Nada Depressed

[Guest guest]

Nada became very angry on my brother's birthday (the other brother and I did a

bad job of prepping her before setting boundaries which set her off), kicked us

all out of the house (we were leaving anyway) and has been skipping family

gatherings since then.

When we spoke about my brother's birthday she said she feels overwhelmed in

trying to get ready for the event and felt pressure to rush so we could leave on

time. So I offered to help her plan future parties and help with

cooking/housework and then she sounded sad. The next birthday was mine and it

was at my house. She didn't show up so we're re-celebrating it in a few weeks

in combination with my dad's birthday. She says she didn't come to my birthday

because she thought people were going to be mad at her because she'd be late. I

had already explained that not everyone has to be present at the same time

during a birthday party. When I talked to her during the birthday party, I told

her others were coming late and encouraged her to get ready and come over. She

still made no attempt to come. I was sad that she wasn't there but it was also

one of my better birthdays because there was no stress. I feel a little guilty

for enjoying my birthday without her.

[Guest guest]

Last several years of nada s life, she became more and more waif/hermit

like. I would call her, good KO that I am, about a family event. She

would say I d love to come, but you know it depends on how I feel that

day. Which I came to understand meant, no way I m going. She missed

the weddings of 3 of my 4 children. She never met 2 of my four

grandchildren. Christmas dinners, birthday parties, thanksgiving

feasts. No matter. She would not be there.

She would manage to go hang out with an instant friend stranger.

Be gentle with yourself. You didnt make her this way. You have no

obligation to suffer through your life simply because she does. I m

sure you would do anything you could to make your nada normal, happy,

and a real mom. All of us would. And all of us will confirm that

nothing you do can get her to change.

Happy Birthday.

Doug

>

> Nada became very angry on my brother's birthday (the other brother and

I did a bad job of prepping her before setting boundaries which set her

off), kicked us all out of the house (we were leaving anyway) and has

been skipping family gatherings since then.

>

> When we spoke about my brother's birthday she said she feels

overwhelmed in trying to get ready for the event and felt pressure to

rush so we could leave on time. So I offered to help her plan future

parties and help with cooking/housework and then she sounded sad. The

next birthday was mine and it was at my house. She didn't show up so

we're re-celebrating it in a few weeks in combination with my dad's

birthday. She says she didn't come to my birthday because she thought

people were going to be mad at her because she'd be late. I had already

explained that not everyone has to be present at the same time during a

birthday party. When I talked to her during the birthday party, I told

her others were coming late and encouraged her to get ready and come

over. She still made no attempt to come. I was sad that she wasn't there

but it was also one of my better birthdays because there was no stress.

I feel a little guilty for enjoying my birthday without her.

>

[Guest guest]

Doug,

Thank you for the birthday wish and the kind words. As we speak nada is

working on installing blinds and curtains in every room and keeping them

closed. Dad's birthday is next week. We'll see how it goes...

>

>

>

> Last several years of nada s life, she became more and more waif/hermit

> like. I would call her, good KO that I am, about a family event. She

> would say I d love to come, but you know it depends on how I feel that

> day. Which I came to understand meant, no way I m going. She missed

> the weddings of 3 of my 4 children. She never met 2 of my four

> grandchildren. Christmas dinners, birthday parties, thanksgiving

> feasts. No matter. She would not be there.

>

> She would manage to go hang out with an instant friend stranger.

>

> Be gentle with yourself. You didnt make her this way. You have no

> obligation to suffer through your life simply because she does. I m

> sure you would do anything you could to make your nada normal, happy,

> and a real mom. All of us would. And all of us will confirm that

> nothing you do can get her to change.

>

> Happy Birthday.

>

> Doug

>

>

>

> >

> > Nada became very angry on my brother's birthday (the other brother and

> I did a bad job of prepping her before setting boundaries which set her

> off), kicked us all out of the house (we were leaving anyway) and has

> been skipping family gatherings since then.

> >

> > When we spoke about my brother's birthday she said she feels

> overwhelmed in trying to get ready for the event and felt pressure to

> rush so we could leave on time. So I offered to help her plan future

> parties and help with cooking/housework and then she sounded sad. The

> next birthday was mine and it was at my house. She didn't show up so

> we're re-celebrating it in a few weeks in combination with my dad's

> birthday. She says she didn't come to my birthday because she thought

> people were going to be mad at her because she'd be late. I had already

> explained that not everyone has to be present at the same time during a

> birthday party. When I talked to her during the birthday party, I told

> her others were coming late and encouraged her to get ready and come

> over. She still made no attempt to come. I was sad that she wasn't there

> but it was also one of my better birthdays because there was no stress.

> I feel a little guilty for enjoying my birthday without her.

> >

>

>

>