Which emotion is it? My emotions are running high!

[Guest guest]

So its been almost a full week since I left my mom a voicemail asking her not to

email me anymore (after her emailing got ugly) and asked her to please call me

on the phone.

There has been complete and total silence from her. No response.

I am trying hard to pray and center myself, knowing that she is doing this on

purpose to show me " she " is in control.

I know I should not let it unnerve me but it is to an extent. I almost feel

nauseated every time the phone rings and I'm so angry at myself for feeling like

that!

If I was a gambling person, I would put an entire paycheck on the bet that she

doesn't even remember why she wanted this conflict to begin with. She doesn't

even remember " what happened " in her mind or the outburst she had. And it is

100% about proving a point to me and making me feel guilty.

I am really starting to get ANGRY because she is so consumed with HERSELF and

that she is the only person in the world with emotion that she doesn't count the

costs to others like her 3 year old granddaughter.....who adores and loves her

and who I have watched cry and ask me almost on a daily basis for a month -

" Where is nana? Mama!! She's gone! Where is she! " . It is breaking my heart and

she doesn't understand why her precious nana has fallen off the planet.

I just want to pick up the phone when it rings and say " You can try and play

with my emotions and you can try and prove your points but when you EFF with my

daughters emotions, you have crossed the line. Either you are going to be a part

of our lives or you are not. And if you want to be, here are the EFFING

rules.... "

SOOOO many emotions running through me right now!! I just needed to vent!

[Guest guest]

I completely sympathize!!! Every now and then I feel weird...a mix of anger,

sadness, relief, etc etc...all at once, which is incredibly confusing I

think your analysis of the situation is spot-on.

Prayer definitely helps me too...and running helps as well. I only recently

started running, and it's proven to be an excellent outlet for my pent up

frustrations and anger.

((hugs))

>

>

> So its been almost a full week since I left my mom a voicemail asking her

> not to email me anymore (after her emailing got ugly) and asked her to

> please call me on the phone.

>

> There has been complete and total silence from her. No response.

>

> I am trying hard to pray and center myself, knowing that she is doing this

> on purpose to show me " she " is in control.

>

> I know I should not let it unnerve me but it is to an extent. I almost feel

> nauseated every time the phone rings and I'm so angry at myself for feeling

> like that!

>

> If I was a gambling person, I would put an entire paycheck on the bet that

> she doesn't even remember why she wanted this conflict to begin with. She

> doesn't even remember " what happened " in her mind or the outburst she had.

> And it is 100% about proving a point to me and making me feel guilty.

>

> I am really starting to get ANGRY because she is so consumed with HERSELF

> and that she is the only person in the world with emotion that she doesn't

> count the costs to others like her 3 year old granddaughter.....who adores

> and loves her and who I have watched cry and ask me almost on a daily basis

> for a month - " Where is nana? Mama!! She's gone! Where is she! " . It is

> breaking my heart and she doesn't understand why her precious nana has

> fallen off the planet.

>

> I just want to pick up the phone when it rings and say " You can try and

> play with my emotions and you can try and prove your points but when you EFF

> with my daughters emotions, you have crossed the line. Either you are going

> to be a part of our lives or you are not. And if you want to be, here are

> the EFFING rules.... "

>

> SOOOO many emotions running through me right now!! I just needed to vent!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

OK, who decided talking on the phone was better than nasty e-mails, lol? That's

when my nada can get REALLY ugly, on the phone without any witnesses. Thank the

good Lord for caller ID. I think you're getting to the point that I did shortly

after I found out about BPD. You're going to start thinking of this as a

vacation from nada and praying that she's forgotten your phone number. Just

take a breath and remember that YOU are the one with the power. Your nada can

call, but you don't have to answer the phone. She can e-mail nasty notes to

you, but you have a delete button. She can pound on your front door, but you

don't have to open it. Our nadas only have as much power over us as we give to

them. Right now, your nada is punishing you because you set a boundary. Good

for you! Stick to it and eventually she'll accept it, but she's gonna have as

many tantrums as it takes to figure out that you're serious and you're not gonna

take it any more! I spent the first 50 years of my life shaking with fear when

my phone rang - but NEVER, NEVER AGAIN! Once my nada figured out that I meant

it when I told her I wouldn't put up with her rages anymore, and it took a

couple of years, she doesn't rage at me. When she's in a snit, she just hangs

up on me, lol. OK, it's not perfect, but it's sooooo much better. And I don't

get upset about it anymore. I don't take it seriously at all. I see her as a 3

year old who's about to throw a tantrum and knows the adults will ignore it, so

she'll go do it somewhere else. SO, buck up! If your nada is giving you the

silent treatment, enjoy the peace and quiet. And if she calls and you don't

want to talk to her, then don't answer the phone. And if you DO want to talk to

her and she's mean and nasty, hang up, without apology! Or tell her that you'll

be glad to talk to her when she can keep a civil tongue in her head, but not

before. You have a RIGHT to your own life, without abuse. And don't worry that

she's suffering, she's already turned it around in her mind so that it's your

fault. As a matter of fact, she's enjoying the fact that she's making you

squirm. How dare you not absorb her venom!!!! Just kidding, lol. I suspect

when our nadas and fadas start in with their lies and smear campaigns, their

rages and cold silences, they are really thinking to themselves, " Dance,

puppets, dance! " They can only make us dance if we let them, now that we're

adults. Let's cut those strings and create our own dance steps.

Joy

>

> So its been almost a full week since I left my mom a voicemail asking her not

to email me anymore (after her emailing got ugly) and asked her to please call

me on the phone.

>

> There has been complete and total silence from her. No response.

>

> I am trying hard to pray and center myself, knowing that she is doing this on

purpose to show me " she " is in control.

>

> I know I should not let it unnerve me but it is to an extent. I almost feel

nauseated every time the phone rings and I'm so angry at myself for feeling like

that!

>

> If I was a gambling person, I would put an entire paycheck on the bet that she

doesn't even remember why she wanted this conflict to begin with. She doesn't

even remember " what happened " in her mind or the outburst she had. And it is

100% about proving a point to me and making me feel guilty.

>

> I am really starting to get ANGRY because she is so consumed with HERSELF and

that she is the only person in the world with emotion that she doesn't count the

costs to others like her 3 year old granddaughter.....who adores and loves her

and who I have watched cry and ask me almost on a daily basis for a month -

" Where is nana? Mama!! She's gone! Where is she! " . It is breaking my heart and

she doesn't understand why her precious nana has fallen off the planet.

>

> I just want to pick up the phone when it rings and say " You can try and play

with my emotions and you can try and prove your points but when you EFF with my

daughters emotions, you have crossed the line. Either you are going to be a part

of our lives or you are not. And if you want to be, here are the EFFING

rules.... "

>

> SOOOO many emotions running through me right now!! I just needed to vent!

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Joy! :-)

You are right, thank you for the reminder that I don't " have " to pick up the

phone when SHE decides she is going to call.

And, since mine is more of the Waify variety, she is opposite of your nada in

that she is WAY nastier in emails than face to face or on the phone. So cutting

off her venomous emails is a stress reliever. Now that she has no outlet for her

nasty words she may start being nasty on the phone.....we shall see.

Fredia

> >

> > So its been almost a full week since I left my mom a voicemail asking her

not to email me anymore (after her emailing got ugly) and asked her to please

call me on the phone.

> >

> > There has been complete and total silence from her. No response.

> >

> > I am trying hard to pray and center myself, knowing that she is doing this

on purpose to show me " she " is in control.

> >

> > I know I should not let it unnerve me but it is to an extent. I almost feel

nauseated every time the phone rings and I'm so angry at myself for feeling like

that!

> >

> > If I was a gambling person, I would put an entire paycheck on the bet that

she doesn't even remember why she wanted this conflict to begin with. She

doesn't even remember " what happened " in her mind or the outburst she had. And

it is 100% about proving a point to me and making me feel guilty.

> >

> > I am really starting to get ANGRY because she is so consumed with HERSELF

and that she is the only person in the world with emotion that she doesn't count

the costs to others like her 3 year old granddaughter.....who adores and loves

her and who I have watched cry and ask me almost on a daily basis for a month -

" Where is nana? Mama!! She's gone! Where is she! " . It is breaking my heart and

she doesn't understand why her precious nana has fallen off the planet.

> >

> > I just want to pick up the phone when it rings and say " You can try and play

with my emotions and you can try and prove your points but when you EFF with my

daughters emotions, you have crossed the line. Either you are going to be a part

of our lives or you are not. And if you want to be, here are the EFFING

rules.... "

> >

> > SOOOO many emotions running through me right now!! I just needed to vent!

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thereust be a school to become a nada. You get to graduate after practicing

narcissism,torturing your children, antagonizing all who try to get close to you

or try to help you. Raging at those who dare disagree with you,or for no reason

at all ,

just for sport!Blame the children for anythinf that happens,even the weather.

My nada graduated with magna cum laude and many of you have relatives who did

very well! I am so grateful to be in such good company!

> > >

> > > So its been almost a full week since I left my mom a voicemail asking her

not to email me anymore (after her emailing got ugly) and asked her to please

call me on the phone.

> > >

> > > There has been complete and total silence from her. No response.

> > >

> > > I am trying hard to pray and center myself, knowing that she is doing this

on purpose to show me " she " is in control.

> > >

> > > I know I should not let it unnerve me but it is to an extent. I almost

feel nauseated every time the phone rings and I'm so angry at myself for feeling

like that!

> > >

> > > If I was a gambling person, I would put an entire paycheck on the bet that

she doesn't even remember why she wanted this conflict to begin with. She

doesn't even remember " what happened " in her mind or the outburst she had. And

it is 100% about proving a point to me and making me feel guilty.

> > >

> > > I am really starting to get ANGRY because she is so consumed with HERSELF

and that she is the only person in the world with emotion that she doesn't count

the costs to others like her 3 year old granddaughter.....who adores and loves

her and who I have watched cry and ask me almost on a daily basis for a month -

" Where is nana? Mama!! She's gone! Where is she! " . It is breaking my heart and

she doesn't understand why her precious nana has fallen off the planet.

> > >

> > > I just want to pick up the phone when it rings and say " You can try and

play with my emotions and you can try and prove your points but when you EFF

with my daughters emotions, you have crossed the line. Either you are going to

be a part of our lives or you are not. And if you want to be, here are the

EFFING rules.... "

> > >

> > > SOOOO many emotions running through me right now!! I just needed to vent!

> > >

> >

>