Update on my siblings (longish)

[Guest guest]

As you may remember, I'm the oldest of 6 kids, and the four littlest ones are

still living at home. Brother #1 is married and lives in an apartment about a

mile from home. Sister #1 will be 13 in April, Brother #2 will be 12 in June,

Sister #2 just turned 9 yesterday, and Brother #3 will be 8 in July.

For background, my grandma is not a blood-relative, but she has been part of the

family since before I was born. My mom was good friends with her daughter--went

to high school together. My grandpa died a few years ago, and grandma recently

remarried to another guy who is awesome, too. He fit right into his role of

grandparent. They're both extraordinarily sane.

So, it's a pretty big gap between me and the four littlest ones, as I'm 23. I

commemorated Sister #2's birthday by making the most recent picture I have of

her my profile picture. It's about a year old--I got it from my grandma--she

took plenty of pictures of the little ones when she was visiting for Brother

#1's wedding. I also used my FB status to wish my sister a happy birthday,

wishing that I could hug her and the other little ones.

It was a sad day, because it was about 2 years since I was disowned, and about 2

years since I last saw all the little ones. Last year I felt really sad. This

year, I was mostly angry at my fada, because he won't let me talk with them via

postcards or gifts anymore. I complied with their wishes, because I was afraid

of making it worse for my siblings, the same way all your nadas send passive

aggressive gifts (though my intent was pure).

(and then I got angrier because of some dirty dealings that my alma mater was

doing to their football and wrestling team, just shutting them down without

advanced notice, but anyways). I came home from work rather pissed off and

tense, but DH was nice, we went out to dinner, and helped me to relax.

Every single day I think about them, and every single day, I hope they're doing

okay, wishing them strength from afar. And I look forward to the day when I may

be able to see them again. I hope that my fada may be doing a little bit better.

Later that night, my grandma wrote to me.

" I miss you Holly. I cried when I read your note to [sister #2]. I miss them

too. I tried to call today but there was no answer, which I expected. The last

time I tried to call, I got an email back instead of a call. I am beginning to

wonder if we get to be grandparents anymore. I am sure that they would just as

soon we weren't. "

I really really started crying then--I had done pretty good by not crying at

work or anything, but it all came out. I cried the same way I had when I was

first disowned, and when I got the email later that year of " don't send any more

letters to your siblings. " I guess it's the cry of abandonment. I would just as

soon put the pain on me again so that they may be able to escape the ill effects

of fada.

What I'm seeing in my grandma's email, is that my fada is starting to disown her

too. She was doing her best to play along with his games, even though she told

me that she felt dirty for doing so--it was worth it to see the little ones. The

thing is, we ALWAYS answered phone calls from grandma--holidays, birthdays, and

what not. And if we missed her call, we would call her back, ALWAYS. So by

moving contact to email...that's not a good sign. And to ignore her calls (my

folks have caller ID) is not a good sign either.

Retrospectively, I'm realizing that fada was never really comfortable with

grandma--sometimes when she called on birthdays and holidays he would swear and

get angry, and if we answered it, he would have to be on his best behavior while

we were on the phone, then afterwards he start talking bad about her. But I

don't think I want to tell grandma that...the disowning part is painful enough.

It's quite possible I'm the reason she's getting disowned--DH and I attended her

wedding (DH took the photos, which she shared with my folks). She attended our

wedding, her new husband took our wedding photos without letting them know she

was in town, to avoid awkwardness of making fada angry. He may have found out, I

don't know. Or as DH says, grandma was trying to be on both sides, mine and

fada's, and he knew she couldn't do that for long before fada would start seeing

her as a traitor. Grandma and my new grandpa have both been extraordinarily

supportive of me, even telling me how they knew my fada was a contro lfreak, and

believing me when I told them how much worse it really was....so I am so sad for

her.

I'm really scared for my siblings, if grandma can't get to talk with them

anymore. With the phone, the kids can talk more, even when fada and mom are

around. With email...it takes the little ones out of the conversation entirely.

It is so scary how they're restricting more and more information to and from the

little ones.

It's been a pattern I noticed before I was disowned...fada was tightening

control by cutting out things he didn't agree with. Boy scouts, I'm pretty sure

my sister isn't in american heritage girls anymore, all play with neighbors are

supervised, they don't get to play at friends' houses without one or other

parent there, too, they have few activities with other kids. And they're

homeschooled. And fada works from home now. In some ways, they're having it

worse than Brother #1 and me, because we had times to be free when he wasn't

home, and now the little ones NEVER have times when they're not walking on

eggshells.

I don't know what else I can do. I'm so tempted to break NC just to try again to

talk with the little ones, by sending postcards, in hopes that it will reach

them. DH and I have already previously contacted CPS--but I don't think I really

have credibility to report this new development to them. (that's the other

thing...maybe they got investigated and now they're cutting more contacts to

prevent more people from gathering evidience to report to CPS--fada was always

paranoid about that.)

I so wish there was such thing as siblings' rights. I wish I had legal right to

keep in touch with them to make sure they're okay. I wish I wasn't 2 states away

from them.

I don't know if it's possible to contact NE board of education to report

suspected psychological child abuse in a homeschool family. I don't know if it'd

be enough to revoke their homeschool permit. And it would be weird, 'cause fada

is like the guru of homeschooling in the town, and has a PhD in education.

If their church situation was more stable, I would contact the priest at their

parish, to also keep an eye out for the little ones. But they're not going to

the parish that they're registered at.

I wish there was something more I can do to help my siblings out. I HATE this

feeling that there may be no other way I can truly help them. I keep thinking

there's got to be something more that I can do...

but I did ask my FB friends, including other homeschoolers, if they're in

contact with my family, to please report anything of concern to CPS. And I also

asked them if they could pray, if they believe in such things, because prayer is

so comforting, too.

So, if any of you believe in prayer, could you please pray for the little ones?

And if there is such thing as siblings rights or legal recourse to keep in touch

with them, please let me know...

I am so scared for them.

Holly

[Guest guest]

(((((Holly)))))

I'm so sorry, although you've tried many ways, and your grandmother has tried,

it sounds like there are no options for you or her to remain in contact with

your siblings.

Its just a tragedy that when a parent is highly-functioning and can appear

normal in public, that means he or she has credibility and that gives him or her

the power to do practically anything they want to their kids in private, and

maintain that credibility.

Surface appearance is everything, sadly enough.

I take it that your mother /his wife is a complete dishrag, under his thrall

and has no power to make choices on her own?

That truly is tragic.

Do I remember correctly that you were going to attempt to contact your sibs'

pediatrician and see if the doctor could keep an eye on your younger sibs RE

signs of emotional abuse? If you were able to do that, maybe, that would give

you one avenue of at least indirectly hearing about their welfare.

The only other thing I can think of is to hire a private detective to see if the

children are allowed to play with other kids more than a couple of times a year

or if they have any extracurricular social activities that you aren't aware of.

If they're being cared for properly and allowed normal social contacts with

peers, then if they're virtual prisoners and being emotionally abused in

private, basically, you're screwed. There's nothing you can do. It is galling,

and I feel so sorry for you and for them.

-Annie

>

> As you may remember, I'm the oldest of 6 kids, and the four littlest ones are

still living at home. Brother #1 is married and lives in an apartment about a

mile from home. Sister #1 will be 13 in April, Brother #2 will be 12 in June,

Sister #2 just turned 9 yesterday, and Brother #3 will be 8 in July.

>

> For background, my grandma is not a blood-relative, but she has been part of

the family since before I was born. My mom was good friends with her

daughter--went to high school together. My grandpa died a few years ago, and

grandma recently remarried to another guy who is awesome, too. He fit right into

his role of grandparent. They're both extraordinarily sane.

>

> So, it's a pretty big gap between me and the four littlest ones, as I'm 23. I

commemorated Sister #2's birthday by making the most recent picture I have of

her my profile picture. It's about a year old--I got it from my grandma--she

took plenty of pictures of the little ones when she was visiting for Brother

#1's wedding. I also used my FB status to wish my sister a happy birthday,

wishing that I could hug her and the other little ones.

>

> It was a sad day, because it was about 2 years since I was disowned, and about

2 years since I last saw all the little ones. Last year I felt really sad. This

year, I was mostly angry at my fada, because he won't let me talk with them via

postcards or gifts anymore. I complied with their wishes, because I was afraid

of making it worse for my siblings, the same way all your nadas send passive

aggressive gifts (though my intent was pure).

>

> (and then I got angrier because of some dirty dealings that my alma mater was

doing to their football and wrestling team, just shutting them down without

advanced notice, but anyways). I came home from work rather pissed off and

tense, but DH was nice, we went out to dinner, and helped me to relax.

>

> Every single day I think about them, and every single day, I hope they're

doing okay, wishing them strength from afar. And I look forward to the day when

I may be able to see them again. I hope that my fada may be doing a little bit

better.

>

> Later that night, my grandma wrote to me.

> " I miss you Holly. I cried when I read your note to [sister #2]. I miss them

too. I tried to call today but there was no answer, which I expected. The last

time I tried to call, I got an email back instead of a call. I am beginning to

wonder if we get to be grandparents anymore. I am sure that they would just as

soon we weren't. "

>

> I really really started crying then--I had done pretty good by not crying at

work or anything, but it all came out. I cried the same way I had when I was

first disowned, and when I got the email later that year of " don't send any more

letters to your siblings. " I guess it's the cry of abandonment. I would just as

soon put the pain on me again so that they may be able to escape the ill effects

of fada.

>

> What I'm seeing in my grandma's email, is that my fada is starting to disown

her too. She was doing her best to play along with his games, even though she

told me that she felt dirty for doing so--it was worth it to see the little

ones. The thing is, we ALWAYS answered phone calls from grandma--holidays,

birthdays, and what not. And if we missed her call, we would call her back,

ALWAYS. So by moving contact to email...that's not a good sign. And to ignore

her calls (my folks have caller ID) is not a good sign either.

>

> Retrospectively, I'm realizing that fada was never really comfortable with

grandma--sometimes when she called on birthdays and holidays he would swear and

get angry, and if we answered it, he would have to be on his best behavior while

we were on the phone, then afterwards he start talking bad about her. But I

don't think I want to tell grandma that...the disowning part is painful enough.

>

> It's quite possible I'm the reason she's getting disowned--DH and I attended

her wedding (DH took the photos, which she shared with my folks). She attended

our wedding, her new husband took our wedding photos without letting them know

she was in town, to avoid awkwardness of making fada angry. He may have found

out, I don't know. Or as DH says, grandma was trying to be on both sides, mine

and fada's, and he knew she couldn't do that for long before fada would start

seeing her as a traitor. Grandma and my new grandpa have both been

extraordinarily supportive of me, even telling me how they knew my fada was a

contro lfreak, and believing me when I told them how much worse it really

was....so I am so sad for her.

>

> I'm really scared for my siblings, if grandma can't get to talk with them

anymore. With the phone, the kids can talk more, even when fada and mom are

around. With email...it takes the little ones out of the conversation entirely.

It is so scary how they're restricting more and more information to and from the

little ones.

>

> It's been a pattern I noticed before I was disowned...fada was tightening

control by cutting out things he didn't agree with. Boy scouts, I'm pretty sure

my sister isn't in american heritage girls anymore, all play with neighbors are

supervised, they don't get to play at friends' houses without one or other

parent there, too, they have few activities with other kids. And they're

homeschooled. And fada works from home now. In some ways, they're having it

worse than Brother #1 and me, because we had times to be free when he wasn't

home, and now the little ones NEVER have times when they're not walking on

eggshells.

>

> I don't know what else I can do. I'm so tempted to break NC just to try again

to talk with the little ones, by sending postcards, in hopes that it will reach

them. DH and I have already previously contacted CPS--but I don't think I really

have credibility to report this new development to them. (that's the other

thing...maybe they got investigated and now they're cutting more contacts to

prevent more people from gathering evidience to report to CPS--fada was always

paranoid about that.)

>

> I so wish there was such thing as siblings' rights. I wish I had legal right

to keep in touch with them to make sure they're okay. I wish I wasn't 2 states

away from them.

>

> I don't know if it's possible to contact NE board of education to report

suspected psychological child abuse in a homeschool family. I don't know if it'd

be enough to revoke their homeschool permit. And it would be weird, 'cause fada

is like the guru of homeschooling in the town, and has a PhD in education.

>

> If their church situation was more stable, I would contact the priest at their

parish, to also keep an eye out for the little ones. But they're not going to

the parish that they're registered at.

>

> I wish there was something more I can do to help my siblings out. I HATE this

feeling that there may be no other way I can truly help them. I keep thinking

there's got to be something more that I can do...

>

> but I did ask my FB friends, including other homeschoolers, if they're in

contact with my family, to please report anything of concern to CPS. And I also

asked them if they could pray, if they believe in such things, because prayer is

so comforting, too.

>

> So, if any of you believe in prayer, could you please pray for the little

ones? And if there is such thing as siblings rights or legal recourse to keep in

touch with them, please let me know...

>

> I am so scared for them.

> Holly

>

[Guest guest]

Hugs to you Holly......yes of course I will pray for them, and you.......it is

SO scary when it feels like there is nothing you can do without endangering

yourself...................I hear you.

andra

" Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it; boldness has genius, power and

magic in it. " Goethe

Subject: Update on my siblings (longish)

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Saturday, March 26, 2011, 9:49 PM

As you may remember, I'm the oldest of 6 kids, and the four littlest ones are

still living at home. Brother #1 is married and lives in an apartment about a

mile from home. Sister #1 will be 13 in April, Brother #2 will be 12 in June,

Sister #2 just turned 9 yesterday, and Brother #3 will be 8 in July.

For background, my grandma is not a blood-relative, but she has been part of the

family since before I was born. My mom was good friends with her daughter--went

to high school together. My grandpa died a few years ago, and grandma recently

remarried to another guy who is awesome, too. He fit right into his role of

grandparent. They're both extraordinarily sane.

So, it's a pretty big gap between me and the four littlest ones, as I'm 23. I

commemorated Sister #2's birthday by making the most recent picture I have of

her my profile picture. It's about a year old--I got it from my grandma--she

took plenty of pictures of the little ones when she was visiting for Brother

#1's wedding. I also used my FB status to wish my sister a happy birthday,

wishing that I could hug her and the other little ones.

It was a sad day, because it was about 2 years since I was disowned, and about 2

years since I last saw all the little ones. Last year I felt really sad. This

year, I was mostly angry at my fada, because he won't let me talk with them via

postcards or gifts anymore. I complied with their wishes, because I was afraid

of making it worse for my siblings, the same way all your nadas send passive

aggressive gifts (though my intent was pure).

(and then I got angrier because of some dirty dealings that my alma mater was

doing to their football and wrestling team, just shutting them down without

advanced notice, but anyways). I came home from work rather pissed off and

tense, but DH was nice, we went out to dinner, and helped me to relax.

Every single day I think about them, and every single day, I hope they're doing

okay, wishing them strength from afar. And I look forward to the day when I may

be able to see them again. I hope that my fada may be doing a little bit better.

Later that night, my grandma wrote to me.

" I miss you Holly.  I cried when I read your note to [sister #2].  I miss them

too.  I tried to call today but there was no answer, which I expected.  The last

time I tried to call, I got an email back instead of a call.  I am beginning to

wonder if we get to be grandparents anymore.  I am sure that they  would just as

soon we weren't. "

I really really started crying then--I had done pretty good by not crying at

work or anything, but it all came out. I cried the same way I had when I was

first disowned, and when I got the email later that year of " don't send any more

letters to your siblings. " I guess it's the cry of abandonment. I would just as

soon put the pain on me again so that they may be able to escape the ill effects

of fada.

What I'm seeing in my grandma's email, is that my fada is starting to disown her

too. She was doing her best to play along with his games, even though she told

me that she felt dirty for doing so--it was worth it to see the little ones. The

thing is, we ALWAYS answered phone calls from grandma--holidays, birthdays, and

what not. And if we missed her call, we would call her back, ALWAYS. So by

moving contact to email...that's not a good sign. And to ignore her calls (my

folks have caller ID) is not a good sign either.

Retrospectively, I'm realizing that fada was never really comfortable with

grandma--sometimes when she called on birthdays and holidays he would swear and

get angry, and if we answered it, he would have to be on his best behavior while

we were on the phone, then afterwards he start talking bad about her. But I

don't think I want to tell grandma that...the disowning part is painful enough.

It's quite possible I'm the reason she's getting disowned--DH and I attended her

wedding (DH took the photos, which she shared with my folks). She attended our

wedding, her new husband took our wedding photos without letting them know she

was in town, to avoid awkwardness of making fada angry. He may have found out, I

don't know. Or as DH says, grandma was trying to be on both sides, mine and

fada's, and he knew she couldn't do that for long before fada would start seeing

her as a traitor. Grandma and my new grandpa have both been extraordinarily

supportive of me, even telling me how they knew my fada was a contro lfreak, and

believing me when I told them how much worse it really was....so I am so sad for

her. 

I'm really scared for my siblings, if grandma can't get to talk with them

anymore. With the phone, the kids can talk more, even when fada and mom are

around. With email...it takes the little ones out of the conversation entirely.

It is so scary how they're restricting more and more information to and from the

little ones.

It's been a pattern I noticed before I was disowned...fada was tightening

control by cutting out things he didn't agree with. Boy scouts, I'm pretty sure

my sister isn't in american heritage girls anymore, all play with neighbors are

supervised, they don't get to play at friends' houses without one or other

parent there, too, they have few activities with other kids. And they're

homeschooled. And fada works from home now. In some ways, they're having it

worse than Brother #1 and me, because we had times to be free when he wasn't

home, and now the little ones NEVER have times when they're not walking on

eggshells.

I don't know what else I can do. I'm so tempted to break NC just to try again to

talk with the little ones, by sending postcards, in hopes that it will reach

them. DH and I have already previously contacted CPS--but I don't think I really

have credibility to report this new development to them. (that's the other

thing...maybe they got investigated and now they're cutting more contacts to

prevent more people from gathering evidience to report to CPS--fada was always

paranoid about that.)

I so wish there was such thing as siblings' rights. I wish I had legal right to

keep in touch with them to make sure they're okay. I wish I wasn't 2 states away

from them.

I don't know if it's possible to contact NE board of education to report

suspected psychological child abuse in a homeschool family. I don't know if it'd

be enough to revoke their homeschool permit. And it would be weird, 'cause fada

is like the guru of homeschooling in the town, and has a PhD in education.

If their church situation was more stable, I would contact the priest at their

parish, to also keep an eye out for the little ones. But they're not going to

the parish that they're registered at.

I wish there was something more I can do to help my siblings out. I HATE this

feeling that there may be no other way I can truly help them. I keep thinking

there's got to be something more that I can do...

but I did ask my FB friends, including other homeschoolers, if they're in

contact with my family, to please report anything of concern to CPS. And I also

asked them if they could pray, if they believe in such things, because prayer is

so comforting, too.

So, if any of you believe in prayer, could you please pray for the little ones?

And if there is such thing as siblings rights or legal recourse to keep in touch

with them, please let me know...

I am so scared for them.

Holly

------------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

My fada is definitely very high-functioning, and yes, my mom is a complete

dishrag. She came from an abusive family and married young to my fada, and

was disowned herself, so she never really had time to develop a more healthy

view on life and parenthood.

Thank you for reminding me, Annie--I'm working on a draft now of what to say

and how to explain it, to the family doctor. I know privacy laws may prevent

me from hearing back from the doctor, regarding the siblings, but at least

he can keep an eye out. Maybe he suspected something was going on, but

wasn't sure. So maybe a letter would give him validation that yes, his

suspicion is correct.

Or maybe he will share it with my parents. I don't know. I hope not, but if

he does, and if my parents sue me for libel, I'm willing to go to court for

the sake of my siblings, 'cause I believe it to be the truth.

I do have other relatives who are still in touch with my FOO and visit

regularly. Even though they heard my side of the story, they are still

drinking the proverbial Koolaid and think the problem lies in me. At least

they respect my side, and haven't tried to guilt trip me very much.

It is still frustrating, though I do hope that once they're older, they'll

be able to find me on Facebook or get my contact information from relatives

and contact me that way. It'll be almost like they're on the dark side of

the moon, with my fada blocking communications. I just hope the

communications eclipse will pass eventually.

Holly

On Sun, Mar 27, 2011 at 9:31 AM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>

> (((((Holly)))))

>

> I'm so sorry, although you've tried many ways, and your grandmother has

> tried, it sounds like there are no options for you or her to remain in

> contact with your siblings.

>

> Its just a tragedy that when a parent is highly-functioning and can appear

> normal in public, that means he or she has credibility and that gives him or

> her the power to do practically anything they want to their kids in private,

> and maintain that credibility.

> Surface appearance is everything, sadly enough.

>

> I take it that your mother /his wife is a complete dishrag, under his

> thrall and has no power to make choices on her own?

>

> That truly is tragic.

>

> Do I remember correctly that you were going to attempt to contact your

> sibs' pediatrician and see if the doctor could keep an eye on your younger

> sibs RE signs of emotional abuse? If you were able to do that, maybe, that

> would give you one avenue of at least indirectly hearing about their

> welfare.

>

> The only other thing I can think of is to hire a private detective to see

> if the children are allowed to play with other kids more than a couple of

> times a year or if they have any extracurricular social activities that you

> aren't aware of.

>

> If they're being cared for properly and allowed normal social contacts with

> peers, then if they're virtual prisoners and being emotionally abused in

> private, basically, you're screwed. There's nothing you can do. It is

> galling, and I feel so sorry for you and for them.

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

> >

> > As you may remember, I'm the oldest of 6 kids, and the four littlest ones

> are still living at home. Brother #1 is married and lives in an apartment

> about a mile from home. Sister #1 will be 13 in April, Brother #2 will be 12

> in June, Sister #2 just turned 9 yesterday, and Brother #3 will be 8 in

> July.

> >

> > For background, my grandma is not a blood-relative, but she has been part

> of the family since before I was born. My mom was good friends with her

> daughter--went to high school together. My grandpa died a few years ago, and

> grandma recently remarried to another guy who is awesome, too. He fit right

> into his role of grandparent. They're both extraordinarily sane.

> >

> > So, it's a pretty big gap between me and the four littlest ones, as I'm

> 23. I commemorated Sister #2's birthday by making the most recent picture I

> have of her my profile picture. It's about a year old--I got it from my

> grandma--she took plenty of pictures of the little ones when she was

> visiting for Brother #1's wedding. I also used my FB status to wish my

> sister a happy birthday, wishing that I could hug her and the other little

> ones.

> >

> > It was a sad day, because it was about 2 years since I was disowned, and

> about 2 years since I last saw all the little ones. Last year I felt really

> sad. This year, I was mostly angry at my fada, because he won't let me talk

> with them via postcards or gifts anymore. I complied with their wishes,

> because I was afraid of making it worse for my siblings, the same way all

> your nadas send passive aggressive gifts (though my intent was pure).

> >

> > (and then I got angrier because of some dirty dealings that my alma mater

> was doing to their football and wrestling team, just shutting them down

> without advanced notice, but anyways). I came home from work rather pissed

> off and tense, but DH was nice, we went out to dinner, and helped me to

> relax.

> >

> > Every single day I think about them, and every single day, I hope they're

> doing okay, wishing them strength from afar. And I look forward to the day

> when I may be able to see them again. I hope that my fada may be doing a

> little bit better.

> >

> > Later that night, my grandma wrote to me.

> > " I miss you Holly. I cried when I read your note to [sister #2]. I miss

> them too. I tried to call today but there was no answer, which I expected.

> The last time I tried to call, I got an email back instead of a call. I am

> beginning to wonder if we get to be grandparents anymore. I am sure that

> they would just as soon we weren't. "

> >

> > I really really started crying then--I had done pretty good by not crying

> at work or anything, but it all came out. I cried the same way I had when I

> was first disowned, and when I got the email later that year of " don't send

> any more letters to your siblings. " I guess it's the cry of abandonment. I

> would just as soon put the pain on me again so that they may be able to

> escape the ill effects of fada.

> >

> > What I'm seeing in my grandma's email, is that my fada is starting to

> disown her too. She was doing her best to play along with his games, even

> though she told me that she felt dirty for doing so--it was worth it to see

> the little ones. The thing is, we ALWAYS answered phone calls from

> grandma--holidays, birthdays, and what not. And if we missed her call, we

> would call her back, ALWAYS. So by moving contact to email...that's not a

> good sign. And to ignore her calls (my folks have caller ID) is not a good

> sign either.

> >

> > Retrospectively, I'm realizing that fada was never really comfortable

> with grandma--sometimes when she called on birthdays and holidays he would

> swear and get angry, and if we answered it, he would have to be on his best

> behavior while we were on the phone, then afterwards he start talking bad

> about her. But I don't think I want to tell grandma that...the disowning

> part is painful enough.

> >

> > It's quite possible I'm the reason she's getting disowned--DH and I

> attended her wedding (DH took the photos, which she shared with my folks).

> She attended our wedding, her new husband took our wedding photos without

> letting them know she was in town, to avoid awkwardness of making fada

> angry. He may have found out, I don't know. Or as DH says, grandma was

> trying to be on both sides, mine and fada's, and he knew she couldn't do

> that for long before fada would start seeing her as a traitor. Grandma and

> my new grandpa have both been extraordinarily supportive of me, even telling

> me how they knew my fada was a contro lfreak, and believing me when I told

> them how much worse it really was....so I am so sad for her.

> >

> > I'm really scared for my siblings, if grandma can't get to talk with them

> anymore. With the phone, the kids can talk more, even when fada and mom are

> around. With email...it takes the little ones out of the conversation

> entirely. It is so scary how they're restricting more and more information

> to and from the little ones.

> >

> > It's been a pattern I noticed before I was disowned...fada was tightening

> control by cutting out things he didn't agree with. Boy scouts, I'm pretty

> sure my sister isn't in american heritage girls anymore, all play with

> neighbors are supervised, they don't get to play at friends' houses without

> one or other parent there, too, they have few activities with other kids.

> And they're homeschooled. And fada works from home now. In some ways,

> they're having it worse than Brother #1 and me, because we had times to be

> free when he wasn't home, and now the little ones NEVER have times when

> they're not walking on eggshells.

> >

> > I don't know what else I can do. I'm so tempted to break NC just to try

> again to talk with the little ones, by sending postcards, in hopes that it

> will reach them. DH and I have already previously contacted CPS--but I don't

> think I really have credibility to report this new development to them.

> (that's the other thing...maybe they got investigated and now they're

> cutting more contacts to prevent more people from gathering evidience to

> report to CPS--fada was always paranoid about that.)

> >

> > I so wish there was such thing as siblings' rights. I wish I had legal

> right to keep in touch with them to make sure they're okay. I wish I wasn't

> 2 states away from them.

> >

> > I don't know if it's possible to contact NE board of education to report

> suspected psychological child abuse in a homeschool family. I don't know if

> it'd be enough to revoke their homeschool permit. And it would be weird,

> 'cause fada is like the guru of homeschooling in the town, and has a PhD in

> education.

> >

> > If their church situation was more stable, I would contact the priest at

> their parish, to also keep an eye out for the little ones. But they're not

> going to the parish that they're registered at.

> >

> > I wish there was something more I can do to help my siblings out. I HATE

> this feeling that there may be no other way I can truly help them. I keep

> thinking there's got to be something more that I can do...

> >

> > but I did ask my FB friends, including other homeschoolers, if they're in

> contact with my family, to please report anything of concern to CPS. And I

> also asked them if they could pray, if they believe in such things, because

> prayer is so comforting, too.

> >

> > So, if any of you believe in prayer, could you please pray for the little

> ones? And if there is such thing as siblings rights or legal recourse to

> keep in touch with them, please let me know...

> >

> > I am so scared for them.

> > Holly

> >

>

>

>