nada conversation (a.k.a. not a conversation)

[Guest guest]

I decided last night to take a phone call from private caller. I guess that was

being inconsistent; I realize that now. I had made the decision not to answer

private caller phone calls. But, we had something happen here locally that was

in the national news, and I suspected it was best to answer and address that.

Surprise. Nada had not been following national news and so was not calling to

see how recent events had effected us. No, she was calling because I had not

told her that we'd received my husband and son's birthday cards and my son's

(belated) present almost a month ago. She asked me how the gift had been. I am

thinking, are you serious? She sent my husband a card she'd likely been hoarding

since the 70's . To my son she gave a science book from the Time-Life series

that was published prior to the walk on the moon. You might call it an antique,

except that it has a rip on the front cover and it smells musty. I did think

about telling my mom thanks for the presents and cards.... but I was feeling

like I would burst out laughing if I did it. We'd already, privately, laughed at

our house.

I told my mom, yesterday, " Well there are some things in science that are

classic, maybe even unchanging, like Light. " (The science book was entitled,

Light)I wish I had had the wherewithal to tell her to thank my dad for picking

it out. My intuition tells me that he could have been involved in the selection,

making something good out of something wayyyy bad in my book. I mean, would I

ever give something to someone that was from my attic, 40 years old? It would

make for great story, but oh my gosh... what such a present actually tells a

person about how much you really value them?

But I didn't go there last night. I just could not bring myself to say thank

you.

Next my mom asked, " have you heard from Aunt Horacia (who has not gone by that

name in over 40 years, she understandably hates it) lately? I said, is there

something that I should know about? And then I said something innocent that set

nada into a tirade. " Do you know how terrible Aunt H. was to our mother when

she was a teenager? " (oh-oh, seems like that is too close to the same theme she

plays with me, so I said, " Let's not go there tonight " with a smile in my

voice.) Then she said, I know people who live in the same town as Aunt H. (IN

other words, " I have my sources. " ) The Letterby's. (OH, I thought, I know

how my mom's siblings cannot stand the Letterby's, because they put on airs, etc

etc). So I said, " I'm going to go now. " And as I took the phone away from my

ear, I heard my nada get profane. Left me no choice but to follow through and

end the conversation with a soft-button hang up. The kindest I could do under

the circumstances.

I think of my mom as a ShermanTank in these kinds of conversations. I

immediately see that the Sherman tank mode can take many casualties without one

iota of chagrin or compassion. So I get out of there!

Of course, in my next conversation be it next week or next year, nada will

identify me as the problem person because I had the clarity of mind to end the

conversation. Sigh. Is there any other way to handle a person's bringing up

issues that they can easily use to turn on you?