Is there ever an END to the drama?? Are you a Christian non-BP?

[Guest guest]

I would really love if some of the readers here who are Christian could respond.

I have posted on here some, but I can only read others posts when I am feeling

emotionally strong. The support from this group is priceless. I am so blessed to

have found it.

I just recently discovered my mom is BP about 6 months ago. I am a Christian as

is my mom.

Her MO is kind of to say that she is being " spiritually attacked " and Satan is

using her kids to attack her, as of course she loves being the victim. (One of

the most embarrassing things she recently did was show up at a pastor's home on

a Christmas Eve night who had young kids and tell him she needed prayer because

she was under spiritual attack. She stayed for a LONG time, interrupting their

family time. She was driving, I was in the car with her, and got roped into

going because...well, she was driving. I was mortified).

Anyway, I love my mom. I see the person she could be if it weren't for this

illness. She would be a wonderful mom, but she can't be - because of this stupid

BP.

She is seeing a counselor who I feel feeds her victim mentality which has

encouraged divisiveness within our immediate family, especially the last 6

months.

This weekend, she had another emotional outburst at my home, ran out of the

house in hysterics and crying. Long story I won't go into, partially my fault

because I felt too guilty to tell her at the outset we had somewhere to go and

she could only stay so long. Didn't anticipate she would stay at my house over 2

hours.....(she refuses to respect others boundaries)

6 months ago, she kept trying to get me to go to a counseling session with her

counselor, which many people here advised me against. I originally agreed to go

to a neutral counselor with her then, and later decided against it.

Today she sent me an email telling me we needed to " talk " and she wanted to go

to a counselor together and do it. I asked her for a specific example of what it

was we needed to talk about and she said " my tone and demeanor with her indicate

i have Big problem with her and she refused to be mistreated by me anymore " .

(definitely could tell that was rehearsed by with her counselor)

I am SO SICK OF THE DRAMA. It never ends. I have been dealing with these

emotional outbursts and resulting confrontations for over 7 years (since she

left my dad) and I am sick of it!! By God's grace alone, I have been able to

emotionally detach myself from her but I don't know that it is wise to go to ANY

counseling session with her.

In the past, confrontations with her have ended up being a bashing session of

what a crappy daughter I am, then the minute I start saying my side of the

story, she either interrupts constantly or becomes hysterical crying and runs

out of the room.

My husband said he refused to pay money just for my mom to tear me down and then

run out of the room.

DOES THIS EVER END??? I don't feel like going NC is the right thing to do but I

am almost ready for LC, even though I don't like that either.

I feel like there are some serious spiritual strongholds in her life and I just

keep praying for God's direction on where and how I need to respond to this and

protect my own emotions and protect my daughter from having to see her

grandmother she adores in these emotional outbursts.

Responses from those who understand appreciated.

I'm exhausted.

[Guest guest]

You might want to check out the website " Luke Ministries " which is specifically

for the adult Christian daughters of parents who misuse Christian precepts to

control and manipulate their child. It seems to be a Bible-oriented site that

uses bible scripture to show that using one's faith to dominate, control and

abuse one's children is a BIG no-no from a Christian perspective.

Here's the link:

http://www.luke173ministries.org

There is also a Welcome To Oz sister-site that is specifically for those who are

Christians who want to discuss the issues of handling a borderline pd relative

or SO, RE a Christian perspective.

We are a mixed group of various religious affiliations here, including atheists

and agnostics and we try to be respectful that there are other religious points

of view present, and not get too side-tracked into religious discussion. Its

not like religious discussion is forbidden, but when it has cropped up here in

the past it tends to become a debate or to drift into what feels like

proselytizing for one or another members' religion of choice.

It just seems to work better at this particular WTO group to be aware of that

and not let religious discussions become the focus instead of the borderline

parent issues being the focus.

And to answer your original question: in my opinion, no, the drama never ends,

on their part. They can't or won't change, but we can change the way we respond

to their behaviors. So, its about changing ourselves, not our bpd parents.

-Annie

>

>

> I would really love if some of the readers here who are Christian could

respond.

>

> I have posted on here some, but I can only read others posts when I am feeling

emotionally strong. The support from this group is priceless. I am so blessed to

have found it.

>

> I just recently discovered my mom is BP about 6 months ago. I am a Christian

as is my mom.

>

> Her MO is kind of to say that she is being " spiritually attacked " and Satan is

using her kids to attack her, as of course she loves being the victim. (One of

the most embarrassing things she recently did was show up at a pastor's home on

a Christmas Eve night who had young kids and tell him she needed prayer because

she was under spiritual attack. She stayed for a LONG time, interrupting their

family time. She was driving, I was in the car with her, and got roped into

going because...well, she was driving. I was mortified).

>

> Anyway, I love my mom. I see the person she could be if it weren't for this

illness. She would be a wonderful mom, but she can't be - because of this stupid

BP.

>

> She is seeing a counselor who I feel feeds her victim mentality which has

encouraged divisiveness within our immediate family, especially the last 6

months.

>

> This weekend, she had another emotional outburst at my home, ran out of the

house in hysterics and crying. Long story I won't go into, partially my fault

because I felt too guilty to tell her at the outset we had somewhere to go and

she could only stay so long. Didn't anticipate she would stay at my house over 2

hours.....(she refuses to respect others boundaries)

>

> 6 months ago, she kept trying to get me to go to a counseling session with her

counselor, which many people here advised me against. I originally agreed to go

to a neutral counselor with her then, and later decided against it.

>

> Today she sent me an email telling me we needed to " talk " and she wanted to go

to a counselor together and do it. I asked her for a specific example of what it

was we needed to talk about and she said " my tone and demeanor with her indicate

i have Big problem with her and she refused to be mistreated by me anymore " .

(definitely could tell that was rehearsed by with her counselor)

>

> I am SO SICK OF THE DRAMA. It never ends. I have been dealing with these

emotional outbursts and resulting confrontations for over 7 years (since she

left my dad) and I am sick of it!! By God's grace alone, I have been able to

emotionally detach myself from her but I don't know that it is wise to go to ANY

counseling session with her.

>

> In the past, confrontations with her have ended up being a bashing session of

what a crappy daughter I am, then the minute I start saying my side of the

story, she either interrupts constantly or becomes hysterical crying and runs

out of the room.

>

> My husband said he refused to pay money just for my mom to tear me down and

then run out of the room.

>

> DOES THIS EVER END??? I don't feel like going NC is the right thing to do but

I am almost ready for LC, even though I don't like that either.

>

> I feel like there are some serious spiritual strongholds in her life and I

just keep praying for God's direction on where and how I need to respond to this

and protect my own emotions and protect my daughter from having to see her

grandmother she adores in these emotional outbursts.

>

> Responses from those who understand appreciated.

>

> I'm exhausted.

>

[Guest guest]

I think for me it helped to understand that the BPD is a mental health issue and

to keep it somewhat seperate. My faith/belief system are important to me as

well. One thing that helped me is to understand that the BPD person doesn't get

the idea of boundries and what is appropriate. What most of us don't need

explained - they just don't get. Because of that I need to set those boundries.

It is actually being more helpful (and loving) to them to set the boundries

(although they probably won't like it.)

During Lent, I usually pick something to " work " on. This year it has been to be

kinder to myself and others. I'm learning that part of loving others like God

wants me to includes learning to love myself.

If you do end up going NC or LC, you may find that you have a clearer

perspective on your family. If you haven't read Stop Walking on Eggshells, I

would reccomend it.

Don't know if this has helped - if you want to email me off the board, you can.

Amy

>

>

> I would really love if some of the readers here who are Christian could

respond.

>

> I have posted on here some, but I can only read others posts when I am feeling

emotionally strong. The support from this group is priceless. I am so blessed to

have found it.

>

> I just recently discovered my mom is BP about 6 months ago. I am a Christian

as is my mom.

>

> Her MO is kind of to say that she is being " spiritually attacked " and Satan is

using her kids to attack her, as of course she loves being the victim. (One of

the most embarrassing things she recently did was show up at a pastor's home on

a Christmas Eve night who had young kids and tell him she needed prayer because

she was under spiritual attack. She stayed for a LONG time, interrupting their

family time. She was driving, I was in the car with her, and got roped into

going because...well, she was driving. I was mortified).

>

> Anyway, I love my mom. I see the person she could be if it weren't for this

illness. She would be a wonderful mom, but she can't be - because of this stupid

BP.

>

> She is seeing a counselor who I feel feeds her victim mentality which has

encouraged divisiveness within our immediate family, especially the last 6

months.

>

> This weekend, she had another emotional outburst at my home, ran out of the

house in hysterics and crying. Long story I won't go into, partially my fault

because I felt too guilty to tell her at the outset we had somewhere to go and

she could only stay so long. Didn't anticipate she would stay at my house over 2

hours.....(she refuses to respect others boundaries)

>

> 6 months ago, she kept trying to get me to go to a counseling session with her

counselor, which many people here advised me against. I originally agreed to go

to a neutral counselor with her then, and later decided against it.

>

> Today she sent me an email telling me we needed to " talk " and she wanted to go

to a counselor together and do it. I asked her for a specific example of what it

was we needed to talk about and she said " my tone and demeanor with her indicate

i have Big problem with her and she refused to be mistreated by me anymore " .

(definitely could tell that was rehearsed by with her counselor)

>

> I am SO SICK OF THE DRAMA. It never ends. I have been dealing with these

emotional outbursts and resulting confrontations for over 7 years (since she

left my dad) and I am sick of it!! By God's grace alone, I have been able to

emotionally detach myself from her but I don't know that it is wise to go to ANY

counseling session with her.

>

> In the past, confrontations with her have ended up being a bashing session of

what a crappy daughter I am, then the minute I start saying my side of the

story, she either interrupts constantly or becomes hysterical crying and runs

out of the room.

>

> My husband said he refused to pay money just for my mom to tear me down and

then run out of the room.

>

> DOES THIS EVER END??? I don't feel like going NC is the right thing to do but

I am almost ready for LC, even though I don't like that either.

>

> I feel like there are some serious spiritual strongholds in her life and I

just keep praying for God's direction on where and how I need to respond to this

and protect my own emotions and protect my daughter from having to see her

grandmother she adores in these emotional outbursts.

>

> Responses from those who understand appreciated.

>

> I'm exhausted.

>

[Guest guest]

Annie, you are so insightful.

> You might want to check out the website " Luke Ministries " which is

specifically for the adult Christian daughters of parents who misuse Christian

precepts to control and manipulate their child. It seems to be a Bible-oriented

site that uses bible scripture to show that using one's faith to dominate,

control and abuse one's children is a BIG no-no from a Christian perspective.

>

> Here's the link:

>

> http://www.luke173ministries.org

>

> There is also a Welcome To Oz sister-site that is specifically for those who

are Christians who want to discuss the issues of handling a borderline pd

relative or SO, RE a Christian perspective.

>

> We are a mixed group of various religious affiliations here, including

atheists and agnostics and we try to be respectful that there are other

religious points of view present, and not get too side-tracked into religious

discussion. Its not like religious discussion is forbidden, but when it has

cropped up here in the past it tends to become a debate or to drift into what

feels like proselytizing for one or another members' religion of choice.

>

> It just seems to work better at this particular WTO group to be aware of that

and not let religious discussions become the focus instead of the borderline

parent issues being the focus.

>

> And to answer your original question: in my opinion, no, the drama never ends,

on their part. They can't or won't change, but we can change the way we respond

to their behaviors. So, its about changing ourselves, not our bpd parents.

>

> -Annie

>

>

> >

> >

> > I would really love if some of the readers here who are Christian could

respond.

> >

> > I have posted on here some, but I can only read others posts when I am

feeling emotionally strong. The support from this group is priceless. I am so

blessed to have found it.

> >

> > I just recently discovered my mom is BP about 6 months ago. I am a Christian

as is my mom.

> >

> > Her MO is kind of to say that she is being " spiritually attacked " and Satan

is using her kids to attack her, as of course she loves being the victim. (One

of the most embarrassing things she recently did was show up at a pastor's home

on a Christmas Eve night who had young kids and tell him she needed prayer

because she was under spiritual attack. She stayed for a LONG time, interrupting

their family time. She was driving, I was in the car with her, and got roped

into going because...well, she was driving. I was mortified).

> >

> > Anyway, I love my mom. I see the person she could be if it weren't for this

illness. She would be a wonderful mom, but she can't be - because of this stupid

BP.

> >

> > She is seeing a counselor who I feel feeds her victim mentality which has

encouraged divisiveness within our immediate family, especially the last 6

months.

> >

> > This weekend, she had another emotional outburst at my home, ran out of the

house in hysterics and crying. Long story I won't go into, partially my fault

because I felt too guilty to tell her at the outset we had somewhere to go and

she could only stay so long. Didn't anticipate she would stay at my house over 2

hours.....(she refuses to respect others boundaries)

> >

> > 6 months ago, she kept trying to get me to go to a counseling session with

her counselor, which many people here advised me against. I originally agreed to

go to a neutral counselor with her then, and later decided against it.

> >

> > Today she sent me an email telling me we needed to " talk " and she wanted to

go to a counselor together and do it. I asked her for a specific example of what

it was we needed to talk about and she said " my tone and demeanor with her

indicate i have Big problem with her and she refused to be mistreated by me

anymore " . (definitely could tell that was rehearsed by with her counselor)

> >

> > I am SO SICK OF THE DRAMA. It never ends. I have been dealing with these

emotional outbursts and resulting confrontations for over 7 years (since she

left my dad) and I am sick of it!! By God's grace alone, I have been able to

emotionally detach myself from her but I don't know that it is wise to go to ANY

counseling session with her.

> >

> > In the past, confrontations with her have ended up being a bashing session

of what a crappy daughter I am, then the minute I start saying my side of the

story, she either interrupts constantly or becomes hysterical crying and runs

out of the room.

> >

> > My husband said he refused to pay money just for my mom to tear me down and

then run out of the room.

> >

> > DOES THIS EVER END??? I don't feel like going NC is the right thing to do

but I am almost ready for LC, even though I don't like that either.

> >

> > I feel like there are some serious spiritual strongholds in her life and I

just keep praying for God's direction on where and how I need to respond to this

and protect my own emotions and protect my daughter from having to see her

grandmother she adores in these emotional outbursts.

> >

> > Responses from those who understand appreciated.

> >

> > I'm exhausted.

> >

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you Amy.

Annie - Sorry, wasn't aware religious discussion was discouraged here. Will go

elsewhere. :-) Thanks.

> >

> >

> > I would really love if some of the readers here who are Christian could

respond.

> >

> > I have posted on here some, but I can only read others posts when I am

feeling emotionally strong. The support from this group is priceless. I am so

blessed to have found it.

> >

> > I just recently discovered my mom is BP about 6 months ago. I am a Christian

as is my mom.

> >

> > Her MO is kind of to say that she is being " spiritually attacked " and Satan

is using her kids to attack her, as of course she loves being the victim. (One

of the most embarrassing things she recently did was show up at a pastor's home

on a Christmas Eve night who had young kids and tell him she needed prayer

because she was under spiritual attack. She stayed for a LONG time, interrupting

their family time. She was driving, I was in the car with her, and got roped

into going because...well, she was driving. I was mortified).

> >

> > Anyway, I love my mom. I see the person she could be if it weren't for this

illness. She would be a wonderful mom, but she can't be - because of this stupid

BP.

> >

> > She is seeing a counselor who I feel feeds her victim mentality which has

encouraged divisiveness within our immediate family, especially the last 6

months.

> >

> > This weekend, she had another emotional outburst at my home, ran out of the

house in hysterics and crying. Long story I won't go into, partially my fault

because I felt too guilty to tell her at the outset we had somewhere to go and

she could only stay so long. Didn't anticipate she would stay at my house over 2

hours.....(she refuses to respect others boundaries)

> >

> > 6 months ago, she kept trying to get me to go to a counseling session with

her counselor, which many people here advised me against. I originally agreed to

go to a neutral counselor with her then, and later decided against it.

> >

> > Today she sent me an email telling me we needed to " talk " and she wanted to

go to a counselor together and do it. I asked her for a specific example of what

it was we needed to talk about and she said " my tone and demeanor with her

indicate i have Big problem with her and she refused to be mistreated by me

anymore " . (definitely could tell that was rehearsed by with her counselor)

> >

> > I am SO SICK OF THE DRAMA. It never ends. I have been dealing with these

emotional outbursts and resulting confrontations for over 7 years (since she

left my dad) and I am sick of it!! By God's grace alone, I have been able to

emotionally detach myself from her but I don't know that it is wise to go to ANY

counseling session with her.

> >

> > In the past, confrontations with her have ended up being a bashing session

of what a crappy daughter I am, then the minute I start saying my side of the

story, she either interrupts constantly or becomes hysterical crying and runs

out of the room.

> >

> > My husband said he refused to pay money just for my mom to tear me down and

then run out of the room.

> >

> > DOES THIS EVER END??? I don't feel like going NC is the right thing to do

but I am almost ready for LC, even though I don't like that either.

> >

> > I feel like there are some serious spiritual strongholds in her life and I

just keep praying for God's direction on where and how I need to respond to this

and protect my own emotions and protect my daughter from having to see her

grandmother she adores in these emotional outbursts.

> >

> > Responses from those who understand appreciated.

> >

> > I'm exhausted.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

You are welcome to stay, and I hope you do; my intention was not to make you

leave so I'm sorry if that's how it came across to you. I'm only suggesting

that one's religious affiliation not be the focus of the discussions here. Its

just that the topic/title of your post invites a religious discussion, and I

think the WTO Group for Christians is the perfect place for that discussion.

Our various faiths and philosophies or atheism/agnosticism are an integral part

of our lives, its true, but the focus here is figuring out how we as individuals

can find ways to manage having a bpd parent in our lives, or choosing to go No

Contact, or recovering from having had one, and healing from the damage... and

different solutions work for different people. Its a very personal and

individual choice.

Its great to hear that a specific religious precept worked *for you* and helped

you manage your relationship with your bpd parent better; its good to share

that. Its just that when the posts start drifting into " This is how EVERYONE

should handle this issue " or " this (religious precept such as forgiveness)

applies to EVERYONE " that it turns the focus to the religion and feels like

proselytizing.

I hope you will stay to give your input and discuss your bpd parent-related

experiences, AND I hope you will check out the WTO sister-group for Christians

as well.

Its all good.

best wishes,

-Annie

>

> Thank you Amy.

>

> Annie - Sorry, wasn't aware religious discussion was discouraged here. Will go

elsewhere. :-) Thanks.

[Guest guest]

Thanks for clarifying and your kind words, and I do understand. I'm not leaving

this group, was mainly referring to taking my discussion elsewhere.

Its all good!

> >

> > Thank you Amy.

> >

> > Annie - Sorry, wasn't aware religious discussion was discouraged here. Will

go elsewhere. :-) Thanks.

>

[Guest guest]

I ll differ just slightly , if I may , gently, from Gentle Annie ( that

s a song! ). While the focus of this group is not Christian, many of

us are deeply spiritual, Christians, Jews, Pentacostals, Baptists, you

name its.

And, as recent posts pointed out, hyper religiousity , and playing the "

God " card is an all to common ploy of our BP moms.

So, while we are not here to discuss religions or spirituality, nor to

proselytize, spiritual abuse, as well as emotional, or physical, is

often a part of the legacy of hurt we have from our nadas. So, to my

mind, any discussion that helps us come to grips with what we endured,

and take back our lives, is apropos.

Also, I would have to say, with a bit of pride, that this is the best of

the WTO groups. I was in the Christian group for a while. My

experience there was that folks were , perhaps a bit too fast to jump to

the pray more read the bible more and it will all be good mode. Again,

my own faith is an important part of who I am, but there is much I can,

and must do to further my own healing from nada abuse. Faith is a part

of that, and I think that some faith, and belief in a power greater

than yourself is a part for everyone, but there is far more as well.

For all our faults in here, I ve found this group to be a very

supportive, loving, caring bunch of people, whose collective strength

and wisdom is always there to help others regain thier own lives.

We just one happening place!!

Doug

> >

> > Thank you Amy.

> >

> > Annie - Sorry, wasn't aware religious discussion was discouraged

here. Will go elsewhere. :-) Thanks.

>

[Guest guest]

And, no , the drama never ends for her. It can for you. But it takes

tough steps.

Doug

>

>

> I would really love if some of the readers here who are Christian

could respond.

>

> I have posted on here some, but I can only read others posts when I am

feeling emotionally strong. The support from this group is priceless. I

am so blessed to have found it.

>

> I just recently discovered my mom is BP about 6 months ago. I am a

Christian as is my mom.

>

> Her MO is kind of to say that she is being " spiritually attacked " and

Satan is using her kids to attack her, as of course she loves being the

victim. (One of the most embarrassing things she recently did was show

up at a pastor's home on a Christmas Eve night who had young kids and

tell him she needed prayer because she was under spiritual attack. She

stayed for a LONG time, interrupting their family time. She was driving,

I was in the car with her, and got roped into going because...well, she

was driving. I was mortified).

>

> Anyway, I love my mom. I see the person she could be if it weren't for

this illness. She would be a wonderful mom, but she can't be - because

of this stupid BP.

>

> She is seeing a counselor who I feel feeds her victim mentality which

has encouraged divisiveness within our immediate family, especially the

last 6 months.

>

> This weekend, she had another emotional outburst at my home, ran out

of the house in hysterics and crying. Long story I won't go into,

partially my fault because I felt too guilty to tell her at the outset

we had somewhere to go and she could only stay so long. Didn't

anticipate she would stay at my house over 2 hours.....(she refuses to

respect others boundaries)

>

> 6 months ago, she kept trying to get me to go to a counseling session

with her counselor, which many people here advised me against. I

originally agreed to go to a neutral counselor with her then, and later

decided against it.

>

> Today she sent me an email telling me we needed to " talk " and she

wanted to go to a counselor together and do it. I asked her for a

specific example of what it was we needed to talk about and she said " my

tone and demeanor with her indicate i have Big problem with her and she

refused to be mistreated by me anymore " . (definitely could tell that was

rehearsed by with her counselor)

>

> I am SO SICK OF THE DRAMA. It never ends. I have been dealing with

these emotional outbursts and resulting confrontations for over 7 years

(since she left my dad) and I am sick of it!! By God's grace alone, I

have been able to emotionally detach myself from her but I don't know

that it is wise to go to ANY counseling session with her.

>

> In the past, confrontations with her have ended up being a bashing

session of what a crappy daughter I am, then the minute I start saying

my side of the story, she either interrupts constantly or becomes

hysterical crying and runs out of the room.

>

> My husband said he refused to pay money just for my mom to tear me

down and then run out of the room.

>

> DOES THIS EVER END??? I don't feel like going NC is the right thing to

do but I am almost ready for LC, even though I don't like that either.

>

> I feel like there are some serious spiritual strongholds in her life

and I just keep praying for God's direction on where and how I need to

respond to this and protect my own emotions and protect my daughter from

having to see her grandmother she adores in these emotional outbursts.

>

> Responses from those who understand appreciated.

>

> I'm exhausted.

>

[Guest guest]

Her drama will never end. Yours can, or can be better managed. That, after

all, is one of the benefits to being the non-BP member of the relationship. I'm

rather close to my nada, and things are relatively stable for the moment. There

is value for me in our relationship for the time being. Much of that probably

stems from a mental trick I started playing on myself awhile back. Every time I

feel myself getting caught up in nada's drama, I imagine her in my head as a

special-needs toddler and address her accordingly. If she continues to be

dramatic, I simply leave. Should she ever push the issue farther, as I'm sure

she will someday sooner or later, I will go LC or NC. Personally, my Catholic

background has helped me maintain some perspective outside of BPD land and has

also helped me try to manifest sympathy and forgiveness. Not that I manifest

that as often as I'd like, but it's certainly more than I used to... Positive

progress, baby steps

[Guest guest]

Hi, Big Sister,

I think I could have written your post myself, our stories seem so simiilar.

I'm 55 and found out about BPD 9 years ago. My nada and I are also Christians,

although I see very little evidence of it in her behavior. But, for the first

46 years of my life I did my level best to " turn the other cheek " and honor my

mother and father, regardless of their treatment of me and my family. After

all, I grew up being responsible for nada's and fada's happiness, and every

problem was somehow my fault. In other words, they blamed me for nada's bad

behavior, and being a good Christian daughter, I took on that guilt and

responsibility. It was only when I prayed that God would show me what was wrong

with me that I found out what was actually wrong with my nada. It was very

difficult for me to give up that responsibility because if it was MY fault, I

could somehow " fix " it. It was only after I accepted the fact that I can't fix

the situation, nor can I cure my nada, that I was able to really grow up. In

other words, I didn't cause it and I can't fix it. I can only let God change me

by becoming as informed as possible about BPD and begin to let nada experience

the consequences of her actions. After all, God says that we reap what we sow.

Who am I to get in His way? I would recommend that you read " Stop Walking on

Eggshells " , " Understanding the Borderline Mother " , " Surviving a Borderline

Parent " , and " Boundaries " (by Henry Cloud and Townsend). All of these

books will let you know that you are entitled to have a life of your own. And

setting boundaries with nada, fada, and anyone else who tries to steamroll you

is good for you and for them. But don't be surprised if nada kicks and screams

for a while. It took a few years for my nada to accept that I would not ever

take her abuse again, not her rages at me or her rages to me about others. And

I really think she's happier for it. And so am I, and that's OK! The Bible

tells us not to keep company with an angry person - that means your nada. I'm

not saying you have to go NC - I didn't. It means you don't stay around and

absorb the abuse just to be a " good Christian daughter. " Or a good atheist,

agnostic, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, or Martian daughter, for that matter.

Taking abuse doesn't help or honor our nadas or fadas. Those with BPD are like

toddlers emotionally, and anyone who has raised a toddler knows that the

quickest way to stop a tantrum (raging) is to just walk away and refuse to

participate or acknowledge it. So, set some boundaries and stick to them, for

your own sake and the sake of your family, and don't take on guilt that doesn't

belong to you. And if you'd like to e-mail me privately, please feel free to do

so.

Joy

>

>

> I would really love if some of the readers here who are Christian could

respond.

>

> I have posted on here some, but I can only read others posts when I am feeling

emotionally strong. The support from this group is priceless. I am so blessed to

have found it.

>

> I just recently discovered my mom is BP about 6 months ago. I am a Christian

as is my mom.

>

> Her MO is kind of to say that she is being " spiritually attacked " and Satan is

using her kids to attack her, as of course she loves being the victim. (One of

the most embarrassing things she recently did was show up at a pastor's home on

a Christmas Eve night who had young kids and tell him she needed prayer because

she was under spiritual attack. She stayed for a LONG time, interrupting their

family time. She was driving, I was in the car with her, and got roped into

going because...well, she was driving. I was mortified).

>

> Anyway, I love my mom. I see the person she could be if it weren't for this

illness. She would be a wonderful mom, but she can't be - because of this stupid

BP.

>

> She is seeing a counselor who I feel feeds her victim mentality which has

encouraged divisiveness within our immediate family, especially the last 6

months.

>

> This weekend, she had another emotional outburst at my home, ran out of the

house in hysterics and crying. Long story I won't go into, partially my fault

because I felt too guilty to tell her at the outset we had somewhere to go and

she could only stay so long. Didn't anticipate she would stay at my house over 2

hours.....(she refuses to respect others boundaries)

>

> 6 months ago, she kept trying to get me to go to a counseling session with her

counselor, which many people here advised me against. I originally agreed to go

to a neutral counselor with her then, and later decided against it.

>

> Today she sent me an email telling me we needed to " talk " and she wanted to go

to a counselor together and do it. I asked her for a specific example of what it

was we needed to talk about and she said " my tone and demeanor with her indicate

i have Big problem with her and she refused to be mistreated by me anymore " .

(definitely could tell that was rehearsed by with her counselor)

>

> I am SO SICK OF THE DRAMA. It never ends. I have been dealing with these

emotional outbursts and resulting confrontations for over 7 years (since she

left my dad) and I am sick of it!! By God's grace alone, I have been able to

emotionally detach myself from her but I don't know that it is wise to go to ANY

counseling session with her.

>

> In the past, confrontations with her have ended up being a bashing session of

what a crappy daughter I am, then the minute I start saying my side of the

story, she either interrupts constantly or becomes hysterical crying and runs

out of the room.

>

> My husband said he refused to pay money just for my mom to tear me down and

then run out of the room.

>

> DOES THIS EVER END??? I don't feel like going NC is the right thing to do but

I am almost ready for LC, even though I don't like that either.

>

> I feel like there are some serious spiritual strongholds in her life and I

just keep praying for God's direction on where and how I need to respond to this

and protect my own emotions and protect my daughter from having to see her

grandmother she adores in these emotional outbursts.

>

> Responses from those who understand appreciated.

>

> I'm exhausted.

>

[Guest guest]

I've been waiting to add my two cents in, as one of the atheists in the group.

However, I grew up a devout Southern Baptist, pretty much part of a cult, and my

nada, though now Presbyterian or whatever, still likes to try and spout bible

verses at me, etc. Even though I am now an atheist, I am also a very spiritual

person, and sometimes I wonder if what I believe in could be considered " god "

just sort of a different way of looking at " god " . But that's another forum. My

point is, I don't mind discussions that bring in religious perspectives, because

they help me defend myself against arguments with my " Christian " nada.

As long as someone isn't trying to convert me, I welcome people to discuss how

the BP in their life affects their spirituality or how dealing with their BP in

a healthy way feels like a betrayal of their religion. I can understand ALL

those things. I think we all can.

I read that Luke ministries site the first time I saw someone recommend it, and,

even being an atheist, I found it comforting and helpful. Regardless of my

belief in the bible or not, the stories in the bible are great parables for

teaching morality and ethics, and they are abused by people all the time. I

found the Luke ministries site SO reassuring and helpful. I think I read every

story on the site, and it really reinforced and reassured me that standing up

for myself was okay.

Standing up for yourself is okay--Christian or Jew or Buddhist or atheist or,

yes, even Martians can stand up for themselves.