Re: Restraining Order

[Guest guest]

Hi EB,

I recommend that you speak with a lawyer in your state, because different states

have different anti-stalking laws, or no laws about stalking.

The anti-stalking websites for the support of stalking victims recommend that

you send a brief, formal letter (through your lawyer, or by certified/registered

mail that must be signed for) stating that you do not wish any further contact

of any kind with this individual, that further contact is unwelcome and

unwanted. (Basically, a cease and desist notice that is documented.)

Then, you document any stalking/surveillance behavior you experience with

photos, logs or journals that have the date and time of the incidents indicated.

You save/copy any phone messages, save/copy e-mails, snail-mail letters, these

gifts deposited at your door, etc., and ask witnesses if you have those to

testify for you.

When you have a few weeks of documented contact attempts after sending your

certified No Contact letter, then, its more likely that you can get a

restraining order.

But I think it would be worthwhile to consult a lawyer in your area about this

first. There have been posts here by members who have said that unless a person

is threatening violence against you, has physically attacked you in the past, or

commits acts of vandalism against your property, etc., that a restraining order

isn't likely to be issued.

I think it depends on the state you're in RE how strict the anti-stalking laws

are.

-Annie

>

> Hi group,

>

> I am 26/f and am considering getting a restraining order against my mother.

> I had never really considered this before because even after I got out of

> college, I still felt like a " kid " and like that she hadn't done 'enough' to

> warrant such an order. She has not been physically abusive to me; but the

> verbal and emotional abuse are rampant and since I instated no contact

> almost two years ago, her behavior is more along the lines of stalker-ish. I

> changed my phone number but she still occasionally drops little stupid gifts

> on my doorstep as if trying to win me back, but I know the behavior will be

> all the same and I find it upsetting and stalker-ish, like she is violating

> my boundaries even after I gone to so many measures to protect myself. Does

> anyone have any experience with this kind of thing and do I have enough

> " evidence " to get a restraining order? Are you even allowed to get one

> against a parent? I just don't know my rights and what would be an

> appropriate response after several years of invasive manipulative and

> abusive behavior when I have tried everything else within my power to get

> her out of my life. Any insight would be appreciated. I live in the state of

> MA if that makes a difference.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, Crissie.

First of all, you don't need to justify and explain yourself to probably any of

us as to your reasons for needing the RO against your nada. One thing I've

learned from following this board for just a few weeks now is that we are all on

the same page and for once you don't have people thinking you are overreacting

by merely protecting yourself!

Let's see...I was in your position a mere 9 months ago myself. It was

terrifying. I looked into filing an RO against nada myself, but then someone

gave me the idea of a cease and desist letter since it is so difficult to get an

RO. I did have a lawyer write such a letter and warn Nada that if the slander,

harassment, and threats did not stop that he was advising me file the

restraining order. Nada, of course, was scared shitless when she got the letter

and it was enough to get her off my back. She had no idea how difficult it would

be for me to actually get an RO, so the threat of one was enough to scare her

away. Now, when she tries to email me, she stops herself just short of a tantrum

for fear that I'll follow through and drag her to court. Maybe trying that

approach with your nada will work,too. You could have a lawyer draft a letter

stating that you've decided to back off of filing the RO, but warn that you will

be filing one if she tries to contact you (for me, I said I didn't want any

contact with her unless it was in a T's office). Let me know if this might help

you! I thank God every night that I had the guts to go through with it- best

decision I ever made for my mental sanity!

>

> Hello all... I am the adult daughter of a diagnosed BP mom. A little bit of

history: Last week, after continual harassment and threats, I obtained a

restraining order against my mother. It was very emotional, but things have

been so much better for me. Just in case you're thinking this is a little

drastic, I have never had a normal relationship with my mother, and I'm not

looking for one anymore. Sad, but true in my situation. Anyway, my problem is

this. My original request for a temporary order was granted, but that is only

good for two weeks. We have both been ordered to appear in front of a different

judge on Wednesday to determine if a 90 day order will be issued. Based on what

the first judge said, I am afraid that my order will be denied. My question is

this: Should I drop the order on my own and face her music, or should I go to

court with the fear that if I lose, things are going to be much worse. Is there

anything else I can do to stop her contact with me? Thanks so much for your

advice. It is greatly appreciated.

>

> -Crissie

>

>

>