Nada and pet abuse/neglect

[Guest guest]

Did anyone else's nada neglect and abuse their pets? My nada was always the

biggest force in, well, forcing us to get pets, but then never took care of

them. Down to forcing us to keep the guinea pigs outside, letting them breed,

then letting them freeze and starve to death outside in the winter. Then there

were the dogs.

When my first dog Sandy died, my dad and I loved that dog so much, and we both

said we didn't want another pet for awhile. A few weeks later my mom comes home

with a puppy golden retriever that, guess what, my dad and I took care of

entirely. She never even pet the dog. She just gets annoyed by her. That dog

became my dog, but when I moved away I had to leave her with nada. When the dog

died, about a month later nada was all excited because she got another puppy, a

white lab. She never does anything to take care of the animals, least of all

actually pet them and love them. If they come to her for attention, she just

pushes them away.

Why do you want pets if you don't want to PET THEM? Furthermore, she neglects

them, and I am somewhat suspicious that it was her neglect that led to my poor

golden having cancer that wasn't detected. She treated those animals like shit.

Just like she treated us kids.

When I was visiting over the holidays, the cat we had since I was a kid had been

in some kind of accident and had to be fed through a stomach tube. After she

went into her rage mode, she refused to come out of her room for two days to

even feed the cat, HER CAT, that would have starved to death otherwise. Her

husband and I had to feed the cat, even though we had never fed it through the

tube before.

Did anyone else's nada partake in animal neglect/abuse?

[Guest guest]

My nada hoarded animal but then left it to others to care for them. I had

infant motherless kittens that had to be bottle fed that were 100 % my

responsibility when I wa 7, 8 , 9. I have never had another cat. And the

worst whas her hamsters. She is a special ed teacher (god help the poor kids

in her care). She went through a series of hamsters in her class room. One

died from a tumor. the next escaped its cage and she put down flypaper,

caught it and killed it - she was so surprised by that but not in the least

remorseful. The next a student stole and took home in a backpack, climbed a

tree and dropped it. I had a serious serious talk with nada that she was not

to have another hamster. And I'm sure she did, I just wasn't in the know.

>

>

> Did anyone else's nada neglect and abuse their pets? My nada was always the

> biggest force in, well, forcing us to get pets, but then never took care of

> them. Down to forcing us to keep the guinea pigs outside, letting them

> breed, then letting them freeze and starve to death outside in the winter.

> Then there were the dogs.

>

> When my first dog Sandy died, my dad and I loved that dog so much, and we

> both said we didn't want another pet for awhile. A few weeks later my mom

> comes home with a puppy golden retriever that, guess what, my dad and I took

> care of entirely. She never even pet the dog. She just gets annoyed by her.

> That dog became my dog, but when I moved away I had to leave her with nada.

> When the dog died, about a month later nada was all excited because she got

> another puppy, a white lab. She never does anything to take care of the

> animals, least of all actually pet them and love them. If they come to her

> for attention, she just pushes them away.

>

> Why do you want pets if you don't want to PET THEM? Furthermore, she

> neglects them, and I am somewhat suspicious that it was her neglect that led

> to my poor golden having cancer that wasn't detected. She treated those

> animals like shit. Just like she treated us kids.

>

> When I was visiting over the holidays, the cat we had since I was a kid had

> been in some kind of accident and had to be fed through a stomach tube.

> After she went into her rage mode, she refused to come out of her room for

> two days to even feed the cat, HER CAT, that would have starved to death

> otherwise. Her husband and I had to feed the cat, even though we had never

> fed it through the tube before.

>

> Did anyone else's nada partake in animal neglect/abuse?

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I remember you telling that story, Girlscout.

My nada was always so adamant about having a pet, but then she never petted it,

only got annoyed when the pet would try and nudge her for attention, and she

never really did anything to take care of them, and acted like it was some huge

inconvenience when she had to...We never had a lot of pets, but does this count

as hoarding? To insist on having a pet but never even want to walk or pet it?

[Guest guest]

I think the definition of " hoarding " has to include " collecting " the objects

they're obsessed with, and " quantity " .

The rejecting/negligent behaviors you describe are what I think happens when

narcissistic pd women have children, or little pets. My theory is that a

narcissistic pd mother is only capable of supplying goldfish-level care; the

child or pet gets enough care to keep it alive, to pass muster for surface

appearances, but, virtually no emotional involvement. Fine for goldfish, but

insufficient and cruel for anything mammalian.

The very nature of being a spouse and a mother is other-directed, which is the

antithesis of the narcissistic pd condition. Those with narcissistic pd lack

empathy and are self-focused.

The npd mother's new infant at first gains her much attention, but then the

reality of daily child care responsibilities and the fact that a

baby/toddler/child actually has more emotional needs than a goldfish, has his or

her own personality, has real feelings and a growing need for her time and

attention.... bores the narcissistic mother.

So npd mom will pay attention to her child or her pet only if and when *she*

feels like it, if it makes her feel good or look good, if doing so gives her

narcissistic supply on her terms. Otherwise, the child or pet is annoying,

inconvenient, or just horribly boring.

That's my theory, anyway, to take or leave.

-Annie

>

> I remember you telling that story, Girlscout.

>

> My nada was always so adamant about having a pet, but then she never petted

it, only got annoyed when the pet would try and nudge her for attention, and she

never really did anything to take care of them, and acted like it was some huge

inconvenience when she had to...We never had a lot of pets, but does this count

as hoarding? To insist on having a pet but never even want to walk or pet it?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I don't know . . . I don't think that's hoarding, I think there is something

compelling her to have pets. For instance - did someone she admire think

pets were the bomb? Maybe a friend, her mom, a mentor etc? I would

personally trace it back to the narc supply she must be getting from having

a pet. I don't know if your mom has narc in her, but most do. . . so thats

where I often look for answers to things that make no sense.

>

>

> I remember you telling that story, Girlscout.

>

> My nada was always so adamant about having a pet, but then she never petted

> it, only got annoyed when the pet would try and nudge her for attention, and

> she never really did anything to take care of them, and acted like it was

> some huge inconvenience when she had to...We never had a lot of pets, but

> does this count as hoarding? To insist on having a pet but never even want

> to walk or pet it?

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My mother would get us a pet (my sister and I) and then when we really got

attached to it and loved it, she'd give it away or take it to the pound. We

never had vet care for any of our animals and they were all kept outside. She

did let me get a hamster when I was about 13 but it was my pet entirely and I

took care of it until it died. I never saw her spend any time with any animals

we had. When I grew up and got married and had kids (she didn't really spend

any time with my kids either), we had to bring the dog to her house and she

hated it. She never pet the dog or hugged the kids.

I could also classify her somewhat of a hoarder. She shopped and bought

duplicates of things and in her house you could barely move due to the stuff

everywhere. My kids were forbidden to sit on her couch unless I put a sheet

over it first. And it's not like I let them roll around in mud and come in and

try to sit on the couch. My kids knew not to put their shoes on furniture and

knew how to wash their hands. She just did it because she had to be in control.

Re: Nada and pet abuse/neglect

I think the definition of " hoarding " has to include " collecting " the objects

they're obsessed with, and " quantity " .

The rejecting/negligent behaviors you describe are what I think happens when

narcissistic pd women have children, or little pets. My theory is that a

narcissistic pd mother is only capable of supplying goldfish-level care; the

child or pet gets enough care to keep it alive, to pass muster for surface

appearances, but, virtually no emotional involvement. Fine for goldfish, but

insufficient and cruel for anything mammalian.

The very nature of being a spouse and a mother is other-directed, which is the

antithesis of the narcissistic pd condition. Those with narcissistic pd lack

empathy and are self-focused.

The npd mother's new infant at first gains her much attention, but then the

reality of daily child care responsibilities and the fact that a

baby/toddler/child actually has more emotional needs than a goldfish, has his or

her own personality, has real feelings and a growing need for her time and

attention.... bores the narcissistic mother.

So npd mom will pay attention to her child or her pet only if and when *she*

feels like it, if it makes her feel good or look good, if doing so gives her

narcissistic supply on her terms. Otherwise, the child or pet is annoying,

inconvenient, or just horribly boring.

That's my theory, anyway, to take or leave.

-Annie

>

> I remember you telling that story, Girlscout.

>

> My nada was always so adamant about having a pet, but then she never petted

it, only got annoyed when the pet would try and nudge her for attention, and she

never really did anything to take care of them, and acted like it was some huge

inconvenience when she had to...We never had a lot of pets, but does this count

as hoarding? To insist on having a pet but never even want to walk or pet it?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

HOLY CRAP! My nada teaches special ed too!!! WTF?!?!

To be honest, it kinda creeps me out. I feel like she needs to have

emotionally/mentally challenged kids around her because they fall for her crap!

And my nada is very similar with animals. She got two of the biggest, most

energetic dogs possible, expects them to lay around like stuffed animals and

spends most of the time yelling at them and throwing them in the back yard.

Then only to pitch a fit and berate herself for being such a bad dog owner. And

to try to guilt trip me into exercising them (because it hurts her shoulder).

Grrrr.....

[Guest guest]

My mom used to have 2 toy poodles that she never bothered to properly house

train or train period. They poo'd/peed all over the apartment and her place

always smelled like a dog pile. She didn't pick up the poo either. When I was

pregnant I was like " No way my kid is ever staying at her house.... " .

Thankfully she finally got rid of both the dogs. They were much better off.

My mom also gravitates towards teaching/helping people who are likely to idolize

her and very needy - maybe that explains the special ed teaching? That's what

I've always thought about my mom - she needs to be idolized and needed, hence

the multiple areas of interest with " needy " people she has always involved

herself in.

>

> HOLY CRAP! My nada teaches special ed too!!! WTF?!?!

>

> To be honest, it kinda creeps me out. I feel like she needs to have

emotionally/mentally challenged kids around her because they fall for her crap!

>

> And my nada is very similar with animals. She got two of the biggest, most

energetic dogs possible, expects them to lay around like stuffed animals and

spends most of the time yelling at them and throwing them in the back yard.

Then only to pitch a fit and berate herself for being such a bad dog owner. And

to try to guilt trip me into exercising them (because it hurts her shoulder).

Grrrr.....

>

[Guest guest]

That's a really good point! My nada has always worked with either children

(general ed, then special ed) or animals. I think it may be about having

perpetual access to dependents? Especially the special ed kids who don't have

the ability to process everything going on with her. They think she's

AH-mazing... Ignorance is bliss, I guess.

[Guest guest]

Hmmm - according to who is she so AH mazing? I bet that's Nada's retelling

of the story - or a vocal minority. I bet at least one kid in her class sees

the weirdness.

>

>

> That's a really good point! My nada has always worked with either children

> (general ed, then special ed) or animals. I think it may be about having

> perpetual access to dependents? Especially the special ed kids who don't

> have the ability to process everything going on with her. They think she's

> AH-mazing... Ignorance is bliss, I guess.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I think when she taught gen-ed kids that some of them sniffed some weirdness in

the air. I've been to her current classes though and those kids really do love

her. Of course, they all have varying degrees of autism, so they're inherently

self-focused and struggle with social cues, two-way conversations, etc. They

also generally cannot sense sarcasm or double entendres. To be honest, that

particular group is perfect for the nada! I mainly wonder where she musters up

the patience to teach those classes. She certainly never had that kind of

dedication when I was growing up....