Hi, my name is and I AM an adult child of a borderline personality mother...LOL

March 24, 2011

I've been reading some of the posts and decided to write to the person who is

looking for other christian's that deal with bpd. My mother had told me a few

years ago that a psychologist had told her she was histrionic or pb but I really

didnt pay it much mind until my aunt pointed out that laverne, refuse to call

her mother anylonger, is a narcicist (sp ?) and found it links with the bpd.

anyway, I have come at bpd from all angles the latest is just to ignore. she

chose to alienate me since I refused to give her any more money, although she

tells everyone It was my fault. her latest is to play the martyr that she cant

see my kids anymore and has once again started a fight amongst all the family,

even though they all claim they havent taken sides, but, ohhh, by the way, " you

are wrong for not letting their grandmother see them, you're a bad mother for

not letting your kids see her, why did you let your mother in law take the kids

overnight and not (laverne).... " Anyway, I have really put some thought into

how to handle the situation from a Christian perspective and could use some

advice. Especially, for the bpd's who CLAIM they are christian, and this is

what I have come up with, please tell me what your thoughts are. The bible

tells us what to do if someone has done something against us: bring it to them

(which we've done and is of no use no matter how many differant ways we have

gone about bringing it to them, and I do believe the next step is to go to their

pastor. I am very seriously considering taking this next step. maybe just

maybe if their is someone that they consider to be of an authority figure says

something maybe there could be an open and honest dialogue toward compromise.

others have told me that bpd's are lost hopes, they just can not think properly.

I just dont buy it. kinda like the alcoholic cant help it, bullllllll! which

of course, laverne and many bpd's are!! are we seeing a pattern yet? the pity

party is over or maybe it may be better said that I am not attending I just

haven't figured out which yet is reality.

GOOD QUOTES

Perhaps the biggest cause of ill health in the world is poverty.

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are

the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.

What you do to the least of these, you do also to me. Jesus

March 25, 2011

Hi --

You may want to consider joining a similar Yahoo group that is specifically

for Christian people dealing with other people who have BPD. Many of us here

have a variety of beliefs, including atheism and agnosticism, and we're

glad you're here. We talk about faith sometimes, but I think the Christian

group will also give you great feedback for your question from a

specifically Christian perspective--you will get all sorts of other

perspectives on this group.

I don't have the link with me right now, but hopefully somebody will respond

soon with the link to the other Yahoo group.

As it were, my fada (dad with BPD) is one of those people who claim to be

Christian, and used a lot of faith-related guilt-tripping to make me feel

bad. He also liked to be a martyr, too.

The good news is that the Bible doesn't expect us to honor thy mother and

father when they are abusing us or tell us to do things that are wrong.

Forgiveness also doesn't mean that we have to forget that our parents hurt

us and go back to be continually abused. It's nearly impossible for BPD

people to see reality objectively, so any confrontation is going to end with

more abusing you. So, take courage, rise up, and instate firm boundaries,

even if that means going LC or NC.

This is why I read up about what my faith really teaches, because it's so

much different and better than what my fada taught me.

Holly

On Thu, Mar 24, 2011 at 7:40 PM, CHRISTINE DAVIS wrote:

>

> I've been reading some of the posts and decided to write to the person who

> is looking for other christian's that deal with bpd. My mother had told me a

> few years ago that a psychologist had told her she was histrionic or pb but

> I really didnt pay it much mind until my aunt pointed out that laverne,

> refuse to call her mother anylonger, is a narcicist (sp ?) and found it

> links with the bpd. anyway, I have come at bpd from all angles the latest is

> just to ignore. she chose to alienate me since I refused to give her any

> more money, although she tells everyone It was my fault. her latest is to

> play the martyr that she cant see my kids anymore and has once again started

> a fight amongst all the family, even though they all claim they havent taken

> sides, but, ohhh, by the way, " you are wrong for not letting their

> grandmother see them, you're a bad mother for not letting your kids see her,

> why did you let your mother in law take the kids overnight and not

> (laverne).... " Anyway, I have really put some thought into how to handle the

> situation from a Christian perspective and could use some advice.

> Especially, for the bpd's who CLAIM they are christian, and this is what I

> have come up with, please tell me what your thoughts are. The bible tells us

> what to do if someone has done something against us: bring it to them (which

> we've done and is of no use no matter how many differant ways we have gone

> about bringing it to them, and I do believe the next step is to go to their

> pastor. I am very seriously considering taking this next step. maybe just

> maybe if their is someone that they consider to be of an authority figure

> says something maybe there could be an open and honest dialogue toward

> compromise. others have told me that bpd's are lost hopes, they just can not

> think properly. I just dont buy it. kinda like the alcoholic cant help it,

> bullllllll! which of course, laverne and many bpd's are!! are we seeing a

> pattern yet? the pity party is over or maybe it may be better said that I am

> not attending I just haven't figured out which yet is reality.

>

> GOOD QUOTES

> Perhaps the biggest cause of ill health in the world is poverty.

>

> Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time.

> We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.

>

> What you do to the least of these, you do also to me. Jesus

>

March 25, 2011

Hi ,

I also struggled for years with being a spiritual person and Nada. I was led to

believe that love will conquer all. This is also the thoughts of alot of people

in a domestic violent situation. That is why it was so hard for me to go NC. I

felt I could fix Nada and became her healer and life support. I believed one day

she would change and all the hard work I invested would pay off. At 40 I

realised I had wasted my efforts and it was time to live the other half of my

life for me. I no longer felt sorry for her and learning of BPD was one the

best thing that ever happened to me as well as this group to feel I was not

alone.

I did as you mentioned and took it to her and set my boundries. She told me she

was too old to change and even admitted her self-sabotaging ways. She is aware

but willing to stay in the mess she is in. We can only change ourselves.

I have also been judged lost friendships for my decision and tried to justify my

decision. Now I trust that I am doing what is best for me and I don't have to

answer to anyone except my higher power.

I came across a great book that helped me forgive myself and let go. It also

helped me accept that I wasn't a bad person in God's eyes for saying no more and

walking away.

It has been mentioned here before and it is called " Boundries " by Dr Henry Cloud

& Dr. Townsend.

I hope this is of some help. I have been NC for 14 months now and my life is

just getting better and better. Every so often I hit a bump but I never look

back and just go through the motions of more healing that obviously needs to be

worked on.

Take care we all deserve happiness,

Kazam x

>

> >

> > I've been reading some of the posts and decided to write to the person who

> > is looking for other christian's that deal with bpd. My mother had told me a

> > few years ago that a psychologist had told her she was histrionic or pb but

> > I really didnt pay it much mind until my aunt pointed out that laverne,

> > refuse to call her mother anylonger, is a narcicist (sp ?) and found it

> > links with the bpd. anyway, I have come at bpd from all angles the latest is

> > just to ignore. she chose to alienate me since I refused to give her any

> > more money, although she tells everyone It was my fault. her latest is to

> > play the martyr that she cant see my kids anymore and has once again started

> > a fight amongst all the family, even though they all claim they havent taken

> > sides, but, ohhh, by the way, " you are wrong for not letting their

> > grandmother see them, you're a bad mother for not letting your kids see her,

> > why did you let your mother in law take the kids overnight and not

> > (laverne).... " Anyway, I have really put some thought into how to handle the

> > situation from a Christian perspective and could use some advice.

> > Especially, for the bpd's who CLAIM they are christian, and this is what I

> > have come up with, please tell me what your thoughts are. The bible tells us

> > what to do if someone has done something against us: bring it to them (which

> > we've done and is of no use no matter how many differant ways we have gone

> > about bringing it to them, and I do believe the next step is to go to their

> > pastor. I am very seriously considering taking this next step. maybe just

> > maybe if their is someone that they consider to be of an authority figure

> > says something maybe there could be an open and honest dialogue toward

> > compromise. others have told me that bpd's are lost hopes, they just can not

> > think properly. I just dont buy it. kinda like the alcoholic cant help it,

> > bullllllll! which of course, laverne and many bpd's are!! are we seeing a

> > pattern yet? the pity party is over or maybe it may be better said that I am

> > not attending I just haven't figured out which yet is reality.

> >

> > GOOD QUOTES

> > Perhaps the biggest cause of ill health in the world is poverty.

> >

> > Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time.

> > We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.

> >

> > What you do to the least of these, you do also to me. Jesus

> >

March 25, 2011

,

My parents had the pastor fooled, so going to him about the 'smear'

campaign they were waging and aggressive, repeated boundary violations

revealed he was one of the people included, and he believed them. I went NC

completely, and due to the lies they told for so long, the church is

'praying', but everyone I knew dropped out my life. My parents are

martyrs, we are messed up adult children, and because they are old and nada

looks like a saint at church, noone gives dh and I a second thought. Oh, and

noone came to us to say, hey, here is what I heard, is it true? Nope.

Folks just stopped talking to us. None of what they said is true, but noone

cares to check facts, get our side at all,even at church..it was like they

talk about my family like we are totally different people. Old people at

church don't LIE...right? So, we tried... Oh, and we didn't go around

trying to defend and salvage our reputation, causing more drama. We thought

it best to just leave, and we went NC.

Sunny

March 25, 2011

Hi, , and welcome. You've found a group who understands. We get it

because we've been there. Many of us here are Christians, some are not, but the

advice is pretty much the same either way. I agree that the Bible teaches us to

confront those who have wronged us, first privately, then with 2 or 3 others,

and finally to take the person who has wronged us to the church in order to

reconcile. Unfortunately, our BPD parents aren't normal people who can be

reasoned with, and they never accept responsibility for their bad behavior.

That's because their disorder is integral to their thinking processes. I'd

recommend that you do some reading and educate yourself about this disorder as

much as possible. Our standard list of books include " Understanding the

Borderline Mother " , " Stop Walking on Eggshells " , " Surviving a Borderline

Parent " , and " Boundaries " by Henry Cloud and Townsend. Cloud and Townsend

also have several other useful books written from a Christian perspective, such

as " Safe People " . After reading these books, you'll undoubtedly come to the sad

realization that your mother isn't going to change. That means the only one you

can change is you. You'll have to change how you interact with your nada

(that's shorthand here for our mothers who weren't really mothers), and she'll

kick and scream the whole way. But you will find more peace than you've ever

known before, and if she's like my nada, you might even find that she'll respect

you a bit more. I hope this is helpful to you, and feel free to ask questions

or just vent anytime.

Joy

>

> I've been reading some of the posts and decided to write to the person who is