Guest guest Posted March 24, 2011 Report Share Posted March 24, 2011 Hello group- This isn't an update on my mom, but me and my pregnancy. I actually think my Nada will be supportive. I still haven't told her because the father of my child asked me to wait, but that is a side issue. I had mentioned the father of my child a few posts ago. It's been quite some time. Had a girlfriend I was unaware of, I found out far into things and fast forward....now I am pregnant. He had assured me he wanted a child and he would marry me, he is singing a different tune now. And I don't like the melody. My pregnancy is early on, but my hormones are raging. He occasionally tells me things like he's going to her house to spend the night or she still wants a relationship with me, and I lose it because it's so contrary to what he told me prior to me getting pregnant. Group, he claims that we can't get along because I am " so angry " . I find it kind of comical myself that he doesn't understand my feelings in this. The past few days I have felt so emotional, alone and supportless. I plan to tell my parents as soon as possible so I can gain some support. I feel stupid for falling for this, I am such a smart woman. Uggghhh... My biggest problem in life is I trust too easily. I think growing up with a raving lunatic as a mom has given me this weird outlook on life. It's a pollyanna outlook. I trust most people, then let them screw me over. Men come along and tell me what they'll do for me. I believe them and I look foolish. The other piece to things is I have wanted to be married for about forever. This guy pulled out both cards that brought my heart out- marriage and a baby. ( Sometimes I ask my non-Christian and Christian friends, please send some happy thoughts my way or pray for me. I would greatly appreciate it. I feel a little lost. Latasha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 24, 2011 Report Share Posted March 24, 2011 Latasha, I'm sorry you're going through this. I will keep you in my thoughts. Knowing who to trust can be a problem. Growing up with parents who weren't trustworthy can make you so hungry for someone you can trust and rely on that you don't see the warning signs that someone can't be trusted. At 06:57 AM 03/24/2011 Latasha wrote: >Hello group- > >This isn't an update on my mom, but me and my pregnancy. I >actually think my Nada will be supportive. I still haven't >told her because the father of my child asked me to wait, but >that is a side issue. > >I had mentioned the father of my child a few posts ago. It's >been quite some time. Had a girlfriend I was unaware of, I >found out far into things and fast forward....now I am pregnant. > >He had assured me he wanted a child and he would marry me, he >is singing a different tune now. And I don't like the >melody. My pregnancy is early on, but my hormones are >raging. He occasionally tells me things like he's going to her >house to spend the night or she still wants a relationship with >me, and I lose it because it's so contrary to what he told me >prior to me getting pregnant. > >Group, he claims that we can't get along because I am " so >angry " . I find it kind of comical myself that he doesn't >understand my feelings in this. > >The past few days I have felt so emotional, alone and >supportless. I plan to tell my parents as soon as possible so >I can gain some support. I feel stupid for falling for this, I >am such a smart woman. Uggghhh... > >My biggest problem in life is I trust too easily. I think >growing up with a raving lunatic as a mom has given me this >weird outlook on life. It's a pollyanna outlook. I trust most >people, then let them screw me over. Men come along and tell >me what they'll do for me. I believe them and I look >foolish. The other piece to things is I have wanted to be >married for about forever. This guy pulled out both cards that >brought my heart out- marriage and a baby. ( > >Sometimes I ask my non-Christian and Christian friends, please >send some happy thoughts my way or pray for me. I would >greatly appreciate it. I feel a little lost. > >Latasha > -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 24, 2011 Report Share Posted March 24, 2011 Latasha, I can be a pollyanna at times too. You would think that with all we have been through with all the BP craziness that we would just stop trusting all together. Maybe there is some part deep down that just keeps holding out, wanting so badly for people to treat us well that we just trust everyone waiting on that hope. I don't know and I don't have advice but I get where you're coming from and I an sorry you are having to go through this right now. I am thinking about... Sending you good thoughts and positive energy! Hugs to you, Cuddle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 25, 2011 Report Share Posted March 25, 2011 Latasha, My heart goes out to you, and after reading your post yesterday I have been thinking a lot about you. I can really empathize a lot. I know what it is like to not have good boundaries with other people, and mainly not know whom to trust. We were abused by the BP growing up, and then other adults who could and should have protected us didn't. No wonder we have no sense of who is a " safe person " . The book Safe People by Henry Cloud and Townsend has really helped me a lot, and I am still learning. This book is about how to decide whom to trust, and how to use our discernment when making decisions about other people. I am still learning this. I feel like, growing up in a BP FOO, I was taught that this is the way to go through the world, to put my innermost self out there for anyone. When the truth is, many people are not worthy of our inner selves. This book is giving me a lot of insight into how to decide whom to trust. One of the hardest things about being a KO is continually having trust abused, because we don't know how to find and choose trustworthy people. Like you, I am still learning skills in this area, and I know it is a weak area for me, and therefore an area I need to be careful and exercise caution in. For your immediate situation, you have become aware of some key points. It sounds like you are fully aware of this man as not being someone you trust right now. It sounds like he violated your trust in key fundamental ways, and you are aware that he has lied. And it seems like there are many things about him that make you uneasy. How do you feel about what you have observed about him? Can you be honest about your feelings? I also think it is a good place to be, to recognize and be aware of realities. So many people go through life never to be aware at all of anything. To be made aware is a blessing, because it means we can envision something different, something better... and start to move in that direction. Whatever that direction might be. That direction may be away from him; that direction may be towards him. I don't know him, only you can figure out the path you feel like taking. Thinking completely practically, how far along are you in the pregnancy? Many women find themselves in a situation where they are pregnant and realize the man is not a fit father. This is a common problem, and not just limited to women who come from abusive families of origin. To have a child with someone means to be tied to that person for life, whether you like it or not. Your child will want to know their father, and he will want some input in parenting decisions. Women's lives are valuable though, and I believe a grown person's life is more valuable than an unformed fetus. Now, you may not agree with me, and I don't want to push any ideas on you. I just want to remind you that you have options and choices: abortion, adoption, keeping the child. What are feeling ? How do you feel about it? I had a friend, a close friend who was in your situation, and she sat down and had a conversation with the fetus. In her case, it was just a clump of cells, she was only a few weeks in. She talked with it, and came to her decision what to do, through " conversations " with the pregnancy itself. If you can find any way to carve out some time and space for yourself to look inside yourself for the right answer for your life in this situation, then in the future you will be able to tell yourself you made an informed and conscious decision. Too many parents do not make conscious decisions regarding having children. In the end, this is your choice. I just hope you can make a really really conscious choice as to what is best for YOU. You deserve to be happy, and fulfill your dreams. If those dreams include marriage and children, you can have that. I hope you in the future have a happy marriage and can raise your children in a happy home, wherein conflict is handled in mature and intimate ways. I wish for you a home wherein your children can grow up and not repeat the same experience of abuse from previous generations. I hope you can break the cycle. I wish for you emotional intimacy with a spouse and children who are safe people, people who guard your heart and your innermost feelings with the utmost trust and care. My heart and thoughts and prayers are with you. I support you in whatever decision you should choose to take, Walking to Happiness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 25, 2011 Report Share Posted March 25, 2011 Thank you all so much! One thing I love about this forum, among many other things, is the number of book recommendations. I love to learn. I appreciate these gems of wisdom that will ultimately stick with me forever. Thank you for everything. Latasha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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