Nada Quit Taking Her Medicine and Seeing Her Therapist

[Guest guest]

Nada was taking medicine and seeing a psychiatrist but stopped. She is

unwilling to answer questions about her diagnosis and she avoids discussing/lies

about whether or not she's taking her medicine/attending therapy. She starts

taking the medicine in full but eventually switches to cutting them in half and

then stops completely. She thinks we talk to her doctor when in fact we have

not. We have not set any boundaries around her taking her medication;

therefore, there is no incentive for her to take it. It is very apparent that

she needs it though. How do you deal with your BP parent not taking meds and

getting the care obviously they need?

[Guest guest]

Sine BPD isn't particularly treatable with drugs, it sounds like

your nada has more going on than just BPD.

When dealing with BPD it is important to remember that the only

person you can change is yourself and that you are not

responsible for your nada. Sometimes you just have to accept

that your nada is an adult and is responsible for her own

choices. Unless she is mentally incompetent to the point where

you could get her legally declared incompetent, there's not much

you can do if she chooses not to take her medicine or otherwise

makes bad decisions about her health. Nadas can be very stubborn

because they usually " know " that they're right and everyone else

is wrong. Talking to her about it may well make her more

stubborn about not taking it. You could refuse to be around her

if she doesn't take her medicine, but that might just cause her

to pretend to take it. Sometimes it is possible to get a nada to

do what you want her to do by talking around the subject in

question until she becomes convinced that it is her own choice

to do what you want to do. I use that trick with my nada

sometimes.

At 12:12 AM 04/09/2011 bpdhope4us wrote:

>Nada was taking medicine and seeing a psychiatrist but

>stopped. She is unwilling to answer questions about her

>diagnosis and she avoids discussing/lies about whether or not

>she's taking her medicine/attending therapy. She starts taking

>the medicine in full but eventually switches to cutting them in

>half and then stops completely. She thinks we talk to her

>doctor when in fact we have not. We have not set any

>boundaries around her taking her medication; therefore, there

>is no incentive for her to take it. It is very apparent that

>she needs it though. How do you deal with your BP parent not

>taking meds and getting the care obviously they need?

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Wow - you know waif boss has admitted to me that she has done that with her

daughter's medication. I was horrifyed, but I didn't say much at the time.

If she were to tell me that now, i would say " Where did you get your medical

degree? " Or something like that. Those words were on the tip of my tongue

when she told me, but I held them in. I've since learned not to hold

everything in.

Another option would be to say to nada, " you worked really hard to do X and

you have a lot of experience in it. What would you think if you worked

really hard to get a medical degree, built a practice and then your patients

who have absolutely no experience started altering their medication dosages

without speaking to you. Would you think they would get the best results

from their treatment?

Waif boss is not my nada, but thats how I plan to deal with her should it

come up again.

But after you have said your piece you basically just set boundaries and

then stand by them.

>

>

> Sine BPD isn't particularly treatable with drugs, it sounds like

> your nada has more going on than just BPD.

>

> When dealing with BPD it is important to remember that the only

> person you can change is yourself and that you are not

> responsible for your nada. Sometimes you just have to accept

> that your nada is an adult and is responsible for her own

> choices. Unless she is mentally incompetent to the point where

> you could get her legally declared incompetent, there's not much

> you can do if she chooses not to take her medicine or otherwise

> makes bad decisions about her health. Nadas can be very stubborn

> because they usually " know " that they're right and everyone else

> is wrong. Talking to her about it may well make her more

> stubborn about not taking it. You could refuse to be around her

> if she doesn't take her medicine, but that might just cause her

> to pretend to take it. Sometimes it is possible to get a nada to

> do what you want her to do by talking around the subject in

> question until she becomes convinced that it is her own choice

> to do what you want to do. I use that trick with my nada

> sometimes.

>

>

> At 12:12 AM 04/09/2011 bpdhope4us wrote:

> >Nada was taking medicine and seeing a psychiatrist but

> >stopped. She is unwilling to answer questions about her

> >diagnosis and she avoids discussing/lies about whether or not

> >she's taking her medicine/attending therapy. She starts taking

> >the medicine in full but eventually switches to cutting them in

> >half and then stops completely. She thinks we talk to her

> >doctor when in fact we have not. We have not set any

> >boundaries around her taking her medication; therefore, there

> >is no incentive for her to take it. It is very apparent that

> >she needs it though. How do you deal with your BP parent not

> >taking meds and getting the care obviously they need?

>

> --

> Katrina

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Is there someone that your nada trusts, still, and will listen to?

Sometimes it takes a third party to persuade the pd person to do the right

things (comply with meds, eat properly, etc.)

My nada has similar behaviors to yours. She truly hates taking meds of ANY

kind, (as far back as I can remember she has avoided taking pills, even

vitamins) and she did not like being on meds that stabilized her mood swings

(she said they made her feel " weird " ) so she refused to continue taking them.

Nada was seeing a psychologist off and on for a couple of years. She'd get

royally pissed off at him and stop, then she'd become agitated or depressed and

she'd go see him again. I don't think she's seen him at all over the last year,

though.

My nada is in her 80's, and over the last 6 months or so has begun declining

noticeably in terms of her brain function. She has started hallucinating more

and more frequently, it appears, during that time. Sister says that so far nada

has not gone in to see the psychiatrist that her general practitioner MD

recommended to her.

What may work for Sister and me is that our nada still trusts her own younger

sister, our auntie. Nada has become paranoid about my younger Sister and does

not trust her now (which breaks Sister's heart, although she's trying not to

show it.) But Sister has had discussions about nada's condition with our auntie;

auntie understands and has tried to talk nada into going to see the

psychiatrist.

An interesting side note: according to Sister, our nada *is aware that she

hallucinates.* Nada said that she knows that the things (people) she sees

cannot possibly be real, and yet they seem very real to her when she's seeing

them. Nada commented that she finds it fascinating that if she puts her hand

through one of these people, they break up into sparkly dust! So its a bizarre

half-real/half-unreal kind of state that my nada's brain is straddling, almost

like lucid dreaming. (You are in a dream state but you know that you are

dreaming!)

I myself am feeling torn in two over this development.

I had settled in to a peaceful No Contact state of being, but now my nada is

rapidly declining in her ability to stay anchored in reality. Now I vacillate

back and forth between wanting to call her just to say hello and ask how she is

doing, and dreading having any contact with her because she is now so

unpredictable. I feel pity for her, and yet still dread her anger and

histrionics.

Having a personality-disordered mother is just a never-ending heartache, really,

seems to me. And us KOs are put in a perpetual no-win situation of having to

choose between our nada's/fada's needs and feelings, health, or well-being, and

our own. I had to go No Contact because I couldn't stop myself from taking it

personally, the things she'd say to me, the put-downs, the negative comparisons,

etc. (Basically, shaming me for not being good enough, successful enough, etc.)

My own hurt and repressed rage when having contact with her were making me

literally physically ill, but now I feel such pity for her.

I'll just have to do what I think is best, choose what I can live with. No

matter what I choose it will not be pleasant, there is no " win-win " option.

-Annie

>

> Nada was taking medicine and seeing a psychiatrist but stopped. She is

unwilling to answer questions about her diagnosis and she avoids discussing/lies

about whether or not she's taking her medicine/attending therapy. She starts

taking the medicine in full but eventually switches to cutting them in half and

then stops completely. She thinks we talk to her doctor when in fact we have

not. We have not set any boundaries around her taking her medication;

therefore, there is no incentive for her to take it. It is very apparent that

she needs it though. How do you deal with your BP parent not taking meds and

getting the care obviously they need?

>