New to the group and wondering if anyone can relate?

March 23, 2011

Hi. My name is Alison. My mom has bpd. I am thirty five years old , married

and have three wonderful children. I'm writing this post because i want to

kinda put a tiny bit of my background out there ..to see if others feel this

might be so complex of an issue that i might maybe need more than one therapist?

Or If they think it's even workable. However i am positive, and truly feel all

things are possible ...if a person wants them badly enough! So about eight

years ago i saw a personal therapist and she told me just based on what i'd told

her about my mother ..that she was sure my mom had bpd. That i should go look

this disorder up. As you can imagine the moment i got home i spent hours

looking it up lol. My mother had every single symptom and some extras . I knew

then ..that this was a real disease. at least i thought i did. I still spent

the next eight years trying to rescue my mother like i have all my life.

very very recently we had a big falling out ..and i agian researched and this

time i decided to go a step further and see if there was anything about adult

children affected by parents with this condition. Also in the past two months

i've been making a massive lifestyle change to have better health and loose

weight. I was already on my own ...getting some what mentally stronger and not

wanting the trauma of her issues to affect me any longer. I was ready to steam

roll her like she has me for so long.

I lost my dad when i was only two weeks old. He was murdered. I have a

sibling that is four years older. We were never super close. However

considering what we went through in childhood i'd say for survival we had some

bond. Not a healthy bond but some form of a bond. My sister witnessed my

father's murder. It affected her for the remainder of her life. Five years ago

she took her own life. After many many attempts. I have spent my entire adult

life ...responding to calls of crisis from my mother and sister. I've done it

for so long that it feels normal to me . My sister had extreme bipolar . For

the past five years i've been in a very deep depression over the loss of her .

I felt she was the only other soul on the planet that would ever understand the

" monster " we grew up with. Who was i gonna turn to now? My mother surly

wasn't an option. She did not even attend the funeral that i entireley set up

on my own. My mother to this moment doesn't understand why loosing my sister

could possibly affect me so strongly. She has anger towards me for allowing

anyone to affect me this way! Total bpd symptoms lol.

I also have two siblings that are half siblings. ( we have different fathers.

) One is the eldest child ...he is 12 yrs older than myself . My mom gave him

to his father to raise when he was 3. His father later died of brain cancer

...and he returned to live with us when i was very young. He didn't last a year

before he left home. he left home at 14. My other half sibling is 8 years older

than myself. I didn't even know she existed until i was twenty one years old

and after finding my brother ...because once he left home pretty much all

contact was lost...my brother told me we had a sister that we didn't know about

.. My mom gave this sister to her dad because acording to my mom ..my father and

my mom lead a lifestyle that didn't support young children. So She was given

away at 1 year old.

I met her for the first time when I was 21 years old. While i still have two

siblings left. One was never really raised by my mother and really doesn't know

her well even today. The other ( the brother) it's been so long since he has

lived with her ...he has no clue . He has tried to talk with her about 10 yrs

back and connect with her ..but she totally pushed him away. She has never

liked this sibling and has always demeaned him.

Through out my childhood i've personally experienced 6 step dads. My mom has

been married 10 times total. I was never allowed to have any kinda of father

relationship with any of them. None of the children were . They were much like

roommates. During all this time i was sexually abused for about 8 years by one

particular step dad. We moved on average about every three years and my only

true sibling the sister i grew up with that is now gone..she left home at 14 as

well. I was the only child raised by my other to live in her home until i was

17 yrs old. I was kicked out the day after graduating high school.

In essence i guess what i'm saying here is this ...i've not just had a bpd

mother. I had no father and many wanna be step parents ..that i wasn't allowed

to interact with. I had only one true sibling..no other relatives like aunts

uncles cousins grand parents nothing. That sibling is now gone. I've

experienced extreme emotional abuse ...as i'm sure most if not all here have

...and I've experienced sexual abuse.I have two half siblings left that don't

really even know my mom ones that i can't relate too what so ever ..because they

think she just has issues ..and we should not judge. There is a lot on my plate

for sure . I want to get well. I wanna learn all i can about these symptoms i

have from being so " trained " by her all my life. I want to Heal totally mind

body and spirit . I wonder if there is anyone else on this forum ..whom has had

a lot of similiarits to me . I wonder if anyone can recommend additional

resources as well. I just started reading " Surviving a Borderline Parent. " I

love every single word and can't wait to finish it . The book in it's self is

very validating. Just learning there was a book like this out there ..made me

feel like i had won the lottery! I am not alone..and there are others who can

relate! So excited about that ! If anyone has any helpful information at all

...or has questions to understand me better or whatever ..i'd appreciate any type

of suggestions or comments .

I am super thrilled to be here ! I can't say ty enough to the person whom

created this site..and to all those out there who use it to get help and or help

others too! Sending a huge hug to each and every one of you! THANKS!

March 23, 2011

Welcome to the Group, Alison. Here's a virtual hug for you from me...

(((((Alison))))).

You did have it very, very rough; more so than a lot of us here. I'm so sorry

you had to endure what you did. Truly. You survived, though, with your

humanity intact. It didn't break you. You must have an inner core of steel, to

have survived such a childhood.

You have found a bunch of other adult children of personality-disordered parents

here, who completely " get it. "

I'm glad you are starting to educate yourself about borderline pd. I think its

very empowering and validating to understand that bpd is a real, genuine, and

serious mental disorder and that you had no part in causing the abuse that your

mentally-disordered mother and step-father(s) inflicted on you. And I'm so sorry

your sister did not survive. I can " hear " in your post your bereavement over

her suicide. My heart goes out to you both.

There are so many good people here who are on the road to healing too, along

with you. Its good that we can keep each other company and give each other

emotional support on our journey.

Again, welcome to you, fellow survivor.

-Annie

>

> Hi. My name is Alison. My mom has bpd. I am thirty five years old , married