Life going wonderfully and then BOOM!

[Guest guest]

Hi all! I haven't posted in a long time...mostly because everything has been

going great lately...and then BOOM! I've been in therapy now for almost 5 years

and i have a fabulous therapist that i love and has helped me through a lot of

grief work and pain. I have been NC with my nada for almost 5 years as well as

my older sister(nada's little minion)and i have really felt great for the past 3

months. I'm taking my meds like i should(Lexapro), seeing a therapist on a

regular basis, have a wonderfully supportive husband and 2 wonderful kids. I'm

also plugged in with my friends and serve on 2 ministries at church. My life

seems balanced. However, about every 2-3 months, while everything is going

great--i have this complete need to just cry and breakdown. I get my anxiety

back and my depression. Sometimes, there is a trigger, other times there is not.

This time, i just really want my mom. Not my nada mind you but my mom that i

used to laugh with during those rare good times. I miss having a family unit. I

feel very much like an orphan and the only family i talk to anymore is my little

sister. My dad is going through a divorce and has a lot of problems right now

and he is not a safe person for me either right now. I just feel empty

sometimes. I'm discovering that no matter how much therapy i have, it's just

plain hard to go through life without parents or a family to anchor you in

security. I'm doing a lot of exciting things in life right now and i have NO

parents to share my excitement with---no one to be proud of me. My question---do

you ever get over your grief in this process with a BPD nada or do you just have

this emptiness your whole life? I've been told in therapy that i have PTSD after

being abused physically, mentally and emotionally by my nada. I've done EMDR to

rid myself of awful memories in my mind but i always seem to have this emptiness

and pain. Also--i've been taking Lexapro for the last 4 years with good

results(other than these random episodes every now and then) Is anyone else on

meds here and should i expect to be on these meds for the rest of my life?

Thanks for the support. This is really the only connnection i have to the BPD

world as none of my friends have parents like this..

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I'm on Lexapro too--and I expect to be on anti-depressants for the rest of

my life. Depression runs in the family. Some depression is situational and

people just need meds for a little while. Some depression is a chronic

illness, much like diabetes and asthma, and need continual treatment whether

by therapy, meds, or both. So, it depends on your situation. You may be on

it for the rest of your life, you may not.

As for the periodic breakdowns--same here!! It's usually a trigger

thing--either internally by my own emotions catching up with me, or it's

external, like how my fada disowned my grandma recently. I have an

incredibly supportive husband, too, and great inlaws and friends.

However, I haven't been in therapy/counseling in a while, though I know I

need to go. My counselor recommended EMDR as well (would you mind letting me

know how it works, and how it works for you? I'm a little leery of it.)

I've only been NC for two years, and grief and healing seems to be taking

really irregular paths. It's not a straight path to healing--for me at least

it's taking a lot of sharp turns and travels through murky forests and

stuff. I do still have the emptiness, but I'm working on developing the

parts of my lives that are GOOD, and while my emptiness and missing a family

is always going to be a part of me, I'm working on getting to the point

where it no longer *is* me.

I hope this helps,

Holly

>

>

> Hi all! I haven't posted in a long time...mostly because everything has

> been going great lately...and then BOOM! I've been in therapy now for almost

> 5 years and i have a fabulous therapist that i love and has helped me

> through a lot of grief work and pain. I have been NC with my nada for almost

> 5 years as well as my older sister(nada's little minion)and i have really

> felt great for the past 3 months. I'm taking my meds like i should(Lexapro),

> seeing a therapist on a regular basis, have a wonderfully supportive husband

> and 2 wonderful kids. I'm also plugged in with my friends and serve on 2

> ministries at church. My life seems balanced. However, about every 2-3

> months, while everything is going great--i have this complete need to just

> cry and breakdown. I get my anxiety back and my depression. Sometimes, there

> is a trigger, other times there is not. This time, i just really want my

> mom. Not my nada mind you but my mom that i used to laugh with during those

> rare good times. I miss having a family unit. I feel very much like an

> orphan and the only family i talk to anymore is my little sister. My dad is

> going through a divorce and has a lot of problems right now and he is not a

> safe person for me either right now. I just feel empty sometimes. I'm

> discovering that no matter how much therapy i have, it's just plain hard to

> go through life without parents or a family to anchor you in security. I'm

> doing a lot of exciting things in life right now and i have NO parents to

> share my excitement with---no one to be proud of me. My question---do you

> ever get over your grief in this process with a BPD nada or do you just have

> this emptiness your whole life? I've been told in therapy that i have PTSD

> after being abused physically, mentally and emotionally by my nada. I've

> done EMDR to rid myself of awful memories in my mind but i always seem to

> have this emptiness and pain. Also--i've been taking Lexapro for the last 4

> years with good results(other than these random episodes every now and then)

> Is anyone else on meds here and should i expect to be on these meds for the

> rest of my life? Thanks for the support. This is really the only connnection

> i have to the BPD world as none of my friends have parents like this..

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I've been on Lexapro (when I have insurance) or Celexa (when I don't - it has a

generic) for 12 years now. Periodically I've weaned myself off of it but I've

always felt the depression and anxiety come back, and it is just too painful for

me. My doctor thinks I will need it the rest of my life. I think it depends if

you have chronic or situational depression. A lot of people just need meds for a

little while and then can get off, although I would say therapy could be helpful

forever.

While the meds help me a lot, I have episodes like you occasionally. A lot of

times the " trigger " isn't really external I've noticed. Maybe it's some thought

or something else you don't really notice that brings it out. Mine usually

happen when I have PMS as well.

I am not NC (although I have been sometimes, I can never manage it longterm) and

I still grieve for a family I don't have. I grieve for a childhood I didn't

really have, and for a mother's love, which my nada can't give. I also wish I

had a mother who I could share experiences with, or ask for help from, neither

are things I can do with my nada. I can't attest to whether these feelings go

away, although I imagine it should lessen with time, like any grief.

Casey

>

> Hi all! I haven't posted in a long time...mostly because everything has been

going great lately...and then BOOM! I've been in therapy now for almost 5 years

and i have a fabulous therapist that i love and has helped me through a lot of

grief work and pain. I have been NC with my nada for almost 5 years as well as

my older sister(nada's little minion)and i have really felt great for the past 3

months. I'm taking my meds like i should(Lexapro), seeing a therapist on a

regular basis, have a wonderfully supportive husband and 2 wonderful kids. I'm

also plugged in with my friends and serve on 2 ministries at church. My life

seems balanced. However, about every 2-3 months, while everything is going

great--i have this complete need to just cry and breakdown. I get my anxiety

back and my depression. Sometimes, there is a trigger, other times there is not.

This time, i just really want my mom. Not my nada mind you but my mom that i

used to laugh with during those rare good times. I miss having a family unit. I

feel very much like an orphan and the only family i talk to anymore is my little

sister. My dad is going through a divorce and has a lot of problems right now

and he is not a safe person for me either right now. I just feel empty

sometimes. I'm discovering that no matter how much therapy i have, it's just

plain hard to go through life without parents or a family to anchor you in

security. I'm doing a lot of exciting things in life right now and i have NO

parents to share my excitement with---no one to be proud of me. My question---do

you ever get over your grief in this process with a BPD nada or do you just have

this emptiness your whole life? I've been told in therapy that i have PTSD after

being abused physically, mentally and emotionally by my nada. I've done EMDR to

rid myself of awful memories in my mind but i always seem to have this emptiness

and pain. Also--i've been taking Lexapro for the last 4 years with good

results(other than these random episodes every now and then) Is anyone else on

meds here and should i expect to be on these meds for the rest of my life?

Thanks for the support. This is really the only connnection i have to the BPD

world as none of my friends have parents like this..

>

[Guest guest]

I am so sorry you are feeling orphaned sometimes and it makes you sad. I think

its natural, though. I think healing isn't a straight road, its winding and has

forks and switchbacks. But the grief gradually lessens. Somehow it was easier

when my dad died. I really loved and trusted my dad, and I still miss him

terribly, but the literal *pain* of deep grief passed long ago. Maybe that was

because I was able to allow myself to have that truly deep, profound,

body-and-soul grieving for him. I have closure RE my dad.

With my nada, she is still here with us, but I feel as though she died three

years ago. I went through a kind of mourning and grieving for her, but not

nearly as intense or " cleansing " as what I experienced with dad. There is no

closure for me, RE nada.

I feel so very lucky that my younger Sister and I have been able to grow closer

over the last 10 years or so, and we are supportive and emotionally validating

for each other. We cheer for each other and cry with each other.

I hope you can gain that kind of closeness with your sister too, and take

comfort in having at least one family member as a dear friend. If not, then I

hope you can create a chosen family to replace those orphan feelings.

-Annie

>

> Hi all! I haven't posted in a long time...mostly because everything has been

going great lately...and then BOOM! I've been in therapy now for almost 5 years

and i have a fabulous therapist that i love and has helped me through a lot of

grief work and pain. I have been NC with my nada for almost 5 years as well as

my older sister(nada's little minion)and i have really felt great for the past 3

months. I'm taking my meds like i should(Lexapro), seeing a therapist on a

regular basis, have a wonderfully supportive husband and 2 wonderful kids. I'm

also plugged in with my friends and serve on 2 ministries at church. My life

seems balanced. However, about every 2-3 months, while everything is going

great--i have this complete need to just cry and breakdown. I get my anxiety

back and my depression. Sometimes, there is a trigger, other times there is not.

This time, i just really want my mom. Not my nada mind you but my mom that i

used to laugh with during those rare good times. I miss having a family unit. I

feel very much like an orphan and the only family i talk to anymore is my little

sister. My dad is going through a divorce and has a lot of problems right now

and he is not a safe person for me either right now. I just feel empty

sometimes. I'm discovering that no matter how much therapy i have, it's just

plain hard to go through life without parents or a family to anchor you in

security. I'm doing a lot of exciting things in life right now and i have NO

parents to share my excitement with---no one to be proud of me. My question---do

you ever get over your grief in this process with a BPD nada or do you just have

this emptiness your whole life? I've been told in therapy that i have PTSD after

being abused physically, mentally and emotionally by my nada. I've done EMDR to

rid myself of awful memories in my mind but i always seem to have this emptiness

and pain. Also--i've been taking Lexapro for the last 4 years with good

results(other than these random episodes every now and then) Is anyone else on

meds here and should i expect to be on these meds for the rest of my life?

Thanks for the support. This is really the only connnection i have to the BPD

world as none of my friends have parents like this..

>

[Guest guest]

My therapist read me a book - a children's book called Tear Soup. It's all

about how you have to do grief work your entire life. I suspect you are

making tear soup. I'd consider letting myself be sad, give myself a time

limit (cry for 2 hours then stop), do something that comforted me - self

soothing/self care stuff. Dumb little things help me feel like I am

mothering myself - like saving up to buy a lipstick I want. For some reason,

it makes me feel very cared for and the saving/planning for it really helps

me. Or I cook something especially healthy. I have to do every step from

finding the recipe to shopping for the ingredients - cuz then I know someone

loves me (me). Or I might allow myself a treat. Basically what I'm saying is

I parent myself and give my Id something it wants and then I sit back and

relax and watch her enjoy it.

Make sense? Maybe not at all.

On Mon, Apr 4, 2011 at 1:35 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>

> I am so sorry you are feeling orphaned sometimes and it makes you sad. I

> think its natural, though. I think healing isn't a straight road, its

> winding and has forks and switchbacks. But the grief gradually lessens.

> Somehow it was easier when my dad died. I really loved and trusted my dad,

> and I still miss him terribly, but the literal *pain* of deep grief passed

> long ago. Maybe that was because I was able to allow myself to have that

> truly deep, profound, body-and-soul grieving for him. I have closure RE my

> dad.

>

> With my nada, she is still here with us, but I feel as though she died

> three years ago. I went through a kind of mourning and grieving for her, but

> not nearly as intense or " cleansing " as what I experienced with dad. There

> is no closure for me, RE nada.

>

> I feel so very lucky that my younger Sister and I have been able to grow

> closer over the last 10 years or so, and we are supportive and emotionally

> validating for each other. We cheer for each other and cry with each other.

>

> I hope you can gain that kind of closeness with your sister too, and take

> comfort in having at least one family member as a dear friend. If not, then

> I hope you can create a chosen family to replace those orphan feelings.

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

> >

> > Hi all! I haven't posted in a long time...mostly because everything has

> been going great lately...and then BOOM! I've been in therapy now for almost

> 5 years and i have a fabulous therapist that i love and has helped me

> through a lot of grief work and pain. I have been NC with my nada for almost

> 5 years as well as my older sister(nada's little minion)and i have really

> felt great for the past 3 months. I'm taking my meds like i should(Lexapro),

> seeing a therapist on a regular basis, have a wonderfully supportive husband

> and 2 wonderful kids. I'm also plugged in with my friends and serve on 2

> ministries at church. My life seems balanced. However, about every 2-3

> months, while everything is going great--i have this complete need to just

> cry and breakdown. I get my anxiety back and my depression. Sometimes, there

> is a trigger, other times there is not. This time, i just really want my

> mom. Not my nada mind you but my mom that i used to laugh with during those

> rare good times. I miss having a family unit. I feel very much like an

> orphan and the only family i talk to anymore is my little sister. My dad is

> going through a divorce and has a lot of problems right now and he is not a

> safe person for me either right now. I just feel empty sometimes. I'm

> discovering that no matter how much therapy i have, it's just plain hard to

> go through life without parents or a family to anchor you in security. I'm

> doing a lot of exciting things in life right now and i have NO parents to

> share my excitement with---no one to be proud of me. My question---do you

> ever get over your grief in this process with a BPD nada or do you just have

> this emptiness your whole life? I've been told in therapy that i have PTSD

> after being abused physically, mentally and emotionally by my nada. I've

> done EMDR to rid myself of awful memories in my mind but i always seem to

> have this emptiness and pain. Also--i've been taking Lexapro for the last 4

> years with good results(other than these random episodes every now and then)

> Is anyone else on meds here and should i expect to be on these meds for the

> rest of my life? Thanks for the support. This is really the only connnection

> i have to the BPD world as none of my friends have parents like this..

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I do this, too. I've a very creative/artistic soul so sometimes I'll make

jewelry (I have stuff in gift shops around the region) or maybe I'll paint/draw

(Art degree) or maybe I'll cook/bake. The goal is to create something that

wasn't here when I woke up that day. To put the emotions elsewhere, externally,

to find a home for things I don't know how to express in words... it's been a

wonderful way to let it all out... bring beauty where there was none, create for

the sake of feelings.

Lynnette

> > >

> > > Hi all! I haven't posted in a long time...mostly because everything has

> > been going great lately...and then BOOM! I've been in therapy now for almost

> > 5 years and i have a fabulous therapist that i love and has helped me

> > through a lot of grief work and pain. I have been NC with my nada for almost

> > 5 years as well as my older sister(nada's little minion)and i have really

> > felt great for the past 3 months. I'm taking my meds like i should(Lexapro),

> > seeing a therapist on a regular basis, have a wonderfully supportive husband

> > and 2 wonderful kids. I'm also plugged in with my friends and serve on 2

> > ministries at church. My life seems balanced. However, about every 2-3

> > months, while everything is going great--i have this complete need to just

> > cry and breakdown. I get my anxiety back and my depression. Sometimes, there

> > is a trigger, other times there is not. This time, i just really want my

> > mom. Not my nada mind you but my mom that i used to laugh with during those

> > rare good times. I miss having a family unit. I feel very much like an

> > orphan and the only family i talk to anymore is my little sister. My dad is

> > going through a divorce and has a lot of problems right now and he is not a

> > safe person for me either right now. I just feel empty sometimes. I'm

> > discovering that no matter how much therapy i have, it's just plain hard to

> > go through life without parents or a family to anchor you in security. I'm

> > doing a lot of exciting things in life right now and i have NO parents to

> > share my excitement with---no one to be proud of me. My question---do you

> > ever get over your grief in this process with a BPD nada or do you just have

> > this emptiness your whole life? I've been told in therapy that i have PTSD

> > after being abused physically, mentally and emotionally by my nada. I've

> > done EMDR to rid myself of awful memories in my mind but i always seem to

> > have this emptiness and pain. Also--i've been taking Lexapro for the last 4

> > years with good results(other than these random episodes every now and then)

> > Is anyone else on meds here and should i expect to be on these meds for the

> > rest of my life? Thanks for the support. This is really the only connnection

> > i have to the BPD world as none of my friends have parents like this..

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Cooking/baking--making foods for other people who really do

appreciate--helps me incredibly.

Sometimes I feel like writing, but sometimes I just go on a baking spree,

and make a ton of goodies for the students I supervise at work.

Like on Saturday night I made 4 dozen muffins for the students, and 2 1/2

pies for DH and me. I make stuff when I'm upset, because it's just busy

enough to keep my mind from dwelling on anything for too long.

Or sometimes I will run--as if running away from my emotions, or running

through the bad things. I had a lot of bad dreams about futilely running way

from fada, so actually being able to run helps me to visualize--yes, I did

get away from fada.

On Mon, Apr 4, 2011 at 3:45 PM, yp_lynnette_cameron_park <

h_l_maston@...> wrote:

>

>

> I do this, too. I've a very creative/artistic soul so sometimes I'll make

> jewelry (I have stuff in gift shops around the region) or maybe I'll

> paint/draw (Art degree) or maybe I'll cook/bake. The goal is to create

> something that wasn't here when I woke up that day. To put the emotions

> elsewhere, externally, to find a home for things I don't know how to express

> in words... it's been a wonderful way to let it all out... bring beauty

> where there was none, create for the sake of feelings.

>

> Lynnette

>

>

>

> > > >

> > > > Hi all! I haven't posted in a long time...mostly because everything

> has

> > > been going great lately...and then BOOM! I've been in therapy now for

> almost

> > > 5 years and i have a fabulous therapist that i love and has helped me

> > > through a lot of grief work and pain. I have been NC with my nada for

> almost

> > > 5 years as well as my older sister(nada's little minion)and i have

> really

> > > felt great for the past 3 months. I'm taking my meds like i

> should(Lexapro),

> > > seeing a therapist on a regular basis, have a wonderfully supportive

> husband

> > > and 2 wonderful kids. I'm also plugged in with my friends and serve on

> 2

> > > ministries at church. My life seems balanced. However, about every 2-3

> > > months, while everything is going great--i have this complete need to

> just

> > > cry and breakdown. I get my anxiety back and my depression. Sometimes,

> there

> > > is a trigger, other times there is not. This time, i just really want

> my

> > > mom. Not my nada mind you but my mom that i used to laugh with during

> those

> > > rare good times. I miss having a family unit. I feel very much like an

> > > orphan and the only family i talk to anymore is my little sister. My

> dad is

> > > going through a divorce and has a lot of problems right now and he is

> not a

> > > safe person for me either right now. I just feel empty sometimes. I'm

> > > discovering that no matter how much therapy i have, it's just plain

> hard to

> > > go through life without parents or a family to anchor you in security.

> I'm

> > > doing a lot of exciting things in life right now and i have NO parents

> to

> > > share my excitement with---no one to be proud of me. My question---do

> you

> > > ever get over your grief in this process with a BPD nada or do you just

> have

> > > this emptiness your whole life? I've been told in therapy that i have

> PTSD

> > > after being abused physically, mentally and emotionally by my nada.

> I've

> > > done EMDR to rid myself of awful memories in my mind but i always seem

> to

> > > have this emptiness and pain. Also--i've been taking Lexapro for the

> last 4

> > > years with good results(other than these random episodes every now and

> then)

> > > Is anyone else on meds here and should i expect to be on these meds for

> the

> > > rest of my life? Thanks for the support. This is really the only

> connnection

> > > i have to the BPD world as none of my friends have parents like this..

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Lynnette that is so beautiful - I make sculptures and costumes and each one

represents a feeling. . . I never realized I was putting my feelings

someplace else

Beautiful!

On Mon, Apr 4, 2011 at 2:51 PM, Holly Byers wrote:

> Cooking/baking--making foods for other people who really do

> appreciate--helps me incredibly.

> Sometimes I feel like writing, but sometimes I just go on a baking spree,

> and make a ton of goodies for the students I supervise at work.

>

> Like on Saturday night I made 4 dozen muffins for the students, and 2 1/2

> pies for DH and me. I make stuff when I'm upset, because it's just busy

> enough to keep my mind from dwelling on anything for too long.

>

> Or sometimes I will run--as if running away from my emotions, or running

> through the bad things. I had a lot of bad dreams about futilely running

> way

> from fada, so actually being able to run helps me to visualize--yes, I did

> get away from fada.

>

> On Mon, Apr 4, 2011 at 3:45 PM, yp_lynnette_cameron_park <

> h_l_maston@...> wrote:

>

> >

> >

> > I do this, too. I've a very creative/artistic soul so sometimes I'll make

> > jewelry (I have stuff in gift shops around the region) or maybe I'll

> > paint/draw (Art degree) or maybe I'll cook/bake. The goal is to create

> > something that wasn't here when I woke up that day. To put the emotions

> > elsewhere, externally, to find a home for things I don't know how to

> express

> > in words... it's been a wonderful way to let it all out... bring beauty

> > where there was none, create for the sake of feelings.

> >

> > Lynnette

> >

> >

> >

> > > > >

> > > > > Hi all! I haven't posted in a long time...mostly because everything

> > has

> > > > been going great lately...and then BOOM! I've been in therapy now for

> > almost

> > > > 5 years and i have a fabulous therapist that i love and has helped me

> > > > through a lot of grief work and pain. I have been NC with my nada for

> > almost

> > > > 5 years as well as my older sister(nada's little minion)and i have

> > really

> > > > felt great for the past 3 months. I'm taking my meds like i

> > should(Lexapro),

> > > > seeing a therapist on a regular basis, have a wonderfully supportive

> > husband

> > > > and 2 wonderful kids. I'm also plugged in with my friends and serve

> on

> > 2

> > > > ministries at church. My life seems balanced. However, about every

> 2-3

> > > > months, while everything is going great--i have this complete need to

> > just

> > > > cry and breakdown. I get my anxiety back and my depression.

> Sometimes,

> > there

> > > > is a trigger, other times there is not. This time, i just really want

> > my

> > > > mom. Not my nada mind you but my mom that i used to laugh with during

> > those

> > > > rare good times. I miss having a family unit. I feel very much like

> an

> > > > orphan and the only family i talk to anymore is my little sister. My

> > dad is

> > > > going through a divorce and has a lot of problems right now and he is

> > not a

> > > > safe person for me either right now. I just feel empty sometimes. I'm

> > > > discovering that no matter how much therapy i have, it's just plain

> > hard to

> > > > go through life without parents or a family to anchor you in

> security.

> > I'm

> > > > doing a lot of exciting things in life right now and i have NO

> parents

> > to

> > > > share my excitement with---no one to be proud of me. My question---do

> > you

> > > > ever get over your grief in this process with a BPD nada or do you

> just

> > have

> > > > this emptiness your whole life? I've been told in therapy that i have

> > PTSD

> > > > after being abused physically, mentally and emotionally by my nada.

> > I've

> > > > done EMDR to rid myself of awful memories in my mind but i always

> seem

> > to

> > > > have this emptiness and pain. Also--i've been taking Lexapro for the

> > last 4

> > > > years with good results(other than these random episodes every now

> and

> > then)

> > > > Is anyone else on meds here and should i expect to be on these meds

> for

> > the

> > > > rest of my life? Thanks for the support. This is really the only

> > connnection

> > > > i have to the BPD world as none of my friends have parents like

> this..

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

It appears you do the same thing but without an understanding of 'why'... I'm

glad to give you that vision.... hope it helps along the way to peace.

Lynnette

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Hi all! I haven't posted in a long time...mostly because everything

> > > has

> > > > > been going great lately...and then BOOM! I've been in therapy now for

> > > almost

> > > > > 5 years and i have a fabulous therapist that i love and has helped me

> > > > > through a lot of grief work and pain. I have been NC with my nada for

> > > almost

> > > > > 5 years as well as my older sister(nada's little minion)and i have

> > > really

> > > > > felt great for the past 3 months. I'm taking my meds like i

> > > should(Lexapro),

> > > > > seeing a therapist on a regular basis, have a wonderfully supportive

> > > husband

> > > > > and 2 wonderful kids. I'm also plugged in with my friends and serve

> > on

> > > 2

> > > > > ministries at church. My life seems balanced. However, about every

> > 2-3

> > > > > months, while everything is going great--i have this complete need to

> > > just

> > > > > cry and breakdown. I get my anxiety back and my depression.

> > Sometimes,

> > > there

> > > > > is a trigger, other times there is not. This time, i just really want

> > > my

> > > > > mom. Not my nada mind you but my mom that i used to laugh with during

> > > those

> > > > > rare good times. I miss having a family unit. I feel very much like

> > an

> > > > > orphan and the only family i talk to anymore is my little sister. My

> > > dad is

> > > > > going through a divorce and has a lot of problems right now and he is

> > > not a

> > > > > safe person for me either right now. I just feel empty sometimes. I'm

> > > > > discovering that no matter how much therapy i have, it's just plain

> > > hard to

> > > > > go through life without parents or a family to anchor you in

> > security.

> > > I'm

> > > > > doing a lot of exciting things in life right now and i have NO

> > parents

> > > to

> > > > > share my excitement with---no one to be proud of me. My question---do

> > > you

> > > > > ever get over your grief in this process with a BPD nada or do you

> > just

> > > have

> > > > > this emptiness your whole life? I've been told in therapy that i have

> > > PTSD

> > > > > after being abused physically, mentally and emotionally by my nada.

> > > I've

> > > > > done EMDR to rid myself of awful memories in my mind but i always

> > seem

> > > to

> > > > > have this emptiness and pain. Also--i've been taking Lexapro for the

> > > last 4

> > > > > years with good results(other than these random episodes every now

> > and

> > > then)

> > > > > Is anyone else on meds here and should i expect to be on these meds

> > for

> > > the

> > > > > rest of my life? Thanks for the support. This is really the only

> > > connnection

> > > > > i have to the BPD world as none of my friends have parents like

> > this..

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

It doesn't matter how long it's been, it effing sucks to not have the support of

your parents. You never get over something traumatic like that, but you learn

to deal with it so you can live your life.

Meds, therapy, breaking down and crying sometimes, venting to friends or fellow

survivors--these are all positive things. However, they only work when you do

them together. One aspect (meds for example) can't solve everything. Some of

your repliers left great ideas for self care. I know it's easier said than

done, but we have to do it for the true families we've created.

yeni

[Guest guest]

Perhaps it is acceptance that you need? Perspective?

Our BPD parents let their emotions swamp them and our grief is powerful, potent,

and seems bottomless

Sometimes when emotional agony engulfs me I wonder if it is a BPD trait I have

learned, that makes me allow it. Not only allow it but enter deeply into the

alternate universe of the pain, where I can no longer see or appreciate any of

the genuinely wonderful things around me.

I talk myself further and further into these episodes, wallowing in self pity

that I don't have a family, my family hurt me so much, no one understands me

(that old favourite has to go out the window now I've found this site!) and

whatever else ails me.

I have lost years of my life like this, if you added it up. Like the way they

add up that people probably spend 3 months of their life all up staring into the

refrigerator.

It means nada and co are controlling me still... as though beyond the grave...

(I'm no contact thank the lord god above; in my more dramatic moments I think

'she's dead to me!' haha)

My life is still engulfed by her when I let this happen. And it is a choice, in

my case at least.

It is actually an escape back to a safety zone for me. Agony is familiar. You

know that our (pineal? pituitary?) releases hormones that are akin to drugs when

we feel an emotion, and we get addicted to that chemical. Our body is hardwired

to feel pain and grief, because they were physically built around those

feelings. We've gotta kick the habit.

I sound very cold and clinical don't I. I don't want to minimise your pain, I

know how much it hurts when people do that.

My belief is that we as humans are self correcting organisms. BPDs, not so much,

they are an exception. They need some help. And we, their children, I think our

subconscious minds are always reaching for health and balance. Always always

seeking to correct and heal the wounds and distortions inside.

Sometimes this will mean that a collection of memories need to surface and they

hurt. But they can surface and be released and I think that is why our minds or

hearts do it when everything is peaceful. We are strong enough to resolve the

issue so the issue is presented to us from within. See it as an incredible

healing opportunity rather than a recurrent curse.

EFT looks exciting to me. It has helped war veterans and the like. Cured them

totally of their PTSD and flashbacks.

One symptom of being the child of a BPD is lack of identity. They manipulate

that out of us.

I noticed lately how tempting it was to finally, finally have an identity now

that I know what was wrong with mum and why I became the way I did.

I could learn all these labels and live by them. I could create a whole identity

and life out of it. I could spend all my time thinking about it and talking

about it and living under its umbrella. It is so appealing to finally have

something to say " I am that "

because all our thoughts and feelings are bought into question.

Therapy, meds, active healing is essential.

But we have to be careful of what we agree to. A therapist or someone may say to

us that grief is a lifelong process and we can hear that and it makes sense so

we accept it deep within. Then we are obliged to perpetuate our grief to fulfil

that agreement. We create, maintain, identify with and relive it. We don't have

to. Nor do we necessarily have to be on meds forever.

This is all about learning new techniques, thinking radically outside the square

of what is considered normal for us. There is so so much more to you than your

past, AND your current pain. It is there, and it is so valid, try to let it be

there without resisting it.

Also... just face facts. Arguing with reality is really painful and really

crazy. Would you argue that a dog with brown spots should have black spots?

Would you cry about it? At the end of the day, not having a family is that basic

and that factual. Accept it, it's not the end of the world! And I promise you

the nuclear family portrayed is not all it's cracked up to be. A lot of people

'find their own tribe' so to speak. I torture myself by thinking that what did

happen, shouldn't have happened. Silly really, because I am powerless over that

right now. No wonder we get in such turmoil.

I feel confident that you can find a way to stop these regular intervals of

slumps. I don't think the grief has to be lifelong either. I'm sure we can all

do the alchemical 'lead to gold' thing and turn our agony into strength, beauty

and wisdom. I bet you're an awesome member of your church because of all you've

been through, it taught you a lot of compassion and wisdom no doubt.

Be well! Chin up! And loads of soothing hugs for your hurting parts.

>

> Hi all! I haven't posted in a long time...mostly because everything has been

going great lately...and then BOOM! I've been in therapy now for almost 5 years

and i have a fabulous therapist that i love and has helped me through a lot of

grief work and pain. I have been NC with my nada for almost 5 years as well as

my older sister(nada's little minion)and i have really felt great for the past 3

months. I'm taking my meds like i should(Lexapro), seeing a therapist on a

regular basis, have a wonderfully supportive husband and 2 wonderful kids. I'm

also plugged in with my friends and serve on 2 ministries at church. My life

seems balanced. However, about every 2-3 months, while everything is going

great--i have this complete need to just cry and breakdown. I get my anxiety

back and my depression. Sometimes, there is a trigger, other times there is not.

This time, i just really want my mom. Not my nada mind you but my mom that i

used to laugh with during those rare good times. I miss having a family unit. I

feel very much like an orphan and the only family i talk to anymore is my little

sister. My dad is going through a divorce and has a lot of problems right now

and he is not a safe person for me either right now. I just feel empty

sometimes. I'm discovering that no matter how much therapy i have, it's just

plain hard to go through life without parents or a family to anchor you in

security. I'm doing a lot of exciting things in life right now and i have NO

parents to share my excitement with---no one to be proud of me. My question---do

you ever get over your grief in this process with a BPD nada or do you just have

this emptiness your whole life? I've been told in therapy that i have PTSD after

being abused physically, mentally and emotionally by my nada. I've done EMDR to

rid myself of awful memories in my mind but i always seem to have this emptiness

and pain. Also--i've been taking Lexapro for the last 4 years with good

results(other than these random episodes every now and then) Is anyone else on

meds here and should i expect to be on these meds for the rest of my life?

Thanks for the support. This is really the only connnection i have to the BPD

world as none of my friends have parents like this..

>