Negative Nellies/Had to post

[Guest guest]

I have a friend, not bpd but was raised by one and she suffers certain effects

as we do but everything out of her mouth is negative or sarcastic. Please do not

get me wrong, she has been good to me and I have been good to her and love her

very much but I find myself just not wanting to be around her that much. Alot of

things she says, I know she got from her bpd father on views of the world and it

was because she was never validated as a kid and made feel stupid. Here husband

bought her a book for Xmas a few years back explainig how negative her view of

the world is and she was very offended. Any advice?

[Guest guest]

That's a tough one. Everything I've read about " dealing with negative people "

says to avoid pointing out or criticizing their negativity; doing so just

generates more negativity for them to feed on.

I'm not clear from your post whether she is negative in general or if she's

directing her negativity *at you.*

I think there's a qualitative difference between someone who is negative, sour,

sarcastic and critical about everything in general, and someone who is targeting

you, specifically: criticizing your opinions, belittling your likes & dislikes,

discounting your feelings, etc. Me personally, I can tolerate being around

someone who is just sort of generally sour about everything for short periods of

time, but I can't tolerate being around someone (like my nada) who chronically

targets me for unfair criticism, shaming, sarcasm, etc. Been there, done that;

not going to put up with it any more.

But if this friend isn't targeting you for verbal abuse, has been good to you

and you want to maintain the friendship, then the most common suggestions

offered at the " How to deal with negative, critical people " sites/articles are

to ignore the negativity, try not to let it affect your mood, and spend less

time interacting with the negative person. (aka " medium chill " , seems to me.)

-Annie

>

> I have a friend, not bpd but was raised by one and she suffers certain effects

as we do but everything out of her mouth is negative or sarcastic. Please do not

get me wrong, she has been good to me and I have been good to her and love her

very much but I find myself just not wanting to be around her that much. Alot of

things she says, I know she got from her bpd father on views of the world and it

was because she was never validated as a kid and made feel stupid. Here husband

bought her a book for Xmas a few years back explainig how negative her view of

the world is and she was very offended. Any advice?

>

[Guest guest]

LOL, I might have a negative reaction myself if someone gave me a Christmas

present telling me I was annoying! Seriously though, maybe some time when she

seems in a receptive mood and it's not a holiday share with her that her

negative focus makes you uncomfortable. I think it's easy to just automatically

do what we learned growing up. I still bond most easily when others when

complaining about the same thing - so if I'm around non-complainers I'll look

the negative nellie. This is the only was my FOO ever expressed closeness. I'm

working on awareness and changing this in myself. But anywho your friend may

deep down be programmed to believe sharing negative views is how one goes about

being close with people.

>

> I have a friend, not bpd but was raised by one and she suffers certain effects

as we do but everything out of her mouth is negative or sarcastic. Please do not

get me wrong, she has been good to me and I have been good to her and love her

very much but I find myself just not wanting to be around her that much. Alot of

things she says, I know she got from her bpd father on views of the world and it

was because she was never validated as a kid and made feel stupid. Here husband

bought her a book for Xmas a few years back explainig how negative her view of

the world is and she was very offended. Any advice?

>

[Guest guest]

I usually just say something like " thank you little miss sunshine " to start

and then if they don't get the hint I talk to them about it leading up to

spending less time with them. theres a lot of negative people. Drives me

nuts.

>

>

> I have a friend, not bpd but was raised by one and she suffers certain

> effects as we do but everything out of her mouth is negative or sarcastic.

> Please do not get me wrong, she has been good to me and I have been good to

> her and love her very much but I find myself just not wanting to be around

> her that much. Alot of things she says, I know she got from her bpd father

> on views of the world and it was because she was never validated as a kid

> and made feel stupid. Here husband bought her a book for Xmas a few years

> back explainig how negative her view of the world is and she was very

> offended. Any advice?

>

>

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