BP mom and her reactions to 7-week-old first grandchild

[Guest guest]

I don't really know where to begin except to say that I'm new here and just

found out recently that there is a name for what I've dealt with for years: my

mom has BP! I found out after starting counseling during my third trimester

because I didn't want to treat my child the way I was treated. (Or have my mom

treat the child the way she treated me).

During my pregnancy she was obviously jealous. She tried to control as many

things as possible - and I'm 37 and hubby is in his 40s! She repeatedly

threatened to call my OB to find out the baby's gender (we chose not to find

out). When my dad and younger brother (35) wanted to feel the baby moving in my

belly she went on a rant about how " disgusting " that was. My dad never did get

to feel the baby move in utero.

As delivery approached she made several comments about how they (she and my dad)

wouldn't be " waiting around for hours with nothing to do " at the hospital. I

said that was fine (and it was - didn't really want her there at all) and we'd

call after the baby was born. When my hubby called (I was hemorraghing and had

third-degree tears that were being stitched so a team was still working on me)to

tell them the baby had arrived, she was mad because we hadn't " checked in " all

day (umm... we were in labor!!) and then started bawling because she didn't get

to be included in the experience. WTH?

Later when they got to visit the baby, all she was concerned about was getting

pictures - and not just pictures of the baby. She wants pictures of HER with the

baby (probably to send to everyone to tell them what a fantastic grandma she

is). Since that time she wants to come over to have one of us take photos of her

with the baby... and then she leaves! No offers of bringing food or helping with

anything around the house, etc. Then hubby's family came in from out-of-state to

visit and she got jealous ( " they got to be there all day, " etc. and forgetting

that they may not see him again for a year whereas she gets to come by for a

couple hours here and there regularly.) And NOW she is angry because she has

been REALLY sick with the flu and we told she cannot visit (per his doctors -

" no sick visitors! " ). She says we're " holding the baby hostage " and things like

that! He is 7 weeks old! He has NO IMMUNE SYSTEM yet! We aren't allowing ANYONE

who is sick (or recently sick) to visit him! That's what good parents do - look

out for the well-being of their children! And now she is angry because I'm not

calling her enough or concerned about her being sick. Meanwhile, I found out

that our baby has torticollis and so he has to have physical therapy done... but

she is so mad that I didn't get pictures to her " fast enough " and didn't " care

enough " that she is sick that she is not speaking to me. And, frankly, I'm

relieved... except that now my brother (her favorite and similar personality to

her though don't think he is truly BP) and my father (whom I WOULD like to have

a relationship with) are mad at me and I'm not hearing anything from my dad,

either! (He is likely under orders from her and she runs everything about his

life - they've been married about 45 years and, in my opinion, she has destroyed

his confidence over time.)

Oh! And I forgot to add that she constantly tells us the baby is allergic to my

breast milk (he isn't but I wound up calling a lactation consultant because she

freaked me out), he might have a staph infection and be dieing (he's fine - no

infections - just jaundice the first two days (normal) and the neck muscle issue

which is also treatable). When I was pregnant she made a point of telling me

about news stories where pregnant women were kidnapped and the babies were cut

out of them. WTH? Why say these kinds of things? UGH!

Anyway... any words of wisdom would be appreciated! Ditto on any support! She is

driving me (and my hubby) crazy! :-(

[Guest guest]

I don't have specific advice, but I did want to tell you KUDOS on keeping

your boundaries! The most important thing is you, your husband, and your new

baby (and congrats on the little guy!)

I would definitely read Stop Walking on Eggshells and implement the helpful

tips on how to create and maintain boundaries to keep your crazy mom from

making you guys crazy, too.

Others will probably soon chime in their 2 cents worth, I'm sure.

Holly

>

>

> I don't really know where to begin except to say that I'm new here and just

> found out recently that there is a name for what I've dealt with for years:

> my mom has BP! I found out after starting counseling during my third

> trimester because I didn't want to treat my child the way I was treated. (Or

> have my mom treat the child the way she treated me).

>

> During my pregnancy she was obviously jealous. She tried to control as many

> things as possible - and I'm 37 and hubby is in his 40s! She repeatedly

> threatened to call my OB to find out the baby's gender (we chose not to find

> out). When my dad and younger brother (35) wanted to feel the baby moving in

> my belly she went on a rant about how " disgusting " that was. My dad never

> did get to feel the baby move in utero.

>

> As delivery approached she made several comments about how they (she and my

> dad) wouldn't be " waiting around for hours with nothing to do " at the

> hospital. I said that was fine (and it was - didn't really want her there at

> all) and we'd call after the baby was born. When my hubby called (I was

> hemorraghing and had third-degree tears that were being stitched so a team

> was still working on me)to tell them the baby had arrived, she was mad

> because we hadn't " checked in " all day (umm... we were in labor!!) and then

> started bawling because she didn't get to be included in the experience.

> WTH?

>

> Later when they got to visit the baby, all she was concerned about was

> getting pictures - and not just pictures of the baby. She wants pictures of

> HER with the baby (probably to send to everyone to tell them what a

> fantastic grandma she is). Since that time she wants to come over to have

> one of us take photos of her with the baby... and then she leaves! No offers

> of bringing food or helping with anything around the house, etc. Then

> hubby's family came in from out-of-state to visit and she got jealous ( " they

> got to be there all day, " etc. and forgetting that they may not see him

> again for a year whereas she gets to come by for a couple hours here and

> there regularly.) And NOW she is angry because she has been REALLY sick with

> the flu and we told she cannot visit (per his doctors - " no sick

> visitors! " ). She says we're " holding the baby hostage " and things like that!

> He is 7 weeks old! He has NO IMMUNE SYSTEM yet! We aren't allowing ANYONE

> who is sick (or recently sick) to visit him! That's what good parents do -

> look out for the well-being of their children! And now she is angry because

> I'm not calling her enough or concerned about her being sick. Meanwhile, I

> found out that our baby has torticollis and so he has to have physical

> therapy done... but she is so mad that I didn't get pictures to her " fast

> enough " and didn't " care enough " that she is sick that she is not speaking

> to me. And, frankly, I'm relieved... except that now my brother (her

> favorite and similar personality to her though don't think he is truly BP)

> and my father (whom I WOULD like to have a relationship with) are mad at me

> and I'm not hearing anything from my dad, either! (He is likely under orders

> from her and she runs everything about his life - they've been married about

> 45 years and, in my opinion, she has destroyed his confidence over time.)

>

> Oh! And I forgot to add that she constantly tells us the baby is allergic

> to my breast milk (he isn't but I wound up calling a lactation consultant

> because she freaked me out), he might have a staph infection and be dieing

> (he's fine - no infections - just jaundice the first two days (normal) and

> the neck muscle issue which is also treatable). When I was pregnant she made

> a point of telling me about news stories where pregnant women were kidnapped

> and the babies were cut out of them. WTH? Why say these kinds of things?

> UGH!

>

> Anyway... any words of wisdom would be appreciated! Ditto on any support!

> She is driving me (and my hubby) crazy! :-(

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

What a drama queen, and a hostile one at that, your mother is. Some of us here

refer to our bpd mother as " nada " , for " not a mom " . How very narcissistic pd of

her to turn up the drama rheostat and challenge, question, and complain about

everything to do with your recent birthing experience and make it all about

herself.

Congratulations on your new baby, by the way!

Big life events like weddings, births, graduations and deaths seem to bring out

the very worst in our Cluster B pd mothers and fathers. Ugh. (The Cluster B

pds are: histrionic pd, borderline pd, narcissistic pd, and antisocial pd.

They're grouped together because these are the drama-soaked, acting-out, erratic

pds.)

My only advice is to keep her as far away from you and your husband and your new

little one, as possible. Limit contact with her. She is hostile and toxic and

will cause you nothing but alarm, anxiety, stress and tension if you let her.

Her behaviors are not the behaviors of someone who loves you, they are the

behaviors of someone who believes that she owns you, and that her possession is

not behaving properly and needs fixing. She acts as though she doesn't care one

iota about how you are feeling, or your wishes or desires. That is how

narcissists and antisocial pd people behave: they treat other people like

objects.

So, again, congrats on the new baby, and I'm wishing you the strength and

courage its going to take to become emotionally detached enough from your family

of origin (foo) to set some firm but reasonable boundaries with them.

I also suggest that you start reading up about borderline pd and techniques for

handling boundary-setting and consequences for boundary violating.

" Understanding the Borderline Mother, " " Surviving A Borderline Parent " , " Stop

Walking On Eggshells " , " Boundaries " , " Co-Dependent No More " and " Trauma and

Recovery " are all good.

-Annie

>

> I don't really know where to begin except to say that I'm new here and just

found out recently that there is a name for what I've dealt with for years: my

mom has BP! I found out after starting counseling during my third trimester

because I didn't want to treat my child the way I was treated. (Or have my mom

treat the child the way she treated me).

>

> During my pregnancy she was obviously jealous. She tried to control as many

things as possible - and I'm 37 and hubby is in his 40s! She repeatedly

threatened to call my OB to find out the baby's gender (we chose not to find

out). When my dad and younger brother (35) wanted to feel the baby moving in my

belly she went on a rant about how " disgusting " that was. My dad never did get

to feel the baby move in utero.

>

> As delivery approached she made several comments about how they (she and my

dad) wouldn't be " waiting around for hours with nothing to do " at the hospital.

I said that was fine (and it was - didn't really want her there at all) and we'd

call after the baby was born. When my hubby called (I was hemorraghing and had

third-degree tears that were being stitched so a team was still working on me)to

tell them the baby had arrived, she was mad because we hadn't " checked in " all

day (umm... we were in labor!!) and then started bawling because she didn't get

to be included in the experience. WTH?

>

> Later when they got to visit the baby, all she was concerned about was getting

pictures - and not just pictures of the baby. She wants pictures of HER with the

baby (probably to send to everyone to tell them what a fantastic grandma she

is). Since that time she wants to come over to have one of us take photos of her

with the baby... and then she leaves! No offers of bringing food or helping with

anything around the house, etc. Then hubby's family came in from out-of-state to

visit and she got jealous ( " they got to be there all day, " etc. and forgetting

that they may not see him again for a year whereas she gets to come by for a

couple hours here and there regularly.) And NOW she is angry because she has

been REALLY sick with the flu and we told she cannot visit (per his doctors -

" no sick visitors! " ). She says we're " holding the baby hostage " and things like

that! He is 7 weeks old! He has NO IMMUNE SYSTEM yet! We aren't allowing ANYONE

who is sick (or recently sick) to visit him! That's what good parents do - look

out for the well-being of their children! And now she is angry because I'm not

calling her enough or concerned about her being sick. Meanwhile, I found out

that our baby has torticollis and so he has to have physical therapy done... but

she is so mad that I didn't get pictures to her " fast enough " and didn't " care

enough " that she is sick that she is not speaking to me. And, frankly, I'm

relieved... except that now my brother (her favorite and similar personality to

her though don't think he is truly BP) and my father (whom I WOULD like to have

a relationship with) are mad at me and I'm not hearing anything from my dad,

either! (He is likely under orders from her and she runs everything about his

life - they've been married about 45 years and, in my opinion, she has destroyed

his confidence over time.)

>

> Oh! And I forgot to add that she constantly tells us the baby is allergic to

my breast milk (he isn't but I wound up calling a lactation consultant because

she freaked me out), he might have a staph infection and be dieing (he's fine -

no infections - just jaundice the first two days (normal) and the neck muscle

issue which is also treatable). When I was pregnant she made a point of telling

me about news stories where pregnant women were kidnapped and the babies were

cut out of them. WTH? Why say these kinds of things? UGH!

>

> Anyway... any words of wisdom would be appreciated! Ditto on any support! She

is driving me (and my hubby) crazy! :-(

>

[Guest guest]

I have to add " Safe People " " The Betrayal Bond " And " The Family Crucible " to

your reading list.

On Thu, Mar 17, 2011 at 3:03 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>

> What a drama queen, and a hostile one at that, your mother is. Some of us

> here refer to our bpd mother as " nada " , for " not a mom " . How very

> narcissistic pd of her to turn up the drama rheostat and challenge,

> question, and complain about everything to do with your recent birthing

> experience and make it all about herself.

>

> Congratulations on your new baby, by the way!

>

> Big life events like weddings, births, graduations and deaths seem to bring

> out the very worst in our Cluster B pd mothers and fathers. Ugh. (The

> Cluster B pds are: histrionic pd, borderline pd, narcissistic pd, and

> antisocial pd. They're grouped together because these are the drama-soaked,

> acting-out, erratic pds.)

>

> My only advice is to keep her as far away from you and your husband and

> your new little one, as possible. Limit contact with her. She is hostile and

> toxic and will cause you nothing but alarm, anxiety, stress and tension if

> you let her.

>

> Her behaviors are not the behaviors of someone who loves you, they are the

> behaviors of someone who believes that she owns you, and that her possession

> is not behaving properly and needs fixing. She acts as though she doesn't

> care one iota about how you are feeling, or your wishes or desires. That is

> how narcissists and antisocial pd people behave: they treat other people

> like objects.

>

> So, again, congrats on the new baby, and I'm wishing you the strength and

> courage its going to take to become emotionally detached enough from your

> family of origin (foo) to set some firm but reasonable boundaries with them.

>

> I also suggest that you start reading up about borderline pd and techniques

> for handling boundary-setting and consequences for boundary violating.

>

> " Understanding the Borderline Mother, " " Surviving A Borderline Parent " ,

> " Stop Walking On Eggshells " , " Boundaries " , " Co-Dependent No More " and

> " Trauma and Recovery " are all good.

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

> >

> > I don't really know where to begin except to say that I'm new here and

> just found out recently that there is a name for what I've dealt with for

> years: my mom has BP! I found out after starting counseling during my third

> trimester because I didn't want to treat my child the way I was treated. (Or

> have my mom treat the child the way she treated me).

> >

> > During my pregnancy she was obviously jealous. She tried to control as

> many things as possible - and I'm 37 and hubby is in his 40s! She repeatedly

> threatened to call my OB to find out the baby's gender (we chose not to find

> out). When my dad and younger brother (35) wanted to feel the baby moving in

> my belly she went on a rant about how " disgusting " that was. My dad never

> did get to feel the baby move in utero.

> >

> > As delivery approached she made several comments about how they (she and

> my dad) wouldn't be " waiting around for hours with nothing to do " at the

> hospital. I said that was fine (and it was - didn't really want her there at

> all) and we'd call after the baby was born. When my hubby called (I was

> hemorraghing and had third-degree tears that were being stitched so a team

> was still working on me)to tell them the baby had arrived, she was mad

> because we hadn't " checked in " all day (umm... we were in labor!!) and then

> started bawling because she didn't get to be included in the experience.

> WTH?

> >

> > Later when they got to visit the baby, all she was concerned about was

> getting pictures - and not just pictures of the baby. She wants pictures of

> HER with the baby (probably to send to everyone to tell them what a

> fantastic grandma she is). Since that time she wants to come over to have

> one of us take photos of her with the baby... and then she leaves! No offers

> of bringing food or helping with anything around the house, etc. Then

> hubby's family came in from out-of-state to visit and she got jealous ( " they

> got to be there all day, " etc. and forgetting that they may not see him

> again for a year whereas she gets to come by for a couple hours here and

> there regularly.) And NOW she is angry because she has been REALLY sick with

> the flu and we told she cannot visit (per his doctors - " no sick

> visitors! " ). She says we're " holding the baby hostage " and things like that!

> He is 7 weeks old! He has NO IMMUNE SYSTEM yet! We aren't allowing ANYONE

> who is sick (or recently sick) to visit him! That's what good parents do -

> look out for the well-being of their children! And now she is angry because

> I'm not calling her enough or concerned about her being sick. Meanwhile, I

> found out that our baby has torticollis and so he has to have physical

> therapy done... but she is so mad that I didn't get pictures to her " fast

> enough " and didn't " care enough " that she is sick that she is not speaking

> to me. And, frankly, I'm relieved... except that now my brother (her

> favorite and similar personality to her though don't think he is truly BP)

> and my father (whom I WOULD like to have a relationship with) are mad at me

> and I'm not hearing anything from my dad, either! (He is likely under orders

> from her and she runs everything about his life - they've been married about

> 45 years and, in my opinion, she has destroyed his confidence over time.)

> >

> > Oh! And I forgot to add that she constantly tells us the baby is allergic

> to my breast milk (he isn't but I wound up calling a lactation consultant

> because she freaked me out), he might have a staph infection and be dieing

> (he's fine - no infections - just jaundice the first two days (normal) and

> the neck muscle issue which is also treatable). When I was pregnant she made

> a point of telling me about news stories where pregnant women were kidnapped

> and the babies were cut out of them. WTH? Why say these kinds of things?

> UGH!

> >

> > Anyway... any words of wisdom would be appreciated! Ditto on any support!

> She is driving me (and my hubby) crazy! :-(

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Your mother is totally selfish and narcissistic. Of course it's your job to

protect your newly born babe from being infected with your mother's illness.

And I am very sorry that she is keeping you from having a relationship with your

father. Typical BP behavior, interfering with our other relationships. My

mother emasculated my father as well, and he let her. Stick by your guns and

don't back down.

Gail

> I don't really know where to begin except to say that I'm new here and just

found out recently that there is a name for what I've dealt with for years: my

mom has BP! I found out after starting counseling during my third trimester

because I didn't want to treat my child the way I was treated. (Or have my mom

treat the child the way she treated me).

>

> During my pregnancy she was obviously jealous. She tried to control as many

things as possible - and I'm 37 and hubby is in his 40s! She repeatedly

threatened to call my OB to find out the baby's gender (we chose not to find

out). When my dad and younger brother (35) wanted to feel the baby moving in my

belly she went on a rant about how " disgusting " that was. My dad never did get

to feel the baby move in utero.

>

> As delivery approached she made several comments about how they (she and my

dad) wouldn't be " waiting around for hours with nothing to do " at the hospital.

I said that was fine (and it was - didn't really want her there at all) and we'd

call after the baby was born. When my hubby called (I was hemorraghing and had

third-degree tears that were being stitched so a team was still working on me)to

tell them the baby had arrived, she was mad because we hadn't " checked in " all

day (umm... we were in labor!!) and then started bawling because she didn't get

to be included in the experience. WTH?

>

> Later when they got to visit the baby, all she was concerned about was getting

pictures - and not just pictures of the baby. She wants pictures of HER with the

baby (probably to send to everyone to tell them what a fantastic grandma she

is). Since that time she wants to come over to have one of us take photos of her

with the baby... and then she leaves! No offers of bringing food or helping with

anything around the house, etc. Then hubby's family came in from out-of-state to

visit and she got jealous ( " they got to be there all day, " etc. and forgetting

that they may not see him again for a year whereas she gets to come by for a

couple hours here and there regularly.) And NOW she is angry because she has

been REALLY sick with the flu and we told she cannot visit (per his doctors -

" no sick visitors! " ). She says we're " holding the baby hostage " and things like

that! He is 7 weeks old! He has NO IMMUNE SYSTEM yet! We aren't allowing ANYONE

who is sick (or recently sick) to visit him! That's what good parents do - look

out for the well-being of their children! And now she is angry because I'm not

calling her enough or concerned about her being sick. Meanwhile, I found out

that our baby has torticollis and so he has to have physical therapy done... but

she is so mad that I didn't get pictures to her " fast enough " and didn't " care

enough " that she is sick that she is not speaking to me. And, frankly, I'm

relieved... except that now my brother (her favorite and similar personality to

her though don't think he is truly BP) and my father (whom I WOULD like to have

a relationship with) are mad at me and I'm not hearing anything from my dad,

either! (He is likely under orders from her and she runs everything about his

life - they've been married about 45 years and, in my opinion, she has destroyed

his confidence over time.)

>

> Oh! And I forgot to add that she constantly tells us the baby is allergic to

my breast milk (he isn't but I wound up calling a lactation consultant because

she freaked me out), he might have a staph infection and be dieing (he's fine -

no infections - just jaundice the first two days (normal) and the neck muscle

issue which is also treatable). When I was pregnant she made a point of telling

me about news stories where pregnant women were kidnapped and the babies were

cut out of them. WTH? Why say these kinds of things? UGH!

>

> Anyway... any words of wisdom would be appreciated! Ditto on any support! She

is driving me (and my hubby) crazy! :-(

>

>

[Guest guest]

Welcome to our world!

I completely hear your frustration, aggravation and disbeleif!

When I was pregnant, the going joke in the family was that if it was possible

for her to get pregnant, she would.

After my eldest was born, she came to " help " , which consisted of her laying on

the couch (I shit you not) with her hand over her forehead in a dramatic

fainting couch position, sighing that her fibromialgia was flaring up and just

couldn't help.

So, there I was with a newborn, also taking care of her, because she was

apparently too gibbled to help herself.

Once my kids were born though, lemmie tell ya, my BS tolerance meter broke. I

quickly established boundaries, set ultamatims and stuck to them if she pushed,

which she eventually did. I went " written only " contact in 2003, and complete no

contact in 2006.

Oh, and both my daughters had major surgery at 8 weeks, because of a defect that

had to be corrected. I was a complete mess, both times and when I called my

mother to tell her, she brushed it off and complained more about some health

problem. My father (NPD)did the same damn thing.

They just don't care. They don't know how.

>

> I don't really know where to begin except to say that I'm new here and just

found out recently that there is a name for what I've dealt with for years: my

mom has BP! I found out after starting counseling during my third trimester

because I didn't want to treat my child the way I was treated. (Or have my mom

treat the child the way she treated me).

>

> During my pregnancy she was obviously jealous. She tried to control as many

things as possible - and I'm 37 and hubby is in his 40s! She repeatedly

threatened to call my OB to find out the baby's gender (we chose not to find

out). When my dad and younger brother (35) wanted to feel the baby moving in my

belly she went on a rant about how " disgusting " that was. My dad never did get

to feel the baby move in utero.

>

> As delivery approached she made several comments about how they (she and my

dad) wouldn't be " waiting around for hours with nothing to do " at the hospital.

I said that was fine (and it was - didn't really want her there at all) and we'd

call after the baby was born. When my hubby called (I was hemorraghing and had

third-degree tears that were being stitched so a team was still working on me)to

tell them the baby had arrived, she was mad because we hadn't " checked in " all

day (umm... we were in labor!!) and then started bawling because she didn't get

to be included in the experience. WTH?

>

> Later when they got to visit the baby, all she was concerned about was getting

pictures - and not just pictures of the baby. She wants pictures of HER with the

baby (probably to send to everyone to tell them what a fantastic grandma she

is). Since that time she wants to come over to have one of us take photos of her

with the baby... and then she leaves! No offers of bringing food or helping with

anything around the house, etc. Then hubby's family came in from out-of-state to

visit and she got jealous ( " they got to be there all day, " etc. and forgetting

that they may not see him again for a year whereas she gets to come by for a

couple hours here and there regularly.) And NOW she is angry because she has

been REALLY sick with the flu and we told she cannot visit (per his doctors -

" no sick visitors! " ). She says we're " holding the baby hostage " and things like

that! He is 7 weeks old! He has NO IMMUNE SYSTEM yet! We aren't allowing ANYONE

who is sick (or recently sick) to visit him! That's what good parents do - look

out for the well-being of their children! And now she is angry because I'm not

calling her enough or concerned about her being sick. Meanwhile, I found out

that our baby has torticollis and so he has to have physical therapy done... but

she is so mad that I didn't get pictures to her " fast enough " and didn't " care

enough " that she is sick that she is not speaking to me. And, frankly, I'm

relieved... except that now my brother (her favorite and similar personality to

her though don't think he is truly BP) and my father (whom I WOULD like to have

a relationship with) are mad at me and I'm not hearing anything from my dad,

either! (He is likely under orders from her and she runs everything about his

life - they've been married about 45 years and, in my opinion, she has destroyed

his confidence over time.)

>

> Oh! And I forgot to add that she constantly tells us the baby is allergic to

my breast milk (he isn't but I wound up calling a lactation consultant because

she freaked me out), he might have a staph infection and be dieing (he's fine -

no infections - just jaundice the first two days (normal) and the neck muscle

issue which is also treatable). When I was pregnant she made a point of telling

me about news stories where pregnant women were kidnapped and the babies were

cut out of them. WTH? Why say these kinds of things? UGH!

>

> Anyway... any words of wisdom would be appreciated! Ditto on any support! She

is driving me (and my hubby) crazy! :-(

>

[Guest guest]

My nada did the same things through my first pregnancy and when Daughter #1

was young. NC for us began shortly before Daughter #2 was born (well, face

to face) the last time we spoke was the day of the birth. She insisted that

she " could not bear to see her daughter (me) in so much pain " and could not

attend. When I was unable to reach her (went to hospital at 3am and she

turns the phone off at night) she cried to the whole family how I " deprived

her of her right as a grandmother to be present at the birth " and " denied

her the most important moment of her life " . She completly ignored that it

might just be a special moment for me.

Stick to your guns and enforce boundaries. I'm sorry you have to deal with

this. It should be such a peaceful, special time. Hugs.

BB