Guest guest Posted April 16, 2011 Report Share Posted April 16, 2011 My nada (93) who lives in an independent part of assisted living ,has now broken up all the friendships (short lived )that she may have had. She is now insisting that because she is so bored, I should entertain her, take her out etc.. I was finally looking to a day to myself today and told her I was possibly going swimming .Her answer,pick me up ,I will go with you. When I told her ,I wasn't sure yet, she answered: " then,what are we going to do? " . How do I deal with this? Am I responsible for her being bored and without friends? Please HELP!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 16, 2011 Report Share Posted April 16, 2011 You are NOT responsible for her being bored and without friends. SHE is responsible for the choices she has made in life, including the ones that have cost her friends. I'd recommend learning how to say " No " and mean it. Assisted living facilities usually have a nice assortment of activities for residents. Many of them also have little day or afternoon trips to various places for the residents. If I were you, I'd tell your nada to take advantage of whatever her facility offers. It might be worthwhile for you to investigate what they offer so you can make specific suggestions to her. If she has hobbies you could also arrange for her to have whatever she needs to pursue them. It is certainly not your job to entertain her and if you decide to try, your efforts aren't likely to satisfy her anyway. At 01:22 PM 04/16/2011 Jocelyne wrote: >My nada (93) who lives in an independent part of assisted >living ,has now broken up all the friendships (short lived >)that she may have had. She is now insisting that because she >is so bored, I should entertain her, take her out etc.. I was >finally looking to a day to myself today and told her I was >possibly going swimming .Her answer,pick me up ,I will go with >you. When I told her ,I wasn't sure yet, she >answered: " then,what are we going to do? " . >How do I deal with this? Am I responsible for her being bored >and without friends? Please HELP!!!= -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 16, 2011 Report Share Posted April 16, 2011 NONONONONO You are NOT your Nada's entertainment director, committee, playmate! AND (wait for it) You don't have to EVER tell her what you're doing. Period. (That thought brought to you by my therapist after 6 months of beating it into my head.) A BPD will use ANY and ALL information to position themselves in the Victim Corner.... always.... and as an adult, you are NOT obligated to tell your parent where you are or what you're doing. From here on out the response is, " No. I can't. " She'll push for 'why' and 'how come' and pull the 'guilt string' but really... hold firm and DONT' answer... eventually (like the spoiled little girl she behaves like) she'll burn out. Now... go swimming, go shopping and get an ice cream cone... be YOUR best friend today and leave the rest of the world behind. Just tell her you won't be taking her today. Period. Lynnette > > My nada (93) who lives in an independent part of assisted living ,has now broken up all the friendships (short lived )that she may have had. She is now insisting that because she is so bored, I should entertain her, take her out etc.. I was finally looking to a day to myself today and told her I was possibly going swimming .Her answer,pick me up ,I will go with you. When I told her ,I wasn't sure yet, she answered: " then,what are we going to do? " . > How do I deal with this? Am I responsible for her being bored and without friends? Please HELP!!! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 16, 2011 Report Share Posted April 16, 2011 Good point! I was an activities director in a ltc facility.... my job was to make sure that every resident had a calendar on their closet where they could see it for the month's activities. I think would have my assistants out before breakfast and again after lunch to rooms of individuals who were 'able' for that days trips/activities. If a resident wasn't physically able, I'd organize volunteers (there were plenty) to visit, play cards, whatever... no one was ever left alone. I suggest you go find the person in charge of activities and make sure they (and the on site social worker if they have one) know of what's what and that your mother is unwilling to join on her own. They're trained to handle that and make it happen. NOT your job... Lynnette > >My nada (93) who lives in an independent part of assisted > >living ,has now broken up all the friendships (short lived > >)that she may have had. She is now insisting that because she > >is so bored, I should entertain her, take her out etc.. I was > >finally looking to a day to myself today and told her I was > >possibly going swimming .Her answer,pick me up ,I will go with > >you. When I told her ,I wasn't sure yet, she > >answered: " then,what are we going to do? " . > >How do I deal with this? Am I responsible for her being bored > >and without friends? Please HELP!!!= > > -- > Katrina > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 16, 2011 Report Share Posted April 16, 2011 Thank you, I am gaining strength from your answers It is exhausting to be constantly at war with nada,to establish the most basic boundaries. > > > > My nada (93) who lives in an independent part of assisted living ,has now broken up all the friendships (short lived )that she may have had. She is now insisting that because she is so bored, I should entertain her, take her out etc.. I was finally looking to a day to myself today and told her I was possibly going swimming .Her answer,pick me up ,I will go with you. When I told her ,I wasn't sure yet, she answered: " then,what are we going to do? " . > > How do I deal with this? Am I responsible for her being bored and without friends? Please HELP!!! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 16, 2011 Report Share Posted April 16, 2011 Thank you for the great suggestions! > > >My nada (93) who lives in an independent part of assisted > > >living ,has now broken up all the friendships (short lived > > >)that she may have had. She is now insisting that because she > > >is so bored, I should entertain her, take her out etc.. I was > > >finally looking to a day to myself today and told her I was > > >possibly going swimming .Her answer,pick me up ,I will go with > > >you. When I told her ,I wasn't sure yet, she > > >answered: " then,what are we going to do? " . > > >How do I deal with this? Am I responsible for her being bored > > >and without friends? Please HELP!!!= > > > > -- > > Katrina > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 16, 2011 Report Share Posted April 16, 2011 In my opinion, no, you are not responsible for entertaining your nada if she has driven away all her friends and is now bored. You get to have guilt-free time off from work too, just like everybody else, to do the things that you find pleasurable and refreshing. You earned it. You get to decide how much of your free time you are able and willing to share with your nada, if any. -Annie > > My nada (93) who lives in an independent part of assisted living ,has now broken up all the friendships (short lived )that she may have had. She is now insisting that because she is so bored, I should entertain her, take her out etc.. I was finally looking to a day to myself today and told her I was possibly going swimming .Her answer,pick me up ,I will go with you. When I told her ,I wasn't sure yet, she answered: " then,what are we going to do? " . > How do I deal with this? Am I responsible for her being bored and without friends? Please HELP!!! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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