Letting dow the guard we throw up

March 31, 2011

I have come to realize lately that I am not good at being vulnerable or

letting a guy too close. Goes back to nada. You got sqaushed like a bug when you

had feelings or dreams and you open your mouth about it. Any advice out there? I

have a good male friend that I trust probably better then anyone. Not a

boyfriend, just friends and I let me guard down a bit with him yesterday to try

and practice on how to do that. I sent him an email thanking him for helping me

with a tough situation and

told him a bit more about my crazy family and how it is not easy for me to let

down the guard with people. He wanted to help me more with my problem but I shut

him out because I didn't know how and felt funny.

I shook while writting that email. My anxiety is bad today. I talked to him and

he said nothing about that email. Did I make a mistake saying something to

someone? Trying to get closer to someone and I do not know how. Nada and my

sisters were so manipulative and good at playing the damsel in distress that I

went the other way and have no idea how to get closer. I hope I didn't freak my

friend out. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks

March 31, 2011

The book Safe People is helping me a lot with similar issues. I also am reading

a book about boundaries. I know how hard it is. Yet we really need other

people. We all need each other.

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> I have come to realize lately that I am not good at being vulnerable or