work you've put into

> the project. When one member of an organization is doing all the

> work on a project, the rest of the group often kind of forgets

> about it and thus doesn't appreciate the work as much as they

> shoult

>

> --

> Katrina

>