dealing with my teen daughter

April 15, 2011

It's been hard for me lately to deal with my teen daughter. She's 13.

She's really a great kid--very bright, funny, good at making and keeping friends

(the reason I point that last one out is because I was and am not good at that).

She's definitely going through that rolling the eyes/attitude thing. THAT part

doesn't bother me so much. I get that. It's normal.

The part that's hard for me is I feel like I'm losing her. I know part of

adolescence is the whole individuation and separation thing, but it's easier to

see it in black and white than it is to do it. You'd think I'd get this more

easily b/c it's been my banner all my life... " I AM MY OWN PERSON. GIVE ME MY

SPACE. BACK OFF. " But she and I have always been close, buddies. And now when I

come home from work, she barely says hello, goes right into her room to text and

aim and whatever.

I just feel very rejected and insignificant in her life.

The other part of it, that I feel very small about is, I feel jealous of her.

The adolescent in me is jealous of how popular she is and how much more fun

SHE'S having than I did at her age...and truth be told, than I'm having now. I

suck. I just feel like crap being bitchy to her when she asks to go to a

birthday party or a basketball game. I just feel my chest constricting... " she's

leaving again. " And it feels like horrible BPD fleas of abandonment are crawling

all over me. I need to get over this, I know that.

I still do feel like there has to be a balance. She'd like nothing better than

to do something with friends Fri nite/Sat nite/Sun nite. I'm insisting on

family time, too. It's just too much, I feel. And then she's talking about how

her friends are " dating " boys. At 13?? My fear is she expects this to be true

for her as well. I just feel like a sentry trying to protect a castle.

Again, thanks for listening. I'd ask a question but don't really know what I'm

asking or if I'm asking anything.

Fiona

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