anyone know about transference?

[Guest guest]

Hi again,

I have been reading some of the postings and have been getting the emails for a

long time... I quit writing because I have been doing some really intense

therapy and just needed to focus on that....

Still doing therapy but feel I need to get back on here for additional support.

Of course my NADA is still as dysfunctional as ever... that never changes...and

my dysfunctional father left when I was young... I am trying to tell you that I

have never had a " real " parent...but now after working so hard in therapy and

making lots of progress I feel like I am going through a tough case of

transference... can anyone relate?

This is definately NOT romantic/sexual in nature (as it sounds like a lot of

transference is)... but I just have yearned for an unconditional parnetal love

for so long that I feel so drawn to my counselor because she is that accepting,

tender, " parental love " in a way... It is like I find myself wishing I could

call her to go to the movies, or shopping, or scrapbook with me... I find myself

wanting to call her to tell her about the acheivements my kids have made or

wanting to send her cute pictures of the kids... (a lot like you would your

" mom " ... if you had such a thing).... I feel that I have begun to see her as

that " mom " support that I have yearned for my entire life (I am now 32)and

although I have been working through the grieving process over my biological

parents I feel like I need to get a different therapist to grieve my therapy...

what is wrong with me???

I not only want to have her around to laugh with, talk with, have fun with...etc

but since my mom pretty much only taught dysfunctional ways I wish I knew my

counselor on a personal level to be a role model I never had... for me to see

how she handles life.... I want to see healthy ways to deal with life and people

and raising children...

Our NADAs caused sooooo much damage... will the results of the abuse ever go

away? ugh....

I am hopeful to hear from someone who understands and can relate... This makes

me feel like a freak although I am sure it is a pretty normal process when

dealing with such extended, intense therapy...

looking forward to a response....

jen

[Guest guest]

I don't know about all of transference, but I send my T pictures all the

time. I think you should.

On Mon, Mar 21, 2011 at 8:56 AM, fivemanblessing wrote:

>

>

> Hi again,

> I have been reading some of the postings and have been getting the emails

> for a long time... I quit writing because I have been doing some really

> intense therapy and just needed to focus on that....

>

> Still doing therapy but feel I need to get back on here for additional

> support. Of course my NADA is still as dysfunctional as ever... that never

> changes...and my dysfunctional father left when I was young... I am trying

> to tell you that I have never had a " real " parent...but now after working so

> hard in therapy and making lots of progress I feel like I am going through a

> tough case of transference... can anyone relate?

>

> This is definately NOT romantic/sexual in nature (as it sounds like a lot

> of transference is)... but I just have yearned for an unconditional parnetal

> love for so long that I feel so drawn to my counselor because she is that

> accepting, tender, " parental love " in a way... It is like I find myself

> wishing I could call her to go to the movies, or shopping, or scrapbook with

> me... I find myself wanting to call her to tell her about the acheivements

> my kids have made or wanting to send her cute pictures of the kids... (a lot

> like you would your " mom " ... if you had such a thing).... I feel that I have

> begun to see her as that " mom " support that I have yearned for my entire

> life (I am now 32)and although I have been working through the grieving

> process over my biological parents I feel like I need to get a different

> therapist to grieve my therapy... what is wrong with me???

>

> I not only want to have her around to laugh with, talk with, have fun

> with...etc but since my mom pretty much only taught dysfunctional ways I

> wish I knew my counselor on a personal level to be a role model I never

> had... for me to see how she handles life.... I want to see healthy ways to

> deal with life and people and raising children...

>

> Our NADAs caused sooooo much damage... will the results of the abuse ever

> go away? ugh....

>

> I am hopeful to hear from someone who understands and can relate... This

> makes me feel like a freak although I am sure it is a pretty normal process

> when dealing with such extended, intense therapy...

>

> looking forward to a response....

> jen

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Transference doesn't necessarily have to be sexual in nature. Here is one of

several definitions of transference: Note the " unconscious " aspect.

Transference is a phenomenon in psychoanalysis characterized by unconscious

redirection of feelings from one person to another. One definition of

transference is " the inappropriate repetition in the present of a relationship

that was important in a person's childhood. ...

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transference

>

> >

> >

> > Hi again,

> > I have been reading some of the postings and have been getting the emails

> > for a long time... I quit writing because I have been doing some really

> > intense therapy and just needed to focus on that....

> >

> > Still doing therapy but feel I need to get back on here for additional

> > support. Of course my NADA is still as dysfunctional as ever... that never

> > changes...and my dysfunctional father left when I was young... I am trying

> > to tell you that I have never had a " real " parent...but now after working so

> > hard in therapy and making lots of progress I feel like I am going through a

> > tough case of transference... can anyone relate?

> >

> > This is definately NOT romantic/sexual in nature (as it sounds like a lot

> > of transference is)... but I just have yearned for an unconditional parnetal

> > love for so long that I feel so drawn to my counselor because she is that

> > accepting, tender, " parental love " in a way... It is like I find myself

> > wishing I could call her to go to the movies, or shopping, or scrapbook with

> > me... I find myself wanting to call her to tell her about the acheivements

> > my kids have made or wanting to send her cute pictures of the kids... (a lot

> > like you would your " mom " ... if you had such a thing).... I feel that I have

> > begun to see her as that " mom " support that I have yearned for my entire

> > life (I am now 32)and although I have been working through the grieving

> > process over my biological parents I feel like I need to get a different

> > therapist to grieve my therapy... what is wrong with me???

> >

> > I not only want to have her around to laugh with, talk with, have fun

> > with...etc but since my mom pretty much only taught dysfunctional ways I

> > wish I knew my counselor on a personal level to be a role model I never

> > had... for me to see how she handles life.... I want to see healthy ways to

> > deal with life and people and raising children...

> >

> > Our NADAs caused sooooo much damage... will the results of the abuse ever

> > go away? ugh....

> >

> > I am hopeful to hear from someone who understands and can relate... This

> > makes me feel like a freak although I am sure it is a pretty normal process

> > when dealing with such extended, intense therapy...

> >

> > looking forward to a response....

> > jen

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

hi jen: not a therapist or anything but think I did experienced transference

recently. Was talking with a friend about my recent interaction with a

narcissist. The friend " therapist " ... had just gone through a nasty break-up

with her (in the medical profession) boyfriend who happens to be a (surprise) a

narcissist...She started to get very dogmatic with me about this and that. Her

ideas didn't relate to me at all. Anyway, long story short, she started to

impose all the problems she was having with her ex (narcissist boyfriend) on me.

Not talking about me a my issue, she was talking about her and her problems. In

a nutshell, I think that's what transference is about. You on the other hand

seem to have a warm, very touching relationship with your therapist! I

personally would welcome that. dw

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Mon, March 21, 2011 2:19:21 PM

Subject: Re: anyone know about transference?

Transference doesn't necessarily have to be sexual in nature. Here is one of

several definitions of transference: Note the " unconscious " aspect.

Transference is a phenomenon in psychoanalysis characterized by unconscious

redirection of feelings from one person to another. One definition of

transference is " the inappropriate repetition in the present of a relationship

that was important in a person's childhood. ...

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transference

>

> >

> >

> > Hi again,

> > I have been reading some of the postings and have been getting the emails

> > for a long time... I quit writing because I have been doing some really

> > intense therapy and just needed to focus on that....

> >

> > Still doing therapy but feel I need to get back on here for additional

> > support. Of course my NADA is still as dysfunctional as ever... that never

> > changes...and my dysfunctional father left when I was young... I am trying

> > to tell you that I have never had a " real " parent...but now after working so

> > hard in therapy and making lots of progress I feel like I am going through a

> > tough case of transference... can anyone relate?

> >

> > This is definately NOT romantic/sexual in nature (as it sounds like a lot

> > of transference is)... but I just have yearned for an unconditional parnetal

> > love for so long that I feel so drawn to my counselor because she is that

> > accepting, tender, " parental love " in a way... It is like I find myself

> > wishing I could call her to go to the movies, or shopping, or scrapbook with

> > me... I find myself wanting to call her to tell her about the acheivements

> > my kids have made or wanting to send her cute pictures of the kids... (a lot

> > like you would your " mom " ... if you had such a thing).... I feel that I have

> > begun to see her as that " mom " support that I have yearned for my entire

> > life (I am now 32)and although I have been working through the grieving

> > process over my biological parents I feel like I need to get a different

> > therapist to grieve my therapy... what is wrong with me???

> >

> > I not only want to have her around to laugh with, talk with, have fun

> > with...etc but since my mom pretty much only taught dysfunctional ways I

> > wish I knew my counselor on a personal level to be a role model I never

> > had... for me to see how she handles life.... I want to see healthy ways to

> > deal with life and people and raising children...

> >

> > Our NADAs caused sooooo much damage... will the results of the abuse ever

> > go away? ugh....

> >

> > I am hopeful to hear from someone who understands and can relate... This

> > makes me feel like a freak although I am sure it is a pretty normal process

> > when dealing with such extended, intense therapy...

> >

> > looking forward to a response....

> > jen

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I feel like I am going through a tough case of transference... can

anyone relate?

>

> This is definately NOT romantic/sexual in nature (as it sounds like a

lot of transference is)... but I just have yearned for an unconditional

parnetal love for so long that I feel so drawn to my counselor because

she is that accepting, tender, " parental love " in a way... It is like I

find myself wishing I could call her to go to the movies, or shopping,

or scrapbook with me... I find myself wanting to call her to tell her

about the acheivements my kids have made or wanting to send her cute

pictures of the kids... (a lot like you would your " mom " ... if you had

such a thing).... I feel that I have begun to see her as that " mom "

support that I have yearned for my entire life (I am now 32)and although

I have been working through the grieving process over my biological

parents I feel like I need to get a different therapist to grieve my

therapy... what is wrong with me???

>

> I not only want to have her around to laugh with, talk with, have fun

with...etc but since my mom pretty much only taught dysfunctional ways I

wish I knew my counselor on a personal level to be a role model I never

had... for me to see how she handles life.... I want to see healthy ways

to deal with life and people and raising children...

During transference, people turn into a " biological time machine " . A

nerve is struck when someone says or does something that reminds you of

your past. This creates an " emotional time warp " that transfers your

emotional past and your psychological needs into the present. In less

poetic terms, a transference reaction means that you are reacting to

someone in terms of what you need to see, you are afraid of or what you

see when you know very little about the person. This all happens without

you knowing why you feel and react the way you do.

Sound familiar?

You may also find this article of interest.

http://bpd.about.com/od/treatments/a/transference.htm

<http://bpd.about.com/od/treatments/a/transference.htm>

In either case, I would discuss your feelings with the therapist, and

work out how to proceed.

Doug

[Guest guest]

Hi Jen,

I don't think you're a freak at all. I know how you feel; I look forward to

seeing my T because I feel understood and heard...who wouldn't want to be around

someone like that all the time?!

Please don't be so hard on yourself; you're getting the nourishing acceptance

and validation from someone that you should have gotten as a child and you're

soaking it up.

Sometimes, I also want to know more my T more, and would like to ask her

personal questions, but we don't have that kind of relationship yet!

Hugs,

Fiona

>

> Hi again,

> I have been reading some of the postings and have been getting the emails for

a long time... I quit writing because I have been doing some really intense

therapy and just needed to focus on that....

>

> Still doing therapy but feel I need to get back on here for additional

support. Of course my NADA is still as dysfunctional as ever... that never

changes...and my dysfunctional father left when I was young... I am trying to

tell you that I have never had a " real " parent...but now after working so hard

in therapy and making lots of progress I feel like I am going through a tough

case of transference... can anyone relate?

>

> This is definately NOT romantic/sexual in nature (as it sounds like a lot of

transference is)... but I just have yearned for an unconditional parnetal love

for so long that I feel so drawn to my counselor because she is that accepting,

tender, " parental love " in a way... It is like I find myself wishing I could

call her to go to the movies, or shopping, or scrapbook with me... I find myself

wanting to call her to tell her about the acheivements my kids have made or

wanting to send her cute pictures of the kids... (a lot like you would your

" mom " ... if you had such a thing).... I feel that I have begun to see her as

that " mom " support that I have yearned for my entire life (I am now 32)and

although I have been working through the grieving process over my biological

parents I feel like I need to get a different therapist to grieve my therapy...

what is wrong with me???

>

> I not only want to have her around to laugh with, talk with, have fun

with...etc but since my mom pretty much only taught dysfunctional ways I wish I

knew my counselor on a personal level to be a role model I never had... for me

to see how she handles life.... I want to see healthy ways to deal with life and

people and raising children...

>

> Our NADAs caused sooooo much damage... will the results of the abuse ever go

away? ugh....

>

> I am hopeful to hear from someone who understands and can relate... This makes

me feel like a freak although I am sure it is a pretty normal process when

dealing with such extended, intense therapy...

>

> looking forward to a response....

> jen

>

[Guest guest]

The feelings you described ring a bell with me as well. When they started, I had

no idea what to do about it, and even though as a psych major at college I had

read about transference, I was not aware that this exact thing was happening to

me.

It's perfectly understandable why it happens as it happens when it happens, but

it can be a bit scary. To me it felt like a rush of all the stuff I hadn't been

able to feel or express with M.

But I could sense that my therapist was frightened by my transference -- and

somewhat by me. In sessions, I would get too personal (I didn't know any better)

and ask her things like, " Where did you grow up? " ... I could literally see her

recoiling. This hurt my feelings. But now I understand how it is for therapists

in these situations.

You will work through this. It's part of the process.

[Guest guest]

doug, thanks a lot.... !!

>

>

>

> I feel like I am going through a tough case of transference... can

> anyone relate?

> >

> > This is definately NOT romantic/sexual in nature (as it sounds like a

> lot of transference is)... but I just have yearned for an unconditional

> parnetal love for so long that I feel so drawn to my counselor because

> she is that accepting, tender, " parental love " in a way... It is like I

> find myself wishing I could call her to go to the movies, or shopping,

> or scrapbook with me... I find myself wanting to call her to tell her

> about the acheivements my kids have made or wanting to send her cute

> pictures of the kids... (a lot like you would your " mom " ... if you had

> such a thing).... I feel that I have begun to see her as that " mom "

> support that I have yearned for my entire life (I am now 32)and although

> I have been working through the grieving process over my biological

> parents I feel like I need to get a different therapist to grieve my

> therapy... what is wrong with me???

> >

> > I not only want to have her around to laugh with, talk with, have fun

> with...etc but since my mom pretty much only taught dysfunctional ways I

> wish I knew my counselor on a personal level to be a role model I never

> had... for me to see how she handles life.... I want to see healthy ways

> to deal with life and people and raising children...

>

>

> During transference, people turn into a " biological time machine " . A

> nerve is struck when someone says or does something that reminds you of

> your past. This creates an " emotional time warp " that transfers your

> emotional past and your psychological needs into the present. In less

> poetic terms, a transference reaction means that you are reacting to

> someone in terms of what you need to see, you are afraid of or what you

> see when you know very little about the person. This all happens without

> you knowing why you feel and react the way you do.

>

>

>

> Sound familiar?

>

> You may also find this article of interest.

>

>

>

> http://bpd.about.com/od/treatments/a/transference.htm

> <http://bpd.about.com/od/treatments/a/transference.htm>

>

>

> In either case, I would discuss your feelings with the therapist, and

> work out how to proceed.

>

> Doug

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

thanks to all for replying! You are all such a great support system! jen

>

> Hi again,

> I have been reading some of the postings and have been getting the emails for

a long time... I quit writing because I have been doing some really intense

therapy and just needed to focus on that....

>

> Still doing therapy but feel I need to get back on here for additional

support. Of course my NADA is still as dysfunctional as ever... that never

changes...and my dysfunctional father left when I was young... I am trying to

tell you that I have never had a " real " parent...but now after working so hard

in therapy and making lots of progress I feel like I am going through a tough

case of transference... can anyone relate?

>

> This is definately NOT romantic/sexual in nature (as it sounds like a lot of

transference is)... but I just have yearned for an unconditional parnetal love

for so long that I feel so drawn to my counselor because she is that accepting,

tender, " parental love " in a way... It is like I find myself wishing I could

call her to go to the movies, or shopping, or scrapbook with me... I find myself

wanting to call her to tell her about the acheivements my kids have made or

wanting to send her cute pictures of the kids... (a lot like you would your

" mom " ... if you had such a thing).... I feel that I have begun to see her as

that " mom " support that I have yearned for my entire life (I am now 32)and

although I have been working through the grieving process over my biological

parents I feel like I need to get a different therapist to grieve my therapy...

what is wrong with me???

>

> I not only want to have her around to laugh with, talk with, have fun

with...etc but since my mom pretty much only taught dysfunctional ways I wish I

knew my counselor on a personal level to be a role model I never had... for me

to see how she handles life.... I want to see healthy ways to deal with life and

people and raising children...

>

> Our NADAs caused sooooo much damage... will the results of the abuse ever go

away? ugh....

>

> I am hopeful to hear from someone who understands and can relate... This makes

me feel like a freak although I am sure it is a pretty normal process when

dealing with such extended, intense therapy...

>

> looking forward to a response....

> jen

>