transference... when the therapist is out

[Guest guest]

Well, I can relate a bit to the share about transference, wanting to spend time

with my therapist, etc. My therapist lives in my neighborhood, so I often remind

myself that I need to be especially normal with her.. so that when I walk by her

house, she can be relaxed and not know I am stalking her.

I know that might sound odd, but I think I have to constantly reassure myself

that it is OK that I chose a therapist in my neighborhood. Of course, my nada

would never do such a thing, and if she knew my therapist were in the

neighborhood, I could just imagine the endless conversations that would ensue.

At any rate, I am chiming in on the transference thread, because I had a bad

dream last night that I was eager to share with my therapist. I also wanted to

share the story I posted on our list serve. But mostly I wanted to be able to be

guided through a rough spot with my problem emotion which is anxiety. And the

dream catalyzed anxiety. I went to the door of her office and found out I was

one of the few who did not know that my therapist took a vacation week, this

very week. I had felt happy ... and now I feel.... anxious. Out in the cold.

Worried I won't make it through the week.

Emotions are funny things. I find myself struggling to put ground beneath me,

and wondering.... if I can. Just that quickly. Anyone else had their

" dependency " issues get their attention in a similar way? I think it is rougher

for me because my therapist is the person with whom I have found I MUST discuss

my vulnerabilities in order to heal.

Best,

[Guest guest]

That was an awesome article.

I think I have definitely transferrenced upon my T.

On Tue, Mar 22, 2011 at 1:03 PM, V.S. wrote:

>

>

> Well, I can relate a bit to the share about transference, wanting to spend

> time with my therapist, etc. My therapist lives in my neighborhood, so I

> often remind myself that I need to be especially normal with her.. so that

> when I walk by her house, she can be relaxed and not know I am stalking her.

>

> I know that might sound odd, but I think I have to constantly reassure

> myself that it is OK that I chose a therapist in my neighborhood. Of course,

> my nada would never do such a thing, and if she knew my therapist were in

> the neighborhood, I could just imagine the endless conversations that would

> ensue.

>

> At any rate, I am chiming in on the transference thread, because I had a

> bad dream last night that I was eager to share with my therapist. I also

> wanted to share the story I posted on our list serve. But mostly I wanted to

> be able to be guided through a rough spot with my problem emotion which is

> anxiety. And the dream catalyzed anxiety. I went to the door of her office

> and found out I was one of the few who did not know that my therapist took a

> vacation week, this very week. I had felt happy ... and now I feel....

> anxious. Out in the cold. Worried I won't make it through the week.

>

> Emotions are funny things. I find myself struggling to put ground beneath

> me, and wondering.... if I can. Just that quickly. Anyone else had their

> " dependency " issues get their attention in a similar way? I think it is

> rougher for me because my therapist is the person with whom I have found I

> MUST discuss my vulnerabilities in order to heal.

>

> Best,

>

>

[Guest guest]

Oh, I totally felt like this. In fact, I think I " parked " all of my mommy hopes

on my therapist for a season while I sorted out the grief. It got better as I

healed.

Blessings,

Karla

>

> Well, I can relate a bit to the share about transference, wanting to spend

time with my therapist, etc. My therapist lives in my neighborhood, so I often

remind myself that I need to be especially normal with her.. so that when I walk

by her house, she can be relaxed and not know I am stalking her.

> I know that might sound odd, but I think I have to constantly reassure myself

that it is OK that I chose a therapist in my neighborhood. Of course, my nada

would never do such a thing, and if she knew my therapist were in the

neighborhood, I could just imagine the endless conversations that would ensue.

>

> At any rate, I am chiming in on the transference thread, because I had a bad

dream last night that I was eager to share with my therapist. I also wanted to

share the story I posted on our list serve. But mostly I wanted to be able to be

guided through a rough spot with my problem emotion which is anxiety. And the

dream catalyzed anxiety. I went to the door of her office and found out I was

one of the few who did not know that my therapist took a vacation week, this

very week. I had felt happy ... and now I feel.... anxious. Out in the cold.

Worried I won't make it through the week.

>

> Emotions are funny things. I find myself struggling to put ground beneath me,

and wondering.... if I can. Just that quickly. Anyone else had their

" dependency " issues get their attention in a similar way? I think it is rougher

for me because my therapist is the person with whom I have found I MUST discuss

my vulnerabilities in order to heal.

>

> Best,

>

[Guest guest]

Is this transference healthy, OK, or somehow can we avoid it? Sorry if this

question has been answered; I'll look back over the digests...

Best,

[Guest guest]

Also realized I made a slip in my initial share about my therapist, who is in my

neighborhood. Of course I don't stalk my therapist. Here is the thing I meant to

say: it is almost like, by having a therapist in my neighborhood, I put myself

into the position to become close and intimate with my therapist, like a

neighbor or family member. Because she helps me with my vulnerabilities, I feel

I must somehow always " prove " myself to be normal and safe, even adult. I

suspect I have been fighting transference to an extreme. I was not raised

normal and safe and she was. She shares stories that help me understand how

people might actually become mothers, easily, from learning forma good example.

Sigh. I guess I internalized a lot of self-doubt from being raised by nada.

Twisting myself into a pretzel even yet!

Writing in more than usual. Thanks for letting me correct myself~

Best,

[Guest guest]

If I understand what I've read correctly, the psychodynamic psychotherapy school

of thought says that the patient experiencing transference (attaching to or

bonding with the therapist) is normal and even therapeutic.

By allowing the patient to view the therapist as a (for example) substitute

mother or father the therapist can help the patient work through the emotional

damage the patient received from the original attachment object: the patient's

parent(s) and thereby process and resolve the trauma.

This transference can also morph the therapist into the patient's substitute

spouse or other attachment object, depending on the patient's issues, and can

have the same therapeutic result. However, a sexually-based transference seems

to carry a lot of risk for the patient (a vulnerable patient could easily fall

in love with her therapist) and the risk of counter-transference for the

therapist as well (the therapist falling in love with the patient) seems to me.

Other schools of psychiatry feel that transference is of no benefit and can even

be counter-productive and they use other methods of getting at the patient's

problems and helping the patient resolve their issues.

So, I would interpret a discussion of whether transference is healthy or not as

similar to a " religious " debate, in which there are different and equally valid

" denominations " of psychiatrists who have opposing views about it.

-Annie

>

> Is this transference healthy, OK, or somehow can we avoid it? Sorry if this

question has been answered; I'll look back over the digests...

> Best,

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, so is it awkward when you run into your therapist at the store or

something?

I don't know where my T lives, but it must be around where I live (I see her in

the town where I work, which is a few towns over from my residence town) because

I ran into her at our local park. It felt REALLY weird. I was stunned and

didn't know what to say! I said, hi, she said hi, and we both kept walking!

>

> Well, I can relate a bit to the share about transference, wanting to spend

time with my therapist, etc. My therapist lives in my neighborhood, so I often

remind myself that I need to be especially normal with her.. so that when I walk

by her house, she can be relaxed and not know I am stalking her.

> I know that might sound odd, but I think I have to constantly reassure myself

that it is OK that I chose a therapist in my neighborhood. Of course, my nada

would never do such a thing, and if she knew my therapist were in the

neighborhood, I could just imagine the endless conversations that would ensue.

>

> At any rate, I am chiming in on the transference thread, because I had a bad

dream last night that I was eager to share with my therapist. I also wanted to

share the story I posted on our list serve. But mostly I wanted to be able to be

guided through a rough spot with my problem emotion which is anxiety. And the

dream catalyzed anxiety. I went to the door of her office and found out I was

one of the few who did not know that my therapist took a vacation week, this

very week. I had felt happy ... and now I feel.... anxious. Out in the cold.

Worried I won't make it through the week.

>

> Emotions are funny things. I find myself struggling to put ground beneath me,

and wondering.... if I can. Just that quickly. Anyone else had their

" dependency " issues get their attention in a similar way? I think it is rougher

for me because my therapist is the person with whom I have found I MUST discuss

my vulnerabilities in order to heal.

>

> Best,

>

[Guest guest]

Precisely, Annie. Transference occurs, and can be a healthy phase to

pass through in the healing process. It is up to a therapist to guide

it and keep it on sold ground. In the normal process of healing and

processing things, the T loses some of the angelic glow and becomes what

they are: a kind and compassionate helper.

This is why the code of ethics keeps them from dating or having sexual

relations with a client. Sex complicates the emotions terribly, and

interferes with the whole process. I think you would find that pressing

the boundaries with a T, wanting social interaction outside the

counseling room, would cause them to push back gently but firmly.

They cannot be your T and your bowling buddy at the same time. After

therapy is over, perhaps, but then you may feel differently.

As to the urge to feel the parenting from the T one never recieved, that

is a natural urge. I think that transferance opens up the channel for

us wounded children to realize we do have that need, and seek for it in

healthy ways.

It is possible to form a relationship with a " surrogate mom " .

Just not your therapist.

Doug

>

> If I understand what I've read correctly, the psychodynamic

psychotherapy school of thought says that the patient experiencing

transference (attaching to or bonding with the therapist) is normal and

even therapeutic.

>

> By allowing the patient to view the therapist as a (for example)

substitute mother or father the therapist can help the patient work

through the emotional damage the patient received from the original

attachment object: the patient's parent(s) and thereby process and

resolve the trauma.

>

> This transference can also morph the therapist into the patient's

substitute spouse or other attachment object, depending on the patient's

issues, and can have the same therapeutic result. However, a

sexually-based transference seems to carry a lot of risk for the patient

(a vulnerable patient could easily fall in love with her therapist) and

the risk of counter-transference for the therapist as well (the

therapist falling in love with the patient) seems to me.

[Guest guest]

Beautifully said, Doug!

Annie 2

> >

> > If I understand what I've read correctly, the psychodynamic

> psychotherapy school of thought says that the patient experiencing

> transference (attaching to or bonding with the therapist) is normal and

> even therapeutic.

> >

> > By allowing the patient to view the therapist as a (for example)

> substitute mother or father the therapist can help the patient work

> through the emotional damage the patient received from the original

> attachment object: the patient's parent(s) and thereby process and

> resolve the trauma.

> >

> > This transference can also morph the therapist into the patient's

> substitute spouse or other attachment object, depending on the patient's

> issues, and can have the same therapeutic result. However, a

> sexually-based transference seems to carry a lot of risk for the patient

> (a vulnerable patient could easily fall in love with her therapist) and

> the risk of counter-transference for the therapist as well (the

> therapist falling in love with the patient) seems to me.

>

[Guest guest]

Since my therapist happens to be out of town right now, I just have to say, I

dont know if it's okay, but I have had two phone sessions with her and multiple

emails. Ugh.

Re: transference... when the therapist is out

Is this transference healthy, OK, or somehow can we avoid it? Sorry if this

question has been answered; I'll look back over the digests...

Best,