Re: powerless over other people, master only of myself: putting out

[Guest guest]

, all I can say is that I really try to detach from all my previous

expectations. Each time I have gotten tripped up by nada, I have tried to post

here, for perspective.

And then I really apply Al-anon program to my dealings with nada. I attend their

meetings regularly, and read from one or more of their daily readers. I have

had no compulsions about sharing my nada story with them, as she functions like

the raging alcoholic or a " dry " drunk in their book.

I meditate and I have been known to pray for nada. (I pray for her to find and

follow her own Higher Power; I have to admit for the longest time I did think I

was nada's Higher Power and the only one who would put up with her!!) The

program has taught me to detach from those old outdated and useless concepts. I

also meditate and have been strongly influenced by Pema Chodron. She is a

Buddhist nun and I found her whole way of practicing compassion even towards

problem people to be extremely helpful. It carries NO SHOULDs. The first book I

read of hers was called Start where you are and it even had a chapter on nada

like characters that cracked me up!

I cannot tell you how powerful and freeing it is to give up expectations of our

nadas. How important it is for us to honor our stories. And learn to keep

ourselves safe. However long it takes, is however long it takes.. to learn to do

this. And yes our nadas will challenge us to the end. But then, when we are

ready to let go of our stories and our dependence on our nadas... as if they

were balloons we no longer need to hold onto... that helps to release the anger

I find. The less angry I am at my nada, the better the outcome. The less I need

her love, and can love myself, the better the outcome.

And I just try to practice these principles (learning to let go) for a few

minutes every day, through loving meditation.

Hope that helps.

I had another conversation with nada that was bittersweet, on Friday. She

laughed and was more honest with me than she had been in a long time. Made me

love my nada again. But, I keep the qualifiers. I am no fool. My nada IS capable

of more, I got that on Friday. And so, over the next bit of time I am going to

gently hold her to it.

I am going to have some dealings with her in the next bit of time, because it

looks like my uncle will be going to hospice. This is going to bring up a lot

for nada. I went there with her on this with her other brother almost four years

ago. I did not know about her having BPD at the time. So this journey should be

more empowering for me.

Best to all,

Posted by: " climberkayak " climberkayak@... climberkayak

Sun Apr 17, 2011 1:27 am (PDT)

Awesome nada-fu ! (just made that up...like kung fu) My conversations

with my own nada are very similar. Me trying to be very mindful and aware,

having to deflect or steer the conversation into safer waters. And if I lose my

focus even for a moment the conversation will veer down onto a bad path because

she's trying over and over to steer it into places of negativity. It's not

always about poking a sore spot of mine - sometimes it's just about finding a

way to be super-waify on her part and try to drain me of energy through

compassion.

One big challenge I have with my nada-fu is I'm not always feeling alert and

focused enough, and she's fast and sneaky! Do you do any special preparations to

be that mindful and careful while dealing with yours?

[Guest guest]

Thanks for sharing - sounds like you've done a tremendous amount of

healing work around this. I think Pema Chodron is wonderful though I haven't

read a book of hers in a few years. I might not have read the " nada chapter " -

gotta read that one! My meditation practice waxes and wanes, but I notice that

when I regularly meditate I handle my nada WAY better without my reactions

jerking me around like a puppet on a string so much. I also hear you about the

trap of feeling like nada's higher power - during the earlier part of my life my

waify nada did treat me that way, as the one who could or certainly *should*

make whatever was wrong okay for her. It is an ongoing challenge to undo that

habit in myself and her issues back to her. Keep up the great work!

>

> , all I can say is that I really try to detach from all my previous

expectations. Each time I have gotten tripped up by nada, I have tried to post

here, for perspective.

> And then I really apply Al-anon program to my dealings with nada. I attend

their meetings regularly, and read from one or more of their daily readers. I

have had no compulsions about sharing my nada story with them, as she functions

like the raging alcoholic or a " dry " drunk in their book.

>

> I meditate and I have been known to pray for nada. (I pray for her to find and

follow her own Higher Power; I have to admit for the longest time I did think I

was nada's Higher Power and the only one who would put up with her!!) The

program has taught me to detach from those old outdated and useless concepts. I

also meditate and have been strongly influenced by Pema Chodron. She is a

Buddhist nun and I found her whole way of practicing compassion even towards

problem people to be extremely helpful. It carries NO SHOULDs. The first book I

read of hers was called Start where you are and it even had a chapter on nada

like characters that cracked me up!

>

> I cannot tell you how powerful and freeing it is to give up expectations of

our nadas. How important it is for us to honor our stories. And learn to keep

ourselves safe. However long it takes, is however long it takes.. to learn to do

this. And yes our nadas will challenge us to the end. But then, when we are

ready to let go of our stories and our dependence on our nadas... as if they

were balloons we no longer need to hold onto... that helps to release the anger

I find. The less angry I am at my nada, the better the outcome. The less I need

her love, and can love myself, the better the outcome.

>

> And I just try to practice these principles (learning to let go) for a few

minutes every day, through loving meditation.

>

> Hope that helps.

>

> I had another conversation with nada that was bittersweet, on Friday. She

laughed and was more honest with me than she had been in a long time. Made me

love my nada again. But, I keep the qualifiers. I am no fool. My nada IS capable

of more, I got that on Friday. And so, over the next bit of time I am going to

gently hold her to it.

>

> I am going to have some dealings with her in the next bit of time, because it

looks like my uncle will be going to hospice. This is going to bring up a lot

for nada. I went there with her on this with her other brother almost four years

ago. I did not know about her having BPD at the time. So this journey should be

more empowering for me.

>

> Best to all,

>