Guest guest Posted March 18, 2011 Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 I was telling my T a story about my boss yesterday, how she pulled me into a mess she made in staff meeting. T goes - " Whoa, I think she's BPD. " DOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNG That's the sound of my bell getting rung. I think she's a waify waify waif with queen overtones. (Lets start describing BPD's like bottles of wine - crisp white grapes with hints of strawberry and an aroma of horse shit). This is the woman who insulted the Monkees after all. And hissed at me, in the middle of my delight at openning my xmas gifts from my besties, that I was making too much noise and people in the restaurant were giving her crusties. T also said that my boss's boss, who is a crusty cantankerous old man who I actually have a lot of love for, is uncomfortable with my direct boss. So when direct boss (aka the waif) does something that annoys him, he turns and attacks me. I'm like OH OKAY, yeah he does that. Its just like when my top ranking dog annoys the middle ranking dog, the middle dog turns and bites the bottom-ranking dog, so as not to upset the pack order. So, T said that I'm really good at planning ahead in my life (ha ha ha okay yeah so freaking true). but that I'm terrible at dealing with the moment I'm in right now (ha ha ha also true). So how do I deal with the moment I'm in right now when I report to a waif???? And she is only a waif when it works for her - to generate sympathy, get out of work etc. When it doesn't work, she goes queen. I guess I need immediate strategies for dealing with the waif. Any suggestions. Boundaries boundaries boundaries! And while I'm on that let me ask, has anyone else noticed that when you do set boundaries with a BPD they lose interest in you pretty quick. Its like they are kind of confused, and then they move on to an easier target. That's what my nada did. And its kind of what boss does - though she seems pretty confused right now by my boundaries and she's not sure how to get the narcassitic supply from me that she craves. Its even worse because she senses a change in our relationship, but she can't put her finger on what it is - I'm not mean to her, I'm not offensive, I'm not insubordinant. I'm just not giving her the reinforcement she wants. I can see the confusion on her face, her little pea brain is churning so hard to try to figure out what's up. Ha ha In the meantime, I am applying for all sorts of other opportunities. But that's future and I need to survive the now. The good thing is, that within the company I am well liked and have a great reputation. I've been there going on 5 years, so its not like I'm on shakey ground as a mere beginner. I don't think waif boss can really take me down at this stage, because the people in power seem to like me better and view me as a harder worker than they do her. So that's in my favor. Plus, as my T points out, if it does go bad and I move on that's not the end of the world. I'm also well liked my my clients and one of my options is to start my own business (doesn't really turn me on, but its an option) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2011 Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 Bad news: You got your bell rung. I hate the sound of that CLANG CLANG CLANG!! Sadly, I know it all too well. Good news: Shortly after the sound of that bell . . . BPD goes away. It may be rocky for a moment (or not--it sounds like you've got this one under control) but I've never had the dynamic in my life for a long time after the BPD bell rang. Let's call that sound the death nell to one more place of BPD in your life!! Personally, I think we attract BPDs in all levels of our life before we heal. Now that you are healing, the BPDs are getting farther and farther away. It used to be your " mom. " Now, it's your boss. It is flushing out of your life, one layer at a time! ((((((HUGS)))))))))) p.s. I knew something was wrong with that woman for insulting the monkees . . . .. Blessings, Karla > > I was telling my T a story about my boss yesterday, how she pulled me into a > mess she made in staff meeting. T goes - " Whoa, I think she's BPD. " > > DOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNG > > That's the sound of my bell getting rung. > > I think she's a waify waify waif with queen overtones. (Lets start > describing BPD's like bottles of wine - crisp white grapes with hints of > strawberry and an aroma of horse shit). > > This is the woman who insulted the Monkees after all. And hissed at me, in > the middle of my delight at openning my xmas gifts from my besties, that I > was making too much noise and people in the restaurant were giving her > crusties. > > T also said that my boss's boss, who is a crusty cantankerous old man who I > actually have a lot of love for, is uncomfortable with my direct boss. So > when direct boss (aka the waif) does something that annoys him, he turns and > attacks me. I'm like OH OKAY, yeah he does that. Its just like when my top > ranking dog annoys the middle ranking dog, the middle dog turns and bites > the bottom-ranking dog, so as not to upset the pack order. > > So, T said that I'm really good at planning ahead in my life (ha ha ha okay > yeah so freaking true). but that I'm terrible at dealing with the moment I'm > in right now (ha ha ha also true). So how do I deal with the moment I'm in > right now when I report to a waif???? And she is only a waif when it works > for her - to generate sympathy, get out of work etc. When it doesn't work, > she goes queen. > > I guess I need immediate strategies for dealing with the waif. Any > suggestions. Boundaries boundaries boundaries! > > And while I'm on that let me ask, has anyone else noticed that when you do > set boundaries with a BPD they lose interest in you pretty quick. Its like > they are kind of confused, and then they move on to an easier target. That's > what my nada did. And its kind of what boss does - though she seems pretty > confused right now by my boundaries and she's not sure how to get the > narcassitic supply from me that she craves. Its even worse because she > senses a change in our relationship, but she can't put her finger on what it > is - I'm not mean to her, I'm not offensive, I'm not insubordinant. I'm just > not giving her the reinforcement she wants. I can see the confusion on her > face, her little pea brain is churning so hard to try to figure out what's > up. Ha ha > > In the meantime, I am applying for all sorts of other opportunities. But > that's future and I need to survive the now. > > The good thing is, that within the company I am well liked and have a great > reputation. I've been there going on 5 years, so its not like I'm on shakey > ground as a mere beginner. I don't think waif boss can really take me down > at this stage, because the people in power seem to like me better and view > me as a harder worker than they do her. So that's in my favor. Plus, as my T > points out, if it does go bad and I move on that's not the end of the world. > I'm also well liked my my clients and one of my options is to start my own > business (doesn't really turn me on, but its an option) > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2011 Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 first of all, THANK YOU for my laugh of the day (describing our bpds like bottles of wine!) mine would be " Mild aroma with a bitter after-taste. " My mother is totally like that. If I express myself, in her opinion, too loudly, she hisses at me. " people are staaring!! " She takes all the joy out of things. It sounds like you're already dealing with her brilliantly! It sounds like she doesn't know what to make of you not reinforcing her neediness. And you're doing it well, diplomatically; it's harder with a boss than a mother. > > I was telling my T a story about my boss yesterday, how she pulled me into a > mess she made in staff meeting. T goes - " Whoa, I think she's BPD. " > > DOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNG > > That's the sound of my bell getting rung. > > I think she's a waify waify waif with queen overtones. (Lets start > describing BPD's like bottles of wine - crisp white grapes with hints of > strawberry and an aroma of horse shit). > > This is the woman who insulted the Monkees after all. And hissed at me, in > the middle of my delight at openning my xmas gifts from my besties, that I > was making too much noise and people in the restaurant were giving her > crusties. > > T also said that my boss's boss, who is a crusty cantankerous old man who I > actually have a lot of love for, is uncomfortable with my direct boss. So > when direct boss (aka the waif) does something that annoys him, he turns and > attacks me. I'm like OH OKAY, yeah he does that. Its just like when my top > ranking dog annoys the middle ranking dog, the middle dog turns and bites > the bottom-ranking dog, so as not to upset the pack order. > > So, T said that I'm really good at planning ahead in my life (ha ha ha okay > yeah so freaking true). but that I'm terrible at dealing with the moment I'm > in right now (ha ha ha also true). So how do I deal with the moment I'm in > right now when I report to a waif???? And she is only a waif when it works > for her - to generate sympathy, get out of work etc. When it doesn't work, > she goes queen. > > I guess I need immediate strategies for dealing with the waif. Any > suggestions. Boundaries boundaries boundaries! > > And while I'm on that let me ask, has anyone else noticed that when you do > set boundaries with a BPD they lose interest in you pretty quick. Its like > they are kind of confused, and then they move on to an easier target. That's > what my nada did. And its kind of what boss does - though she seems pretty > confused right now by my boundaries and she's not sure how to get the > narcassitic supply from me that she craves. Its even worse because she > senses a change in our relationship, but she can't put her finger on what it > is - I'm not mean to her, I'm not offensive, I'm not insubordinant. I'm just > not giving her the reinforcement she wants. I can see the confusion on her > face, her little pea brain is churning so hard to try to figure out what's > up. Ha ha > > In the meantime, I am applying for all sorts of other opportunities. But > that's future and I need to survive the now. > > The good thing is, that within the company I am well liked and have a great > reputation. I've been there going on 5 years, so its not like I'm on shakey > ground as a mere beginner. I don't think waif boss can really take me down > at this stage, because the people in power seem to like me better and view > me as a harder worker than they do her. So that's in my favor. Plus, as my T > points out, if it does go bad and I move on that's not the end of the world. > I'm also well liked my my clients and one of my options is to start my own > business (doesn't really turn me on, but its an option) > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2011 Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 Oh hugs guys, I needed to hear that. Wow, thanks. I feel so refreshed. DOOOOONNNNNNG - I guess it IS a good sound > > > first of all, THANK YOU for my laugh of the day (describing our bpds like > bottles of wine!) mine would be " Mild aroma with a bitter after-taste. " > > My mother is totally like that. If I express myself, in her opinion, too > loudly, she hisses at me. " people are staaring!! " She takes all the joy out > of things. > > It sounds like you're already dealing with her brilliantly! It sounds like > she doesn't know what to make of you not reinforcing her neediness. And > you're doing it well, diplomatically; it's harder with a boss than a mother. > > > > > > > > I was telling my T a story about my boss yesterday, how she pulled me > into a > > mess she made in staff meeting. T goes - " Whoa, I think she's BPD. " > > > > DOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNG > > > > That's the sound of my bell getting rung. > > > > I think she's a waify waify waif with queen overtones. (Lets start > > describing BPD's like bottles of wine - crisp white grapes with hints of > > strawberry and an aroma of horse shit). > > > > This is the woman who insulted the Monkees after all. And hissed at me, > in > > the middle of my delight at openning my xmas gifts from my besties, that > I > > was making too much noise and people in the restaurant were giving her > > crusties. > > > > T also said that my boss's boss, who is a crusty cantankerous old man who > I > > actually have a lot of love for, is uncomfortable with my direct boss. So > > when direct boss (aka the waif) does something that annoys him, he turns > and > > attacks me. I'm like OH OKAY, yeah he does that. Its just like when my > top > > ranking dog annoys the middle ranking dog, the middle dog turns and bites > > the bottom-ranking dog, so as not to upset the pack order. > > > > So, T said that I'm really good at planning ahead in my life (ha ha ha > okay > > yeah so freaking true). but that I'm terrible at dealing with the moment > I'm > > in right now (ha ha ha also true). So how do I deal with the moment I'm > in > > right now when I report to a waif???? And she is only a waif when it > works > > for her - to generate sympathy, get out of work etc. When it doesn't > work, > > she goes queen. > > > > I guess I need immediate strategies for dealing with the waif. Any > > suggestions. Boundaries boundaries boundaries! > > > > And while I'm on that let me ask, has anyone else noticed that when you > do > > set boundaries with a BPD they lose interest in you pretty quick. Its > like > > they are kind of confused, and then they move on to an easier target. > That's > > what my nada did. And its kind of what boss does - though she seems > pretty > > confused right now by my boundaries and she's not sure how to get the > > narcassitic supply from me that she craves. Its even worse because she > > senses a change in our relationship, but she can't put her finger on what > it > > is - I'm not mean to her, I'm not offensive, I'm not insubordinant. I'm > just > > not giving her the reinforcement she wants. I can see the confusion on > her > > face, her little pea brain is churning so hard to try to figure out > what's > > up. Ha ha > > > > In the meantime, I am applying for all sorts of other opportunities. But > > that's future and I need to survive the now. > > > > The good thing is, that within the company I am well liked and have a > great > > reputation. I've been there going on 5 years, so its not like I'm on > shakey > > ground as a mere beginner. I don't think waif boss can really take me > down > > at this stage, because the people in power seem to like me better and > view > > me as a harder worker than they do her. So that's in my favor. Plus, as > my T > > points out, if it does go bad and I move on that's not the end of the > world. > > I'm also well liked my my clients and one of my options is to start my > own > > business (doesn't really turn me on, but its an option) > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2011 Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 P.S. Later on today I'm going to write a letter to the publishers of the DSM, asking that they make " insults Davy to his face " result in an official and immediate personality disorder diagnosis. On Fri, Mar 18, 2011 at 1:28 PM, Girlscout Cowboy < girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote: > Oh hugs guys, I needed to hear that. Wow, thanks. I feel so refreshed. > DOOOOONNNNNNG - I guess it IS a good sound > > > > >> >> >> first of all, THANK YOU for my laugh of the day (describing our bpds like >> bottles of wine!) mine would be " Mild aroma with a bitter after-taste. " >> >> My mother is totally like that. If I express myself, in her opinion, too >> loudly, she hisses at me. " people are staaring!! " She takes all the joy out >> of things. >> >> It sounds like you're already dealing with her brilliantly! It sounds like >> she doesn't know what to make of you not reinforcing her neediness. And >> you're doing it well, diplomatically; it's harder with a boss than a mother. >> >> >> >> >> > >> > I was telling my T a story about my boss yesterday, how she pulled me >> into a >> > mess she made in staff meeting. T goes - " Whoa, I think she's BPD. " >> > >> > DOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNG >> > >> > That's the sound of my bell getting rung. >> > >> > I think she's a waify waify waif with queen overtones. (Lets start >> > describing BPD's like bottles of wine - crisp white grapes with hints of >> > strawberry and an aroma of horse shit). >> > >> > This is the woman who insulted the Monkees after all. And hissed at me, >> in >> > the middle of my delight at openning my xmas gifts from my besties, that >> I >> > was making too much noise and people in the restaurant were giving her >> > crusties. >> > >> > T also said that my boss's boss, who is a crusty cantankerous old man >> who I >> > actually have a lot of love for, is uncomfortable with my direct boss. >> So >> > when direct boss (aka the waif) does something that annoys him, he turns >> and >> > attacks me. I'm like OH OKAY, yeah he does that. Its just like when my >> top >> > ranking dog annoys the middle ranking dog, the middle dog turns and >> bites >> > the bottom-ranking dog, so as not to upset the pack order. >> > >> > So, T said that I'm really good at planning ahead in my life (ha ha ha >> okay >> > yeah so freaking true). but that I'm terrible at dealing with the moment >> I'm >> > in right now (ha ha ha also true). So how do I deal with the moment I'm >> in >> > right now when I report to a waif???? And she is only a waif when it >> works >> > for her - to generate sympathy, get out of work etc. When it doesn't >> work, >> > she goes queen. >> > >> > I guess I need immediate strategies for dealing with the waif. Any >> > suggestions. Boundaries boundaries boundaries! >> > >> > And while I'm on that let me ask, has anyone else noticed that when you >> do >> > set boundaries with a BPD they lose interest in you pretty quick. Its >> like >> > they are kind of confused, and then they move on to an easier target. >> That's >> > what my nada did. And its kind of what boss does - though she seems >> pretty >> > confused right now by my boundaries and she's not sure how to get the >> > narcassitic supply from me that she craves. Its even worse because she >> > senses a change in our relationship, but she can't put her finger on >> what it >> > is - I'm not mean to her, I'm not offensive, I'm not insubordinant. I'm >> just >> > not giving her the reinforcement she wants. I can see the confusion on >> her >> > face, her little pea brain is churning so hard to try to figure out >> what's >> > up. Ha ha >> > >> > In the meantime, I am applying for all sorts of other opportunities. But >> > that's future and I need to survive the now. >> > >> > The good thing is, that within the company I am well liked and have a >> great >> > reputation. I've been there going on 5 years, so its not like I'm on >> shakey >> > ground as a mere beginner. I don't think waif boss can really take me >> down >> > at this stage, because the people in power seem to like me better and >> view >> > me as a harder worker than they do her. So that's in my favor. Plus, as >> my T >> > points out, if it does go bad and I move on that's not the end of the >> world. >> > I'm also well liked my my clients and one of my options is to start my >> own >> > business (doesn't really turn me on, but its an option) >> > >> > >> > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 20, 2011 Report Share Posted March 20, 2011 I was thinking about this the other day and wondering if we attract more BPDs into our lives as we try to move on with our lives. I can't decide if we actually attract them, which would make sense, or if we simply are more likely to identify them out in the world because we are so familiar with the signs? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 20, 2011 Report Share Posted March 20, 2011 I don't know - I feel like they are everywhere, all around me and I can't escape! Help. I suspect that they get easier to spot though. > > > I was thinking about this the other day and wondering if we attract more > BPDs into our lives as we try to move on with our lives. I can't decide if > we actually attract them, which would make sense, or if we simply are more > likely to identify them out in the world because we are so familiar with the > signs? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 20, 2011 Report Share Posted March 20, 2011 I think we are naturally drawn to what is familiar; its a survival instinct deeply imbedded in our DNA. I've read that whatever environment we experience as children during our formative, impressionable years becomes imprinted in our psyche as " familiar " ( " standard " , " natural " " normal " ) and so " familiar " comes to equal " safe and appropriate " in our sub-conscious, EVEN IF that " familiar " behavior we experienced on a daily basis as kids was actually abusive, exploitative, demeaning or otherwise toxic: its FAMILIAR to us. It feels " normal " to us. That uncanny *instant* attraction that you can sometimes experience when meeting a person is that person's physical appearance and/or characteristics/personality triggering your subconscious Wow- This-Is-SO-Familiar! programming. It takes effort to become consciously aware of this subconscious programming, that tells us things like, " Wow, this guy is so handsome, and he's cold and rejecting (or angry and demanding, or sad and needy) just like my dad...I think I'm in love! " It sure isn't easy to achieve this conscious *awareness* of our subconscious, drilled-in programming and therefor gaining us the ability to get a better handle on our responses, but, its possible. -Annie > > I was thinking about this the other day and wondering if we attract more BPDs into our lives as we try to move on with our lives. I can't decide if we actually attract them, which would make sense, or if we simply are more likely to identify them out in the world because we are so familiar with the signs? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 20, 2011 Report Share Posted March 20, 2011 I think it is some of both. Personality disorders seem to be relatively common and being familiar with what BPD is makes it easy to spot. Some of us probably attract them due to being used to putting up with their misbehavior and not far enough along in learning how to put a stop to it. They tend to be attracted to people who don't stand up to them so as you learn to stand up to them you end up having less problems with the ones who aren't in closer relationships with you. I actively refuse to put up with their behavior so the ones I come across tend to retreat and find someone else to make friends with. At 02:20 PM 03/20/2011 yodababy wrote: >I was thinking about this the other day and wondering if we >attract more BPDs into our lives as we try to move on with our >lives. I can't decide if we actually attract them, which would >make sense, or if we simply are more likely to identify them >out in the world because we are so familiar with the signs? -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 20, 2011 Report Share Posted March 20, 2011 I have found over the years that people tend to seek me out for friendship and then I get all creeped out because they seem like younger versions of my nada and start up all the same old patterns. At least I can say that I'm MUCH better at setting boundaries with these people that with my actual nada. Oddly enough, then they get bored and disappear from my life. I should probably take that wisdom back to the source no? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 20, 2011 Report Share Posted March 20, 2011 " Oddly enough, then they get bored and disappear from my life. " You've hit the nail on the head there. If they don't get what they want from you, they won't see any reason to be " friends " with you. They want to surround themselves with people they can get something from. What they're trying to get from you can vary - sometimes they want drama, sometimes they want someone to listen to their sobs of " poor, poor, pitiful me " , sometimes they want something more tangible like being taken out to dinner or sex - but if you don't provide whatever it is, they usually go away after a while. Unfortunately, it is a lot easier to refuse to allow misbehavior from a parent than from social contacts and even some co-workers. At 03:40 PM 03/20/2011 yodababy wrote: >I have found over the years that people tend to seek me out for >friendship and then I get all creeped out because they seem >like younger versions of my nada and start up all the same old >patterns. At least I can say that I'm MUCH better at setting >boundaries with these people that with my actual nada. Oddly >enough, then they get bored and disappear from my life. > >I should probably take that wisdom back to the source no? -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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