Waify nada- so annoying! (rant)

[Guest guest]

Hi I just need to rant a quick second.

My nada has always had waify characteristics mixed in along with her aggression.

As she has gotten older the waif side now dominates which I find more difficult

to deal with. Nada has now started coming over to my dad's, (her kinda

ex-husband- loooooong story behind this) so now I may see her on weekends while

I am there at my dad's too.

Nada's two waifiest (is that a word?) tactics are to hunch over, stand in my

vicinity and just stare, sometimes straight at me which I can't stand. If I do

say anything to her, such as `I find that stare uncomfortable' or `please stop

staring at me' she gets moody cause I am a horrible person being mean to a

little lady who is just standing there minding her own business. Ugh. So I have

being ignoring it but I find it so off putting and I feel really angry about it.

Nada manipulating again and if I say anything the she is all boo hoo poor me!

The other thing she does is mumble, sigh and not talk in complete sentences.

Again if she is challenged about this she goes all self pity and `oh look at me,

I am not even allowed to express myself, aren't you being selfish etc etc'. I'm

also ignoring this behavior too but again I get so angry.

Of course these behaviors magically go when nada is performing for the outside

world. Then she stands straight and speaks in full sentences and puts on her

show.

Thanks for reading

Nav

[Guest guest]

Nav - Oh brother! Your nada sounds so much like mine. How pathetic! I can so

identify with you. My nada is a textbook Queen, but has a waify side as well.

The Waif comes out when she senses that she is not getting enough attention. Of

course she expects everyone to drop everything and rush to her side and then be

all concerned and make a fuss over her - " oh you poor thing! What can we do to

alleviate your pain and suffering? " Makes me want to puke....literally.

She pulled that crap at Christmas. As soon as she walked in the door, she made

it a point to announce to everyone that she was in " excrutiating " pain and could

barely walk. She even had a cane and everything. It was an -worthy

performance, I must say. Of course, my aunt, uncle, and cousins (who didn't know

any better) showered her with sympathy and service - made a plate for her,

propped up her feet, and listened to her piss and moan ad nauseum. Needless to

say, DH, DD and I did not stick around for long. As we were leaving, one of my

cousins said to me, " You know, your mom is in really bad shape " . I replied,

" Yes, it would appear that way, wouldn't it? " and walked out the door. The look

on my cousin's face was priceless!

Just hang in there, Nav. I know it isn't easy to ignore the histrionics. As I

was reading your posts and others like it recently, I did come up with a unique

idea though. I am a firm believer in humor. Sometimes it helps alleviate some of

the stress by just finding humor in the situation. Doesn't your nada's antics

just make you want to laugh sometimes? I thought of a " game " that we could all

play - something along the lines of " Dancing with the Stars " . Maybe some of the

other KO's could help me come up with a suitable name for our game. It could go

something like this: every time one of our nada's puts on a performance, maybe

we could post a short synopsis on the board here, and then everyone could

critique the performance. Take your nada's performance for example - I think I

would give it a " 10 " on the pathetic scale, but maybe only a " 6 " for

originality. I mean, hunching over and staring - really? Is that all she's got?

LOL!

>

> Hi I just need to rant a quick second.

>

> My nada has always had waify characteristics mixed in along with her

aggression. As she has gotten older the waif side now dominates which I find

more difficult to deal with. Nada has now started coming over to my dad's, (her

kinda ex-husband- loooooong story behind this) so now I may see her on weekends

while I am there at my dad's too.

>

> Nada's two waifiest (is that a word?) tactics are to hunch over, stand in my

vicinity and just stare, sometimes straight at me which I can't stand. If I do

say anything to her, such as `I find that stare uncomfortable' or `please stop

staring at me' she gets moody cause I am a horrible person being mean to a

little lady who is just standing there minding her own business. Ugh. So I have

being ignoring it but I find it so off putting and I feel really angry about it.

Nada manipulating again and if I say anything the she is all boo hoo poor me!

>

> The other thing she does is mumble, sigh and not talk in complete sentences.

Again if she is challenged about this she goes all self pity and `oh look at me,

I am not even allowed to express myself, aren't you being selfish etc etc'. I'm

also ignoring this behavior too but again I get so angry.

>

> Of course these behaviors magically go when nada is performing for the outside

world. Then she stands straight and speaks in full sentences and puts on her

show.

>

> Thanks for reading

> Nav

>

[Guest guest]

Lol! That put a smile on my face. I'll call nada's dance the self pity samba.

Other favourites of hers include:

the feel sorry for me shuffle

the miserable mambo

the its not me its you tango

:-)

Nav

>

>

>

> Nav - Oh brother! Your nada sounds so much like mine. How pathetic! I can so

identify with you. My nada is a textbook Queen, but has a waify side as well.

The Waif comes out when she senses that she is not getting enough attention. Of

course she expects everyone to drop everything and rush to her side and then be

all concerned and make a fuss over her - " oh you poor thing! What can we do to

alleviate your pain and suffering? " Makes me want to puke....literally.

>

> She pulled that crap at Christmas. As soon as she walked in the door, she made

it a point to announce to everyone that she was in " excrutiating " pain and could

barely walk. She even had a cane and everything. It was an -worthy

performance, I must say. Of course, my aunt, uncle, and cousins (who didn't know

any better) showered her with sympathy and service - made a plate for her,

propped up her feet, and listened to her piss and moan ad nauseum. Needless to

say, DH, DD and I did not stick around for long. As we were leaving, one of my

cousins said to me, " You know, your mom is in really bad shape " . I replied,

" Yes, it would appear that way, wouldn't it? " and walked out the door. The look

on my cousin's face was priceless!

>

> Just hang in there, Nav. I know it isn't easy to ignore the histrionics. As I

was reading your posts and others like it recently, I did come up with a unique

idea though. I am a firm believer in humor. Sometimes it helps alleviate some of

the stress by just finding humor in the situation. Doesn't your nada's antics

just make you want to laugh sometimes? I thought of a " game " that we could all

play - something along the lines of " Dancing with the Stars " . Maybe some of the

other KO's could help me come up with a suitable name for our game. It could go

something like this: every time one of our nada's puts on a performance, maybe

we could post a short synopsis on the board here, and then everyone could

critique the performance. Take your nada's performance for example - I think I

would give it a " 10 " on the pathetic scale, but maybe only a " 6 " for

originality. I mean, hunching over and staring - really? Is that all she's got?

LOL!

>

[Guest guest]

I can so relate to this. I was really getting good at handling my nada's

Queen/Witch behaviors: the being bossy and controlling, the carping criticism,

the veiled insults, the trying to pick fights, the raging, etc. .... and then

she changed tactics! Ack! I had a harder time dealing with her when she turned

Waify. I have a feeling that its BECAUSE I was getting better at handling her

domineering behaviors, she took the opposite tack, which means that if I stood

up to the poor little Waif, that made ME the horrible bully. Its insidious!

Ack ack ack!!!

Its one of the reasons I really need to be in virtual No Contact, its too

upsetting being in a perpetual no-win situation.

Simply removing myself entirely from interacting with her is the only real power

I have.

-Annie

>

> Hi I just need to rant a quick second.

>

> My nada has always had waify characteristics mixed in along with her

aggression. As she has gotten older the waif side now dominates which I find

more difficult to deal with. Nada has now started coming over to my dad's, (her

kinda ex-husband- loooooong story behind this) so now I may see her on weekends

while I am there at my dad's too.

>

> Nada's two waifiest (is that a word?) tactics are to hunch over, stand in my

vicinity and just stare, sometimes straight at me which I can't stand. If I do

say anything to her, such as `I find that stare uncomfortable' or `please stop

staring at me' she gets moody cause I am a horrible person being mean to a

little lady who is just standing there minding her own business. Ugh. So I have

being ignoring it but I find it so off putting and I feel really angry about it.

Nada manipulating again and if I say anything the she is all boo hoo poor me!

>

> The other thing she does is mumble, sigh and not talk in complete sentences.

Again if she is challenged about this she goes all self pity and `oh look at me,

I am not even allowed to express myself, aren't you being selfish etc etc'. I'm

also ignoring this behavior too but again I get so angry.

>

> Of course these behaviors magically go when nada is performing for the outside

world. Then she stands straight and speaks in full sentences and puts on her

show.

>

> Thanks for reading

> Nav

>

[Guest guest]

-- In WTOAdultChildren1 , " anuria67854 " wrote:

>>I have a feeling that its BECAUSE I was getting better at handling her

domineering behaviors, she took the opposite tack, which means that if I stood

up to the poor little Waif, that made ME the horrible bully. <<

I think that is the same in my case. I have noticed with people nada can

dominate/provoke, she continues with those aggressive behaviours.

Nav

[Guest guest]

Oh god the shuffle - that's a classic. . . I'll post waif boss'

performances. How about the " My headache must be a stroke break dance? "

>

>

> -- In WTOAdultChildren1 , " anuria67854 "

> wrote:

>

> >>I have a feeling that its BECAUSE I was getting better at handling her

> domineering behaviors, she took the opposite tack, which means that if I

> stood

> up to the poor little Waif, that made ME the horrible bully. <<

>

> I think that is the same in my case. I have noticed with people nada can

> dominate/provoke, she continues with those aggressive behaviours.

>

> Nav

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

OMG!! Did we ha the same mother?! My mother did that exact hunched over,

pitiful, victim crap. I CAN'T STAND IT. It literally sent me into a rage,

which then of course, makes me turn out to be the bad guy -- you know, " poor

mom, the one getting verbal abuse from her horrible daughter. " UGH UGH UGH.

When I announced I was moving 5 hours away, she rode to Wal-Mart while my

husband drove and I sat in the back seat (because of course she's too pitiful to

be in the back). She kept grabbing onto the dash like she might die if we

stopped at a red light. Honest to God, I was 28 at the time and I don't EVER

remember her riding in the car with anyone except my father. Ri.donk.u.lous in

every direction. Then she walked around the store like she was hiding for

cover, gently picking things up, getting all teary eyed, taking small steps in

this pathetic, scared little girl act....God, it made me want to slap her.

I totally understand how you feel, but in my opinion and having a mother who did

this, the worst thing you could ever do is give in to it or even acknowledge it

because in my experience, that just makes her act even worse because they have

this insatiable need to be babied. Aside from that, she's going to have the

access to do it more and more and more.

Waify nada- so annoying! (rant)

Hi I just need to rant a quick second.

My nada has always had waify characteristics mixed in along with her aggression.

As she has gotten older the waif side now dominates which I find more difficult

to deal with. Nada has now started coming over to my dad's, (her kinda

ex-husband- loooooong story behind this) so now I may see her on weekends while

I am there at my dad's too.

Nada's two waifiest (is that a word?) tactics are to hunch over, stand in my

vicinity and just stare, sometimes straight at me which I can't stand. If I do

say anything to her, such as `I find that stare uncomfortable' or `please stop

staring at me' she gets moody cause I am a horrible person being mean to a

little lady who is just standing there minding her own business. Ugh. So I have

being ignoring it but I find it so off putting and I feel really angry about it.

Nada manipulating again and if I say anything the she is all boo hoo poor me!

The other thing she does is mumble, sigh and not talk in complete sentences.

Again if she is challenged about this she goes all self pity and `oh look at me,

I am not even allowed to express myself, aren't you being selfish etc etc'. I'm

also ignoring this behavior too but again I get so angry.

Of course these behaviors magically go when nada is performing for the outside

world. Then she stands straight and speaks in full sentences and puts on her

show.

Thanks for reading

Nav

[Guest guest]

Ultimately, and sadly, that is often the only answer because they assume they're

the sane one and we're the crazy one and nothing any of us do or say will change

them. I have discovered that all too late. How I would change things if I

could just be 18 again and know what I know now about BPD. My mother was a

major waif but could conveniently become a queen/witch when the situation

warranted it. I saw it all....

Re: Waify nada- so annoying! (rant)

I can so relate to this. I was really getting good at handling my nada's

Queen/Witch behaviors: the being bossy and controlling, the carping criticism,

the veiled insults, the trying to pick fights, the raging, etc. .... and then

she changed tactics! Ack! I had a harder time dealing with her when she turned

Waify. I have a feeling that its BECAUSE I was getting better at handling her

domineering behaviors, she took the opposite tack, which means that if I stood

up to the poor little Waif, that made ME the horrible bully. Its insidious! Ack

ack ack!!!

Its one of the reasons I really need to be in virtual No Contact, its too

upsetting being in a perpetual no-win situation.

Simply removing myself entirely from interacting with her is the only real power

I have.

-Annie

>

> Hi I just need to rant a quick second.

>

> My nada has always had waify characteristics mixed in along with her

aggression. As she has gotten older the waif side now dominates which I find

more difficult to deal with. Nada has now started coming over to my dad's, (her

kinda ex-husband- loooooong story behind this) so now I may see her on weekends

while I am there at my dad's too.

>

> Nada's two waifiest (is that a word?) tactics are to hunch over, stand in my

vicinity and just stare, sometimes straight at me which I can't stand. If I do

say anything to her, such as `I find that stare uncomfortable' or `please stop

staring at me' she gets moody cause I am a horrible person being mean to a

little lady who is just standing there minding her own business. Ugh. So I have

being ignoring it but I find it so off putting and I feel really angry about it.

Nada manipulating again and if I say anything the she is all boo hoo poor me!

>

> The other thing she does is mumble, sigh and not talk in complete sentences.

Again if she is challenged about this she goes all self pity and `oh look at me,

I am not even allowed to express myself, aren't you being selfish etc etc'. I'm

also ignoring this behavior too but again I get so angry.

>

> Of course these behaviors magically go when nada is performing for the outside

world. Then she stands straight and speaks in full sentences and puts on her

show.

>

> Thanks for reading

> Nav

>

[Guest guest]

My nada has gotten SO much more waify as she has aged. I can't decide if it's

in response to how I handle her ridiculousness or if it's just an age thing.

Aside from perpetual laundry lists of her physical complaints, she describes

EVERYTHING as if she were dying. " OMG my sinuses are killing me, I think I'm

going to die. " Really? Take a damn Claritin and get over it! But one little

stressor gets to her and she's a worthless human being who should just go kill

herself since her life has amounted to nothing...

She does get annoyed when I walk away as the conversation turns more waifish.

She's also more likely to repeat herself, sometimes airing the same complaint or

telling the same anecdote three or four times in a conversation, regardless of

how many times I tell her I've heard it already. And I've noticed recently that

if she can see her reflection anywhere, like in a window or in the TV screen or

something, she spends more time watching herself talk than looking at me for my

response.

Maybe I'll call it the narcissism waltz

[Guest guest]

OMG I'd forgotten - my nada did the thing telling the same story over and

over and over. And her favorite was to take someone else's story and

embellish it.

UGH drove me nuts.

>

>

> My nada has gotten SO much more waify as she has aged. I can't decide if

> it's in response to how I handle her ridiculousness or if it's just an age

> thing. Aside from perpetual laundry lists of her physical complaints, she

> describes EVERYTHING as if she were dying. " OMG my sinuses are killing me, I

> think I'm going to die. " Really? Take a damn Claritin and get over it! But

> one little stressor gets to her and she's a worthless human being who should

> just go kill herself since her life has amounted to nothing...

>

> She does get annoyed when I walk away as the conversation turns more

> waifish. She's also more likely to repeat herself, sometimes airing the same

> complaint or telling the same anecdote three or four times in a

> conversation, regardless of how many times I tell her I've heard it already.

> And I've noticed recently that if she can see her reflection anywhere, like

> in a window or in the TV screen or something, she spends more time watching

> herself talk than looking at me for my response.

>

> Maybe I'll call it the narcissism waltz

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My husband CANNOT tolerate the repetition at all. It makes him all red in the

face and gets him all worked up (which is very hard to do). It's kinda like my

comic relief, makes me laugh every time

[Guest guest]

OMG that is hillarious. Give him a hug for me.

>

>

> My husband CANNOT tolerate the repetition at all. It makes him all red in

> the face and gets him all worked up (which is very hard to do). It's kinda

> like my comic relief, makes me laugh every time

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Nav,

Oh my goodness!!! It's so crazy and creepy to read some posts and feel like you

could have written it yourself!! BP behaviors are really bizarre.

My nada is a waif plus a witch... so, so so hard to deal with waif because

you're right--they can sure put on a great performance and make their kids look

like terrible daughters and/or sons! Ridiculous for us to try and explain to

people!

This is why I have NC with my FOO, they don't believe that it's all a crazy act!

Trying to explain it to the FOO was the worst because they just saw me as this

horrible daughter with a " poor, sick " mother.

It's not our job to parent our parent. I was a kid!!

- Cvidzz

>

> Hi I just need to rant a quick second.

>

> My nada has always had waify characteristics mixed in along with her

aggression. As she has gotten older the waif side now dominates which I find

more difficult to deal with. Nada has now started coming over to my dad's, (her

kinda ex-husband- loooooong story behind this) so now I may see her on weekends

while I am there at my dad's too.

>

> Nada's two waifiest (is that a word?) tactics are to hunch over, stand in my

vicinity and just stare, sometimes straight at me which I can't stand. If I do

say anything to her, such as `I find that stare uncomfortable' or `please stop

staring at me' she gets moody cause I am a horrible person being mean to a

little lady who is just standing there minding her own business. Ugh. So I have

being ignoring it but I find it so off putting and I feel really angry about it.

Nada manipulating again and if I say anything the she is all boo hoo poor me!

>

> The other thing she does is mumble, sigh and not talk in complete sentences.

Again if she is challenged about this she goes all self pity and `oh look at me,

I am not even allowed to express myself, aren't you being selfish etc etc'. I'm

also ignoring this behavior too but again I get so angry.

>

> Of course these behaviors magically go when nada is performing for the outside

world. Then she stands straight and speaks in full sentences and puts on her

show.

>

> Thanks for reading

> Nav

>