Issues being a mother

April 15, 2011

My husband and I have been trying to have children of our own for about 3 years.

I have read several books, taken basal body temperatures, quite drinking alcohol

and caffeine, taken folic acid pills, eat tons of spinach, have done

accupuncture and have even gone to a healer in Mexico. But nothing. As some of

you may know, it can be quite stressful.

Because of the stress, We have decided to take time off from trying for a while

and just enjoy each other. In the meantime, I am enjoying my two adorable

nieces, who are 3 and 1 (and a daily reminder of what I don't have). The other

day, my sister in law asked me to watch them overnight. As I tried to

discipline them and put them to sleep, i noticed severe anxiety over it. As a

child, my nada basically forced me to go to sleep in her bed (to create a

codependency, obviously). I hated it. So when my sis in law tells me that her

kids cannot sleep alone and have to sleep with me, I have a severe issues with

it that is makes me angry for a couple of days afterwards. Also, I hate

disciplining them because I was SEVERLY disciplined as a child, often

humiliated. When my nieces do normal kid stuff like write on walls or fail to

share their toys, I go beserk and get super angry. ANd I hate that. i have

absolutely zero tolerance for misbehaved children, but hate it that I am like

that.

Anyone else have issues with being a mother? I never even knew that this existed

inside of me until it came out.

AJ

April 16, 2011

Hi Adrienne,

Firstly, I think it's wise for you and your husband to take a break from trying

for children. I've known many couples in that situation and it seemed in every

instance that they conceived as soon as they stopped trying. I can only imagine

how stressful for both of you that must be as well as all the emotions you must

feel.

Secondly, it's great that you're testing your wings as a mother with your

nieces. It seems the experience has already helped you notice areas of

improvement. I wish I'd done that before I had children. I had a very idealized

vision of motherhood and thought it was all daisies and fairies.

Answering your question, I for sure have issues as a mother! I laugh as I write

this b/c I ws just reading answers to my post yesterday on how sucky I feel as a

mother. My kids, both girls, are 13 and 6, and it seems with each one, I

discover a new layer of areas on me that are tender to the touch and needing a

further look at. And I also discover good things.

It's certainly up to you and how comfortable you feel doing this, but maybe now

would be a good moment to see a therapist about these issues you're noticing,

about the anger you feel is triggered (like when your nieces share your bed and

write on the walls, etc.). I think it's fantastic that you realize it and are

probing it, even though it might be painful. And knowing why will help you when

you have your own kids.

I'm like that, as well, in that I get super upset when my older daughter is rude

to her sister or dismissive, or acting like a know it all. All of that to say,

yup, you're not alone!

Take good care,

Fiona

>

> My husband and I have been trying to have children of our own for about 3

years. I have read several books, taken basal body temperatures, quite drinking

alcohol and caffeine, taken folic acid pills, eat tons of spinach, have done

accupuncture and have even gone to a healer in Mexico. But nothing. As some of

you may know, it can be quite stressful.

>

> Because of the stress, We have decided to take time off from trying for a

while and just enjoy each other. In the meantime, I am enjoying my two adorable