Guest guest Posted March 18, 2011 Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 I found out yesterday that nada is comatose. The sepsis is undoubtedly spreading as is the gangrene up her left foot; she has a fever; has a very low red blood count as her internal bleeding continues; very pale skin; not eating or drinking for 11 days now and she still lives! Her doctor said she is defying all medical odds as she is now also only 80 pounds which she always wanted to be. (Can we spell anorexic?!) The hospice nurse and her doctor both say 1 to 2 more days but no one knows of course. I am going back down to Jersey which is an arduous trip in a little while and will come home Sunday night. I have to go to the funeral parlor to meet with the director to sign papers when she DOES pass for her cremation as well as give the Power of Attorney to her banks etc. so I can start to unravel how much nada actually has because no one of course will tell me over the phone without seeing the Power of Attorney. Nada would never tell me about what she had or where she had it so unraveling this is a nightmare. She kept everything - even for accounts she no longer has (old deposit slips and statements etc. so who knows what she has and what she canceled. Of course she trusted no one so she wouldn't divulge anything to me (even though I never gave her reason not to trust me). I am getting the guilt trip by my friend who is taking me down there for moral support that I should see my nada rotting away - totally incoherent etc. with the 'you'll get old someday too you know' but I am not a BPD and I would never do to other people what she did to me so she doesn't get it. I forgive her as much as I can on a human level but I have mixed feelings there. Who can blame me. Most of all I feel strongly my nada is not there anymore - only her body which is decaying worse than any corpse should while still alive and that saddens me. Do I want my last memories of nada to be of that? Do I want to face that? I'm not sure what I want to do. My friend thinks she might be holding on to see ME one last time but I've never seen anyone die except in movies and not so sure I want to. So I will go down and do what I have to do. Bring home all those thousands of papers nada has stock piled like a pack rat and come home to try to make sense of it all but for now I have to face the funeral director and all the banking crap I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. If any of you are still in contact with your nadas and fadas who are getting elderly or ARE elderly, you need to somehow get through to them that they need to at least tell you where they bank and have their life insurance policies or you will be sunk like I am. Good luck to us all and thanks for reading this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2011 Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 Dear one, this is so sad and I am so sorry you are having to go thru this experience. I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts; sending hugs and positive vibes your way, blessings, Connie > > I found out yesterday that nada is comatose. The sepsis is undoubtedly spreading as is the gangrene up her left foot; she has a fever; has a very low red blood count as her internal bleeding continues; very pale skin; not eating or drinking for 11 days now and she still lives! Her doctor said she is defying all medical odds as she is now also only 80 pounds which she always wanted to be. (Can we spell anorexic?!) The hospice nurse and her doctor both say 1 to 2 more days but no one knows of course. > > I am going back down to Jersey which is an arduous trip in a little while and will come home Sunday night. I have to go to the funeral parlor to meet with the director to sign papers when she DOES pass for her cremation as well as give the Power of Attorney to her banks etc. so I can start to unravel how much nada actually has because no one of course will tell me over the phone without seeing the Power of Attorney. Nada would never tell me about what she had or where she had it so unraveling this is a nightmare. She kept everything - even for accounts she no longer has (old deposit slips and statements etc. so who knows what she has and what she canceled. Of course she trusted no one so she wouldn't divulge anything to me (even though I never gave her reason not to trust me). > > I am getting the guilt trip by my friend who is taking me down there for moral support that I should see my nada rotting away - totally incoherent etc. with the 'you'll get old someday too you know' but I am not a BPD and I would never do to other people what she did to me so she doesn't get it. I forgive her as much as I can on a human level but I have mixed feelings there. Who can blame me. Most of all I feel strongly my nada is not there anymore - only her body which is decaying worse than any corpse should while still alive and that saddens me. Do I want my last memories of nada to be of that? Do I want to face that? I'm not sure what I want to do. My friend thinks she might be holding on to see ME one last time but I've never seen anyone die except in movies and not so sure I want to. > > So I will go down and do what I have to do. Bring home all those thousands of papers nada has stock piled like a pack rat and come home to try to make sense of it all but for now I have to face the funeral director and all the banking crap I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. > > If any of you are still in contact with your nadas and fadas who are getting elderly or ARE elderly, you need to somehow get through to them that they need to at least tell you where they bank and have their life insurance policies or you will be sunk like I am. Good luck to us all and thanks for reading this. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2011 Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 what an awful mess you are facing.. the literal rotting away of your nada and the financial turmoil that awaits you to unravel. Â my heart goes out to you and i pray for you that all the angels may surround you now and i even send a prayer to nada that she may feel the healing powers of the universe and be able to relax her life, feel the peace and let go at last. Â whether she would even feel your presence at this point were you to see her 'one last time' is unlikely i believe. Â i think for your own peace of mind and sanity i would try to remember her as she was in life, not this living death. Â how morbidly appropriate is this her way of dying, a sort of infected and festering non being that to me resembles what she was in her whole life, a person infected with the disease of bpd. Â may she find peace and rest soon in the arms of the universe which i believe is forgiving even tho i understand that for us with our nada's is something extremely hard to emulate. Â at least i know it is for me. Â the numbers my nada did on me continue to affect me nearly every day, which is not to say i don't have a relatively happy and fulfilled life.. i myself cannot help resenting and hating my nada despite my efforts to truly forgive her. Â there is hatred often when there is hurt in people an i know that there is in me. bless you and your work now dealing with your nada's coming final death and may the angels of the Lord give you strength and comfort in this very difficult time. Â peace to all, ann Subject: Nada Is Comatose To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Friday, March 18, 2011, 2:30 AM Â I found out yesterday that nada is comatose. The sepsis is undoubtedly spreading as is the gangrene up her left foot; she has a fever; has a very low red blood count as her internal bleeding continues; very pale skin; not eating or drinking for 11 days now and she still lives! Her doctor said she is defying all medical odds as she is now also only 80 pounds which she always wanted to be. (Can we spell anorexic?!) The hospice nurse and her doctor both say 1 to 2 more days but no one knows of course. I am going back down to Jersey which is an arduous trip in a little while and will come home Sunday night. I have to go to the funeral parlor to meet with the director to sign papers when she DOES pass for her cremation as well as give the Power of Attorney to her banks etc. so I can start to unravel how much nada actually has because no one of course will tell me over the phone without seeing the Power of Attorney. Nada would never tell me about what she had or where she had it so unraveling this is a nightmare. She kept everything - even for accounts she no longer has (old deposit slips and statements etc. so who knows what she has and what she canceled. Of course she trusted no one so she wouldn't divulge anything to me (even though I never gave her reason not to trust me). I am getting the guilt trip by my friend who is taking me down there for moral support that I should see my nada rotting away - totally incoherent etc. with the 'you'll get old someday too you know' but I am not a BPD and I would never do to other people what she did to me so she doesn't get it. I forgive her as much as I can on a human level but I have mixed feelings there. Who can blame me. Most of all I feel strongly my nada is not there anymore - only her body which is decaying worse than any corpse should while still alive and that saddens me. Do I want my last memories of nada to be of that? Do I want to face that? I'm not sure what I want to do. My friend thinks she might be holding on to see ME one last time but I've never seen anyone die except in movies and not so sure I want to. So I will go down and do what I have to do. Bring home all those thousands of papers nada has stock piled like a pack rat and come home to try to make sense of it all but for now I have to face the funeral director and all the banking crap I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. If any of you are still in contact with your nadas and fadas who are getting elderly or ARE elderly, you need to somehow get through to them that they need to at least tell you where they bank and have their life insurance policies or you will be sunk like I am. Good luck to us all and thanks for reading this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2011 Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 ((((((Libra)))))) I don't know if it makes any difference or not, but WE are with you in spirit and WE understand. I don't think your friend has any right to guilt you into doing anything you don't want to. Everyone grieves differently, there is no right or wrong way. You have to do what will be best for you to process this situation and the passing of a woman who was/is... a nada. You are very much in my thoughts. I am wishing you the best and the strength you need to endure. You are a survivor, so I know you will get through this! And just know we're here for you any time. Mia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2011 Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 This is not nice to say, but I'd like to bitch slap your friend and then hug you tight until its all over. You have cats right, do they comfort you? when things are at their worst for me, you'll find me in bed with girlscout curled up in my arms. Its the only thing that soothes me. > > > ((((((Libra)))))) I don't know if it makes any difference or not, but WE > are with you in spirit and WE understand. I don't think your friend has any > right to guilt you into doing anything you don't want to. Everyone grieves > differently, there is no right or wrong way. You have to do what will be > best for you to process this situation and the passing of a woman who > was/is... a nada. > > You are very much in my thoughts. I am wishing you the best and the > strength you need to endure. You are a survivor, so I know you will get > through this! And just know we're here for you any time. > > Mia > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2011 Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 My thoughts are with you during this very stressful time. The only positive things are that your nada is not in pain any longer, neither physical pain nor emotional pain, and she can no longer inflict fresh emotional pain on you. Just take it one day at a time and one step at a time, and you'll eventually emerge into the fresh air and the sense of peace and freedom that is long overdue for you. -Annie > > I found out yesterday that nada is comatose. The sepsis is undoubtedly spreading as is the gangrene up her left foot; she has a fever; has a very low red blood count as her internal bleeding continues; very pale skin; not eating or drinking for 11 days now and she still lives! Her doctor said she is defying all medical odds as she is now also only 80 pounds which she always wanted to be. (Can we spell anorexic?!) The hospice nurse and her doctor both say 1 to 2 more days but no one knows of course. > > I am going back down to Jersey which is an arduous trip in a little while and will come home Sunday night. I have to go to the funeral parlor to meet with the director to sign papers when she DOES pass for her cremation as well as give the Power of Attorney to her banks etc. so I can start to unravel how much nada actually has because no one of course will tell me over the phone without seeing the Power of Attorney. Nada would never tell me about what she had or where she had it so unraveling this is a nightmare. She kept everything - even for accounts she no longer has (old deposit slips and statements etc. so who knows what she has and what she canceled. Of course she trusted no one so she wouldn't divulge anything to me (even though I never gave her reason not to trust me). > > I am getting the guilt trip by my friend who is taking me down there for moral support that I should see my nada rotting away - totally incoherent etc. with the 'you'll get old someday too you know' but I am not a BPD and I would never do to other people what she did to me so she doesn't get it. I forgive her as much as I can on a human level but I have mixed feelings there. Who can blame me. Most of all I feel strongly my nada is not there anymore - only her body which is decaying worse than any corpse should while still alive and that saddens me. Do I want my last memories of nada to be of that? Do I want to face that? I'm not sure what I want to do. My friend thinks she might be holding on to see ME one last time but I've never seen anyone die except in movies and not so sure I want to. > > So I will go down and do what I have to do. Bring home all those thousands of papers nada has stock piled like a pack rat and come home to try to make sense of it all but for now I have to face the funeral director and all the banking crap I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. > > If any of you are still in contact with your nadas and fadas who are getting elderly or ARE elderly, you need to somehow get through to them that they need to at least tell you where they bank and have their life insurance policies or you will be sunk like I am. Good luck to us all and thanks for reading this. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2011 Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 ((((((((((((Libra))))))))))))))) I'm so sorry for your loss. No matter what, this is a horribly difficult situation. Your friend has no right to guilt-trip or pressure you into anything. I'm trying to be sweet about it, but that just makes me mad. I'm sure she's a good friend, but that is the worst, most inappropriate thing to do to you in this situation. As if this wasn't hard enough. You hold to your boundaries, do what you need to do for YOU, and know we are here for you. And, for the record . . . I wouldn't want my kids to be with me if I were that sick and close to crossing over. It would be too hard on them. And, at that point, having them next to me wouldn't serve me at all. So don't worry about holding vigil. You know what the right thing to do is, and are sticking to your guns for both of your sakes. (((((((((((HUGS again)))))))))))))))) Karla > > I found out yesterday that nada is comatose. The sepsis is undoubtedly spreading as is the gangrene up her left foot; she has a fever; has a very low red blood count as her internal bleeding continues; very pale skin; not eating or drinking for 11 days now and she still lives! Her doctor said she is defying all medical odds as she is now also only 80 pounds which she always wanted to be. (Can we spell anorexic?!) The hospice nurse and her doctor both say 1 to 2 more days but no one knows of course. > > I am going back down to Jersey which is an arduous trip in a little while and will come home Sunday night. I have to go to the funeral parlor to meet with the director to sign papers when she DOES pass for her cremation as well as give the Power of Attorney to her banks etc. so I can start to unravel how much nada actually has because no one of course will tell me over the phone without seeing the Power of Attorney. Nada would never tell me about what she had or where she had it so unraveling this is a nightmare. She kept everything - even for accounts she no longer has (old deposit slips and statements etc. so who knows what she has and what she canceled. Of course she trusted no one so she wouldn't divulge anything to me (even though I never gave her reason not to trust me). > > I am getting the guilt trip by my friend who is taking me down there for moral support that I should see my nada rotting away - totally incoherent etc. with the 'you'll get old someday too you know' but I am not a BPD and I would never do to other people what she did to me so she doesn't get it. I forgive her as much as I can on a human level but I have mixed feelings there. Who can blame me. Most of all I feel strongly my nada is not there anymore - only her body which is decaying worse than any corpse should while still alive and that saddens me. Do I want my last memories of nada to be of that? Do I want to face that? I'm not sure what I want to do. My friend thinks she might be holding on to see ME one last time but I've never seen anyone die except in movies and not so sure I want to. > > So I will go down and do what I have to do. Bring home all those thousands of papers nada has stock piled like a pack rat and come home to try to make sense of it all but for now I have to face the funeral director and all the banking crap I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. > > If any of you are still in contact with your nadas and fadas who are getting elderly or ARE elderly, you need to somehow get through to them that they need to at least tell you where they bank and have their life insurance policies or you will be sunk like I am. Good luck to us all and thanks for reading this. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2011 Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 It's not going to be too much longer Libra, and may even happen when you are there. I agree with you that she's probably not going to awaken. I am wondering since your nada is comatose, whether you should just wait until you get the call that she has passed. But then, you said you can be going to her banks, etc., which will keep you busy. Please don't let your friend manipulate you or make you feel bad. Please don't do things because of your friend. Do what YOU want to do. Trust you own judgment. It's been right from the get go! The end is in sight, it really is. My nada is the one with cat DNA, so I know what you and the doctors are talking about when they say " defying all medical odds. " Take good care of yourself. Annie 2 > > I found out yesterday that nada is comatose. The sepsis is undoubtedly spreading as is the gangrene up her left foot; she has a fever; has a very low red blood count as her internal bleeding continues; very pale skin; not eating or drinking for 11 days now and she still lives! Her doctor said she is defying all medical odds as she is now also only 80 pounds which she always wanted to be. (Can we spell anorexic?!) The hospice nurse and her doctor both say 1 to 2 more days but no one knows of course. > > I am going back down to Jersey which is an arduous trip in a little while and will come home Sunday night. I have to go to the funeral parlor to meet with the director to sign papers when she DOES pass for her cremation as well as give the Power of Attorney to her banks etc. so I can start to unravel how much nada actually has because no one of course will tell me over the phone without seeing the Power of Attorney. Nada would never tell me about what she had or where she had it so unraveling this is a nightmare. She kept everything - even for accounts she no longer has (old deposit slips and statements etc. so who knows what she has and what she canceled. Of course she trusted no one so she wouldn't divulge anything to me (even though I never gave her reason not to trust me). > > I am getting the guilt trip by my friend who is taking me down there for moral support that I should see my nada rotting away - totally incoherent etc. with the 'you'll get old someday too you know' but I am not a BPD and I would never do to other people what she did to me so she doesn't get it. I forgive her as much as I can on a human level but I have mixed feelings there. Who can blame me. Most of all I feel strongly my nada is not there anymore - only her body which is decaying worse than any corpse should while still alive and that saddens me. Do I want my last memories of nada to be of that? Do I want to face that? I'm not sure what I want to do. My friend thinks she might be holding on to see ME one last time but I've never seen anyone die except in movies and not so sure I want to. > > So I will go down and do what I have to do. Bring home all those thousands of papers nada has stock piled like a pack rat and come home to try to make sense of it all but for now I have to face the funeral director and all the banking crap I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. > > If any of you are still in contact with your nadas and fadas who are getting elderly or ARE elderly, you need to somehow get through to them that they need to at least tell you where they bank and have their life insurance policies or you will be sunk like I am. Good luck to us all and thanks for reading this. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2011 Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 (((((Libra))))) I'm so sorry it's dragging out like this for you and your nada. I hope that she can let go of this physical state and move on - maybe she is afraid to move on and holding on for dear life? Just a speculation. I wonder if having a person of her religion perform some kind of last rites would help her? And your friend sounds like she's not helping matters - but know that we all here understand how mixed your feelings are right now and how difficult this is. Wishing you strength and peace, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 20, 2011 Report Share Posted March 20, 2011 My heart goes out to you at this time. I am almost in the same situation. My nada goes to dialysis to live, and has gone way down in health since I went NC several months ago. I went back over to see her (brother is supposedly taking care of her) and she is frail and weak. The first thing that came to mind was that she is playing us. Probably not though. She can act but not that well. Your advice about getting to know the business they will leave is well taken. I'm afraid I'm in for a mess if she doesn't do anything soon. THe perfect ending to a bpd life. A mess. Remembering you in prayers... babyfoggy > > I found out yesterday that nada is comatose. The sepsis is undoubtedly spreading as is the gangrene up her left foot; she has a fever; has a very low red blood count as her internal bleeding continues; very pale skin; not eating or drinking for 11 days now and she still lives! Her doctor said she is defying all medical odds as she is now also only 80 pounds which she always wanted to be. (Can we spell anorexic?!) The hospice nurse and her doctor both say 1 to 2 more days but no one knows of course. > > I am going back down to Jersey which is an arduous trip in a little while and will come home Sunday night. I have to go to the funeral parlor to meet with the director to sign papers when she DOES pass for her cremation as well as give the Power of Attorney to her banks etc. so I can start to unravel how much nada actually has because no one of course will tell me over the phone without seeing the Power of Attorney. Nada would never tell me about what she had or where she had it so unraveling this is a nightmare. She kept everything - even for accounts she no longer has (old deposit slips and statements etc. so who knows what she has and what she canceled. Of course she trusted no one so she wouldn't divulge anything to me (even though I never gave her reason not to trust me). > > I am getting the guilt trip by my friend who is taking me down there for moral support that I should see my nada rotting away - totally incoherent etc. with the 'you'll get old someday too you know' but I am not a BPD and I would never do to other people what she did to me so she doesn't get it. I forgive her as much as I can on a human level but I have mixed feelings there. Who can blame me. Most of all I feel strongly my nada is not there anymore - only her body which is decaying worse than any corpse should while still alive and that saddens me. Do I want my last memories of nada to be of that? Do I want to face that? I'm not sure what I want to do. My friend thinks she might be holding on to see ME one last time but I've never seen anyone die except in movies and not so sure I want to. > > So I will go down and do what I have to do. Bring home all those thousands of papers nada has stock piled like a pack rat and come home to try to make sense of it all but for now I have to face the funeral director and all the banking crap I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. > > If any of you are still in contact with your nadas and fadas who are getting elderly or ARE elderly, you need to somehow get through to them that they need to at least tell you where they bank and have their life insurance policies or you will be sunk like I am. Good luck to us all and thanks for reading this. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.