Some days I don't know which hat to wear...

[Guest guest]

Does anyone here, that has more than one life draining issue to deal with, feel

on some days they don't know which one to cope with.

I know we all have our crosses to bare. I have a BPD nada, which is why I'm

here. The jury is still out of fada, but it seems he actually might be adult,

undiagnosed, of course, Aspergers. I've been trying to piece this together

because my older some has Autism (another cross).

I have definite issues with depression. They wax and wane, but they are there.

Also I have an eating disorder which usually just takes the back burner, as I've

been living this way for so long, I'm used to it.

But somedays I feels exhausted from starving myself for a week then binging

until I'm physically ill. Then I think, I hate that I didn't have normal mother.

I wish I had a normal mother to talk to about these things. And I think about

how I have no siblings. (I do have a brother that is not taking to me as long as

I'm NC with nada) And I think about my fada, all his issues that are just

becoming clear...and my son, who we were just told by the doctor to restart some

therapies, that I STUPIDLY stopped because he was doing so well, but now he's

falling behind again, and I feel so stupid for stopping them. WHat is wrong with

me??

Some days I feel like " I'm different because I'm a KO. "

Some days I'm different because I am raising a child with autism, and I feel

isolated from parents of typical kids.

Some days I feel different because under it all I am either restricting my

eating, or binging. Anyone that's ever struggle with an eating disorder knows

what I'm talking about.

Some days I feel different because my fada was so messed up. He moved in with

his mother when I was 12 and never left. He couldnt hold a " normal " job. He wont

leave his house and even my son with ASD has started commenting that grandpa

doesnt leave his house.

Some days I feel like I am completely isolated, different, and like I have so

many things in my likfe that make me so different from the " typical " life, that

I cant possible just have a normal happy life.

I often wonder if the root of my eating disorders and depression are from having

a nada. I'm sure it didn't help. Does anyone feel like they have all these

burdens and some days they dont know which one to feel over whelmed by? Just one

is over whelming enough, who wants to think about everything at once?

Ok now I'm rambling! lol

Excuse typoes, didn't proof read.

[Guest guest]

So sorry that you are going through so much. It seems like you have a lot on

your plate. I feel the same way as well. I am an only child, no extended family

because my nada isolated them from me as a child. Life stuff, work stuff. It all

seesm to pile up and because I didn't have a good role model on how to handle

stress, I let it aggravate me. That is the problem with us KO's. We dont know

how to deal with life stress in an effective way. My nada would handle stress by

punching holes through walls, throwing plates, screaming at me for whatever I

didn't do right, insult me because I was too fat, and threaten to take a whole

bottle of pills and lock herself in her room. I think your nada is a BIG cause

of your internal stressors, especially your eating disorder. Being told on a

daily basis as a child that you are not good enough is going to manifest

somehow. WIth some KO's, they have been addicted to drugs, others have attempted

suicide. Personally, I was on anti depressants for a long time before I got off

of it to try to have children. We all have our inner demons as a result of our

nadas.

My advice, talk to a therapist if you haven't already, about your issues. Maybe

he/she can help you see the beauty in your life instead of the the tragedy.

There is always an up side.

Hang in there.

AJ

>

> Does anyone here, that has more than one life draining issue to deal with,

feel on some days they don't know which one to cope with.

> I know we all have our crosses to bare. I have a BPD nada, which is why I'm

here. The jury is still out of fada, but it seems he actually might be adult,

undiagnosed, of course, Aspergers. I've been trying to piece this together

because my older some has Autism (another cross).

> I have definite issues with depression. They wax and wane, but they are there.

>

> Also I have an eating disorder which usually just takes the back burner, as

I've been living this way for so long, I'm used to it.

>

> But somedays I feels exhausted from starving myself for a week then binging

until I'm physically ill. Then I think, I hate that I didn't have normal mother.

I wish I had a normal mother to talk to about these things. And I think about

how I have no siblings. (I do have a brother that is not taking to me as long as

I'm NC with nada) And I think about my fada, all his issues that are just

becoming clear...and my son, who we were just told by the doctor to restart some

therapies, that I STUPIDLY stopped because he was doing so well, but now he's

falling behind again, and I feel so stupid for stopping them. WHat is wrong with

me??

>

> Some days I feel like " I'm different because I'm a KO. "

> Some days I'm different because I am raising a child with autism, and I feel

isolated from parents of typical kids.

> Some days I feel different because under it all I am either restricting my

eating, or binging. Anyone that's ever struggle with an eating disorder knows

what I'm talking about.

> Some days I feel different because my fada was so messed up. He moved in with

his mother when I was 12 and never left. He couldnt hold a " normal " job. He wont

leave his house and even my son with ASD has started commenting that grandpa

doesnt leave his house.

>

> Some days I feel like I am completely isolated, different, and like I have so

many things in my likfe that make me so different from the " typical " life, that

I cant possible just have a normal happy life.

> I often wonder if the root of my eating disorders and depression are from

having a nada. I'm sure it didn't help. Does anyone feel like they have all

these burdens and some days they dont know which one to feel over whelmed by?

Just one is over whelming enough, who wants to think about everything at once?

> Ok now I'm rambling! lol

> Excuse typoes, didn't proof read.

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you for your response. It is amazing how much being a KO can effect how we

deal with life and people. All in an unvalidating environment, I think. At least

for me, few people realy " get " the abuse, and nadas start when we are too young

(children) telling family that we are the problem. FOr me, by the time I

realized what she was saying about me, my extended family had already heard her

version for years and years.

> >

> > Does anyone here, that has more than one life draining issue to deal with,

feel on some days they don't know which one to cope with.

> > I know we all have our crosses to bare. I have a BPD nada, which is why I'm

here. The jury is still out of fada, but it seems he actually might be adult,

undiagnosed, of course, Aspergers. I've been trying to piece this together

because my older some has Autism (another cross).

> > I have definite issues with depression. They wax and wane, but they are

there.

> >

> > Also I have an eating disorder which usually just takes the back burner, as

I've been living this way for so long, I'm used to it.

> >

> > But somedays I feels exhausted from starving myself for a week then binging

until I'm physically ill. Then I think, I hate that I didn't have normal mother.

I wish I had a normal mother to talk to about these things. And I think about

how I have no siblings. (I do have a brother that is not taking to me as long as

I'm NC with nada) And I think about my fada, all his issues that are just

becoming clear...and my son, who we were just told by the doctor to restart some

therapies, that I STUPIDLY stopped because he was doing so well, but now he's

falling behind again, and I feel so stupid for stopping them. WHat is wrong with

me??

> >

> > Some days I feel like " I'm different because I'm a KO. "

> > Some days I'm different because I am raising a child with autism, and I feel

isolated from parents of typical kids.

> > Some days I feel different because under it all I am either restricting my

eating, or binging. Anyone that's ever struggle with an eating disorder knows

what I'm talking about.

> > Some days I feel different because my fada was so messed up. He moved in

with his mother when I was 12 and never left. He couldnt hold a " normal " job. He

wont leave his house and even my son with ASD has started commenting that

grandpa doesnt leave his house.

> >

> > Some days I feel like I am completely isolated, different, and like I have

so many things in my likfe that make me so different from the " typical " life,

that I cant possible just have a normal happy life.

> > I often wonder if the root of my eating disorders and depression are from

having a nada. I'm sure it didn't help. Does anyone feel like they have all

these burdens and some days they dont know which one to feel over whelmed by?

Just one is over whelming enough, who wants to think about everything at once?

> > Ok now I'm rambling! lol

> > Excuse typoes, didn't proof read.

> >

>