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I told my T today about how my mother told me she was " very worried that I

might be a slut " when i hugged a boy I had grown up with at age 15. I was

floored.

I told T I wondered if it was done out of anger for me being closer to my

dad than nada. T said " no, when people say slut, whore or c*nt its because

those are the worst words they can stamp on a woman. Your mother said that

because she was trying to destroy you. She knew you weren't a slut. "

Whoa. Trying to destroy me.

And a second point - I read in a book that without intervention dysfunction

in families always gets worse. Have you guys seen this? It sounds pretty

interesting. Let me know if you have examples. I'm sure i could come up with

one or two.

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A neighbor told my mother she saw me walking with a boy of another ethnic group

in our neighborhood when I was 14 and my mother called me a whore. Since I

hadn't even kissed a boy yet, I was confused, but used to being called dirty,

nasty names.

A few weeks ago, my sister-in-law

> I told my T today about how my mother told me she was " very worried that I

> might be a slut " when i hugged a boy I had grown up with at age 15. I was

> floored.

>

> I told T I wondered if it was done out of anger for me being closer to my

> dad than nada. T said " no, when people say slut, whore or c*nt its because

> those are the worst words they can stamp on a woman. Your mother said that

> because she was trying to destroy you. She knew you weren't a slut. "

>

> Whoa. Trying to destroy me.

>

> And a second point - I read in a book that without intervention dysfunction

> in families always gets worse. Have you guys seen this? It sounds pretty

> interesting. Let me know if you have examples. I'm sure i could come up with

> one or two.

>

>

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My stepmom used to say stuff like that to me too.  One time she told me that if

I didn't straighten up, I would never have any friends, no one would date me,

and no one would marry me.  I know that's not true, but there are times I

wonder

if I made it a self fulfilling prophecy. 

Janet

 

 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own

understanding.

 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.

 It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.

Proverbs 3:5-8

________________________________

To: wtoadultchildren1 <WTOAdultChildren1 >

Sent: Thu, March 31, 2011 9:23:09 PM

Subject: slut and disfuntion

 

I told my T today about how my mother told me she was " very worried that I

might be a slut " when i hugged a boy I had grown up with at age 15. I was

floored.

I told T I wondered if it was done out of anger for me being closer to my

dad than nada. T said " no, when people say slut, whore or c*nt its because

those are the worst words they can stamp on a woman. Your mother said that

because she was trying to destroy you. She knew you weren't a slut. "

Whoa. Trying to destroy me.

And a second point - I read in a book that without intervention dysfunction

in families always gets worse. Have you guys seen this? It sounds pretty

interesting. Let me know if you have examples. I'm sure i could come up with

one or two.

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I've heard so many stories on here of BPDs calling daughters sluts or whores. I

agree with your T, it really is because that's a horrible insult to give a

woman. I hate it when people call women sluts. There's not even a definition of

it, I always joke you're a slut if you've slept with 2 more people than the

name-caller. Obviously with the way BPDs exaggerate, you're a slut if you even

LOOK at a guy.

When I was in Junior High I was called a lesbian because I wasn't into guys yet

and had no boobs so didn't wear a bra. Later in HS I had HUGE boobs and so was

called a slut (I wasn't even dating...) But name calling by kids is one thing,

I've been called BOTH of these things by my nada many times.

Casey

>

> I told my T today about how my mother told me she was " very worried that I

> might be a slut " when i hugged a boy I had grown up with at age 15. I was

> floored.

>

> I told T I wondered if it was done out of anger for me being closer to my

> dad than nada. T said " no, when people say slut, whore or c*nt its because

> those are the worst words they can stamp on a woman. Your mother said that

> because she was trying to destroy you. She knew you weren't a slut. "

>

> Whoa. Trying to destroy me.

>

> And a second point - I read in a book that without intervention dysfunction

> in families always gets worse. Have you guys seen this? It sounds pretty

> interesting. Let me know if you have examples. I'm sure i could come up with

> one or two.

>

>

>

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To me, that is a particularly reprehensible thing for a mother to do to her

daughter: to attempt to degrade and shame her child in that particular way. The

worst part is that its a false accusation, and there is no way for the child to

prove that she is NOT a " slut " short of, I suppose, demanding a medical

examination.

I agree: that epithet demonstrates a mother's utter contempt for her own

daughter. Name-calling like that is not coming from love, or from a loving

heart. It is not meant to teach, to guide or to nurture, or even to correct. It

is meant to destroy. It is a verbal atomic bomb meant to decimate the

daughter's sense of self-worth.

And its probably coming from a deep pit of resentment, envy, and jealousy, I'm

willing to bet.

What has always struck me as odd (and oddly humorous) is that there is no

equivalent insult for a male. The concept just doesn't exist in reverse. If

you call a male a " slut " you only get a blank look or a hearty " Thank you! "

-Annie

>

> I've heard so many stories on here of BPDs calling daughters sluts or whores.

I agree with your T, it really is because that's a horrible insult to give a

woman. I hate it when people call women sluts. There's not even a definition of

it, I always joke you're a slut if you've slept with 2 more people than the

name-caller. Obviously with the way BPDs exaggerate, you're a slut if you even

LOOK at a guy.

>

> When I was in Junior High I was called a lesbian because I wasn't into guys

yet and had no boobs so didn't wear a bra. Later in HS I had HUGE boobs and so

was called a slut (I wasn't even dating...) But name calling by kids is one

thing, I've been called BOTH of these things by my nada many times.

>

> Casey

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Yes, I can confirm that until my parents split the disfunction got worse and

worse. I suppose a divorce is an intervention of a kind. But she did continue to

get worse on her own too. So things got worse for me but better for my dad who

basically abandoned me. It wasn't totally his fault though, she brainwashed me.

I didn't start to heal until I got away from her and had been away for awhile.

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Yeah, as I was telling my T that was right around the time a boy asked me to

a movie and I full out ran away from him in a panic. HA HA HA I was such a

little girl. I grew up a lot over the next couple of years.

She was so terrified I might like boys. She did the same thing when i

divorced. I say she has sex issues and should go deal with them and leave me

the fuck out of it.

yeah, she was extremely jealous of me and competitive. . . . WTH? I guess a

tiny mind and a tiny life make you that way. Waif boss can be the same way.

>

>

> Yes, I can confirm that until my parents split the disfunction got worse

> and worse. I suppose a divorce is an intervention of a kind. But she did

> continue to get worse on her own too. So things got worse for me but better

> for my dad who basically abandoned me. It wasn't totally his fault though,

> she brainwashed me. I didn't start to heal until I got away from her and had

> been away for awhile.

>

>

>

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It is reprehensible and guess what, I GOT the medical exam. When I was 12 years

old, and developing little breasts, nada went paranoid. In a fury, nada went

through all my things including my purse and found a little note written to

another girl and asking if they had kissed. If THEY had kissed, not had I been

kissed. I was hauled out of my bed, frogmarched into the kitchen, and

interrogated like a guilty prisoner. My dishrag fada was CRYING because she had

him convinced I had morphed into a whore and a slut. I was terrified. I couldn't

understand what I had possibly done to make my father weep like I was a lost

soul. I was dispatched to our family doctor, stripped naked, and a gynocological

exam was performed. I knew what he was looking for. He was looking for evidence

if I was still a virgin. OF COURSE I WAS.

Anyway, instead of speaking to me like a human being, this misguided doctor

wrote out a note, put it in a sealed envelope, and had me return home with it.

Can you imagine my shame, the fear I was in? I had no idea what was in that

note, but it felt like my life was ending. All the blood had run out of my face,

and now I know a little bit of what an innocent person facing a murder trial

must feel like. AND I WAS 12 YEARS OLD! I gave the note to nada who opened it

and read it like the judge of the universe. Nothing more was said. Now, as an

adult, I realize that the doctor's note had said the right thing, had calmed her

fears, stated I was a virgin. What he should have done was have a talk with me

about nada's fears, spoken with fada, and done something to look into this

freaking nutty family. nada continued to run her sexual raids and investigations

well into my 20s with the result that I was frozen solid with shame and fear

until the age of 35.

I had no idea until this morning how angry I still was about it.

Thanks for listening,

AFB

>

> To me, that is a particularly reprehensible thing for a mother to do to her

daughter: to attempt to degrade and shame her child in that particular way. The

worst part is that its a false accusation, and there is no way for the child to

prove that she is NOT a " slut " short of, I suppose, demanding a medical

examination.

>

> I agree: that epithet demonstrates a mother's utter contempt for her own

daughter. Name-calling like that is not coming from love, or from a loving

heart. It is not meant to teach, to guide or to nurture, or even to correct. It

is meant to destroy. It is a verbal atomic bomb meant to decimate the

daughter's sense of self-worth.

>

> And its probably coming from a deep pit of resentment, envy, and jealousy, I'm

willing to bet.

>

> What has always struck me as odd (and oddly humorous) is that there is no

equivalent insult for a male. The concept just doesn't exist in reverse. If

you call a male a " slut " you only get a blank look or a hearty " Thank you! "

>

> -Annie

>

>

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Oh.My.Gawd.

I don't believe that. What a fucking bitch. She's the slut, that she could

even imagine that.

I have nothing helpful to say, i just can't even believe a mother would do

that. Or a doctor. Or a father.

On Fri, Apr 1, 2011 at 8:52 AM, awayfromborderland <

awayfromborderland@...> wrote:

>

>

> It is reprehensible and guess what, I GOT the medical exam. When I was 12

> years old, and developing little breasts, nada went paranoid. In a fury,

> nada went through all my things including my purse and found a little note

> written to another girl and asking if they had kissed. If THEY had kissed,

> not had I been kissed. I was hauled out of my bed, frogmarched into the

> kitchen, and interrogated like a guilty prisoner. My dishrag fada was CRYING

> because she had him convinced I had morphed into a whore and a slut. I was

> terrified. I couldn't understand what I had possibly done to make my father

> weep like I was a lost soul. I was dispatched to our family doctor, stripped

> naked, and a gynocological exam was performed. I knew what he was looking

> for. He was looking for evidence if I was still a virgin. OF COURSE I WAS.

>

> Anyway, instead of speaking to me like a human being, this misguided doctor

> wrote out a note, put it in a sealed envelope, and had me return home with

> it. Can you imagine my shame, the fear I was in? I had no idea what was in

> that note, but it felt like my life was ending. All the blood had run out of

> my face, and now I know a little bit of what an innocent person facing a

> murder trial must feel like. AND I WAS 12 YEARS OLD! I gave the note to nada

> who opened it and read it like the judge of the universe. Nothing more was

> said. Now, as an adult, I realize that the doctor's note had said the right

> thing, had calmed her fears, stated I was a virgin. What he should have done

> was have a talk with me about nada's fears, spoken with fada, and done

> something to look into this freaking nutty family. nada continued to run her

> sexual raids and investigations well into my 20s with the result that I was

> frozen solid with shame and fear until the age of 35.

>

> I had no idea until this morning how angry I still was about it.

> Thanks for listening,

> AFB

>

>

>

> >

> > To me, that is a particularly reprehensible thing for a mother to do to

> her daughter: to attempt to degrade and shame her child in that particular

> way. The worst part is that its a false accusation, and there is no way for

> the child to prove that she is NOT a " slut " short of, I suppose, demanding a

> medical examination.

> >

> > I agree: that epithet demonstrates a mother's utter contempt for her own

> daughter. Name-calling like that is not coming from love, or from a loving

> heart. It is not meant to teach, to guide or to nurture, or even to correct.

> It is meant to destroy. It is a verbal atomic bomb meant to decimate the

> daughter's sense of self-worth.

> >

> > And its probably coming from a deep pit of resentment, envy, and

> jealousy, I'm willing to bet.

> >

> > What has always struck me as odd (and oddly humorous) is that there is no

> equivalent insult for a male. The concept just doesn't exist in reverse. If

> you call a male a " slut " you only get a blank look or a hearty " Thank you! "

> >

> > -Annie

> >

>

> >

>

>

>

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Oh that's horrible! I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. It's weird the

doctor didn't actually say that an exam to determine virginity is not actually

possible... Except maybe with very young kids (in which case there is probably

even more damage than just a missing hymen). The hymen wears away on it's own,

that's how you can have your period, etc, and some girls don't ever have one.

I've never noticed anything like how I've heard a hymen described in myself. I'm

lucky my nada didn't do that. God, 12!!! Freakin nuts. And I hate how the all

the other adults around didn't intervene. =( This is how our nadas and fadas get

away with the abuse so easily.

Casey

> >

> > To me, that is a particularly reprehensible thing for a mother to do to her

daughter: to attempt to degrade and shame her child in that particular way. The

worst part is that its a false accusation, and there is no way for the child to

prove that she is NOT a " slut " short of, I suppose, demanding a medical

examination.

> >

> > I agree: that epithet demonstrates a mother's utter contempt for her own

daughter. Name-calling like that is not coming from love, or from a loving

heart. It is not meant to teach, to guide or to nurture, or even to correct. It

is meant to destroy. It is a verbal atomic bomb meant to decimate the

daughter's sense of self-worth.

> >

> > And its probably coming from a deep pit of resentment, envy, and jealousy,

I'm willing to bet.

> >

> > What has always struck me as odd (and oddly humorous) is that there is no

equivalent insult for a male. The concept just doesn't exist in reverse. If

you call a male a " slut " you only get a blank look or a hearty " Thank you! "

> >

> > -Annie

> >

>

> >

>

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(((((AFB)))))

You were severely traumatized; it was the equivalent in magnitude of a gang

rape, and it was done to you by your own mother. I entirely empathize, because

mine did something very similar to me when I was about 5 years old and it warped

my normal emotional development too.

I so wish for you that your father and the doctor had had the balls to take

charge of the situation and realize that they were dealing with a hysterical,

disordered, paranoid woman who was hurting her little girl severely, but, as it

usually happens, most people back away in abject submission to an outraged

mother, believing (past all evidence, past all reality) that a mother acts only

to protect her child.

Most people can't conceive of an insane mother who is slowly eating her child

alive.

Your anger is justified.

-Annie

> >

> > To me, that is a particularly reprehensible thing for a mother to do to her

daughter: to attempt to degrade and shame her child in that particular way. The

worst part is that its a false accusation, and there is no way for the child to

prove that she is NOT a " slut " short of, I suppose, demanding a medical

examination.

> >

> > I agree: that epithet demonstrates a mother's utter contempt for her own

daughter. Name-calling like that is not coming from love, or from a loving

heart. It is not meant to teach, to guide or to nurture, or even to correct. It

is meant to destroy. It is a verbal atomic bomb meant to decimate the

daughter's sense of self-worth.

> >

> > And its probably coming from a deep pit of resentment, envy, and jealousy,

I'm willing to bet.

> >

> > What has always struck me as odd (and oddly humorous) is that there is no

equivalent insult for a male. The concept just doesn't exist in reverse. If

you call a male a " slut " you only get a blank look or a hearty " Thank you! "

> >

> > -Annie

> >

>

> >

>

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Holy crap that is absolutely horrific! What a nightmare! I'd be pissed about

it still too. I'd probably take that anger to my grave!

So sorry! What a bitch!! ((Hugs)) to you!

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Dear Girlscout, Yodababy, Casey and Annie,

Thank you for validating my story and reflecting reality back to me. It's a

great help to be listened to and believed. Yes, it WAS a gangrape, and nada

chose the men in her life very carefully for their dishrag qualities in order to

pull that off on a 12-year-old child. What I would like to announce here loud

and proud is a secret I've held my entire life: the crazy sexual stuff going on

with nada and fada would make headlines at TMZ even today. THERE, I'd said it!

fada was a closet homosexual, out cruising and catching STDs, even getting

beaten up. How did nada and fada deal with this? They witch-hunted ME! My

budding teenaged years were the focus of all suspicion, guilt and punishment.

Isn't that so PD you could just scream???

It wasn't until decades later, that I was able to put everything together and

come up with the truth, because the word " gay, " " closet, " or " homosexual " was

never uttered in our home. nada knew what was going on the whole time of course,

but if she complained, knew she'd lose her husband and destroy that perfect

illusion she had set up in the community and church. Of course some people knew

and talked behind their hands, but I was a child. No one said anything to me.

fada was also careful never to cruise in our neighborhood, he went farther

afield.

I have nothing against gays and count many among my friends. Being gay also did

not make fada a " bad " father. I could have known he was gay and it wouldn't have

changed my love for him. But the pretending and lying, and sneaking, that was

terrible. nada and fada's marriage was a business arrangement designed to

support each other's secrets and lies. Why they insisted on adopting children

into this mess is beyond me, but once again, " Can you say PD? "

The last story I need to relate (And I'm sorry this is taking so long) but not

long after my " virginity test " nada and fada decided to go away for a month to

Europe. They asked two aunts to come for two weeks each to care for me and

brudda (brother). nada did such a good job of telling my beloved aunts what a

monster I was, how wayward and difficult and sexually deviant, that they came

into the house and treated me like a little prisoner. I was interrogated,

lectured, kept under watch, and I HADN'T DONE ANYTHING! After a week, my

favorite aunt announced to me, " I don't know what your mother was talking about,

you're not doing anything wrong. " But the damage to my mind had already been

done. I had been accused and punished like a juvenile delinquent for extended

periods, and I trusted no one. I made the decision that everyone over 21 was

untrustworthy, and I turned away, " pretending " to smile at them, when I couldn't

wait to get away. Anyway. I think those are the two most degrading experiences

that stayed with me, and I'm glad I could talk about them here. Thank you.

AFB

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Once, at 14, I went to the movies with my friends. Then we had a sleepover.

Remember as a kid, coming from a home like the ones related here, how much of a

big deal it was to be invited to things with 'normal' kids and do 'normal'

things? Or was that just me?

My mother came and picked me up and took me back to the home we were visiting

for the weekend. It was the home of her boyfriend's sister and was full of his

relatives, literally about 20 of them.

Mum told them all she'd found me naked in a 'halfway house' - I didn't even know

what one of those was - and in bed with a 30 year old junkie. It was a complete

fabrication.

But they all believed her. She switched into this role of being a distraught

mother and she is so convincing.

Terrified, I curled up on the couch and overheard them having an hours long

conversation about how evil I was. And it was all based on a lie. But knowing it

was a lie didn't help me. I had no defense. The more I heard of all they said,

the more I believed them all.

>

> > I told my T today about how my mother told me she was " very worried that I

> > might be a slut " when i hugged a boy I had grown up with at age 15. I was

> > floored.

> >

> > I told T I wondered if it was done out of anger for me being closer to my

> > dad than nada. T said " no, when people say slut, whore or c*nt its because

> > those are the worst words they can stamp on a woman. Your mother said that

> > because she was trying to destroy you. She knew you weren't a slut. "

> >

> > Whoa. Trying to destroy me.

> >

> > And a second point - I read in a book that without intervention dysfunction

> > in families always gets worse. Have you guys seen this? It sounds pretty

> > interesting. Let me know if you have examples. I'm sure i could come up with

> > one or two.

> >

> >

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The more I read ,the more I realize how much we have in common. I too had my

" gynological " exam under the pretense that she wanted to make sure everything

was all right. I was 13 .I was lied to as to what the exam (The doctor was just

going to talk to me !)

I was traumatized and sooo embarassed.

In the last 2 days my nada has had such fits of rage that I am seriously

considering refusing all communications,it is now seriously affecting my health.

I just don't know how to go about it,any advice will be greatly appreciated.

And to all my new friends,strength is in numbers.I feel much better knowing you

are all there.

> > >

> > > To me, that is a particularly reprehensible thing for a mother to do to

her daughter: to attempt to degrade and shame her child in that particular way.

The worst part is that its a false accusation, and there is no way for the child

to prove that she is NOT a " slut " short of, I suppose, demanding a medical

examination.

> > >

> > > I agree: that epithet demonstrates a mother's utter contempt for her own

daughter. Name-calling like that is not coming from love, or from a loving

heart. It is not meant to teach, to guide or to nurture, or even to correct. It

is meant to destroy. It is a verbal atomic bomb meant to decimate the

daughter's sense of self-worth.

> > >

> > > And its probably coming from a deep pit of resentment, envy, and jealousy,

I'm willing to bet.

> > >

> > > What has always struck me as odd (and oddly humorous) is that there is no

equivalent insult for a male. The concept just doesn't exist in reverse. If

you call a male a " slut " you only get a blank look or a hearty " Thank you! "

> > >

> > > -Annie

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

>

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OH MY GOD - she did not. SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAAAAAAP. I'm slapping her

face.

Makes me grateful my dad (the huntsman - its in Understanding the BM) was

around. My mother totally would have done that, but he was her meal ticket

and that wouldnt have flown. Plus she would have had to get off her ass and

pick me up - and she didn't do that much either. And I'm from a very

conservative community - - - who knows, maybe that story would have worked

for her around all the mormon elders. . . who knows.

HUGS I'm sorry what a bitch

On Sat, Apr 2, 2011 at 9:13 AM, phoenixrose27 wrote:

>

>

> Once, at 14, I went to the movies with my friends. Then we had a sleepover.

> Remember as a kid, coming from a home like the ones related here, how much

> of a big deal it was to be invited to things with 'normal' kids and do

> 'normal' things? Or was that just me?

>

> My mother came and picked me up and took me back to the home we were

> visiting for the weekend. It was the home of her boyfriend's sister and was

> full of his relatives, literally about 20 of them.

>

> Mum told them all she'd found me naked in a 'halfway house' - I didn't even

> know what one of those was - and in bed with a 30 year old junkie. It was a

> complete fabrication.

> But they all believed her. She switched into this role of being a

> distraught mother and she is so convincing.

> Terrified, I curled up on the couch and overheard them having an hours long

> conversation about how evil I was. And it was all based on a lie. But

> knowing it was a lie didn't help me. I had no defense. The more I heard of

> all they said, the more I believed them all.

>

>

>

> >

> > > I told my T today about how my mother told me she was " very worried

> that I

> > > might be a slut " when i hugged a boy I had grown up with at age 15. I

> was

> > > floored.

> > >

> > > I told T I wondered if it was done out of anger for me being closer to

> my

> > > dad than nada. T said " no, when people say slut, whore or c*nt its

> because

> > > those are the worst words they can stamp on a woman. Your mother said

> that

> > > because she was trying to destroy you. She knew you weren't a slut. "

> > >

> > > Whoa. Trying to destroy me.

> > >

> > > And a second point - I read in a book that without intervention

> dysfunction

> > > in families always gets worse. Have you guys seen this? It sounds

> pretty

> > > interesting. Let me know if you have examples. I'm sure i could come up

> with

> > > one or two.

> > >

> > >

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Dear Jocelyn, Phoenixrose and all the psychosexual-abuse survivors out there,

I said recently in another posting that I was doing affirmation work based on

Louise Hay's teachings and focusing on self-esteem. I think that my " sexual

abuse and lies " story has leaped out of me now, because the work is working. My

self-worth and approval has risen, and so has my awareness of what nada and fada

actually did. From time to time, I have self-doubt about my NC status. But when

I posted my latest story, and read the validation from others on this board,

there is NO QUESTION I'm doing the right thing to protect and care for myself.

Jocelyn, have you had just about enough of these rages? Aren't they poison for

your mind and health? Honestly, WHAT ARE WE DOING spend time, effort, guilt on

these crazy, destructive people when the world has so much better to offer? We

had no choice as children, but as adults, we do. There are others on this board

much more qualified than I to put forward advice on the first steps to LC or NC,

but I would suggest that you post about how often you see your nada now, what

the routine is, and ask for advice going forward. The time to start is NOW. The

rest of your life is waiting.

AFB

>

> The more I read ,the more I realize how much we have in common. I too had my

" gynological " exam under the pretense that she wanted to make sure everything

was all right. I was 13 .I was lied to as to what the exam (The doctor was just

going to talk to me !)

> I was traumatized and sooo embarassed.

> In the last 2 days my nada has had such fits of rage that I am seriously

considering refusing all communications,it is now seriously affecting my health.

I just don't know how to go about it,any advice will be greatly appreciated.

> And to all my new friends,strength is in numbers.I feel much better knowing

you are all there.

>

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