So I'm the crazy one, right?

[Guest guest]

And this would be the part where I think *I'm* the crazy one!

Who was it that recently said after I cut off email contact to expect my mom to

all of a sudden become super nice and offer gifts?

After over a week of complete silent treatment, my mom decides to call Friday

night. I was at someone else's house and wasn't about to pick up the phone. My

husband was working at an event. My mom called me a total of 4 times, left 2

voicemails and sent 3 or 4 text messages, then proceeded to call my husband 2

times, leave one voicemail and send 2 text messages all within the course of a

little over an hour. She all but demanded a reply back immediately, using every

tactic in the book.

I didn't call her back that night and called her back the next morning.

She acted like nothing had happened, like we were best friends who had never had

a scuffle. Never mentioned the emails demanding a confrontation, the psychotic

amount of phone calls or anything.

We ended up having a eerily nice conversation with casual chat about politics

and various other small talk.

I hung up thinking - Maybe I'm the one with BPD??

I read about this in SWOE but still.....WEIRD. *cue Twilight music now*

[Guest guest]

Um... no. You're not the crazy one. That's what nada wants you to think,

though.

My nada does this behavior also, the " cheerful-perky-nothing-just -happened "

behavior. Nada still does this, according to Sister. Nada will say something

ugly and hateful to Sister, then later claim " I'd never say anything like that,

you're just making that up. Boo hoo hoo. " I am now in Very Low Contact with her

now (virtually No Contact) so I don't experience it any longer.

When Sister and I were little, nada would trigger into yet another screaming

rage which usually included physically assaulting me or little Sister...

(slapping, spanking, being jerked around by the arm, being gripped hard by the

arms and held an inch from her face while she screamed at me, red-faced,

spittle-flying, eyes dilated black as a shark's, being shaken, pushed to the

floor, and sometimes she'd get the belt)... then afterward sometimes she'd

actually be so cheerful and perky that she'd *sing.* I'd be on the floor

shaking in aftershock and trying not to cry (it might trigger her into a rage

again) and she'd be all refreshed and acting like she hadn't just beaten and

scared the crap out of me. Yes, I know that " Twilight Zone " feeling all too

well.

(Her other reaction was to burst into tears, blubber/beg for forgiveness, and

promise to not do that again. Sister and I were supposed to go to her and

comfort her, and never mind that I was traumatized, angry, hurt, and scared

shitless of her... I had to go comfort and reassure *her.* Then she'd forget

her promises the next time she'd trigger into a rage, which might be later the

same day, or next week. Sister and I learned that these promises meant nothing.)

Nada has done this throughout my life, this " nothing just happened " behavior.

For the longest time I thought it was normal and there was something wrong with

me. When I was an older child/teen/adult, she'd even make fun of me for being

" too sensitive " and " holding a grudge. "

I was supposed to act as though I hadn't just been emotionally torn to shreds, I

guess. And it was better for me if I did just that, otherwise she might react

badly to me " sulking " and become enraged again.

I wasn't allowed to express my own anger and hurt over any of this abuse, at

all. Anything nada did to me was OK, it was her right because she was my

mother, she only screamed at me and punished me " because she loved me " and/or

" because I made her do it " or because I " deserved " it. She made me ashamed that

I caused her to become so angry so often, so I learned to just repress my anger

and hurt. Just suck it up.

-Annie

>

> And this would be the part where I think *I'm* the crazy one!

>

> Who was it that recently said after I cut off email contact to expect my mom

to all of a sudden become super nice and offer gifts?

>

> After over a week of complete silent treatment, my mom decides to call Friday

night. I was at someone else's house and wasn't about to pick up the phone. My

husband was working at an event. My mom called me a total of 4 times, left 2

voicemails and sent 3 or 4 text messages, then proceeded to call my husband 2

times, leave one voicemail and send 2 text messages all within the course of a

little over an hour. She all but demanded a reply back immediately, using every

tactic in the book.

>

> I didn't call her back that night and called her back the next morning.

> She acted like nothing had happened, like we were best friends who had never

had a scuffle. Never mentioned the emails demanding a confrontation, the

psychotic amount of phone calls or anything.

>

> We ended up having a eerily nice conversation with casual chat about politics

and various other small talk.

>

> I hung up thinking - Maybe I'm the one with BPD??

>

> I read about this in SWOE but still.....WEIRD. *cue Twilight music now*

>

[Guest guest]

You're not the crazy one. This sounds like typical nada

behavior. If she can't get what she wants one way, she'll try a

different way until she finds one that works. When it becomes

clear that being nasty and demanding won't work, they switch to

being nice temporarily. Nadas are also good at rewriting history

in their minds, so she she may have " forgotten " the e-mails and

phone calls and decided they didn't happen. Don't let her

current nice behavior lull you into forgetting to stand your

ground with her.

At 10:33 AM 04/10/2011 big_sister_03 wrote:

>And this would be the part where I think *I'm* the crazy one!

>

>Who was it that recently said after I cut off email contact to

>expect my mom to all of a sudden become super nice and offer

>gifts?

>

>After over a week of complete silent treatment, my mom decides

>to call Friday night. I was at someone else's house and wasn't

>about to pick up the phone. My husband was working at an event.

>My mom called me a total of 4 times, left 2 voicemails and sent

>3 or 4 text messages, then proceeded to call my husband 2

>times, leave one voicemail and send 2 text messages all within

>the course of a little over an hour. She all but demanded a

>reply back immediately, using every tactic in the book.

>

>I didn't call her back that night and called her back the next

>morning.

>She acted like nothing had happened, like we were best friends

>who had never had a scuffle. Never mentioned the emails

>demanding a confrontation, the psychotic amount of phone calls

>or anything.

>

>We ended up having a eerily nice conversation with casual chat

>about politics and various other small talk.

>

>I hung up thinking - Maybe I'm the one with BPD??

>

>I read about this in SWOE but still.....WEIRD. *cue Twilight

>music now*

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

I've repeatedly posted 'this factual tidbit' when the issue of THE PHONE comes

up... Nada once called me 37 times in 12 hours... with, according to my

therapist, " the meanest, most hateful voice messages ever. You do NOT want to

ever hear these. May I delete them? " Why do I know this? My therapist listened

to them for me and that was her advice. I followed it.

Phones, email, text, FB, messengers... all the 'tech toys' just give Nadas

another way by which to torment us and act up... just ignore the rants. Delete.

Lynnette - who is 110% positive that " Caller ID " was developed by a KO.

>

> And this would be the part where I think *I'm* the crazy one!

>

> Who was it that recently said after I cut off email contact to expect my mom

to all of a sudden become super nice and offer gifts?

>

> After over a week of complete silent treatment, my mom decides to call Friday

night. I was at someone else's house and wasn't about to pick up the phone. My

husband was working at an event. My mom called me a total of 4 times, left 2

voicemails and sent 3 or 4 text messages, then proceeded to call my husband 2

times, leave one voicemail and send 2 text messages all within the course of a

little over an hour. She all but demanded a reply back immediately, using every

tactic in the book.

>

> I didn't call her back that night and called her back the next morning.

> She acted like nothing had happened, like we were best friends who had never

had a scuffle. Never mentioned the emails demanding a confrontation, the

psychotic amount of phone calls or anything.

>

> We ended up having a eerily nice conversation with casual chat about politics

and various other small talk.

>

> I hung up thinking - Maybe I'm the one with BPD??

>

> I read about this in SWOE but still.....WEIRD. *cue Twilight music now*

>

[Guest guest]

Lol, I bet caller ID *was* created by a KO or FOO now that I think about it!

My nada does the " nothing ever happened " bit too. Frustrating and if I say

anything about it I run a good chance of getting into a disagreement, she

blames me or someone else, or then she feels bad and then I feel bad that

she feels bad. I'm torn about whether or not to give nada grace when she

acts up. I know she didn't ask for BP and that it's hard to be different

and certainly hard to deal with stigma. I know that sometimes we hit her

trigger points which causes her to act up. At the same time I can't to

excuse her behavior. She does real damage when she's upset. I've stopped

believing anything she says about me, good or bad. It appears that she

thinks I need her to believe in me and so she tries to say nice things. I

don't know how to tell her that I don't believe what she says anymore. So I

just keep going on pretending that I believe her when she has something nice

to say.