Guest guest Posted April 4, 2011 Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 Try setting up an email rule that automatically reroutes her emails into a folder which you never have to see. Or you could reroute it directly to " Trash. " That way you don't have to ever look at her emails again. If you Google for instructions you should be able to find out how to do it for your specific type of emails, Google, Yahoo, Outlook, whatever. And remember, you don't ever have to click on her emails, and you never have to read them! Just delete them right away. On Mon, Apr 4, 2011 at 9:35 AM, ponchopugdog wrote: > > > my BPD mother keeps emailing me even after I have asked her to please leave > me alone. Her emails upset me and send me into a crying fit...any > suggestions??? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 4, 2011 Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 Delete them without reading them. > my BPD mother keeps emailing me even after I have asked her to please leave me alone. Her emails upset me and send me into a crying fit...any suggestions??? > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 4, 2011 Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 Welcome to the Group, ponchopugdog. I agree with both the suggestions that other members have posted to you. You have the right to protect yourself from someone who is being abusive to you even if the abuser is your own mother, and you have the power to set rules or boundaries regarding which of your mother's behaviors you will or will not tolerate. If you block her emails entirely, have them automatically routed to the trashcan or to a special folder, then they will not appear in your inbox at all. However... My suggestion is that if your mother is writing threatening letters to you, such as she is threatening to hurt herself/commit suicide, threatening to call child protective services and report you, threatening to come into your home or your workplace uninvited, she is falsely claiming you assaulted her or stole something from her... then you need to save those threatening e-mails because they will help you get a restraining order taken out against her at some point. Even if her letters are more in the nature of calling you a bad person, telling you that you are the cause of all her problems, criticizing you, accusing you of doing bad things you didn't do or saying bad things you didn't say, etc. Still I advise you to save them, make copies of her threatening or castigating letters and take them with you when you go see your therapist. They will help your therapist understand that your mother has a personality disorder and the kinds of abuse you've endured and are still enduring, the kind of damage that she inflicted on you as a minor, etc. Your therapist will be able to help you more effectively if he or she understands your issues better. You didn't cause your mother to have a mental illness called bpd, and you can't cure her or make her change. She is the only one who can do that. You do, however, have the power to change your own reactions to her. You have the right to just walk away or hang up the phone when she is verbally abusing you, and you have the right to limit your contact with her or even go NO Contact with her. You have the right to make rules or boundaries about what you will and will not tolerate. I hope you will start reading some of the many informative and very helpful books about borderline pd, and read some of the threads here about those who have bpd mothers whose behaviors seem similar to yours, to educate yourself. The book " Understanding The Borderline Mother " breaks down bpd behavior into four " sub-types " , which we refer to here often: the Waif, the Hermit, the Witch and the Queen. There is a list of good books about bpd at the home page of this support group, and other resources there as well. Welcome, you've found a bunch of others here who understand what you are going through. -Annie > > my BPD mother keeps emailing me even after I have asked her to please leave me alone. Her emails upset me and send me into a crying fit...any suggestions??? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 4, 2011 Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 I tend to save them but never open them. For the restraining order, should I ever need to persue one. Or you can have a loved one (a safe person) read them and give you Clif notes. On Mon, Apr 4, 2011 at 10:10 AM, anuria67854 wrote: > > > Welcome to the Group, ponchopugdog. > > I agree with both the suggestions that other members have posted to you. > You have the right to protect yourself from someone who is being abusive to > you even if the abuser is your own mother, and you have the power to set > rules or boundaries regarding which of your mother's behaviors you will or > will not tolerate. > > If you block her emails entirely, have them automatically routed to the > trashcan or to a special folder, then they will not appear in your inbox at > all. > > However... > > My suggestion is that if your mother is writing threatening letters to you, > such as she is threatening to hurt herself/commit suicide, threatening to > call child protective services and report you, threatening to come into your > home or your workplace uninvited, she is falsely claiming you assaulted her > or stole something from her... then you need to save those threatening > e-mails because they will help you get a restraining order taken out against > her at some point. > > Even if her letters are more in the nature of calling you a bad person, > telling you that you are the cause of all her problems, criticizing you, > accusing you of doing bad things you didn't do or saying bad things you > didn't say, etc. Still I advise you to save them, make copies of her > threatening or castigating letters and take them with you when you go see > your therapist. They will help your therapist understand that your mother > has a personality disorder and the kinds of abuse you've endured and are > still enduring, the kind of damage that she inflicted on you as a minor, > etc. Your therapist will be able to help you more effectively if he or she > understands your issues better. > > You didn't cause your mother to have a mental illness called bpd, and you > can't cure her or make her change. She is the only one who can do that. You > do, however, have the power to change your own reactions to her. You have > the right to just walk away or hang up the phone when she is verbally > abusing you, and you have the right to limit your contact with her or even > go NO Contact with her. You have the right to make rules or boundaries about > what you will and will not tolerate. > > I hope you will start reading some of the many informative and very helpful > books about borderline pd, and read some of the threads here about those who > have bpd mothers whose behaviors seem similar to yours, to educate yourself. > > > The book " Understanding The Borderline Mother " breaks down bpd behavior > into four " sub-types " , which we refer to here often: the Waif, the Hermit, > the Witch and the Queen. > > There is a list of good books about bpd at the home page of this support > group, and other resources there as well. > > Welcome, you've found a bunch of others here who understand what you are > going through. > > -Annie > > > > > > > my BPD mother keeps emailing me even after I have asked her to please > leave me alone. Her emails upset me and send me into a crying fit...any > suggestions??? > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 4, 2011 Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 Oh you could also change your e-mail, if you want to open a new chapter in your life, that could be a good way to mark it. On Mon, Apr 4, 2011 at 1:45 PM, Girlscout Cowboy <girlscout.cowboy@... > wrote: > I tend to save them but never open them. For the restraining order, should > I ever need to persue one. > > Or you can have a loved one (a safe person) read them and give you Clif > notes. > > On Mon, Apr 4, 2011 at 10:10 AM, anuria67854 wrote: > >> >> >> Welcome to the Group, ponchopugdog. >> >> I agree with both the suggestions that other members have posted to you. >> You have the right to protect yourself from someone who is being abusive to >> you even if the abuser is your own mother, and you have the power to set >> rules or boundaries regarding which of your mother's behaviors you will or >> will not tolerate. >> >> If you block her emails entirely, have them automatically routed to the >> trashcan or to a special folder, then they will not appear in your inbox at >> all. >> >> However... >> >> My suggestion is that if your mother is writing threatening letters to >> you, such as she is threatening to hurt herself/commit suicide, threatening >> to call child protective services and report you, threatening to come into >> your home or your workplace uninvited, she is falsely claiming you assaulted >> her or stole something from her... then you need to save those threatening >> e-mails because they will help you get a restraining order taken out against >> her at some point. >> >> Even if her letters are more in the nature of calling you a bad person, >> telling you that you are the cause of all her problems, criticizing you, >> accusing you of doing bad things you didn't do or saying bad things you >> didn't say, etc. Still I advise you to save them, make copies of her >> threatening or castigating letters and take them with you when you go see >> your therapist. They will help your therapist understand that your mother >> has a personality disorder and the kinds of abuse you've endured and are >> still enduring, the kind of damage that she inflicted on you as a minor, >> etc. Your therapist will be able to help you more effectively if he or she >> understands your issues better. >> >> You didn't cause your mother to have a mental illness called bpd, and you >> can't cure her or make her change. She is the only one who can do that. You >> do, however, have the power to change your own reactions to her. You have >> the right to just walk away or hang up the phone when she is verbally >> abusing you, and you have the right to limit your contact with her or even >> go NO Contact with her. You have the right to make rules or boundaries about >> what you will and will not tolerate. >> >> I hope you will start reading some of the many informative and very >> helpful books about borderline pd, and read some of the threads here about >> those who have bpd mothers whose behaviors seem similar to yours, to educate >> yourself. >> >> The book " Understanding The Borderline Mother " breaks down bpd behavior >> into four " sub-types " , which we refer to here often: the Waif, the Hermit, >> the Witch and the Queen. >> >> There is a list of good books about bpd at the home page of this support >> group, and other resources there as well. >> >> Welcome, you've found a bunch of others here who understand what you are >> going through. >> >> -Annie >> >> >> >> > >> > my BPD mother keeps emailing me even after I have asked her to please >> leave me alone. Her emails upset me and send me into a crying fit...any >> suggestions??? >> > >> >> >> > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 4, 2011 Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 Don't open them. I know it's hard not to but you can do it. Just say to yourself, " curiosity killed the cat " and then hit the delete button. I do this and it really works for me. Best, Annie 2 > > my BPD mother keeps emailing me even after I have asked her to please leave me alone. Her emails upset me and send me into a crying fit...any suggestions??? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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