Guest guest Posted April 16, 2011 Report Share Posted April 16, 2011 As children of a BPD parent, do you all feel as if you are attracted (knowingly or unknowingly) to friends with similar qualities? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2011 Report Share Posted April 17, 2011 I find that I choose friends who are the oldest child or act like the oldest child because they're more serious, focused, and achievement oriented. I think it's human nature to choose friends who are similar to ourselves because we have similar situations, feelings, and values. Being the oldest, I've spent quite a bit of time worrying and being serious. Sadly, I honestly don't know how to relax and have fun. On Sun, Apr 17, 2011 at 12:18 AM, christinacp9 wrote: > > > As children of a BPD parent, do you all feel as if you are attracted > (knowingly or unknowingly) to friends with similar qualities? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2011 Report Share Posted April 17, 2011 Yes I am attracted to borderline friends. Yet another was revealed lately. If starts out with someone really " nice " and generous. Then you know where it goes from there. > I find that I choose friends who are the oldest child or act like the > oldest > child because they're more serious, focused, and achievement oriented. I > think it's human nature to choose friends who are similar to ourselves > because we have similar situations, feelings, and values. Being the > oldest, > I've spent quite a bit of time worrying and being serious. Sadly, I > honestly don't know how to relax and have fun. > > On Sun, Apr 17, 2011 at 12:18 AM, christinacp9 <christinacp9@... > >wrote: > > > > > > > As children of a BPD parent, do you all feel as if you are attracted > > (knowingly or unknowingly) to friends with similar qualities? > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2011 Report Share Posted April 17, 2011 Once upon a time YES!!! I have had 6 years of theropy but the friends that used to be in my life, I am telling you the absolute truth, most of my female friends were either borderline or had borderline traits. Scarey??? I am far from that now. The toxics are gone and I have replaced them with healthier people. Now keep in mind we all have baggage so healthier and more functional does not mean perfect. We are not perfect and no friend we be either. > > As children of a BPD parent, do you all feel as if you are attracted (knowingly or unknowingly) to friends with similar qualities? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2011 Report Share Posted April 18, 2011 Ditto here. And boyfriends too for that matter. Not always BPD, but definitely people who are not emotionally or mentally healthy. I'm just starting to get to the point where I can determine who is safe and who is unsafe, and how to distance myself from those in my life who are unsafe and how to have appropriate, healthy relationships with those who are. > > Yes I am attracted to borderline friends. Yet another was revealed lately. > If starts out with someone really " nice " and generous. Then you know where > it goes from there. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2011 Report Share Posted April 18, 2011 Wow, I can definitely relate!! I just realized about a year ago that almost every close female friend of mine is BPD. I have slowly phased them out, (which was a difficult process as you can imagine) but I still seem to unknowingly choose women with BPD features and go through the phasing out thing again. Granted I realize it much sooner than I used to, but it can still be frustrating. I also have a tendency to choose Narcissistic boyfriends (my dad is BPD and NPD) but I've been getting better at realizing that faster, too. My therapist once told me, in terms of developing friendships and relationships with BPD, NPD, etc., it will take 6 months, 3 dates, 1 date, a few hours, 1 hour, minutes, seconds, and then just an instant feeling that this person is toxic. So far I'm getting better, but it's a challenge. For anyone interested in doing a little research, there is a theory, Imago Theory/Therapy, that is targeted towards romantic partnerships, btu also applies to friendships. It explains the process that goes on in our unconscious when " attraction " strikes. It all comes back to our parents, natch. So much of what happens when we are developing relationships we are not even consciously aware of. It's very interesting stuff and explains a LOT! > > > > As children of a BPD parent, do you all feel as if you are attracted (knowingly or unknowingly) to friends with similar qualities? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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