How do I know if bro is BP or just influenced by BP mom?

[Guest guest]

How do I know if my brother is actually BP or just highly influenced by the BP

mom? He is definitely the " hero " while I'm the " villain " in her world and he has

definitely been handicapped by her (he is 36 years old and still working only

3/4 time so she bought him a health ins. policy and she bought him a condo in

the state where he lives so he pays her " rent " , bought him a car, flies out to

visit when he is getting behind on laundry/housework, etc.) He has some of the

same tendencies she has (negativity and a quick temper marked by

passive-aggressive traits), but I'm not sure if these are just because of how we

were raised or if he is also BP. (I saw how we were raised because I used to

also be much more negative, see things as more black-and-white, etc. before I

distanced myself from her and got counseling.)

So how do I know???

[Guest guest]

What helps me is the safe/unsafe people rule. IF someone is 10 percent

unsafe, you can never give them your full trust. I would categorize him as

unsafe, treat him accordingly and not worry about his diagnosis. The book I

use is called Safe People and then The Gift of Fear is also a great book.

>

>

> How do I know if my brother is actually BP or just highly influenced by the

> BP mom? He is definitely the " hero " while I'm the " villain " in her world and

> he has definitely been handicapped by her (he is 36 years old and still

> working only 3/4 time so she bought him a health ins. policy and she bought

> him a condo in the state where he lives so he pays her " rent " , bought him a

> car, flies out to visit when he is getting behind on laundry/housework,

> etc.) He has some of the same tendencies she has (negativity and a quick

> temper marked by passive-aggressive traits), but I'm not sure if these are

> just because of how we were raised or if he is also BP. (I saw how we were

> raised because I used to also be much more negative, see things as more

> black-and-white, etc. before I distanced myself from her and got

> counseling.)

>

> So how do I know???

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Who cares? I don t mean this to sound callous, but what difference does

it make?

He is , as you write, negativity and a quick temper marked by

passive-aggressive traits. And that defines how he will treat you. And

how you must respond to him. Is he BP, NP, covered with fleas, co

dependant and emotionally crippled and loving his golden child routine?

I don t know. Neither do you. So what? Are you his therapist? You are

not. You are his sister. You don t have to diagnose him. If it is

simply intellectual curiousity, then call it whatever you wish to call

it, and none will argue.

But the germane question is " How do I react to the his actions? " You

need to do what is needed to keep yourself safe, and sane, and healthy.

Good luck.

Doug

>

> How do I know if my brother is actually BP or just highly influenced

by the BP mom? He is definitely the " hero " while I'm the " villain " in

her world and he has definitely been handicapped by her (he is 36 years

old and still working only 3/4 time so she bought him a health ins.

policy and she bought him a condo in the state where he lives so he pays

her " rent " , bought him a car, flies out to visit when he is getting

behind on laundry/housework, etc.) He has some of the same tendencies

she has (negativity and a quick temper marked by passive-aggressive

traits), but I'm not sure if these are just because of how we were

raised or if he is also BP. (I saw how we were raised because I used to

also be much more negative, see things as more black-and-white, etc.

before I distanced myself from her and got counseling.)

>

> So how do I know???

>