welcome to my world, anyone else relate?

[Guest guest]

I am actually sharing my story of my most recent conversation with my nada.

Names changed to protect the innocent (lol). I am curious, is my character

strong enough, is she needing to put any of her thoughts into words so as to

better navigate nada's landmines? Thanks for your help, in strengthening my

character's voice for victory.

Best,

The Ides of Nada

It was a blustery March morning. Elaine looked at the calendar and realized it

been six weeks since she had talked to her mom. She sighed, knowing that in

order to keep some semblance of an upper hand, she needed to give her mom a

ring. (Of course, she was most likely to find she was still a bad daughter, no

matter what.)

Her mom quickly demarked the zone of interest. “So, what new news do you have to

share?” she asked, clearly setting the bar for Elaine, her sparring partner.

Why was it that even if Elaine wanted to, she could never could find anything

new and interesting to share? How had it come to this, that she had no desire

to share from her heart? Elaine knew she would not be able to answer any of

these questions in the time or interest her mom allotted her. So, she decided

on truth, flavored with passive-aggression. “No news mom,” she said. “I was

calling to check on you.” At seventy-seven and eighty-three years old,

respectively, her mom and dad really did need checking on.

“Sure you care about us,” her mom said peevishly. Fine, Elaine thought. An

easy out, for she'd no interest in pleading or arguing. Elaine began to

formulate only exit sentence that came to mind. “Well, mom, I am glad to hear

your voice, and I guess I’ll let you go on about your bus-“

“Not so fast,” said her mom. Elaine couldn’t make out if her mom was asking or

ordering her to stay on the line. “What, mom?” Elaine asked.

“Don’t give me that,” her mom said. “You heard what I said. I can’t believe

you call with nothing to talk about. No news. How boring.” Elaine lingered by

the window in her dining room, looking out at the birds on her crepe myrtle.

The defending mockingbird, the chatting chickadee. Maybe describing their

activities might be something of interest. No. Her mom seemed to want to talk

about disasters, like earthquakes and tsunamis, and talk about how glad she was

to be safe from them.

So Elaine said, “Boring is good, mom, boring is good.” Her mom laughed. Maybe

she was glad that Elaine remained just out of reach, able to neutralize what mom

had clearly meant to be a criticism. Elaine was hurt when others were bored by

her, but she had not let it show.

“Well, you’ve come a long way since your rebellious teenage years. Thank you

for finally, finally getting it right, “ Elaine’s mom said.

Irritating; she'd taken credit for Elaine’s restraint. Out popped the sassy

words Elaine had vowed not to utter. “Well, mom,” Elaine said, her words were

frighteningly deliberate. ”I didn’t do it for you.” To her surprise, her mom

shifted the topic away from conflict.

When was the last time she and her mom had a conversation that didn’t feel like

a battle was waging? Her mom brought all her cannons out in the open, a

privilege of age and rank, Elaine guessed. But anything Elaine did to

demonstrate she'd no interest in playing a game of war with her mother, her

mother took as a deliberate insult. Or her mom might snidely say, “Oh, it’s so

hurtful, to hear the truth? Well, don’t WE want things good now? After sleeping

with every Tom, Dick and Harry, we want to pretend we have morals? Well, you’ve

made good of your life, I am glad for that.”

It was galling to Elaine that her mom had any teeth left. The way she carried

on, it was amazing that no one else had knocked them out already. How did her

dad deal with it? And why was it never worth his while to call his only daughter

and tell him how proud he was for not taking her mom up on all the battle

opportunities her mom presented? How Elaine would love to watch her parents

everyday activities, see how they managed to co-exist after over 50 years of

marriage.

Elaine hoped she never was tempted to talk to her son this way, when he was

grown. It was no way to bring intimacy into a relationship. Lord God. The

audacity of this person, whose very flesh she had come from. Elaine had already

forgiven her mom for the unfixable past, but she had the sense to keep her mouth

shut about it. In truth, her mom really needed to have coal shoveled into her

goading gloaty chops. But Elaine had no interest in becoming black herself in

the attempt. She wanted to forgive and be forgiven, and to live in the present.

Forget being forgiven by her mom. Or forgiving her, today. It was time to hang

up. “Nice to hear your spirits are good mom. We’ll talk again another

time…when….” But Elaine did not complete her sentence.

She stayed desperately quiet. For what could she possibly have said to someone

so bent on bringing up the past, and keeping the hurt alive? Because forgiving

really did mean being willing to forget. Yet Elaine was worried that if she

really forgot, she’d be back in a long-ago Catch-22, with no defenses to protect

her from this ragged-ass person who had no interest or ability to forgive.

By staying quiet, Elaine must have gotten boring enough at last, for her mom

suddenly said, “Got to go, I have something else that needs my attention.”

Elaine would never know what that something might be.

Thankfully, Elaine had refrained from sharing anything that might get her hurt.

She was especially glad she had avoided saying, “I’ll talk to you when you stop

holding my past against me.” It might only have marked out the target more

plainly, for her mom to hit next time.

[Guest guest]

I think " Elaine " handled herself very well, and it is so clear (or, I should

say, that it seems clear to me as I read it) that Elaine's mother truly despises

her.

It's almost palpable.

I think I would be depressed for days after hearing someone speak to me like

that. (Which is why I don't want to be in contact with my nada anymore, or as

little as I can manage it.)

Thanks for sharing your piece. I think " Elaine " is still hoping for some kind

of epiphany on mom's part, that one day when she calls nada she will be spoken

to with kindness and real caring by her.

I'm sorry, " Elaine " , but I don't think that's ever going to happen, sadly.

Nada's hate is like a pool of toxic waste leaking radiation.

Coming in contact with it will only result in contamination.

-Annie

>

> I am actually sharing my story of my most recent conversation with my nada.

Names changed to protect the innocent (lol). I am curious, is my character

strong enough, is she needing to put any of her thoughts into words so as to

better navigate nada's landmines? Thanks for your help, in strengthening my

character's voice for victory.

>

> Best,

> The Ides of Nada

>

> It was a blustery March morning. Elaine looked at the calendar and realized it

been six weeks since she had talked to her mom. She sighed, knowing that in

order to keep some semblance of an upper hand, she needed to give her mom a

ring. (Of course, she was most likely to find she was still a bad daughter, no

matter what.)

>

> Her mom quickly demarked the zone of interest. " So, what new news do you have

to share? " she asked, clearly setting the bar for Elaine, her sparring partner.

>

> Why was it that even if Elaine wanted to, she could never could find anything

new and interesting to share? How had it come to this, that she had no desire

to share from her heart? Elaine knew she would not be able to answer any of

these questions in the time or interest her mom allotted her. So, she decided

on truth, flavored with passive-aggression. " No news mom, " she said. " I was

calling to check on you. " At seventy-seven and eighty-three years old,

respectively, her mom and dad really did need checking on.

>

> " Sure you care about us, " her mom said peevishly. Fine, Elaine thought. An

easy out, for she'd no interest in pleading or arguing. Elaine began to

formulate only exit sentence that came to mind. " Well, mom, I am glad to hear

your voice, and I guess I'll let you go on about your bus- "

>

> " Not so fast, " said her mom. Elaine couldn't make out if her mom was asking or

ordering her to stay on the line. " What, mom? " Elaine asked.

>

> " Don't give me that, " her mom said. " You heard what I said. I can't believe

you call with nothing to talk about. No news. How boring. " Elaine lingered by

the window in her dining room, looking out at the birds on her crepe myrtle.

The defending mockingbird, the chatting chickadee. Maybe describing their

activities might be something of interest. No. Her mom seemed to want to talk

about disasters, like earthquakes and tsunamis, and talk about how glad she was

to be safe from them.

>

> So Elaine said, " Boring is good, mom, boring is good. " Her mom laughed.

Maybe she was glad that Elaine remained just out of reach, able to neutralize

what mom had clearly meant to be a criticism. Elaine was hurt when others were

bored by her, but she had not let it show.

>

> " Well, you've come a long way since your rebellious teenage years. Thank you

for finally, finally getting it right, " Elaine's mom said.

>

> Irritating; she'd taken credit for Elaine's restraint. Out popped the sassy

words Elaine had vowed not to utter. " Well, mom, " Elaine said, her words were

frighteningly deliberate. " I didn't do it for you. " To her surprise, her mom

shifted the topic away from conflict.

>

> When was the last time she and her mom had a conversation that didn't feel

like a battle was waging? Her mom brought all her cannons out in the open, a

privilege of age and rank, Elaine guessed. But anything Elaine did to

demonstrate she'd no interest in playing a game of war with her mother, her

mother took as a deliberate insult. Or her mom might snidely say, " Oh, it's so

hurtful, to hear the truth? Well, don't WE want things good now? After sleeping

with every Tom, Dick and Harry, we want to pretend we have morals? Well, you've

made good of your life, I am glad for that. "

>

> It was galling to Elaine that her mom had any teeth left. The way she carried

on, it was amazing that no one else had knocked them out already. How did her

dad deal with it? And why was it never worth his while to call his only daughter

and tell him how proud he was for not taking her mom up on all the battle

opportunities her mom presented? How Elaine would love to watch her parents

everyday activities, see how they managed to co-exist after over 50 years of

marriage.

>

> Elaine hoped she never was tempted to talk to her son this way, when he was

grown. It was no way to bring intimacy into a relationship. Lord God. The

audacity of this person, whose very flesh she had come from. Elaine had already

forgiven her mom for the unfixable past, but she had the sense to keep her mouth

shut about it. In truth, her mom really needed to have coal shoveled into her

goading gloaty chops. But Elaine had no interest in becoming black herself in

the attempt. She wanted to forgive and be forgiven, and to live in the present.

>

> Forget being forgiven by her mom. Or forgiving her, today. It was time to

hang up. " Nice to hear your spirits are good mom. We'll talk again another

time…when…. " But Elaine did not complete her sentence.

>

> She stayed desperately quiet. For what could she possibly have said to someone

so bent on bringing up the past, and keeping the hurt alive? Because forgiving

really did mean being willing to forget. Yet Elaine was worried that if she

really forgot, she'd be back in a long-ago Catch-22, with no defenses to protect

her from this ragged-ass person who had no interest or ability to forgive.

>

> By staying quiet, Elaine must have gotten boring enough at last, for her mom

suddenly said, " Got to go, I have something else that needs my attention. "

Elaine would never know what that something might be.

>

> Thankfully, Elaine had refrained from sharing anything that might get her

hurt. She was especially glad she had avoided saying, " I'll talk to you when

you stop holding my past against me. " It might only have marked out the target

more plainly, for her mom to hit next time.

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I love it, the BPD character is perfect!!!!

On Mon, Mar 21, 2011 at 5:14 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>

> I think " Elaine " handled herself very well, and it is so clear (or, I

> should say, that it seems clear to me as I read it) that Elaine's mother

> truly despises her.

> It's almost palpable.

>

> I think I would be depressed for days after hearing someone speak to me

> like that. (Which is why I don't want to be in contact with my nada anymore,

> or as little as I can manage it.)

>

> Thanks for sharing your piece. I think " Elaine " is still hoping for some

> kind of epiphany on mom's part, that one day when she calls nada she will be

> spoken to with kindness and real caring by her.

>

> I'm sorry, " Elaine " , but I don't think that's ever going to happen, sadly.

> Nada's hate is like a pool of toxic waste leaking radiation.

> Coming in contact with it will only result in contamination.

>

> -Annie

>

>

> >

> > I am actually sharing my story of my most recent conversation with my

> nada. Names changed to protect the innocent (lol). I am curious, is my

> character strong enough, is she needing to put any of her thoughts into

> words so as to better navigate nada's landmines? Thanks for your help, in

> strengthening my character's voice for victory.

> >

> > Best,

> > The Ides of Nada

> >

> > It was a blustery March morning. Elaine looked at the calendar and

> realized it been six weeks since she had talked to her mom. She sighed,

> knowing that in order to keep some semblance of an upper hand, she needed to

> give her mom a ring. (Of course, she was most likely to find she was still a

> bad daughter, no matter what.)

> >

> > Her mom quickly demarked the zone of interest. " So, what new news do you

> have to share? " she asked, clearly setting the bar for Elaine, her sparring

> partner.

> >

> > Why was it that even if Elaine wanted to, she could never could find

> anything new and interesting to share? How had it come to this, that she had

> no desire to share from her heart? Elaine knew she would not be able to

> answer any of these questions in the time or interest her mom allotted her.

> So, she decided on truth, flavored with passive-aggression. " No news mom, "

> she said. " I was calling to check on you. " At seventy-seven and eighty-three

> years old, respectively, her mom and dad really did need checking on.

> >

> > " Sure you care about us, " her mom said peevishly. Fine, Elaine thought.

> An easy out, for she'd no interest in pleading or arguing. Elaine began to

> formulate only exit sentence that came to mind. " Well, mom, I am glad to

> hear your voice, and I guess I'll let you go on about your bus- "

> >

> > " Not so fast, " said her mom. Elaine couldn't make out if her mom was

> asking or ordering her to stay on the line. " What, mom? " Elaine asked.

> >

> > " Don't give me that, " her mom said. " You heard what I said. I can't

> believe you call with nothing to talk about. No news. How boring. " Elaine

> lingered by the window in her dining room, looking out at the birds on her

> crepe myrtle. The defending mockingbird, the chatting chickadee. Maybe

> describing their activities might be something of interest. No. Her mom

> seemed to want to talk about disasters, like earthquakes and tsunamis, and

> talk about how glad she was to be safe from them.

> >

> > So Elaine said, " Boring is good, mom, boring is good. " Her mom laughed.

> Maybe she was glad that Elaine remained just out of reach, able to

> neutralize what mom had clearly meant to be a criticism. Elaine was hurt

> when others were bored by her, but she had not let it show.

> >

> > " Well, you've come a long way since your rebellious teenage years. Thank

> you for finally, finally getting it right, " Elaine's mom said.

> >

> > Irritating; she'd taken credit for Elaine's restraint. Out popped the

> sassy words Elaine had vowed not to utter. " Well, mom, " Elaine said, her

> words were frighteningly deliberate. " I didn't do it for you. " To her

> surprise, her mom shifted the topic away from conflict.

> >

> > When was the last time she and her mom had a conversation that didn't

> feel like a battle was waging? Her mom brought all her cannons out in the

> open, a privilege of age and rank, Elaine guessed. But anything Elaine did

> to demonstrate she'd no interest in playing a game of war with her mother,

> her mother took as a deliberate insult. Or her mom might snidely say, " Oh,

> it's so hurtful, to hear the truth? Well, don't WE want things good now?

> After sleeping with every Tom, Dick and Harry, we want to pretend we have

> morals? Well, you've made good of your life, I am glad for that. "

> >

> > It was galling to Elaine that her mom had any teeth left. The way she

> carried on, it was amazing that no one else had knocked them out already.

> How did her dad deal with it? And why was it never worth his while to call

> his only daughter and tell him how proud he was for not taking her mom up on

> all the battle opportunities her mom presented? How Elaine would love to

> watch her parents everyday activities, see how they managed to co-exist

> after over 50 years of marriage.

> >

> > Elaine hoped she never was tempted to talk to her son this way, when he

> was grown. It was no way to bring intimacy into a relationship. Lord God.

> The audacity of this person, whose very flesh she had come from. Elaine had

> already forgiven her mom for the unfixable past, but she had the sense to

> keep her mouth shut about it. In truth, her mom really needed to have coal

> shoveled into her goading gloaty chops. But Elaine had no interest in

> becoming black herself in the attempt. She wanted to forgive and be

> forgiven, and to live in the present.

> >

> > Forget being forgiven by her mom. Or forgiving her, today. It was time to

> hang up. " Nice to hear your spirits are good mom. We'll talk again another

> time…when…. " But Elaine did not complete her sentence.

> >

> > She stayed desperately quiet. For what could she possibly have said to

> someone so bent on bringing up the past, and keeping the hurt alive? Because

> forgiving really did mean being willing to forget. Yet Elaine was worried

> that if she really forgot, she'd be back in a long-ago Catch-22, with no

> defenses to protect her from this ragged-ass person who had no interest or

> ability to forgive.

> >

> > By staying quiet, Elaine must have gotten boring enough at last, for her

> mom suddenly said, " Got to go, I have something else that needs my

> attention. " Elaine would never know what that something might be.

> >

> > Thankfully, Elaine had refrained from sharing anything that might get her

> hurt. She was especially glad she had avoided saying, " I'll talk to you when

> you stop holding my past against me. " It might only have marked out the

> target more plainly, for her mom to hit next time.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

>It was galling to Elaine that her mom had any teeth left. The way she carried

on, it was amazing that no one else had knocked them out already.

>

That's interesting. My mother would pick a fight at the drop of a hat, too, it

seemed like.