Her Silence is Making Me More Nervous Than Words

[Guest guest]

This is my second time going through the going NC process. The first times

was with my bpbro which will be two year in May.

This time it is with my nada. I know it has only been 5 days but her silence

is making me nervous. Could she really just be abiding by my request/demand

of no communication?

She is used to calling 2-4 times a day at least. I don't answer but she

calls... She believes for reasons unbeknownst to me, that I am going to

spiral into a suicidal depression and she has to call me daily to make sure

I am not spiraling and when that doesn't convince her enough she starts

trying to orchestrate visits. When I tell her no, she cannot visit this week

as we have plans the rest of the week and through the weekend she does not

believe we have plans rather that it is a sure indication that I am

spiraling into that darkness ??? I am the one with the T I have worked with

regularly so that I am a healthy balanced person.

I have even heard her telling people that my illness prevents me from being

around my brother (he is BP). But it is not my brothers abusive behaviors

towards me, his targeting me, years of bashing me, verbal, psychological,

and on a few occasions physical abuse and death threat that might be the

problem... it is this fictitious illness that she has created for me that

she says is the problem.

I talked to her directly about making this claims of me being sick. She

really did look like a deer in the headlights and escaped my house as

quickly as possible after that... but she did not stop. It has been two

years since that conversation and she is still up to her tricks... telling

people I am sick...

I have actually heard her telling them what medications I am on! lol I

wasn't on medications! ???

Anyway, can she really go from obsessed to silent overnight and for five

days?

My two thoughts are that she isn't telling anyone anything because then it

isn't real. (She spent two of those days with my Kid sister who is healthy

and knows what is going on and she did not mention one word to her). Or, she

is " protecting " me by not telling anything what a horrible thing I have

done.

Just guesses, I don't know but it really is unnerving me right now...

Thoughts anyone?

Cuddle

[Guest guest]

I have no idea why your nada would do that, it would make me very nervous

too

But what I do know about is going NC with psycho brothers. I would love to

start a new thread.

On Wed, Mar 23, 2011 at 6:07 PM, Cuddle Kettle wrote:

>

>

> This is my second time going through the going NC process. The first times

> was with my bpbro which will be two year in May.

>

> This time it is with my nada. I know it has only been 5 days but her

> silence

> is making me nervous. Could she really just be abiding by my request/demand

> of no communication?

>

> She is used to calling 2-4 times a day at least. I don't answer but she

> calls... She believes for reasons unbeknownst to me, that I am going to

> spiral into a suicidal depression and she has to call me daily to make sure

> I am not spiraling and when that doesn't convince her enough she starts

> trying to orchestrate visits. When I tell her no, she cannot visit this

> week

> as we have plans the rest of the week and through the weekend she does not

> believe we have plans rather that it is a sure indication that I am

> spiraling into that darkness ??? I am the one with the T I have worked with

> regularly so that I am a healthy balanced person.

>

> I have even heard her telling people that my illness prevents me from being

> around my brother (he is BP). But it is not my brothers abusive behaviors

> towards me, his targeting me, years of bashing me, verbal, psychological,

> and on a few occasions physical abuse and death threat that might be the

> problem... it is this fictitious illness that she has created for me that

> she says is the problem.

>

> I talked to her directly about making this claims of me being sick. She

> really did look like a deer in the headlights and escaped my house as

> quickly as possible after that... but she did not stop. It has been two

> years since that conversation and she is still up to her tricks... telling

> people I am sick...

>

> I have actually heard her telling them what medications I am on! lol I

> wasn't on medications! ???

>

> Anyway, can she really go from obsessed to silent overnight and for five

> days?

>

> My two thoughts are that she isn't telling anyone anything because then it

> isn't real. (She spent two of those days with my Kid sister who is healthy

> and knows what is going on and she did not mention one word to her). Or,

> she

> is " protecting " me by not telling anything what a horrible thing I have

> done.

>

> Just guesses, I don't know but it really is unnerving me right now...

>

> Thoughts anyone?

>

> Cuddle

>

>

[Guest guest]

Start a thread about the brothers and I can add there as well! THAT I have

experience with! Lol

Besides it will help keep my mind of the silent nada... *shiver *

On Wed, Mar 23, 2011 at 7:45 PM, Girlscout Cowboy <

girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote:

> I have no idea why your nada would do that, it would make me very nervous

> too

>

> But what I do know about is going NC with psycho brothers. I would love to

> start a new thread.

>

>

>

> On Wed, Mar 23, 2011 at 6:07 PM, Cuddle Kettle <cuddlekettle02@...

> >wrote:

>

> >

> >

> > This is my second time going through the going NC process. The first

> times

> > was with my bpbro which will be two year in May.

> >

> > This time it is with my nada. I know it has only been 5 days but her

> > silence

> > is making me nervous. Could she really just be abiding by my

> request/demand

> > of no communication?

> >

> > She is used to calling 2-4 times a day at least. I don't answer but she

> > calls... She believes for reasons unbeknownst to me, that I am going to

> > spiral into a suicidal depression and she has to call me daily to make

> sure

> > I am not spiraling and when that doesn't convince her enough she starts

> > trying to orchestrate visits. When I tell her no, she cannot visit this

> > week

> > as we have plans the rest of the week and through the weekend she does

> not

> > believe we have plans rather that it is a sure indication that I am

> > spiraling into that darkness ??? I am the one with the T I have worked

> with

> > regularly so that I am a healthy balanced person.

> >

> > I have even heard her telling people that my illness prevents me from

> being

> > around my brother (he is BP). But it is not my brothers abusive behaviors

> > towards me, his targeting me, years of bashing me, verbal, psychological,

> > and on a few occasions physical abuse and death threat that might be the

> > problem... it is this fictitious illness that she has created for me that

> > she says is the problem.

> >

> > I talked to her directly about making this claims of me being sick. She

> > really did look like a deer in the headlights and escaped my house as

> > quickly as possible after that... but she did not stop. It has been two

> > years since that conversation and she is still up to her tricks...

> telling

> > people I am sick...

> >

> > I have actually heard her telling them what medications I am on! lol I

> > wasn't on medications! ???

> >

> > Anyway, can she really go from obsessed to silent overnight and for five

> > days?

> >

> > My two thoughts are that she isn't telling anyone anything because then

> it

> > isn't real. (She spent two of those days with my Kid sister who is

> healthy

> > and knows what is going on and she did not mention one word to her). Or,

> > she

> > is " protecting " me by not telling anything what a horrible thing I have

> > done.

> >

> > Just guesses, I don't know but it really is unnerving me right now...

> >

> > Thoughts anyone?

> >

> > Cuddle

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I understand that feeling entirely. The ...waiting... for whatever horrible

thing it is, to appear. It *is* nerve-shredding. (Sort of like in the film

" Jaws " , when you're waiting for the damned shark to suddenly appear and scare

the crap out of you... you KNOW its coming, but you jump anyway.)

Since none of us can control what our personality-disordered parent says about

us, or to whom, and we can't control what the listeners choose to believe,

there's really not much you can do.

My own personal opinion is that if you simply remain your natural, polite,

decent, mentally healthy self, that most people will see that there is something

that doesn't add up, something " off kilter " in her stories about you.

I think that most people would be appalled to hear a mother verbally bashing her

adult child in public, disclosing private information about what (purported)

meds she thinks her child is on, etc. I would be appalled! Me personally, I

think that nadas do this in order to discredit you as a believable witness.

I'm betting that nada believes that *you* must be spreading crazy, hateful

misinformation about *her* (projecting) so she feels she must out-maneuver you,

get the jump on you and discredit your believability first.

I think that most people who know you and who know your mother, will be able to

put two and two together and figure out that nada is a few bricks shy of a load

and is just saying mean, hateful things about you to hurt/discredit you.

If her libeling/slandering you should reach a point at which she attempts to

make false allegations against you to child protective services or something

like that, or, say, if she takes to calling your place of business/your boss and

saying untrue, hurtful things about you, then, in my opinion its time to lawyer

up and get a restraining order taken out against her.

Its so sad that sometimes we get forced into taking legal action, but, it can

happen.

-Annie

>

> This is my second time going through the going NC process. The first times

> was with my bpbro which will be two year in May.

>

> This time it is with my nada. I know it has only been 5 days but her silence

> is making me nervous. Could she really just be abiding by my request/demand

> of no communication?

>

> She is used to calling 2-4 times a day at least. I don't answer but she

> calls... She believes for reasons unbeknownst to me, that I am going to

> spiral into a suicidal depression and she has to call me daily to make sure

> I am not spiraling and when that doesn't convince her enough she starts

> trying to orchestrate visits. When I tell her no, she cannot visit this week

> as we have plans the rest of the week and through the weekend she does not

> believe we have plans rather that it is a sure indication that I am

> spiraling into that darkness ??? I am the one with the T I have worked with

> regularly so that I am a healthy balanced person.

>

> I have even heard her telling people that my illness prevents me from being

> around my brother (he is BP). But it is not my brothers abusive behaviors

> towards me, his targeting me, years of bashing me, verbal, psychological,

> and on a few occasions physical abuse and death threat that might be the

> problem... it is this fictitious illness that she has created for me that

> she says is the problem.

>

> I talked to her directly about making this claims of me being sick. She

> really did look like a deer in the headlights and escaped my house as

> quickly as possible after that... but she did not stop. It has been two

> years since that conversation and she is still up to her tricks... telling

> people I am sick...

>

> I have actually heard her telling them what medications I am on! lol I

> wasn't on medications! ???

>

> Anyway, can she really go from obsessed to silent overnight and for five

> days?

>

> My two thoughts are that she isn't telling anyone anything because then it

> isn't real. (She spent two of those days with my Kid sister who is healthy

> and knows what is going on and she did not mention one word to her). Or, she

> is " protecting " me by not telling anything what a horrible thing I have

> done.

>

> Just guesses, I don't know but it really is unnerving me right now...

>

> Thoughts anyone?

>

> Cuddle

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Annie,

Thank you! Your words are very comforting right now... And you are

right... It is like jaws...you know it's coming but you always jump...

It's just that anticipation.

Thanks again,

Hugs, Cuddle

[Guest guest]

I always think of Freddy Krueger and the Nightmare on Elm Street movies.

Everything would be fine and dandy during the daytime, but once you fall asleep

he'll get you! Getting all strung out with exhaustion, trying to avoid falling

asleep and knowing that you'll eventually have to... The silence would creep me

out too. Good luck to you!

[Guest guest]

Thanks Yoda... I'll just keep waiting... or rather try to just keep going on

with my life and ignore the silence for now... And like in the Freddy

Krueger movies I am pretty good all day long it is at night that I start to

think about it so I will keep busy in the evenings as well!

Thanks again,

Cuddle

>

>

> I always think of Freddy Krueger and the Nightmare on Elm Street movies.

> Everything would be fine and dandy during the daytime, but once you fall

> asleep he'll get you! Getting all strung out with exhaustion, trying to

> avoid falling asleep and knowing that you'll eventually have to... The

> silence would creep me out too. Good luck to you!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Tara,

You would think I would be used to this by now. My mom is one of the

bp's in my family. My bpsis is the first one I went lc with. It

literally took years to get her to accept, no, without weeks to months

of the silent treatment. Her longest silent treatment was a year.

My brother came in second on silent treatments... His preference was

ranting and raging though...

But with both of them, especially my sister (ha! The auto correct

wanted to put in disaster for sister! What a smart little program.

Lol!) But with my sister the silent treatment got to mean sweet

vacation to me! I loved when she went silent.

I guess I just have to get used to it with nada... This is the first

time she has done it. I should probably just be happy...her usual

reaction is to go all weepy hang dog eyed and start lamenting how

awful she is until you prop her up emotionally and inflate her ego,

spinkle her with fairy dust and plop a crown on her head so she can go

parading back to the land of make believe with her best mother ever

medal wrapped around her neck.

I'll get used to it in time...think she just caught me off guard and I

landed on my butt... Just gotta get back up, regain my balance and get

walking again.

Thanks for your supportive words. I appreciate it.

Cuddle