Guest guest Posted March 18, 2011 Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 Hi Jocelyne, Wow, I could not handle 15 calls a day from my nada. You have a lot more patience and stamina than I do. Holy Cow. I'm in No Contact with my nada because I started developing very distressing Meniere's Disease-like symptoms after being " ambushed " by my mother by phone, and I simply can't function normally and earn a living under those conditions. I suggest that its possible that your nada may be suffering from anxiety, or an anxiety disorder, perhaps? If that's the case, then there is a little pill that can help with that. Anti-anxiety meds really work. I had to go on a course of anti-anxiety meds at one point, when I found myself in a highly stressful job situation (due to a change in management that gave me " the boss-monster from hell " instead of my wonderful original boss). I can attest that the anti-anxiety meds did the trick and allowed me to survive and function adequately until I could get myself transferred out of there. When I did get situated in a different department far, far away from the boss-monster, I didn't need the anti-anxiety meds anymore. So, maybe your nada could get a little check-up from her doctor, and you could let the doctor know that nada is so anxious and nervous that she calls you 15 times a day, and maybe some anti-anxiety meds would help her? Just an idea to consider. -Annie > > Thank you for the kind words of encouragement. Health issues are dfinitely a game my nada plays. It has become predictable now : if there is a big family event,like a wedding ,a family Christmas party etc.. you can bet she will have some physical complaint or complain so much about the location of the event or the weather or the time or whatever to turn the attention to herself.( she almost ruined both my daughters weddings).She calls me about 15 times a day and insists on knowing my schedule for every minute of the day.If I don't tell her, she has a fit and calls my daughters or my friends to find out what I am doing and why did I try to hide it from her! ( I am a grandmother!!!).It seems the more people do for her, the more she rages against them.People who try to stay away or be neutral,she tries to charm and people fall for it.They tell me how lovely and nice my nada is .It's hard for me not to tell them the truth.She lives in a lovely assisted > living place. I have tried to suggest she gets involved in some of the activities (so she stops bugging me) she hates everything and everybody,has no friends,hates the people,hates the food,hates the climate.Don't bpd's see that they are their own worst ennemy? I guess it is time to stop hoping that something will click in her mind and that she could enjoy the little time she has left if only her attitude could change.How I wish there was a pill for this disease! > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2011 Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 This was my mother's MO. It was crazy, crazy and if I was even 5 minutes later than I thought I'd be, she'd leave me nasty message about how I didn't care if she worried and I was a horrible daughter. Then her messages go pitiful and even suicidal. It was just really weird. My therapist told me that BPDs are common in doing this. She treated a BPD once and said the girl would call 10 times in 10 minutes and by the time she called her back, she had text'd and emailed pictures of her cut up arms. My nada never cut herself, but I'm sure you get the picture of how desperate they feel. In Understanding the Borderline Mother, one thing that stands out to me is that she stated that not only can nada not see that we are our own person and she doesn't own us by just giving birth, but she feels abandoned without constant contact. It was tiresome. Especially with a husband and three kids. If there's anything I don't miss about my mother, this is the biggest thing. I can go to the grocery store without reporting to someone. Nada calls 15 times a day Hi Jocelyne, Wow, I could not handle 15 calls a day from my nada. You have a lot more patience and stamina than I do. Holy Cow. I'm in No Contact with my nada because I started developing very distressing Meniere's Disease-like symptoms after being " ambushed " by my mother by phone, and I simply can't function normally and earn a living under those conditions. I suggest that its possible that your nada may be suffering from anxiety, or an anxiety disorder, perhaps? If that's the case, then there is a little pill that can help with that. Anti-anxiety meds really work. I had to go on a course of anti-anxiety meds at one point, when I found myself in a highly stressful job situation (due to a change in management that gave me " the boss-monster from hell " instead of my wonderful original boss). I can attest that the anti-anxiety meds did the trick and allowed me to survive and function adequately until I could get myself transferred out of there. When I did get situated in a different department far, far away from the boss-monster, I didn't need the anti-anxiety meds anymore. So, maybe your nada could get a little check-up from her doctor, and you could let the doctor know that nada is so anxious and nervous that she calls you 15 times a day, and maybe some anti-anxiety meds would help her? Just an idea to consider. -Annie > > Thank you for the kind words of encouragement. Health issues are dfinitely a game my nada plays. It has become predictable now : if there is a big family event,like a wedding ,a family Christmas party etc.. you can bet she will have some physical complaint or complain so much about the location of the event or the weather or the time or whatever to turn the attention to herself.( she almost ruined both my daughters weddings).She calls me about 15 times a day and insists on knowing my schedule for every minute of the day.If I don't tell her, she has a fit and calls my daughters or my friends to find out what I am doing and why did I try to hide it from her! ( I am a grandmother!!!).It seems the more people do for her, the more she rages against them.People who try to stay away or be neutral,she tries to charm and people fall for it.They tell me how lovely and nice my nada is .It's hard for me not to tell them the truth.She lives in a lovely assisted > living place. I have tried to suggest she gets involved in some of the activities (so she stops bugging me) she hates everything and everybody,has no friends,hates the people,hates the food,hates the climate.Don't bpd's see that they are their own worst ennemy? I guess it is time to stop hoping that something will click in her mind and that she could enjoy the little time she has left if only her attitude could change.How I wish there was a pill for this disease! > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2011 Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 I am dealing with this right now... at the very moment actually. The most calls I have gotten in this recent run is 8 in two days. What is especially hard is I will not answer all of her calls all of the time. I will be sure to answer about once ever one to two weeks. She is back to calling daily now once or twice a day. But here is the catch. If I do not answer she starts calling around trying to find out what is wrong with me. She calls my sister telling her I am depressed and even though my sister assures her I am just fine that she has seen me and I am fine (my sister and I talk most every day)my nada persists in spreading her propaganda that I am mentally sick and heading into a downward spiral that can happen at any time extremely fast and so she keeps calling and calling. When I do make arrangements to see her at a party or sometimes at my home I make sure the visit is good. We have fun, I give hugs, we chatter about light things... I do NOT let her go on and on about how bad others are anymore and that may be a part of it. The she goes home and before long the process starts again. I don't know what to do about it. I have talked to her directly about telling people that the things that I do are " because I am sick " . She looked like a deer and headlights and slinked out of my house as fast as she could yet continues to do it. Sorry for going on but there was yet another call when I came home tonight and I am at the end of my frustration level right now. Anyone have any suggestions on how to get your nada to stop spreading that you are mentally unstable and about to spiral out of control at any moment? Thanks, Cuddle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 19, 2011 Report Share Posted March 19, 2011 Just an update to my own post! :-) Last night I bit the bullet and went NC with nada. We wrote a script, my husband made the call and we sent a copy of the script as well. It's a very mixed feeling but there is relief... the other part is it is kind of scary... just have to wait and see what comes. I know there is no way to stop her from spreading the things she spreads about me but at least I can fight against the constant calls and hounding. It is an initial 2 week NC at which point we will re-evaluate... Cuddle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 19, 2011 Report Share Posted March 19, 2011 Good job! What did she say? On Sat, Mar 19, 2011 at 10:26 AM, Cuddle Kettle wrote: > > > Just an update to my own post! :-) > > Last night I bit the bullet and went NC with nada. We wrote a script, my > husband made the call and we sent a copy of the script as well. It's a very > mixed feeling but there is relief... the other part is it is kind of > scary... just have to wait and see what comes. > > I know there is no way to stop her from spreading the things she spreads > about me but at least I can fight against the constant calls and hounding. > > It is an initial 2 week NC at which point we will re-evaluate... > > > Cuddle > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 19, 2011 Report Share Posted March 19, 2011 Actually, not a word! My husband didn't give her the opportunity to bargain. He explained the situation, asked her to respect it, wished her a good night and hung up the phone. We did give my dad a heads up before talking to my mom and sent him an exact copy of the script we wrote out... it won't change what she says but at least he will know what was actually said for his own knowledge and to give to her if need be. I am sure part of this escalation on her part is because bada moved out of their house this past week. She is now grasping... Regardless, the ball is rolling and what happens next will happen next... It was a lot easier when I went NC with my bada almost two years ago. This one is a little more scary but there is nothing I can do but move on with my life and let her do whatever she will do... Cuddle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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