if you eat chocolate chips while exercising does it count????

[Guest guest]

Hi Guys,

I'm freaking out. So I'm using all my self soothing tips - all that I know

and have access too. I'm going to exercise, plus I'm eating chocolate chips

and I'm talking to you all.

I don't know why, but when I came home from work and saw my honey, I started

to freak out. It was a shitty day. I'm bored with my job, my clients are

asshats and the non profit that I help out for free is treating me as shitty

as they would if they were paying me. Another client wanted me to cancel a

FREE photo op type thing. FREEE! After I'd arranged it, too!!!! And did I

mention they asked me to set it up?

So I'm telling him this, then I realize I'm out of an antidepressant, the

dishwasher is loudly chugging away and I just started to freak out. Like I

felt suicidal for a second.

I saw my T this morning and it was a great session. We started to talk about

me doing things that I never thought I would ever want to do because of my

beliefs about life and because of my FOO. And she was proud. And I feel like

I need to keep it a all a secret so that if I chicken out no one will know.

.. . ..

So am I freaking out because a) I hate my day job I'm moving forward and

its scary or. . . something else or C) all of the above.

All my trigger points are horribly hurting right now. Wow I need a V8 or a

Calgon. Thanks for listening. Me and the chocolate are going out to the

exercise chamber.

[Guest guest]

Hi Girlscout,

Life is hard, life has hard days. Try to slow down and breathe. I can

understand your emotions, a KO's hard days are that much harder because we have

never been taught how to assimilate hard days. In the FOO, everything was

intense, at least in mine.

Breathe, you don't have to solve all the work problems right now. You don't

even have to change your life with your T right now. Forget about the

dishwasher until you calm down; maybe hubby can help with that. Calgon is a

great idea, focus on the bubbles and breathe. Breathe from your diaphram and

see if you can find the presnt moment. All we have is the present moment.

I hope this helps, I don't know if this helps at all, being distraught just

sucks.

Hugs,

Walkingto Happiness.

[Guest guest]

I just reread your post, and it seems like you had an intense session with your

T. To discuss the possibility of things you didn't think were possible, that's

scary, I know the feeling! Healing is apparently possible... but it means we as

KOs have to learn a whole new way of being in the world.

Maybe trying to keep it all a secret may be too much. Perhaps tell hubby about

these dreams of yours that you thought might not be possible? He probably would

be really supportive and understanding of both your dreams and related fears and

anxieties...

I don't know, just something that struck me as I reread your post.

Hugs

WTH

[Guest guest]

In out in out

I'm breathing that helped.

yeah I need to tell him but telling him is scaring me!!

T and I talked about that and decided it was better to approach slowly -

make sure I'm commited before I pull him in with me.

Breath breath breath

On Mon, Apr 4, 2011 at 7:42 PM, walkingto_happiness <

walkingto_happiness@...> wrote:

>

>

>

> I just reread your post, and it seems like you had an intense session with

> your T. To discuss the possibility of things you didn't think were possible,

> that's scary, I know the feeling! Healing is apparently possible... but it

> means we as KOs have to learn a whole new way of being in the world.

>

> Maybe trying to keep it all a secret may be too much. Perhaps tell hubby

> about these dreams of yours that you thought might not be possible? He

> probably would be really supportive and understanding of both your dreams

> and related fears and anxieties...

>

> I don't know, just something that struck me as I reread your post.

> Hugs

> WTH

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Girlscout! I am right there with you! I have this awesome job opportunity and

I'm trying my best not to freak out and sabotage it.

It's okay! Change is scary. You are allowed to feel stress and even be nervous

about things that might happen. What I do that helps me when I feel uncertainty

like this is to take deep breaths and think through what my reactions will be to

different possibilities.

Block all those little things out. They are just things. Just stuff you will

have to take care of, no big deal. Maybe ask your honey to hold a pillow while

you punch it.

I think we forget because of our nadas and FOOs that we are allowed to be

frustrated and even angry and to vent.

And, unfortunately, i don't think the exercising counts if you're eating

chocolate at the same time, at least in the weight loss arena. But I'm sure the

physical exertion makes you feel better.

HUGS,

>

> Hi Guys,

> I'm freaking out. So I'm using all my self soothing tips - all that I know

> and have access too. I'm going to exercise, plus I'm eating chocolate chips

> and I'm talking to you all.

>

> I don't know why, but when I came home from work and saw my honey, I started

> to freak out. It was a shitty day. I'm bored with my job, my clients are

> asshats and the non profit that I help out for free is treating me as shitty

> as they would if they were paying me. Another client wanted me to cancel a

> FREE photo op type thing. FREEE! After I'd arranged it, too!!!! And did I

> mention they asked me to set it up?

>

> So I'm telling him this, then I realize I'm out of an antidepressant, the

> dishwasher is loudly chugging away and I just started to freak out. Like I

> felt suicidal for a second.

>

> I saw my T this morning and it was a great session. We started to talk about

> me doing things that I never thought I would ever want to do because of my

> beliefs about life and because of my FOO. And she was proud. And I feel like

> I need to keep it a all a secret so that if I chicken out no one will know.

> . . ..

>

> So am I freaking out because a) I hate my day job I'm moving forward and

> its scary or. . . something else or C) all of the above.

>

> All my trigger points are horribly hurting right now. Wow I need a V8 or a

> Calgon. Thanks for listening. Me and the chocolate are going out to the

> exercise chamber.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I heard something helpful yesterday. When we think " what if? " Why don't we

think " What if everything works out? " " What if I have a great day? In other

words instead of " What if . . . a disaster happens? " We think " What if? " and

a nice thing that is more likely to happen. It helped me a lot today.

>

>

> Girlscout! I am right there with you! I have this awesome job opportunity

> and I'm trying my best not to freak out and sabotage it.

>

> It's okay! Change is scary. You are allowed to feel stress and even be

> nervous about things that might happen. What I do that helps me when I feel

> uncertainty like this is to take deep breaths and think through what my

> reactions will be to different possibilities.

>

> Block all those little things out. They are just things. Just stuff you

> will have to take care of, no big deal. Maybe ask your honey to hold a

> pillow while you punch it.

>

> I think we forget because of our nadas and FOOs that we are allowed to be

> frustrated and even angry and to vent.

>

> And, unfortunately, i don't think the exercising counts if you're eating

> chocolate at the same time, at least in the weight loss arena. But I'm sure

> the physical exertion makes you feel better.

>

> HUGS,

>

>

>

> >

> > Hi Guys,

> > I'm freaking out. So I'm using all my self soothing tips - all that I

> know

> > and have access too. I'm going to exercise, plus I'm eating chocolate

> chips

> > and I'm talking to you all.

> >

> > I don't know why, but when I came home from work and saw my honey, I

> started

> > to freak out. It was a shitty day. I'm bored with my job, my clients are

> > asshats and the non profit that I help out for free is treating me as

> shitty

> > as they would if they were paying me. Another client wanted me to cancel

> a

> > FREE photo op type thing. FREEE! After I'd arranged it, too!!!! And did I

> > mention they asked me to set it up?

> >

> > So I'm telling him this, then I realize I'm out of an antidepressant, the

> > dishwasher is loudly chugging away and I just started to freak out. Like

> I

> > felt suicidal for a second.

> >

> > I saw my T this morning and it was a great session. We started to talk

> about

> > me doing things that I never thought I would ever want to do because of

> my

> > beliefs about life and because of my FOO. And she was proud. And I feel

> like

> > I need to keep it a all a secret so that if I chicken out no one will

> know.

> > . . ..

> >

> > So am I freaking out because a) I hate my day job I'm moving forward

> and

> > its scary or. . . something else or C) all of the above.

> >

> > All my trigger points are horribly hurting right now. Wow I need a V8 or

> a

> > Calgon. Thanks for listening. Me and the chocolate are going out to the

> > exercise chamber.

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I vote for fear about moving forward. It's the last break with nada.

>

> Hi Guys,

> I'm freaking out. So I'm using all my self soothing tips - all that I know

> and have access too. I'm going to exercise, plus I'm eating chocolate chips

> and I'm talking to you all.

>

> I don't know why, but when I came home from work and saw my honey, I started

> to freak out. It was a shitty day. I'm bored with my job, my clients are

> asshats and the non profit that I help out for free is treating me as shitty

> as they would if they were paying me. Another client wanted me to cancel a

> FREE photo op type thing. FREEE! After I'd arranged it, too!!!! And did I

> mention they asked me to set it up?

>

> So I'm telling him this, then I realize I'm out of an antidepressant, the

> dishwasher is loudly chugging away and I just started to freak out. Like I

> felt suicidal for a second.

>

> I saw my T this morning and it was a great session. We started to talk about

> me doing things that I never thought I would ever want to do because of my

> beliefs about life and because of my FOO. And she was proud. And I feel like

> I need to keep it a all a secret so that if I chicken out no one will know.

> . . ..

>

> So am I freaking out because a) I hate my day job I'm moving forward and

> its scary or. . . something else or C) all of the above.

>

> All my trigger points are horribly hurting right now. Wow I need a V8 or a

> Calgon. Thanks for listening. Me and the chocolate are going out to the

> exercise chamber.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

The exercise chamber! Haha!

Visions of torturous aerobic apparatus (I rarely exercise of my own free will; I

only run when nada is chasing me)

Don't know if this is relevent but a few mornings ago I woke up with my whole

body full of fear. I was physically shaking. I lay there for half an hour like

it.

I realized my body is always humming with fear. It is trapped memory or trauma.

That morning it was pronounced and I fancied it was my body kind of helping me

along my healing path by pointing out what is there to be addressed. Don't have

to take it personally or identify with it. It's just there. It can go.

That fear that was always an undercurrent being made obvious, put me in touch

with the general daily fear I was used to and ignored.

I was more aware of my highly anxious state in general.

If the kettle didn't work right away, I'd have quite a large nervous-tension

reaction. If I buttered the bread wrong. A million tiny things a day were

building up, and I was stressing myself out unecessarily.

I think this is what used to lead to sudden breakdowns of feeling overwhelmed

and slumps into depression. I was in constant catastrophe mode even when

catastrophes weren't happening. I was also actually creating and perpetuating

problems because it was what I was used to.

It was my 'normal'.

But I realized that not everyone is like that! And I don't have to be! All it

took was a realization and I haven't freaked unecessarily since. Not all my

little.. let's call them quirks.. are that easily solved but I wonder if your

sudden *OMG THE WORK PEOPLE AND THE DISHWASHER AND AND AND!* freakout is just

that many many minor things have gone unacknowledged, repressed, stuffed down,

and no system can cope with that over a long period of time without snapping.

You are safe, you are loved, you are special, and you can do this. I have a

feeling the world needs your particular talent; don't know why or what exactly.

Just feel it.

I will go further to say that your particular talent was severely squashed, and

when it is called forth or you are required to shine and really go for it, that

old trauma reappears.

The reason this happens isn't to make you suffer. It's to give you the chance to

heal it. It is your body and your psyche helping you, showing you what is there.

See if you can detach and just look at it. It isn't you. You are the remarkable,

witty, funny, courageous, loving, gorgeous woman beneath it.

Now pass the chocolate

> >

> > Hi Guys,

> > I'm freaking out. So I'm using all my self soothing tips - all that I know

> > and have access too. I'm going to exercise, plus I'm eating chocolate chips

> > and I'm talking to you all.

> >

> > I don't know why, but when I came home from work and saw my honey, I started

> > to freak out. It was a shitty day. I'm bored with my job, my clients are

> > asshats and the non profit that I help out for free is treating me as shitty

> > as they would if they were paying me. Another client wanted me to cancel a

> > FREE photo op type thing. FREEE! After I'd arranged it, too!!!! And did I

> > mention they asked me to set it up?

> >

> > So I'm telling him this, then I realize I'm out of an antidepressant, the

> > dishwasher is loudly chugging away and I just started to freak out. Like I

> > felt suicidal for a second.

> >

> > I saw my T this morning and it was a great session. We started to talk about

> > me doing things that I never thought I would ever want to do because of my

> > beliefs about life and because of my FOO. And she was proud. And I feel like

> > I need to keep it a all a secret so that if I chicken out no one will know.

> > . . ..

> >

> > So am I freaking out because a) I hate my day job I'm moving forward and

> > its scary or. . . something else or C) all of the above.

> >

> > All my trigger points are horribly hurting right now. Wow I need a V8 or a

> > Calgon. Thanks for listening. Me and the chocolate are going out to the

> > exercise chamber.

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Ha ha ha the exercise chamber is just my garage with a recumbent bike. Ha ha

the scale today says that the exercise didn't counteract the chocolate chips

Feel of moving forward - yes. Check. Terrified. Fear of a thousand small

things adding up. Yes. Check. Gaaaah life is so freaky!!!!!

Thank God for you guys and for my T. Wow, I'd really like to have a better

day today. Hmm, can I somehow avoid going into the office? That place makes

me crazy - every where I turn my efforts and creativity are blocked.

Breathing breathing breathing

On Tue, Apr 5, 2011 at 6:01 AM, phoenixrose27 wrote:

>

>

> The exercise chamber! Haha!

> Visions of torturous aerobic apparatus (I rarely exercise of my own free

> will; I only run when nada is chasing me)

>

> Don't know if this is relevent but a few mornings ago I woke up with my

> whole body full of fear. I was physically shaking. I lay there for half an

> hour like it.

> I realized my body is always humming with fear. It is trapped memory or

> trauma. That morning it was pronounced and I fancied it was my body kind of

> helping me along my healing path by pointing out what is there to be

> addressed. Don't have to take it personally or identify with it. It's just

> there. It can go.

>

> That fear that was always an undercurrent being made obvious, put me in

> touch with the general daily fear I was used to and ignored.

> I was more aware of my highly anxious state in general.

>

> If the kettle didn't work right away, I'd have quite a large

> nervous-tension reaction. If I buttered the bread wrong. A million tiny

> things a day were building up, and I was stressing myself out unecessarily.

>

> I think this is what used to lead to sudden breakdowns of feeling

> overwhelmed and slumps into depression. I was in constant catastrophe mode

> even when catastrophes weren't happening. I was also actually creating and

> perpetuating problems because it was what I was used to.

>

> It was my 'normal'.

>

> But I realized that not everyone is like that! And I don't have to be! All

> it took was a realization and I haven't freaked unecessarily since. Not all

> my little.. let's call them quirks.. are that easily solved but I wonder if

> your sudden *OMG THE WORK PEOPLE AND THE DISHWASHER AND AND AND!* freakout

> is just that many many minor things have gone unacknowledged, repressed,

> stuffed down, and no system can cope with that over a long period of time

> without snapping.

>

> You are safe, you are loved, you are special, and you can do this. I have a

> feeling the world needs your particular talent; don't know why or what

> exactly. Just feel it.

>

> I will go further to say that your particular talent was severely squashed,

> and when it is called forth or you are required to shine and really go for

> it, that old trauma reappears.

>

> The reason this happens isn't to make you suffer. It's to give you the

> chance to heal it. It is your body and your psyche helping you, showing you

> what is there. See if you can detach and just look at it. It isn't you. You

> are the remarkable, witty, funny, courageous, loving, gorgeous woman beneath

> it.

>

> Now pass the chocolate

>

>

>

> > >

> > > Hi Guys,

> > > I'm freaking out. So I'm using all my self soothing tips - all that I

> know

> > > and have access too. I'm going to exercise, plus I'm eating chocolate

> chips

> > > and I'm talking to you all.

> > >

> > > I don't know why, but when I came home from work and saw my honey, I

> started

> > > to freak out. It was a shitty day. I'm bored with my job, my clients

> are

> > > asshats and the non profit that I help out for free is treating me as

> shitty

> > > as they would if they were paying me. Another client wanted me to

> cancel a

> > > FREE photo op type thing. FREEE! After I'd arranged it, too!!!! And did

> I

> > > mention they asked me to set it up?

> > >

> > > So I'm telling him this, then I realize I'm out of an antidepressant,

> the

> > > dishwasher is loudly chugging away and I just started to freak out.

> Like I

> > > felt suicidal for a second.

> > >

> > > I saw my T this morning and it was a great session. We started to talk

> about

> > > me doing things that I never thought I would ever want to do because of

> my

> > > beliefs about life and because of my FOO. And she was proud. And I feel

> like

> > > I need to keep it a all a secret so that if I chicken out no one will

> know.

> > > . . ..

> > >

> > > So am I freaking out because a) I hate my day job I'm moving forward

> and

> > > its scary or. . . something else or C) all of the above.

> > >

> > > All my trigger points are horribly hurting right now. Wow I need a V8

> or a

> > > Calgon. Thanks for listening. Me and the chocolate are going out to the

> > > exercise chamber.

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Thank God for chocolate!! After 6 years of theropy, been there many times with

the triggers and then the anxiety sets in and it is hard but keep up and after

the hardest parts, it does get easier and your anxiety gets less, never goes

away completely at least it has not for me but alot better but certain triggers

will send me reeling.

>

> Hi Guys,

> I'm freaking out. So I'm using all my self soothing tips - all that I know

> and have access too. I'm going to exercise, plus I'm eating chocolate chips

> and I'm talking to you all.

>

> I don't know why, but when I came home from work and saw my honey, I started

> to freak out. It was a shitty day. I'm bored with my job, my clients are

> asshats and the non profit that I help out for free is treating me as shitty

> as they would if they were paying me. Another client wanted me to cancel a

> FREE photo op type thing. FREEE! After I'd arranged it, too!!!! And did I

> mention they asked me to set it up?

>

> So I'm telling him this, then I realize I'm out of an antidepressant, the

> dishwasher is loudly chugging away and I just started to freak out. Like I

> felt suicidal for a second.

>

> I saw my T this morning and it was a great session. We started to talk about

> me doing things that I never thought I would ever want to do because of my

> beliefs about life and because of my FOO. And she was proud. And I feel like

> I need to keep it a all a secret so that if I chicken out no one will know.

> . . ..

>

> So am I freaking out because a) I hate my day job I'm moving forward and

> its scary or. . . something else or C) all of the above.

>

> All my trigger points are horribly hurting right now. Wow I need a V8 or a

> Calgon. Thanks for listening. Me and the chocolate are going out to the

> exercise chamber.

>

>

>