A victory and a defeat

[Guest guest]

I saw nada's T for the second time today. At the first session, I felt like I

was kind of having to clue her into a lot of truths she had not heard, but I got

the impression that she agreed with my diagnosis of nada being BPD. I think she

had figured out that nada was teetering on the edge of reality, but she'd

expected me to be equally or more nuts myself based upon what she had heard.

After our first session, she requested to see me again individually. Nada fought

tooth and nail to be included in the session- even going around the T to email

me and ask if she could join us, but the T held firm and said she needed to see

me one more time individually to decide where to go from here. Well, in between

session 1, Nada's interaction with the T, and my session 2, the T had figured it

all out. It was like we were speaking the same language with this session. She

validated so many of my perceptions not only about nada, but about my sister

(who won't have anything to do with my while nada and I are NC). It felt so

incredibly good to have someone get it that hardly even knows me or my story

from my angle! That was definitely a small victory for me.

Now, on the reverse side of that the T was very honest with me and told me the

possibility of having a healthy relationship with nada did not look good... She

said Nada will not deal well with limited communication even if we manipulate

her into thinking it's her idea. She also pointedly told me that I should not

ever be alone with nada. Wow...the T is actually NADA'S T, and yet she was

insightful enough to know that I'm not the crazy one! So, we may try this

" limited contact " thing, but the T and I are both pretty certain we'll be back

to NC before long and probably for good. The T told me that nada will never be

able to change- period. I guess this really saddens me... It was one thing for

my T, who doesn't even know nada to say there was no hope for change or

improvement, but it's another for nada's own T, the only person who's ever

worked with her and gotten at least partway into her head to tell me there's no

hope. That little girl inside of me has kept the hope alive, but I almost feel

today it's really about to die, and for good. It feels more real today than ever

despite having not even heard her voice in 9 months now. The death of hope is a

sad thing, but better I accept it and deal with it now than keep trying to shove

a square peg into a round hole...

Thanks for listening.