Guest guest Posted March 21, 2011 Report Share Posted March 21, 2011 I've been away from this board, and most everything else, because my BPD mom died last month. I've spent most of the time since New Year's at her house, at the hospital, etc., with little or no access to computers or the Net. I actually had to write one of those obits we had a thread about on this board late last year. ... So for various reasons I've been in a state of extreme isolation. But I have missed you and this board and have been looking forward to getting back. I have so much reading here to catch up on!!! Losing a BPD parent is different from losing a parent who was not mentally ill. Very complicated, and the outside world -- other people who " knew " that parent -- knew a very different person from the one you knew. So yes, I was the villain in the eyes of some of Mom's friends. I was the bad child who visited only once a year and who failed to get Mom the help she needed -- with her house, with her physical health -- years ago. I was the uncaring villain who (ha ha) was always off having good times 500 miles away from her. Confronting these people with their perceptions has been difficult, but only one small part of the whole picture, which is a sad picture of someone dying who suffered a lot and whose suffering was contagious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2011 Report Share Posted March 21, 2011 I'm so sorry for your loss! And for the extra, unnecessary emotional baggage thrown in by flying monkeys. I hope you can find some peace, if not some resolution. My thoughts are with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2011 Report Share Posted March 21, 2011 I'm so sorry for your loss. You're right, losing an abusive, mentally ill parent has got to be just layers and layers of complicated. I hope you are now at a stage where you can begin to find some peace and healing; and I'm glad you came back here. best wishes, -Annie > > I've been away from this board, and most everything else, because my BPD mom died last month. I've spent most of the time since New Year's at her house, at the hospital, etc., with little or no access to computers or the Net. I actually had to write one of those obits we had a thread about on this board late last year. ... So for various reasons I've been in a state of extreme isolation. But I have missed you and this board and have been looking forward to getting back. I have so much reading here to catch up on!!! > > Losing a BPD parent is different from losing a parent who was not mentally ill. Very complicated, and the outside world -- other people who " knew " that parent -- knew a very different person from the one you knew. So yes, I was the villain in the eyes of some of Mom's friends. I was the bad child who visited only once a year and who failed to get Mom the help she needed -- with her house, with her physical health -- years ago. I was the uncaring villain who (ha ha) was always off having good times 500 miles away from her. > > Confronting these people with their perceptions has been difficult, but only one small part of the whole picture, which is a sad picture of someone dying who suffered a lot and whose suffering was contagious. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2011 Report Share Posted March 21, 2011 Wow, I'm amazed that you did all that. You are brave and I am proud. Welcome back On Mon, Mar 21, 2011 at 11:01 AM, anuria67854 wrote: > > > I'm so sorry for your loss. You're right, losing an abusive, mentally ill > parent has got to be just layers and layers of complicated. I hope you are > now at a stage where you can begin to find some peace and healing; and I'm > glad you came back here. > best wishes, > -Annie > > > > > > > I've been away from this board, and most everything else, because my BPD > mom died last month. I've spent most of the time since New Year's at her > house, at the hospital, etc., with little or no access to computers or the > Net. I actually had to write one of those obits we had a thread about on > this board late last year. ... So for various reasons I've been in a state > of extreme isolation. But I have missed you and this board and have been > looking forward to getting back. I have so much reading here to catch up > on!!! > > > > Losing a BPD parent is different from losing a parent who was not > mentally ill. Very complicated, and the outside world -- other people who > " knew " that parent -- knew a very different person from the one you knew. So > yes, I was the villain in the eyes of some of Mom's friends. I was the bad > child who visited only once a year and who failed to get Mom the help she > needed -- with her house, with her physical health -- years ago. I was the > uncaring villain who (ha ha) was always off having good times 500 miles away > from her. > > > > Confronting these people with their perceptions has been difficult, but > only one small part of the whole picture, which is a sad picture of someone > dying who suffered a lot and whose suffering was contagious. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 22, 2011 Report Share Posted March 22, 2011 Welcome back, Anneli; so sorry for your loss. I think that's got to be one of the worst parts of it all, is dealing with the people who think they know your mother and worse, think they know your relationship. Fiona > > I've been away from this board, and most everything else, because my BPD mom died last month. I've spent most of the time since New Year's at her house, at the hospital, etc., with little or no access to computers or the Net. I actually had to write one of those obits we had a thread about on this board late last year. ... So for various reasons I've been in a state of extreme isolation. But I have missed you and this board and have been looking forward to getting back. I have so much reading here to catch up on!!! > > Losing a BPD parent is different from losing a parent who was not mentally ill. Very complicated, and the outside world -- other people who " knew " that parent -- knew a very different person from the one you knew. So yes, I was the villain in the eyes of some of Mom's friends. I was the bad child who visited only once a year and who failed to get Mom the help she needed -- with her house, with her physical health -- years ago. I was the uncaring villain who (ha ha) was always off having good times 500 miles away from her. > > Confronting these people with their perceptions has been difficult, but only one small part of the whole picture, which is a sad picture of someone dying who suffered a lot and whose suffering was contagious. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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