Guest guest Posted March 23, 2011 Report Share Posted March 23, 2011 My Mothers (that I'm NC with her for a year and a few months) 50th birthday is tonight, and after my father (NC for a year and a half about) has been harassing me by email to come to it... Guess who arrived at the front door of my apartment last night.... My older brother, that also harassed me in the past to come back to my parents, how much I'm hurting them, how much I'm doing evil etc. etc. etc. Already 3 times he yelled at me for several minutes. And after some insights I got from this forum (only here I understood that there is a possibility \ a existent " reality " that a brother could abuse his brother!), I decided to pretty much be with him NC for the meantime. Anyway he was knocking, ringing the bell of the door, and speaking for about an hour (mind you I didn't invite him or anything like that...). He was saying - just open the door, I won't attack you, I just want to speak with you. He kept on saying " I won't attack you " . I thought to myself - if he says that, it's probably somewhere sitting in his head that he *does* want to do that... He said that he just wants to talk etc. etc. etc. At some stage my mates in the apartment couldn't stand anymore the bell and the knocking, so I smsed him that if he doesn't leave at once, I'll call the police. Sure enough, the second I sent that, he left. I knew what will happen the next day, I just knew it... I woke up today, and I see he sent a email to all of my family (besides my mother at least), and to my 2 grandmothers, telling how he sat an hour outside my door, how I didn't open, and what I wrote in the SMS - that I'll call the police if he doesn't leave, he wrote " I guess that's his way to say no " or something like that. He " forgot " \ had a short blackout that he was knocking, ringing, and saying the whole time how he won't attack me... It's not so pleasant to see that my family and grandmothers are getting to see me as " a bad guy " \ the guy who might call the police against... (gasp) (gasp) (gasp) (gasp) (gasp)... his brother!! Anyway, I didn't respond to that email, I don't want to dive into it, I also don't have right now the energy to do that, with all of the " 50'th birthday " today and me, the ______ boy, not coming... Jack Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2011 Report Share Posted March 23, 2011 (((((Jack))))) Its so not easy to be the only sane one in a dysfunctional family and the one who decides to not play the " pretend game " anymore. It seems to be the family " scapegoats " who leave the game first; they have the least reason to stick around for more abuse. You're not willing to buy their version of reality any longer. You're No Contact with them because they have shown you over and over again, in a repetitive pattern of behavior, that they ARE going to abuse you. And you're opting out. But its true that when the whole family is playing the " pretend game " , they often will protest loudly and harass and persecute the one who says, " I'm out. I'm done. I don't want to play anymore because your " game " hurts me. " They have to vilify you and make you out to be the crazy, mean, hateful one so that nobody will believe you. So, maybe its time to wave a cheerful farewell to the toxic foo for the time being and go create your own family of choice. I'm sending you well wishes and " good vibes. " (Peace, baby!) -Annie > > My Mothers (that I'm NC with her for a year and a few months) 50th birthday is tonight, and after my father (NC for a year and a half about) has been harassing me by email to come to it... Guess who arrived at the front door of my apartment last night.... > My older brother, that also harassed me in the past to come back to my parents, how much I'm hurting them, how much I'm doing evil etc. etc. etc. > Already 3 times he yelled at me for several minutes. And after some insights I got from this forum (only here I understood that there is a possibility \ a existent " reality " that a brother could abuse his brother!), I decided to pretty much be with him NC for the meantime. > > Anyway he was knocking, ringing the bell of the door, and speaking for about an hour (mind you I didn't invite him or anything like that...). > He was saying - just open the door, I won't attack you, I just want to speak with you. He kept on saying " I won't attack you " . I thought to myself - if he says that, it's probably somewhere sitting in his head that he *does* want to do that... > He said that he just wants to talk etc. etc. etc. > At some stage my mates in the apartment couldn't stand anymore the bell and the knocking, so I smsed him that if he doesn't leave at once, I'll call the police. > Sure enough, the second I sent that, he left. > > I knew what will happen the next day, I just knew it... > > I woke up today, and I see he sent a email to all of my family (besides my mother at least), and to my 2 grandmothers, telling how he sat an hour outside my door, how I didn't open, and what I wrote in the SMS - that I'll call the police if he doesn't leave, he wrote " I guess that's his way to say no " or something like that. > > He " forgot " \ had a short blackout that he was knocking, ringing, and saying the whole time how he won't attack me... > > It's not so pleasant to see that my family and grandmothers are getting to see me as " a bad guy " \ the guy who might call the police against... (gasp) (gasp) (gasp) (gasp) (gasp)... his brother!! > > Anyway, I didn't respond to that email, I don't want to dive into it, I also don't have right now the energy to do that, with all of the " 50'th birthday " today and me, the ______ boy, not coming... > > Jack > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 24, 2011 Report Share Posted March 24, 2011 Thanks Annie, you warmed up me heart. I really needed that. Today, a day after the " birthday " (BTW - my Father nearly 'forced' my mother to have an event out of it. She initially didn't want to do an event of it at all since I won't be coming. But, in his words in an Email, he " persuaded " her to do it) my younger, 19 year old sister sent me an sms saying: " I never knew that I could hate a brother. I don't know how many years, if at all, I'll be able to forgive you. We continued in life without you, but I don't know how you can sleep in night knowing all of the pain, sadness and injustice you caused our parents " She's deep deep deep in the pretend game (thanks Annie for that term!). Also, I don't think she's too aware of her feelings and emotions all together. (BTW - I sleep perfectly at nights these days.....) The way I see it, my Father did this whole birthday event, assuming that I'll " give in " and come to it. And since that didn't happen, now everybody thinks I'm all of these not good things. But - if you look at the big picture, I'm not the one who decided to do this event at the first place. Jack > > > > My Mothers (that I'm NC with her for a year and a few months) 50th birthday is tonight, and after my father (NC for a year and a half about) has been harassing me by email to come to it... Guess who arrived at the front door of my apartment last night.... > > My older brother, that also harassed me in the past to come back to my parents, how much I'm hurting them, how much I'm doing evil etc. etc. etc. > > Already 3 times he yelled at me for several minutes. And after some insights I got from this forum (only here I understood that there is a possibility \ a existent " reality " that a brother could abuse his brother!), I decided to pretty much be with him NC for the meantime. > > > > Anyway he was knocking, ringing the bell of the door, and speaking for about an hour (mind you I didn't invite him or anything like that...). > > He was saying - just open the door, I won't attack you, I just want to speak with you. He kept on saying " I won't attack you " . I thought to myself - if he says that, it's probably somewhere sitting in his head that he *does* want to do that... > > He said that he just wants to talk etc. etc. etc. > > At some stage my mates in the apartment couldn't stand anymore the bell and the knocking, so I smsed him that if he doesn't leave at once, I'll call the police. > > Sure enough, the second I sent that, he left. > > > > I knew what will happen the next day, I just knew it... > > > > I woke up today, and I see he sent a email to all of my family (besides my mother at least), and to my 2 grandmothers, telling how he sat an hour outside my door, how I didn't open, and what I wrote in the SMS - that I'll call the police if he doesn't leave, he wrote " I guess that's his way to say no " or something like that. > > > > He " forgot " \ had a short blackout that he was knocking, ringing, and saying the whole time how he won't attack me... > > > > It's not so pleasant to see that my family and grandmothers are getting to see me as " a bad guy " \ the guy who might call the police against... (gasp) (gasp) (gasp) (gasp) (gasp)... his brother!! > > > > Anyway, I didn't respond to that email, I don't want to dive into it, I also don't have right now the energy to do that, with all of the " 50'th birthday " today and me, the ______ boy, not coming... > > > > Jack > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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