Coming around full circle

[Guest guest]

Howdy everyone!

So...for the past several years I have been shunned from my FOO because of my

nada issues. She pretty much turned everyone against me and I haven't spoken to

many of them in years.

An interesting thing happened the other day. My cousin (the same age as me) sent

me an instant message. I haven't heard from him in years. After our " hellos " and

" how are yous " he started saying some interesting things....things that were all

too familiar.

His dad (my nada's brother) doesn't want anything to do with him now because he

isn't fullfilling certain conditions.

He kept saying things like " i don't understand " and " when you don't do what they

want they just stop talking to you " and " why can't they just love each other? " .

He is having the same realizations I had a few years ago.

It is very rare when us KO's have any type of validation like this. Don't get me

wrong, I hate that my cousin is going through this, but I'm glad he reached out

to me.

He also said " I want you to know that no matter how long we go without talking

that I love you " .

It literally brought tears to my eyes.

It's not just me....my whole FOO are crazy and have issues and need help.

It's not just me.

~Sara Jo

[Guest guest]

Hi Sara Jo,

I'm very happy for you that you and your cousin were able to reconnect with each

other and validate each other's experiences with having personality-disordered

parents.

It really does make a huge, positive difference to realize that its not just

you, doesn't it!? It was like a big fireworks explosion of joy for me to

discover that *other people* had experienced nearly *identical* types of abusive

behaviors as I did from my mother when I was growing up (and that other KOs also

had kind of dish-raggy, non-confrontational, enabling dad, or no dad, too!)

It was life-altering for me to finally comprehend that I didn't cause my mother

to be so angry, physically abusive, emotionally abusive and critical toward me

so often, that her mood swings (alternately idealizing me and despising me) and

my difficulty pleasing her *had nothing to do with me*. I'd always felt (been

made to feel) that there was something badly, fundamentally wrong with me, that

it was *all my fault* and the way I was treated was freaking " normal " , and

justified.

Coming to the realization that my mother has a serious mental disorder was VERY

validating! Then when my younger Sister and I started sharing our childhood

memories and reconnecting with each other as friends, it was just so wonderful.

So, congrats on reconnecting with your cousin; here's to a long-term and

satisfying friendship for you both!

-Annie

>

> Howdy everyone!

> So...for the past several years I have been shunned from my FOO because of my

nada issues. She pretty much turned everyone against me and I haven't spoken to

many of them in years.

> An interesting thing happened the other day. My cousin (the same age as me)

sent me an instant message. I haven't heard from him in years. After our

" hellos " and " how are yous " he started saying some interesting things....things

that were all too familiar.

> His dad (my nada's brother) doesn't want anything to do with him now because

he isn't fullfilling certain conditions.

> He kept saying things like " i don't understand " and " when you don't do what

they want they just stop talking to you " and " why can't they just love each

other? " . He is having the same realizations I had a few years ago.

> It is very rare when us KO's have any type of validation like this. Don't get

me wrong, I hate that my cousin is going through this, but I'm glad he reached

out to me.

> He also said " I want you to know that no matter how long we go without talking

that I love you " .

> It literally brought tears to my eyes.

> It's not just me....my whole FOO are crazy and have issues and need help.

> It's not just me.

> ~Sara Jo

>

[Guest guest]

OH that's wonderful! I'm so glad you got there!!!!

It's NOT just you!!!! Indeed!

My cousins and I sorta did this via facebook. Not all of the (there's quite the

herd) but some... we compared notes and most of us haven't seen eachother in

over 2 decades.... But now we realize that we have eachother and the generations

1 and 2 above us are just screwed up big time! It's been validating as hell to

have this level of relatives and our kids be normal.

You can't choose your family (supposedly)but I think you sure can choose the

ones you swim with!

Good for you! Now go dance!

Lynnette

>

> Howdy everyone!

> So...for the past several years I have been shunned from my FOO because of my

nada issues. She pretty much turned everyone against me and I haven't spoken to

many of them in years.

> An interesting thing happened the other day. My cousin (the same age as me)

sent me an instant message. I haven't heard from him in years. After our

" hellos " and " how are yous " he started saying some interesting things....things

that were all too familiar.

> His dad (my nada's brother) doesn't want anything to do with him now because

he isn't fullfilling certain conditions.

> He kept saying things like " i don't understand " and " when you don't do what

they want they just stop talking to you " and " why can't they just love each

other? " . He is having the same realizations I had a few years ago.

> It is very rare when us KO's have any type of validation like this. Don't get

me wrong, I hate that my cousin is going through this, but I'm glad he reached

out to me.

> He also said " I want you to know that no matter how long we go without talking

that I love you " .

> It literally brought tears to my eyes.

> It's not just me....my whole FOO are crazy and have issues and need help.

> It's not just me.

> ~Sara Jo

>

[Guest guest]

That's really cool Sara Jo.

My T predicted something similar might happen with my brother. His new wife

seems to be in the enmeshed/engulfed phase and sick of nada clinging to her.

My T thinks it won't be long before my nada and her new daughter in law are

mortal enemies. But I don't have any love for my brother - I spent my whole

childhood feeling like he wanted to kill me. I'm so glad your cousin is

coming around! XOXO

On Sun, Apr 17, 2011 at 11:40 AM, yp_lynnette_cameron_park <

h_l_maston@...> wrote:

>

>

> OH that's wonderful! I'm so glad you got there!!!!

>

> It's NOT just you!!!! Indeed!

>

> My cousins and I sorta did this via facebook. Not all of the (there's quite

> the herd) but some... we compared notes and most of us haven't seen

> eachother in over 2 decades.... But now we realize that we have eachother

> and the generations 1 and 2 above us are just screwed up big time! It's been

> validating as hell to have this level of relatives and our kids be normal.

>

> You can't choose your family (supposedly)but I think you sure can choose

> the ones you swim with!

>

> Good for you! Now go dance!

>

> Lynnette

>

>

>

> >

> > Howdy everyone!

> > So...for the past several years I have been shunned from my FOO because

> of my nada issues. She pretty much turned everyone against me and I haven't

> spoken to many of them in years.

> > An interesting thing happened the other day. My cousin (the same age as

> me) sent me an instant message. I haven't heard from him in years. After our

> " hellos " and " how are yous " he started saying some interesting

> things....things that were all too familiar.

> > His dad (my nada's brother) doesn't want anything to do with him now

> because he isn't fullfilling certain conditions.

> > He kept saying things like " i don't understand " and " when you don't do

> what they want they just stop talking to you " and " why can't they just love

> each other? " . He is having the same realizations I had a few years ago.

> > It is very rare when us KO's have any type of validation like this. Don't

> get me wrong, I hate that my cousin is going through this, but I'm glad he

> reached out to me.

> > He also said " I want you to know that no matter how long we go without

> talking that I love you " .

> > It literally brought tears to my eyes.

> > It's not just me....my whole FOO are crazy and have issues and need help.

>

> > It's not just me.

> > ~Sara Jo

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sara, you must feel vindicated in a way...? I mean, it sucks that anyone has to

go through that with their FOO but it must feel good to know it's not just you,

as you say.

I'm glad you have some family again, and someone who gets it.

>

> Howdy everyone!

> So...for the past several years I have been shunned from my FOO because of my

nada issues. She pretty much turned everyone against me and I haven't spoken to

many of them in years.

> An interesting thing happened the other day. My cousin (the same age as me)

sent me an instant message. I haven't heard from him in years. After our

" hellos " and " how are yous " he started saying some interesting things....things

that were all too familiar.

> His dad (my nada's brother) doesn't want anything to do with him now because

he isn't fullfilling certain conditions.

> He kept saying things like " i don't understand " and " when you don't do what

they want they just stop talking to you " and " why can't they just love each

other? " . He is having the same realizations I had a few years ago.

> It is very rare when us KO's have any type of validation like this. Don't get

me wrong, I hate that my cousin is going through this, but I'm glad he reached

out to me.

> He also said " I want you to know that no matter how long we go without talking

that I love you " .

> It literally brought tears to my eyes.

> It's not just me....my whole FOO are crazy and have issues and need help.

> It's not just me.

> ~Sara Jo

>