Guest guest Posted April 16, 2011 Report Share Posted April 16, 2011 Being a child of a borderline and always trying to inticipate her next mood so I could figure out the best way to handle it. I would morph into whatever she needed me to be as a child to keep her from raging on me and I was also the " choosen child " , all good until I became a teenager that is but anyways I found myself till this day, watching and studing people. Wanting to know what makes them tick and why? I am very good at it and I enjoy watching people and listening to them and figuring them out so, this may sound terrible, I think I do it partly so I know how to handle them. I know someones weaknesses, I know what will set them off so I make sure I do not set them off, you know yelling and screaming thing and I know their strengths. I do not manipulate them to gain anything from them. It is more of knowing how to keep them peaceful. Is this really wierd? Is this just my personality or is this because of my nanda was bpd and I always tried to ward off her attcks. I have been like this since I was a kid??? Please let me know??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 16, 2011 Report Share Posted April 16, 2011 I think my T calls this " hyper vilgilant " ..someone please chime in if I am wrong. I am very aware of people, their tone of voice, their body language, yes, all the details. I seem to have a slightly different reason though. I ALWAYS want to be able to anticipate a possible fight / physical altercation, which is weird since, how often are we getting into physical fights with people? Hopefully never! I size people up immediately, if I can take them in a fight. Weird huh? I am constently on guard, in my head, even if outwardly I seem calm. Even if I am being nice to someone, and they are nice to me, I'm still sizing them up, their weaknesses, their possible trigger points..but.. I do not attempt to keep the peace. I don't try to make a problem either. I just size up whether " being myself, or meeting my needs " is going to cause them to feel threatened and I might have to defend myself, if the answer is yes, I become mentally and physically prepared to defend or strike. Whatever need be. I was the scapegoat growing up, but I was never a pleaser. Naturally one to fight tooth and nail with nada if she was being a piece of garbage. I never, ever took even an half step to the side to let her pass (figuratively). And the more she raged, the more I stood firm. And teh more I learned to watch for when a fight might be looming on the horizon. And so I do that to this day with others. Deep down I hope people will just let me be, but if not then they only get 30 years of pent up aggression from a very scared person. (myself) I am in therapy to STOP this though, because its exhausting and no way to go through life. > > Being a child of a borderline and always trying to inticipate her next mood so I could figure out the best way to handle it. I would morph into whatever she needed me to be as a child to keep her from raging on me and I was also the " choosen child " , all good until I became a teenager that is but anyways I found myself till this day, watching and studing people. Wanting to know what makes them tick and why? I am very good at it and I enjoy watching people and listening to them and figuring them out so, this may sound terrible, I think I do it partly so I know how to handle them. I know someones weaknesses, I know what will set them off so I make sure I do not set them off, you know yelling and screaming thing and I know their strengths. I do not manipulate them to gain anything from them. It is more of knowing how to keep them peaceful. Is this really wierd? Is this just my personality or is this because of my nanda was bpd and I always tried to ward off her attcks. I have been like this since I was a kid??? > Please let me know??? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 16, 2011 Report Share Posted April 16, 2011 I think you are right about something, I want to know how someone is going to percive me and how much can I show of my true self to someone. I learned long ago to keep my head down and watch and listen. I often make other feel comfy so their guards go down so I see what I am dealing with. In a way that is ashame we ended up this way but it can also be an asset in some ways. I think we would have made good criminal profilers :)I too notice body language, tone of voice, how they interact with others. Sad too that I had to morph into whatever nada needed me to be to calm her down so I did not get beat and screamed at but I watched everyone else get it and it terrified me. I was the youngest I knew early on what she was capable of but in a childs mind there is not the reasoning to understand that and that is one of the main reasons for my anxiety. > > > > Being a child of a borderline and always trying to inticipate her next mood so I could figure out the best way to handle it. I would morph into whatever she needed me to be as a child to keep her from raging on me and I was also the " choosen child " , all good until I became a teenager that is but anyways I found myself till this day, watching and studing people. Wanting to know what makes them tick and why? I am very good at it and I enjoy watching people and listening to them and figuring them out so, this may sound terrible, I think I do it partly so I know how to handle them. I know someones weaknesses, I know what will set them off so I make sure I do not set them off, you know yelling and screaming thing and I know their strengths. I do not manipulate them to gain anything from them. It is more of knowing how to keep them peaceful. Is this really wierd? Is this just my personality or is this because of my nanda was bpd and I always tried to ward off her attcks. I have been like this since I was a kid??? > > Please let me know??? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 16, 2011 Report Share Posted April 16, 2011 No this is not weird, this is being adaptive to your environment. And many children that grow up in abuse do the same thing. You had to be able to gauge when it was safe and when it wasn't. Unfortunately, we carry this into our adult lives. Sometimes it is helpful, sometimes it ends up being just another way our learned behaviors from childhood end up hamstringing our adult lives. Oh what it would be like to have been raised in a different environment, where fear and anxiety didn't dictate every movement. > > Being a child of a borderline and always trying to inticipate her next mood so I could figure out the best way to handle it. I would morph into whatever she needed me to be as a child to keep her from raging on me and I was also the " choosen child " , all good until I became a teenager that is but anyways I found myself till this day, watching and studing people. Wanting to know what makes them tick and why? I am very good at it and I enjoy watching people and listening to them and figuring them out so, this may sound terrible, I think I do it partly so I know how to handle them. I know someones weaknesses, I know what will set them off so I make sure I do not set them off, you know yelling and screaming thing and I know their strengths. I do not manipulate them to gain anything from them. It is more of knowing how to keep them peaceful. Is this really wierd? Is this just my personality or is this because of my nanda was bpd and I always tried to ward off her attcks. I have been like this since I was a kid??? > Please let me know??? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 16, 2011 Report Share Posted April 16, 2011 Not weird at all!! I've been like this since I was really little (maybe even infant little). I always assumed my people watching/observing behavior was due to my deafness, and it may be in part. But a large part of it is reading people's emotions to make sure I don't upset other people. It helps a lot when working in a public service environment like a library, because we do have to watch and head off any problems before the start (if we can.) I also can read body language well among my student workers and coworkers. In some ways it has hindered me because I am still too sensitive to anything that might be headed the way of anger. Years ago, there was some sort of online psychology test that I took just for fun, where it was a picture of a face as it slowly morphed from either happiness or neutral, into anger. The user had to push a button on the screen when they first perceive anger in the person's face. I always caught it way before the average person caught it--probably overly so. I still notice that in my interactions. It usually leads to me subconsciously walking on eggshells when I have no reason to. Or it leads me to thinkin someone's angry when they're just exasperated, or mildly annoyed. So, I've been working on retraining myself--it's good to keep my good body-language reading ability, but I do want to fine-tune it so that I don't overreact to mild negative emotions. So, yes, it's normal for KOs to have that ability! Holly > > > Being a child of a borderline and always trying to inticipate her next mood > so I could figure out the best way to handle it. I would morph into whatever > she needed me to be as a child to keep her from raging on me and I was also > the " choosen child " , all good until I became a teenager that is but anyways > I found myself till this day, watching and studing people. Wanting to know > what makes them tick and why? I am very good at it and I enjoy watching > people and listening to them and figuring them out so, this may sound > terrible, I think I do it partly so I know how to handle them. I know > someones weaknesses, I know what will set them off so I make sure I do not > set them off, you know yelling and screaming thing and I know their > strengths. I do not manipulate them to gain anything from them. It is more > of knowing how to keep them peaceful. Is this really wierd? Is this just my > personality or is this because of my nanda was bpd and I always tried to > ward off her attcks. I have been like this since I was a kid??? > Please let me know??? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 16, 2011 Report Share Posted April 16, 2011 I have a a friendly aquitance that thought I was unaware of certain things. I had warned him in the past that I do not miss much and I watch and listen to people all the time. He bragged a bit that he himself does that and yet he is no way attuned to things like we are and I made him aware of exactly what I know and I told him that I warned him that I do not miss much and he told me I was a snoop because I noticed something right in front of my face. He likes to hold his cards close and has a good poker face but I figured out exactly how he works and the reasons why and I told him so to make sure he does not think he is going to play me like he does others by acting coy and he acts unaware because it serves his pupose. I of course did not tell him that part but made him aware of how very aware I am of certain things. He has had no response. I think he is stunned. Once upon a time I trusted too quickly now I have used to learn to use the people watching skill to try and weed out and to know peoples limits. It has its downside also. > > > > > > > Being a child of a borderline and always trying to inticipate her next mood > > so I could figure out the best way to handle it. I would morph into whatever > > she needed me to be as a child to keep her from raging on me and I was also > > the " choosen child " , all good until I became a teenager that is but anyways > > I found myself till this day, watching and studing people. Wanting to know > > what makes them tick and why? I am very good at it and I enjoy watching > > people and listening to them and figuring them out so, this may sound > > terrible, I think I do it partly so I know how to handle them. I know > > someones weaknesses, I know what will set them off so I make sure I do not > > set them off, you know yelling and screaming thing and I know their > > strengths. I do not manipulate them to gain anything from them. It is more > > of knowing how to keep them peaceful. Is this really wierd? Is this just my > > personality or is this because of my nanda was bpd and I always tried to > > ward off her attcks. I have been like this since I was a kid??? > > Please let me know??? > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2011 Report Share Posted April 17, 2011 yes I'm like that as well, I'd call myself " in recovery " in this area, trying to be aware of when I'm doing it (noticing/observing others so I can mimic/be like them, so they'll like me/be nice to me/not hurt me). For me, I have to say I developed this way of coping b/c I realized my father wasn't liking me as I was and my mother would snap at me when i was genuinely trying to reach out to her, so, wa-lah!, instant fake person! I don't think it's one bit weird. It's what we did to survive and feel loved. > > Being a child of a borderline and always trying to inticipate her next mood so I could figure out the best way to handle it. I would morph into whatever she needed me to be as a child to keep her from raging on me and I was also the " choosen child " , all good until I became a teenager that is but anyways I found myself till this day, watching and studing people. Wanting to know what makes them tick and why? I am very good at it and I enjoy watching people and listening to them and figuring them out so, this may sound terrible, I think I do it partly so I know how to handle them. I know someones weaknesses, I know what will set them off so I make sure I do not set them off, you know yelling and screaming thing and I know their strengths. I do not manipulate them to gain anything from them. It is more of knowing how to keep them peaceful. Is this really wierd? Is this just my personality or is this because of my nanda was bpd and I always tried to ward off her attcks. I have been like this since I was a kid??? > Please let me know??? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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